"Jackie. Mickey. Blimey, hold on. Wait there. What was I gonna say? There's something I had to tell you. Something very important. Shhhh. Oh! I know! Merry Christmas."
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"What do you mean that's The Doctor? Doctor Who?"
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"He's got two hearts."
"Oh don't be stupid."
"He has."
"Anything else he's got two of."
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"I'm gonna get killed by a Christmas tree."
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"I need you to shut up."
"Ooh, he hasn't changed that much, has he?"
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"Harriet Jones, Prime Minister."
"Well, yes, I know who you are."
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"I don't believe we've been introduced. Harriet Jones, Prime Minister."
"Yes, I know who you are."
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"I can't take responsibility."
"I can."
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"The Doctor wouldn't do this. The old Doctor. The proper Doctor. He'd wake up and he'd save us."
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"Did we ask about the Royal Family? Oh.. they're on the roof."
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"Please Doctor, help us."
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"He's gone. The Doctor's gone. He's left me, mum. He's left me, mum."
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"I've travelled with him and seen the stars and stuff, but when I'm at home, I'm useless."
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"What happening?"
"I would imagine it's called a teleport."
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"Harriet Jones, Prime Minister."
"Ja. Gunavi jejo zu."
"Yes, we know who you are."
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"Here we go. Nice cup of tea."
"Oh, the solution to everything(!)"
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"Tea? Like we're having a picnic while the world comes to an end. Very British."
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"Did you miss me? You could have someone's eye out with that."
"How dare....!"
"You just can't get the staff. Now you... just wait. I'm busy. Mickey, hello! And Harriet Jones, MP for Flydale North. Blimey, it's like This Is Your Life. Tea! That's all I needed, a good cuppa tea, a superheated infusion of free radicals and tannin. Just the thing to heal the synapses. Now... First things first. Be honest. How do I look?"
"Uhm... Different."
"Good different or bad different?"
"Just.. Different."
"Am I... ginger?"
"No, you're just sort of... brown."
"Aww, I wanted to be ginger, I've never been ginger. And you, Rose Tyler, fat lot of good you were! You gave up on me. Ooh that's rude. Is that the sort of man I am now? Am I rude? Rude and not ginger?"
"I'm sorry. Who is this?"
"I'm the Doctor."
"He's the Doctor."
"What happened to my doctor? Or is it just a title that's passed on?"
"Im him. I'm literally him. Same man, new face. Well new everything."
"But you can't be..."
"Harriet Jones. We were trapped in Downing Street and the one thing that scared you wasn't the aliens, wasn't the war, it was the thought of your mother being all on her own."
"Oh my god."
"Did you win the election?"
"Landslide majority."
"If I might interrupt."
"Yes. Sorry, hello big fella."
"Who exactly are you?"
"Well, that's the question."
"I demand to know who you are!"
"I DONT KNOW! See that's the thing, I'm the Doctor but other than that I don't know. I literally don't know who I am. It's all untested. Am I funny? Am I sarcastic? Sexy? A right old misery? Life and soul? Right handed, Left handed? A gambler, a fighter, a coward, a traitor, a liar, a nervous wreck? Judging by the evidence, I've certainly got a gob. And how am I gonna react when I see this? A great big threatening button. A Great Big Threatening Button, which must not be pressed under any circumstances, am I right? Let me guess, it's seem sort of control matrix. Hold on, what's it feeding? What have we got here? Blood? Definitely blood, human blood, A positive, with just a dash of iron. But that means... blood control. Blood Control! Oh, I haven't seen blood control for years! You're controlling all the A Positives. Which leaves us with a great big stinking problem. Cause I really don't know who I am. I don't know when to stop. So if I see a great big threatening button which should never ever ever be pressed, then I just wanna do this."
"No!"
"You killed them!"
"What do you think big fella? Are they dead?"
"We allow them to live."
"Allow?! You've got no choice! That's all blood control is, a cheap bit of voodoo. Scary, but that's it. It's like hypnosis. You can hypnotise someone to walk like a chicken or sing like Elvis, but you can't hypnotise someone to death. Survival instincts too strong."
"Blood control was just one form of conquest. I can summon the Armada and take this world by force."
"Yeah, you could. You could do that, course you could. But why? Look at these people. These human beings. Consider their potential. From the day they arrive on the planet, and blinking se into the sun, there is more to see than can ever be seen, more to do than... No, hold on. Sorry that's the lion king. But the point still stands. Leave them alone."
"Or what?"
"Or.... I challenge you! Ooh, that struck a chord. Am I right that the sanctified rules of combat still apply?"
"You stand as this worlds champion."
"Thank you. I've no idea who I am but youve just summed me up. D'you accept my challenge or are you just a cranak pel casackree salvak?"
"For the planet?"
"For the planet!"
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"You've cut my hand off? And now I know what sort of man I am. I'm lucky. Cause quite by chance, I'm still within the first 15 hours of my regeneration cycle, which means I've got just enough residual cellular energy, to do this."
"Witchcraft."
"Time Lord."
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"So, I'm still the Doctor then?"
"No complaints from me!"
"And you wanna know the best part? This new hand.. it's a fightin' hand!"
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"I'll spare your life if you take this champions command. Leave this planet and never return."
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"Not bad for a man in his Jim jams. Very Arthur dent. Now there was a nice man."
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"Doesn't that just sum up Christmas? You go through all your presents and right at the end, what do you find tucked away in the corner? A satsuma. Who wants a satsuma? No second chances. I'm that sort of a man."
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"By the ancient rights of combat, I forbid you to scavenge here for the rest of time and when you go back to the stars, and tell others of this planet, when you tell them of its riches, it's people, it's potential, when you talk of the Earth, then make sure you tell them this - it is defended!
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"That was murder."
"That was defence."
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"I gave them the wrong warning. I should have told them to run, run and hide, because the monsters are coming. The Human Race."
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"No, you're right. Not a single word. Just six."
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"Don't you think she looks tired?"
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"I just thought... cos I changed..."
"Yeah. I thought cause you changed you wouldn't want me to come."
"I'd love you to come."
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"And it is gonna be... fantastic."
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