His master said to him, ‘Well done, good and faithful servant. You have been faithful and trustworthy over a little, I will put you in charge of many things; share in the joy of your master.’
Matthew 25:23 AMP
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Taji
"Merry Christmas," Raz joked nervously as she hugged Tanya who in return gathered all the energy she could to tighten the hug. She sniffled out a series of thank yous in response.
When they parted, I was still standing there awkwardly. I wanted to run to her and give her a hug but I was scared that I'd crush her. Tanya had always been my rock, pretty much literally since she was really tall. But as I stood there, taking in how easily she disappeared between the hospital sheets and countless tubes, I just couldn't move.
Terry came up to me and squeezed my shoulders urging me to say hi. I threw my eyes around the room. Alex was completely deflated. Tessa and Terry looked equally disheveled. Raz was trying her level best to hold back her tears. I let out a sigh then walked up to her. I hesitantly reached out to hold her arm but she threw her arms around me instead.
I sat on the bed so that she wouldn't strain as much and hugged her back. The room was awfully quiet. Between the beeping heartbeat monitor and a couple of sniffles, the silence was dreadful. The thought of losing her, however, was echoing rather too loudly in my mind.
"I'm so sorry Taj. I know I should have told you but... but... I'm just so sorry... Please forgive m-"
"Ssshhh. It doesn't really matter." I interrupted with a choked whisper.
She pulled herself away from me to look into my eyes. I'd not seen her that broken for eleven years. But there was this distant look of peace, deep in her eyes. She cupped my face in her frail hands and whispered, "Whatever happens, don't ever forget how loved you are. Everyone in this room loves you Taji. I always have, and always will love you-"
The moment was cut short by the sound of the door opening. I turned around and instinctively rolled my eyes as I let out an exasperated sigh.
"The prodigal son is here."
"Dad!" Terry and Tessa shot back at him.
"What? Doesn't it surprise you? I was assuming that you're in the process of defacing my wine cellar again. We all know how much you loooove the attention you get from your little tantrums,"
"Dad, this isn't the time!" Tanya's weak voice struggled to yell.
"Oh please, you're just defending him because you're his fairy godmother,"
I'd had enough of his childish behaviour.
"You know what. I have had it up to here with you," I began as I walked up to him gesturing at a level in the air.
"Sielewi shida yako inakuanga nini by the way," (I don't get what your problem is by the way) I said as I stood in front of him, not at all intimidated by his towering height and looked straight into his eyes. I would unleash a series of insults. But I was a new man. I closed my eyes then took in a deep breath. When I let it out, I said," Let's talk outside," then left expecting him to follow me.
"Have you ever loved me? Or at least even liked me?" I asked as we stood on the terrace in the cafeteria.
He sighed then said, "Yes. It was Rose's idea to adopt you. She kept insisting that I needed a boy to take after me. So she talked me into it. You were honestly the best thing that had ever happened to her. You were always free spirited and despite how much trouble it got you into, you somehow always seemed to keep everyone happy. Then something changed. Rose started getting really sick and you began getting too rebellious. I focused on her, keeping in mind that it was probably just a phase. Your sisters kept telling me that you were being bullied because of being underweight. When you gained weight, I thought that that was your coping mechanism so I didn't delve into it. Then Rose died. Then you... ah... Anyway, your sisters and I had a long talk about everything a while back when Tanya got the news. So I promised them that I'd try to patch things up with you. So I funded a charity for people with similar situations to yours. I thought that it'd bring us closer... but you seemed offened by the whole idea. So I gave up... Why we even talking about this,"
It then occurred to me that while he was busy working through accepting my mother's condition, I was busy making life harder for him. For a split second, I felt his pain. I understood him. I got to see that my issues came up as a result of me being in denial of my mother's condition. They escalated when I avoided letting go when it was time to do so. We both just had complicated means of dealing with things. We were quiet for a while before I spoke up.
"Love is kinda like rocket fuel. A relationship can be as picture perfect as a rocket in a launching site. The rocket, being inanimate, needs astronauts, the human nature, to control it otherwise it's just a big metallic thing. There are also people outside it working together with the astronauts to make sure the rocket is in good shape at all times. It's not just about the astronauts, they need to see beyond the thrill of flying into space. They need to take into consideration how the weather is and what season they are in. All these are the mechanical preparations that cannot be overlooked. All in all, it cannot take off without fuel, the right type of fuel. If it's cheap and fake, it damages everything that's been built. It'd actually better off to leave it on the ground, without any fuel at all, than to ruin all the investments put into it with something substandard. With the right kind of fuel, the rocket will take off, blazing as it tears through the atmostphere, fully prepared to endure the friction. Then it will eventually get to where it's supposed to be. Floating in the beautiful galaxies in total bliss, open to discovering what lies beyond the surface.
I don't want to be your son for the tabloids. I want to fix this. I can't do that alone. The differences are between us but they have affected the people around us for way too long. I want you to see me. I need you to forgive me for all the trouble I caused. Because I love you. And I want a blissful experience in the galaxies with you."
"Taji, I can't promise you anything at the moment. But we'll just see how it goes. Okay?" He said then awkwardly stretched out his hand for me to shake it. I sighed and hugged him instead. He was stiff and hesitant at first but eventually gave in and hugged me back.
》《
We managed to spend two weeks with her. She saw the new year and a couple of days past that. Raz taught her how to braid hair while Lily and Mark served as entertainment. Terry pushed her wedding from January till March.
"Taji," she called out to me shakily on one Saturday evening. I sat beside her in bed as I held onto her hand.
"I want to give my life to Christ before, you know."
"No, don't talk like th-"
"Taji, my work here is done." She interrupted as she gestured to our family then to Raz, Lily and Mark. I hated to admit it, but she had a point. All her life she'd been pushing me to open up to other people as well as patch things up with dad. I now had Raz by my side. I had Lily and Mark as amazing friends. I finally had a blended family. But above all that, I had God to keep me sane.
I sighed then smiled at her. I gestured to everyone else to join us. I then held her hand and led her through the salvation prayer.
Everyone cheered and took turns giving her hugs. In the midst of all that, Lily approached me with an envelope in her hands.
"Hey, I need to give you something," she began nervously.
"Sure what's up?" I asked as I led her away from everyone else.
"I'm leaving this with you. Make sure you read it with Raz. Don't open it till I tell you to do so, okay?"
"Are you okay?"
"Never been better," she said then pat my shoulder and walked away. I stared at her quizzically then shrugged my shoulders and put the envelope in my pocket.
》《
We sat in the ward for a couple of hours in silence after the doctor came in then left with a sigh.
Lily broke the silence.
"Hey, can we sing something?" She asked as she got up.
We all agreed and got up with her. We made a circle around Tanya's bed as we held hands. Then she began singing.
I put my faith in Jesus
My anchor to the ground
My hope and firm foundation
He'll never let me down
We then joined in.
I put my faith in Jesus
My anchor to the ground
My hope and firm foundation
He'll never let me down
I put my faith in Jesus
My anchor to the ground
My hope and firm foundation
He'll never let me down
I put my faith in Jesus
My anchor to the ground
My hope and firm foundation
He'll never let me down
Great is Your faithfulness to me
Great is Your faithfulness to me
From the rising sun to the setting same
I will praise Your name
Great is your faithfullness to me...
I opened my eyes then looked at Tanya.
Her eyes were shut. A peaceful smile plastered on her face. I let go of Lily and Raz's hands then went to her as they continued singing. I sat beside her as Alex joined me on the other side. She slowly opened her eyes then smiled to me as she mouthed I love you Taj. Then turned to her husband. Stared at him for a while as he desperately tried holding back tears. Then mouthed I love you babe and shut her eyes. Her smile melted into a flat line. The beep of the heartbeat monitor switched to a piercing ring just as everyone stopped singing. Everyone in the room was sobbing uncontrollably. Everyone but me. I looked at her lifeless body and I just couldn't help but smile. Not because mania was getting the best of me. I was just overwhelmed by how peaceful everything felt.
I leaned over and kissed her forehead as I whispered ,"I love you too Tanya."
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Promises - Maverick City Music
Supermarket Flowers- Ed Sheeran