"On the day you hated most. At the time when she died. In the place where you first jumped" I repeat again, trying to make sense of these words.
"It's tonight," Four sits on my desk chair, "he wants to meet me tonight at the train tracks."
I meet his eyes, narrowing a bit. "Him? Who do you think sent you this letter?"
"Isn't it obvious? Marcus. He wants to meet with me and I don't know why." He stands from the chair and begins to pace, brushing his fingers through his hair.
"Four... I don't think it's Marcus. Because I saw him today" my voice goes lower and lower as I try to pick which way I'm going to tell him what I did today.
He stops the pacing to look down at me; I'm sitting cross legged on my bed. The note resting on my lap.
"You saw Marcus today? When?"
"I went to Abnegation to see Ethan, I was practically kicked out of the whole sector by Ester but Marcus caught me before I left."
Four sits on the chair again, dragging it so he's sitting directly in front of me. "What did he say?" I can't tell if he's angry or not, but he seems further away.
"He asked about you, I told him you don't think about him anymore. It's what he deserved" I sigh, biting the inside of my cheek.
He's silent for a few moments, staring at the floor. But when his head raises, he takes the note from my lap and studies it again.
"Then who wrote this? Who wants to meet me?" Four asks quietly, more of a question for himself.
"Do you think it's some sort of trick?"
He shakes his head. "There's only one way to find out."
I make a face. "You're still going to go? What if something happens to you?"
"I'm sure I'll be able to handle the situation if it goes south," Four sighs, "I need to go, Mal. This message was written with only information I would understand. It has to be someone who's close to me."
"Then let me come with you. I can help if whoever it is tries to hurt you."
He looks at me with a grin, setting his hand on top of mine. "I know you can, but it'll be better if I'm alone."
I know he's right, but I don't want to admit it. "Fine" I sigh.
Four's smile disappears into a straight line again. I can tell there's something else he needs to add.
"What?" I ask softly, not wanting to disturb whatever Mia and Tara are doing in their rooms; I didn't check to even see if they were home.
"When I saw the letter waiting for me in my apartment, I went straight to the control room to find out who planted it. But as I was scanning the camera footage, the camera from Max's office came on the screen. Jeanine was there."
My body goes still. "What happened?"
Four tells me what he heard from the small sliver of recording he saw and listened in on. Jeanine and Max we're discussing a sort of candidate for the leadership program. Jeanine had someone in mind already, but Max was the one who wanted to wait it out to see if anyone else meets the criteria.
She must be referring to the informant, Eric. Max must be referring to the one he recruited himself, Four.
"So the whole leadership program is orchestrated by Jeanine?" I ask quietly; this was a lot of information to take in.
"Sounds like it. I don't know why she's involved, or why Erudite is involved at all with Dauntless politics."
"If Erudite has anything to do with Dauntless, we might end up like Amar sooner than we expected."
Four sighs, shaking his head. "That's the least of our worries right now, Mal." He studies me then looks back down at his watch. "It's time. I have to go."
I squeeze his hand. "You sure you don't need backup?"
He grins again, pressing his lips against my forehead before standing up. "I'm sure. I'll tell you first thing tomorrow what happens, but I need to do this alone. You have to know that."
I nod, feeling reluctant but want to give him the support he needs. "I do."
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
After tossing in my bed for what feels like hours, I get up and pull a pair of pants on. It feels wrong to be lying in bed while Four is out there somewhere meeting with a stranger who invaded his privacy and knows information about him only few people knew. All of this feels wrong.
Quietly, I leave my apartment and try to remember how to find Four's in this maze of hallways. I've only visited once, but that was from a specific entrance. I haven't tried from my apartment yet.
It takes a few tries, but I eventually find the familiar door that's in the corner of a hallway. I can tell it's his by the few numbers I remember etched on the door.
Knowing it's late, I knock quietly. Not wanting to disturb his neighbors. But when there's no reply, I open the door and peak my head inside; the room's empty. Four's still gone.
I let myself into the apartment and turn on the lamp by the bed. He wouldn't be mad to find me here, I think. I hope. It's not like I've done this before.
I lay in his bed, kicking off my boots and pulling the blanket around me. It is awfully cold in the smaller rooms. His pillow smells like him, sweat and wind. Smells I've come accustomed to since the beginning of initiation. There's something soothing about this musk enough that I begin to doze off.
It must be for a while because when I open my eyes, Four's sitting at the end of the bed with his head bowed. From my position, I see his hands are squeezed into fists and are shaking.
"Four?" I ask softly, sitting back up. "Are you okay?"
Four sniffles and looks towards me. His expression is wild with anger and bitterness. Where his eyes were are hollow with darkness.
"It wasn't Marcus, it..." he trails off, I don't think he's able to finish his sentence. Slowly I put my hand on his back and try to sooth him. Whoever it was really scared him.
"Then who was it?" My voice goes quieter.
He brings his head back down, breathing heavy. "Evelyn," he admits after a long moment. Minutes most likely passed.
I can't help but make a face. "Evelyn...? Your mother Evelyn? Four, that can't be she's-"
"Dead? That was a lie Abnegation told us to cover up the fact she left me alone with Marcus" he scoffs.
"I'm so sorry." I position my body so I'm sitting beside him. My hands lay in my lap and all I can do is stare at the floor. How else do you react when you find out the woman who once bandaged your scraped knee is alive? I couldn't imagine what's going on in Four's head right now. His mother is back from the dead.
"She asked me to leave Dauntless to join the Factionless. Apparently she's their leader, probably picked up what she knew off of Marcus." The more he speaks, the more bitter he gets.
"Leave Dauntless? But why?" I ask quietly, sneaking a few glances at him.
"She said what Max told me on my first day of the program. The city's changing. She said the Dauntless are joining forces with Erudite, all the Factionless are joining together for who knows what. Then soon, we're all going to have to pick a side."
Another silent moment. I try to let all this new information digest, but it just causes my stomach to churn. I was right; the Erudite do have a plan and Jeanine Matthews is orchestrating the leadership program. Everything is slowly aligning.
"So do you think it's our best option to stay here if we're going to be forced into picking sides, or leave because we're Divergent?"I ask even quieter.
Four looks at me with his face distorted. "Divergent?"
"It's what they call the people who are awake during simulations. I was told to never speak of it after my aptitude test, Tori was able to see it for herself with just a glance."
"Divergent..." he repeats. We're both learning so much tonight. "I don't know where we could be safe, but until there's new information, we shouldn't think about leaving just yet."
I nod, slouching a bit with his pillow against my chest for comfort. I want to ask questions about his mother, about anything that he's thinking about, but now isn't the right time. He needs to adjust to all this brand new information.
"I can leave if you want me to, I know you'd want to process this alone" I set the pillow back down and straighten up.
Four shakes his head and takes my hand, gripping it unintentionally hard. "I want you to stay, you're keeping me borderline sane."
I sigh and nod, letting his thumb rub the inside of my hand. "If you want to yell or break something, you can."
He glances at me with a sigh of his own. "You should get some sleep" he pulls back the blanket we're both sitting on.
"Aren't you tired? You should sleep, too" I whisper while slowly laying back down into the worn bed.
"I will in a bit, promise" he places a few kisses against my lips, pushing back the hair that's stuck to my forehead.
"Fine. But don't think we're done with this conversation" I squint my eyes at him, he's pulling his blanket over my body.
"Goodnight, Mal."
I didn't plan to fall asleep so easily because there's so much anger burning within me. But there's the smell of his pillow, our hands still connected and knowing he was safe with me that forced me to allow my eyelids to grow heavy.