"Now, are you sitting comfortably? Good. Then we'll begin."
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"I thought we'd be going for the Vegas era. You know, the white flares and the chest hair."
"You are kidding! If you wanna see Elvis, you go for the late fifties. The time before burgers when they called him the Pelvis and he still had a waist. What's more, you see him in style. You goin' my way, Doll?"
"Is there any other way to go, daddio? Straight from the fridge, man!"
"Ah, you speak the lingo!"
"Yeah well, me, mum and Cliff Richard movies every Bank Holiday Monday!"
"Oh, Cliff! I knew your mother'd be a Cliff fan."
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"Oh, is this 1953?"
"Last time I looked!"
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"That's what I like about you. The domestic approach."
"Thank you. Hold on, was that an insult?"
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"Please, you're burning me. Inside, behind my eyes, it hurts. Even my memories hurt. But I just want things back to the way they used to be."
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"Cometh the hour, Cometh the man. Or lady."
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"Hold on, Mr. Connolly. You've got hands. Two big hands. So why is it your wife's job?"
"Well it's housework, innit?"
"And that's a woman's job?"
"Of course it is."
"Mr. Connolly, what gender is the Queen?"
"She's female."
"Then, are you suggesting the Queen does the housework?"
"No, not at all."
"Then get busy."
"Right, yes sir. You'll be proud of us, sir. Well have Union Jacks left, right and centre."
"Excuse me, Mr. Connolly? Hang on a minute? Union Jacks?"
"Yes that's right, isn't it?"
"That's the Union Flag. It's the Union Jack only when it's flown at sea."
"Oh. Oh, I'm sorry. I do apologise."
"Well, don't get it wrong again. There's a good man, now get to it!"
"Right there we are then. Nice and comfy, at her majesty leisure. Union flag?"
"Mum went out with a soldier."
"Ooh, I bet she did."
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"I AM TALKING!"
"AND I'M NOT LISTENING! Now you, Mr. Connolly, you are staring into a deep, dark pit of trouble if you don't let me help out. So I'm ordering you, sir - tell me what's going on!"
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"Hold on. There are three important and complicated reasons why you should listen to me. One..."
Gets slapped in the face.
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"And as for you, Mr. Connolly, only an idiot hangs the Union Flag upside down. Shame on you."
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"Hungry!"
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"We may be losing the Empire but we can still be proud."
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"I'm sorry, so sorry."
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"Well, for starters, I know you can't wrap your hand around your elbow and make your fingers meet."
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"Because now, Detective Inspector Bishop, there is no power on this Earth that can stop me!"
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"You've had you fun with your little Doctor. But now you're left with me, Rita. So you better behave yourself. And smile!"
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"You didn't need to do your hair, love! The Queen's not gonna be able to see you."
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"You ratted on gran. How else would the police know where to look? Unless a coward told them."
"How dare you?! You think I fought a war just so a mouthy little scum like you could call me a coward?!"
"You don't get it, do you? You fought against fascism, remember? People telling you how to live... who you could be friends with, who you could fall in love with! Who could live and who would die? Don't you get it? You were fighting so little twerps like me could do what we want, say what we want. Now you've become just like them. You've been informing on everyone, haven't you? Even Gran. All to protect your precious reputation."
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"I... I did the right thing for us."
"The right thing for us? Or the right thing for you?"
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"We've has a ruddy monster under our roof.. but it weren't my mother!"
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Rose silently shouting Doctor.
"I'm on my way."
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"I'm The Wire. And I will gobble you up, pretty boy."
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"Good Lord, Colour Television."
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"Believe me. You'll be glued to the screen."
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"It's never too late. A wise person once said. Kylie, I think."
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"What're you gonna do?"
"I'm going shopping."
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"Who did he think you were?"
"King of Belgium, apparently."
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"I shall consume you, Doctor."
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"Been burning the candle at both ends? You've over extended yourself, missus. You shouldn't have had a crack at poor old Magpie there. Rubber Soles. Swear by 'em!"
"Oh dear, has our little plan gone horrible wrong, Doctor?"
"It's closed down, I'm afraid, and no epilogue."
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"I just invented the home video 30 years early."
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"This was never your house - it's in my mother's name. And on her behalf, I'm telling you - Out!"
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"This is history, right here."
"The Domestic Approach."
"Exactly."
—————————————————————————————————
"But just to be sure, I'll use my knowledge of trans-temporal extirpation methods to neutralise the residual electronic pattern."
"You what?"
"I'm gonna tape over it."
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"Tommy, go after him."
"He's your dad."
"He's an idiot."
"Course he is. Like I said, he's your Dad. But you're clever. Clever enough to save the world, so don't stop there. Go on."
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