Mwanzo wa ngoma ni "lele."
(Big things have small beginnings.)
______________________________________
Taji
House hunting was dreadful. But I eventually found a one bedroom apartment. Not to far away from Tanya's and not to far away from work. I never liked my job. I only did it just because it was mentioned in my mother's will. She was my everything so I took it upon myself to hold on to it in her loving memory.
I sat in the new livingroom, staring at the barcode tatoo on my wrist. I'd gotten it under the influence of my first manic episode. It also happened to be the exact same day that my mother passed away. The day she left me at the mercy of my father who hated me from the minute I stepped into his house. I always thought that men loved the idea of having a son so that they'd raise them to be a younger version of themselves. My dad however treated me like an alien for reasons known best to him. Yes I was adopted, but that didn't really seem like a logical reason to do so. I however can't deny that my fluctuating moods greatly contributed to his disdain.
I needed to get some fresh air that evening so I got up and decided to go for a drive. In the midst of all the residential buildings stood a church. I slowed down as I drove past it, reflecting on how I hadn't been to one in nearly five years. My reasons were valid. Well at least to me they were. The news about my 'disease' spread like wildfire. Everyone treated me like I had leprosy or something. No one in this country really takes mental illnesses as an actual thing. But a church was the last place I expected to be treated like that. So I left.
Next to the gate was a large neon sign that read:
LET'S TALK
0700H - 0900H
FREE ENTRY
I had gone for a few meters down the highway but the image of the neon sign still glowed in my head.
I'll just get in and get out.
That's it.
With that thought, I coincidentally got to a roundabout and made the skittish decision to turn back. Deciding that I wouldn't be long, I found my tyres turning my car into the gate. My heart thumped freakishly as my palms got sweaty from how hard I'd gripped the steering wheel. A tall lean young man smiled at me and tapped on my window. Hesitantly, I rolled it down and shot back a nervous smile.
"Hey, welcome to The Peace Church, I'd like to help you find a parking spot if you don't mind,"
The Peace Church.
At least it's not something like Jesus walked on water and fed the five thousand ministries.
"It's okay, I'll be fine right there," pointing to the last spot keeping in mind my short stay. Being 'invisible' in an emerald green Audi was impossible. But I sat there regardless, watching young people, ogle and point at my car. That, of course, did not ease my tension but did a great job of heightening it. It was still a bit early so I decided to take a walk to shake off my social anxiety.
I pulled my hoodie over my head and faced down, sliding my hands into the pockets of my sweat pants as I made my way out of the area. I never left my car unattended anywhere but this place felt safe. Many young people were always seen as a sign of trouble, but there was a common look of decency and trustworthiness on every face I saw. I however made a mental note not to go too far since I was new here.
When I got back, I spotted two girls in front of my car. I was livid as I watched the taller blue haired one busy taking photos of the shorter curly haired one, using my car as a background.
The audacity.
The shorter girl then skipped towards her friend probably to look through the photos. They looked really close, like lifelong close as they laughed with each other. My irritation ceased as soon as I caught a glimpse of her face. I couldn't make out the features quite well as I was a bit far from them, but the smile on her face was undeniably hypnotizing.
Stop staring weirdo.
I hadn't noticed that my attention was far off where I was headed, up until I awkwadly bumped into someone. A girl, probably 17 or 18 around my height, stood in front of me looking at me with an apologetic smile. What I thought would be a nerve wrecking moment of weird apologies ended up being a conversation about me being new to the church. She introduced herself as Riziki and before I knew it, her bubbly personality made me stay longer than I expected.
Halfway through the sermon, I looked down at my watch and silently gasped.
8:46?
So much for getting in and out.
I was drawn in from the minute it started. The topic of discussion was something about serving people. The speaker, gave practical examples on how it all worked. He, however, stabbed a knife through my chest when he mentioned sacrificing things for family after sharing a portion of scripture. My mind started racing with thoughts of how much I'd marred Tanya's life and that just confirmed to me that I'd made the right choice by moving out. However, the thought of being 'nice' to my dad nearly made me hurl.
My heart was full as we walked out of the building but I couldn't wait to go back to the apartment. My social anxiety had died down but I began feeling claustrophobic as everyone was up and about hugging everyone bidding their goodbyes. I frantically dug for my keys in my pocket as I informed Riziki of my departure. She, accompanied by her friends, insisted on walking me out but I told them that I was good, pulling out my keys to send the message that I was driving.
"No way. The Audi parked out front... is yours?" She gasped with her hands over her mouth in utter shock.
Here we go again.
I politely smiled back at her. Then waved, making my way out of there.
"Hey wait!"
Please don't ask me for a ride.
Please don't ask me for a ride.
Please don't ask me for a ride.
"Uhm... if it isn't a bother, could I...uhm take a photo of it? My sister is obsessed with that exact car and she'd flip if she saw me next to one."
Her confident chirpy self was now replaced with a nervous state. Sighing, I paved way for her to walk ahead of me then watched her jump at the opportunity to take countless selfies with it.
I should really get another car, but this. This has been entertaining.
I smiled internally as I recalled the two girls from earlier on.
Wait.
She looks a lot like the other one.
Could they be related?
I wanted to ask but dropped the idea, lacking a way to pose the question. She scurried back to me to thank me. Her eyes then darted behind me as her smile turned upside down, concern and worry filling her face. I turned around to look for what put out her fire when my eyes landed on the two girls from earlier on. The shorter girl was looking down, her whole demeanour completely deflated.
"I have to go deal with something. Thank you for coming," Riziki said then walked away towards the two girls. I stood there and watched as she held on to the girl's hand in an effort to comfort whatever was going on in her mind. Or heart. Whatever. What did I care anyway? I turned around to get into my car. Shutting the door, I plopped back into the seat looking out into the sky. For a minute, just a minute, I got curious about what it was that was bothering her.
Shaking away any feeling of concern that would try to creep up from the back of my head, I drove away, slightly smirking at the ogling stares around me. My tail lights had such a sleek design than even I wasn't used to. I wouldn't blame anyone for staring.
》《
I threw my keys on my side table after squeezing my way through countless brown boxes. Tossing my heavy self on the bed, I stared at the new ceiling.
I should really get help with this house.
Tanya was busy with work and I would too from the next week. A half hearted decision was made at that point. I had done so many things against my better judgement that day, one more wouldn't hurt. I pulled out my laptop and logged in then went to the one website I most certainly did not ever want to result to. Keying in the address, the Keja logo beamed in front of me. I scrolled through to the bar marked INTERIOR DESIGN and keyed in answers to the questionnaire provided. After specifying my needs. I pressed enter and it notified me that I'd receive an email later.
I always held that company at high esteem. But I detested the fact that my father was the CEO.