The months went by like a blur. It was an odd phenomenon. For Tom, everything seemed to be moving super fast but at the same time, grudgingly slow. Hours, days, weeks even; all seemed to merge together. He lost track of time almost completely, only being able to know which lessons to go to by following the herd of students. No event stuck out in particular. There was nothing really to look forward to or look back on. Days just seemed to fly by. Tom sat there in class after class after class after class, doing nothing and being ignored. Apart from occasional times, he would be called on by a teacher (where he would only respond with a quiet 'I don't know) or if he was being insulted by a student, Tom was isolated. Even surrounded by this many people, he felt more alone than he ever had. At least last year he had Aubyn to talk to. At least in the orphanage, he had had the matron to 'look forward' to. Here he had nothing. In his dorm, even with the 4 other people in it, he was alone. In the class, even with the 40 or so other people in it, he was alone. In the grounds, even with the uncountable number of people in it, he was alone. The feeling of falling even further than rock bottom is a bad one, and it's one Tom felt as he woke up every day.
Before he knew it, it was winter. Tom sat upright in his bed, awake far before the hour he should be. His body was motionless but his eyes were strapped open. Once again his body was too tired but his brain kept him awake. The only movement Tom's small body made was continuous shivering. The cold air seeped in through the ceiling and into Tom's dormitory in the dungeons. His teeth chattered quietly, providing the only silent in the otherwise silent dormitory. No one else was here right now. Unlike last year, Tom's roommates had all gone home to their families. Not that it really affected Tom considering he had barely spoken to them and he doubted if they even knew his names. He had always wanted to speak to them; join the friendship group. But, unfortunately, he could never strike up the courage and now it was far too late. He knew he wouldn't be accepted. No one wanted a freak.
Tom stopped his teeth from chattering by clenching them shut. Even thinking the word 'freak' was enough to get him going. Over his long and ever-growing period of isolation, Tom's thoughts had gone unchecked and his opinions towards past events were drastically getting out of hand. It seemed like every second after Tom's little incident with Alistair Young, his dislike against him increased. And he didn't even want to think about Aubyn. Seeing the boy out of the corner of his eye made him angry. He didn't even want to think about what would happen if he spoke to him. But he hadn't spoken to him. All year, in fact. Tom and Aubyn had not spoken or communicated to each other at all. The most that had happened were occasional and extremely brief moments of eye contact. And after that 'incident' not much had happened with Aubyn's father either. In fact, nothing much had happened in general. Tom felt the days go by while achieving nothing within them and felt a pit of darkness; sadness; emptiness grow within him.
Tom focused his eyes and looked around himself. The dorm was empty. His eyes had adjusted to the dark and he could now see every nook and cranny of the room. It was beginning to get dusty. Eventually deciding it was time to get up, Tom pulled himself out of the bed and left the dormitory to go out to the grounds.
The castle corridors were practically silent. All that could be heard was the distant winds which were, surprisingly, blowing very heavily. Tom shivered once more as he walked down them. He wore a small Slytherin cloak and his pyjamas underneath them. He didn't really know what he was doing but he just allowed his legs to walk.
Everywhere he went was empty. As he thought, he had woken up far too early. But for some reason, he didn't mind. Not really sure if he was even in control of his actions, Tom continued forward. He slowly navigated himself through the castle, down the maze of rooms and corridors, and out to the main entrance. Surprisingly, the great, grand doors were open and Tom could see why the winds outside were so loud. There was a massive snowstorm; the large flakes swirling and blowing against the castle. The floor in front of the huge doors had already become white and even so, more snow blew in. Tom walked up to the door from the side, safe from the insane drafts and paused for a minute. It was at this moment when he came back in control of his body and realised he had no idea why he was even here. He stared at the snow bursting through the open doors in front of him. Outside it was still dark and foggy, He could see a tiny bit of outside from his position and he could tell that you could not see far. At a guess, he would say that you couldn't see more than 5 feet in front of you.
'Why are you here?' a small voice called out inside Tom's head, 'Go back to bed! What are you even doing?'
Tom knew he should agree with the voice. He knew that there was no good reason for him to be here. But he was here. He didn't even know if he could get back to his dorm. Besides, he was already here. Might as well just stay for a bit.
'What would happen if you went out there,' whispered another voice inside Tom's head. This one was much more like a hiss. It's tone wasn't necessarily sinister but certainly more mischievous. It was the same voice that guided him through the castle. Tom breathed out slowly, not releasing that his tiny body's shivers were growing more intense. What if he did go out there. He kind of wanted to now.
'No,' Tom thought, 'I'd die,' he reasoned.
'And?' hissed the voice.
'But-'
'Go on...' it egged him on, 'Who would care?' Tom sighed to himself, 'Just do it.'
Tom stepped in front of the entrance, the wind now blaring against him. He almost instantly regretted it, now he felt the weight of the cold but knew he had committed to it now so there was no going back. Tom pushed forward, taking each step one at a time. Clutching the small robe and covering his face against the freezing wind, Tom went on. He walked slowly out through the grand doors and out into the grounds.
When he had left the castle, it somehow only grew even more cold. Wind now attacked him from all directions, as did the snow. But somehow Tom found it easier to move on. He just kept moving forward, not sure of where he was going but still moving nonetheless. He kept pulling his whole weight into the increasingly cold and snowy environment. The snow steadily got deeper and Tom's small body steadily got heavier. He began to feel his hands go numb. He shut his eyes to stop the wind from blowing into them when his arms could not protect them any longer and fell uselessly to his sides. The freezing cold infected his body and Tom found his movements getting slower and slower. When he turned around he couldn't see anything around him. Behind him, there was no trace of the castle and to his sides, there was no trace of anything either. So he just kept going forward. Kept going forward. Kept going forward.
Tom's legs buckled beneath him. He fell down into the snow on the ground. The cold was just too much for him. Why the hell did he even come out here in the first place? Was his mind in that bad of a mental state that he thought this would be a good idea? As Tom slowly felt all feeling leave him, he also felt the bizarre feeling of his brain shutting down. As he tried his hardest to stay conscious, he wondered to himself whether he was going to die. And in that moment, as Tom lay there in the freezing snow, a snowstorm surrounding him, he couldn't help but think he was.
And then everything went black.
Even before he opened his eyes, the first thing Tom felt was warmth. All around him. He was surrounded completely by it. Right now he was so comfy he never wanted to move ever again. He also found he was tired. His whole body was still achy and he found that he couldn't move even if he wanted to. He knew that he wasn't outside anymore, that much was obvious, but where then was he? Could he have died?
His hearing was coming back now and he was beginning to get more feeling over his body. It felt like he was covered in pins and needles and despite his warmth, he shuddered. He still couldn't open his eyes but he could clearly hear a loud, shrill noise. Finally, he mustered the strength to open his eyes and glanced blearily around him. He now knew that part of the reason he had such trouble moving was that he was covered and wrapped in large blankets. His vision was still bleary though and he couldn't quite make out his location. All he could tell was that wherever he was, it wasn't too big. He certainly wasn't in his dorm, that's for sure.
'And what the hell is that noise?!' Tom thought, wincing at the pitch and consistency of the noise.
"Oh, so yer awake," at that voice, Tom looked up. He had certainly heard it somewhere before but he couldn't quite remember. Tom squinted, trying to get his eyes fully adjusted. In front of him stood the man who owned the voice, the keeper of the keys and grounds at Hogwarts: Rubeus Hagrid. Tom opened his mouth to speak but only a tiny, hoarse noise came out. He couldn't talk right now.
"Don't try and strain yerself," Hagrid said, getting slightly concerned as the boy overexerted himself, "You've been through quite a lot, yer have."
Tom didn't know what it was (maybe it was the fact that he was completely covered in blankets) but there was something about Hagrid's strange accent that was comforting. He closed his mouth to conserve his energy.
"I think the kettle's ready," Hagrid went to go and get the shrieking thing and finally put a stop to the awful noise. He put it down on the table and poured two cups of boiling black tea. He brought them over to where Tom had been placed and put one next to him for when he could use his arms. The other he brought to his mouth and chugged it all in one go. After doing so, he leaned in, his face growing stern.
"Now what do yer think yer doing that for, eh?" he yelled. Tom didn't know that the giant expected. If he couldn't speak before, how was he going to speak now? Tom's only reaction was to keep staring off into space, his eyes empty and a blank frown on his face. Hagrid looked at the boy curiously. He didn't know what but he could tell there was something wrong with the boy. He loosened slightly and became less stern, "Now what are yer even doing up this early? I don't even think the Headmaster is up right now?"
Tom's teeth had begun to chatter which gave him confidence that he now had more control of his mouth. He opened it and tried to speak.
"I-I j-just woke up... w-what a-are you doing up?" It came out more like a squeak but he still managed to get it out. His teeth were chattering and his body was shivering so hard it was almost impossible to understand him.
"Well I'm just getting a new tree," Hagrid proclaimed proudly, "I left the door open so I could bring it in easier but that was obviously a mistake! I didn't think yer or anyone would go out. It was a hell of a snowstorm. Yer could've died out there!"
Tom didn't really understand why Hagrid was acting so concerned. It's not like he had shared any conversations with him ever. In fact, he was surprised that Hagrid even cared enough to bring him in.
"W-where are we?" Tom was slowly but surely getting his shivering under control. He was now managing to get his hands out of the blankets and reach for the hot tea. He held it in his hands and close to his body for warmth.
"My hut," Hagrid gestured his hands around in the air, "It ain't much but it's home."
There was a brief pause before Tom decided to speak again, "Why did you save me?"
It was a quiet question and one that riled up Hagrid's face in indignation, "Eh? What do yer mean? Why wouldn't I save yer?"
"I-I... I don't know," Tom whispered shamefully. He didn't really know how to act or what to say so he just lowered his head to sadly look at the floor. Hagrid watched the boy's actions with a concerned look on his bright face. He didn't really know what to say either. He wanted to comfort the boy but he didn't know what words to choose. He didn't think he even knew this child's name!
"That storm out there is gonna be there a while," Hagrid said after an elongated silence, "Yer can stay here if yer want."
Tom looked up at Hagrid. Hagrid was almost surprised with the look that Tom had given him. It was like the boy was shocked that he was allowed to stay.
'He really thought I would kick him out of here?' Hagrid internally pondered. He looked to his side to see his window. Outside he could see the harsh, harsh wind and snow that was still blowing around ferociously, 'Kick him out into there?'
"Are yer new this year? I don't think I've ever seen yer before."
"W-we met at the beginning of last year, Mr Hagrid," said Tom quietly and politely. Hagrid visibly winced at the formality.
"Jus' Hagrid is fine, thanks," he laughed.
"Sorry," Tom bowed his head in apology.
"No, no," Hagrid said, not understanding the boy's actions, "It's fine, it's fine," he paused of what to say next, "How has Hogwarts been for yer then, eh?" he asked lamely. Tom didn't know how to reply. No one had asked him a question like that yet. Only Dante had asked him which house he'd been put in and what had happened at the school; not how he was feeling about it. He looked down ashamedly at the floor again.
"Eh?" Hagrid repeated again. He thought maybe the boy didn't hear him.
"Not great," Tom whispered. Hagrid laughed once heartily at his response, thinking that he was joking.
"Hogwarts, 'not great'! What's got yer down? Has a teacher given yer detention or something?" One look at Tom's expression made Hagrid cease his jokes. Hagrid's face instantly became serious, "A-a... are yer alright?"
Tom paused for a second. He didn't really know what to say. So he said nothing at all. He simply shook his head. Hagrid had never seen such sadness in a child's face before. It was insane.
"Why did yer go out into that storm?" he asked gently. Tom's eyes were fixed to the ground.
"I don't know," he responded solemnly.
"Don't you?" Tom looked slowly up at Hagrid. He looked up at his warm, shining eyes. He sighed.
"Why did you save me?" Tom repeated himself.
"Did yer..." Hagrid paused, "Did yer... not want to be saved?" The possibility was almost too awful for Hagrid to bear. This was a child! And a tiny child at that! There was a reason Hagrid had mistaken him for a first-year.
Tom sighed quietly, "Would anyone even have noticed? Would anyone have missed me?"
Hagrid felt his heart break. 'This kid...' he thought to himself. He couldn't help when looking at him but see a young Harry Potter in front of him again. He wasn't that similar but the brush of untamed black hair and small thin body really reminded Hagrid of him. And to see that boy in such pain... it just made it hurt even more.
"Don't think about yerself like that," Hagrid said putting a large hand on Tom's small shoulder, "Don't even think about yerself like that," he repeated, "Yer a person too, same as everyone else."
Tom nodded slowly, "Yes," he replied, "But it's really hard to remember sometimes," Hagrid breathed out slowly. It was very hard for him to watch a child like this, "Sometimes... I kind of just... fall back on what I've been taught. That I'm a freak. And I just... I just forget what else I've learned," The words were sort of just falling out of Tom's mouth at this point. He spoke them like they were totally normal and as he stared down at the ground he missed Hagrid's visceral reaction to his words. He continued, "It doesn't really help that no one's talked to me in months."
"Yer not nothing," Hagrid said suddenly. His voice was much darker and serious. He was angry but not at Tom. Tom, unfortunately, didn't know that. He recognised that tone of voice and knew usually what would come after it. He bowed his head.
"I-I'm sorry," he hadn't meant to stutter but the words just flew out on instinct, "Please don't-"
"Don't?" Hagrid echoed, "What do you mean don't?"
Tom paused. He didn't want to explain, "It was nothing," he whispered. Hagrid breathed in and out before continuing himself.
"Yer not nothing," he repeated, "And whoever told you that... well I would like a word with them..." Tom looked up slightly. Nobody had ever said anything like that to him, "To you, yer everything. Yer not nothing- yer everything," Hagrid paused for effect, "Don't ever forget that. Not ever."
Tom stared at Hagrid. His words had really had an impact.
"Thank you," he whispered quietly. Hagrid beamed happily at him. Of course, Tom did not smile back. He couldn't even if he had wanted to- which he had.
Tom spent the rest of the morning in Hagrid's hut and only left after the snowstorm had cleared. He was escorted safely back to the castle.
Life didn't slow down for Tom Malumis after that. It wasn't too long after that the Summer Feast rolled around yet again. Tom's second year was coming to a close.
Alongside the rest of the school, he piled into the Great Hall. He sat on the Slytherin table in his usual position: away from everyone else. He didn't mind too much that he was isolated from everyone. Or at least, he was used to it. Not much had changed since he'd ended up in Hagrid's hut. He didn't even tell the half-giant his name so he wasn't expecting anything to happen. Still, he would've hoped that maybe something in the year would've happened; would've made his life better. But no. All Tom could be grateful for is that most people just completely ignored him. After Tom's incident with Alistair Young, who was currently sitting proudly at the front on the teachers' table, Tom had been lucky enough to not receive any more beatings. He was glad of it too. Whatever spell Alistair had used on him had given him bruising that lasted weeks. He couldn't help though, especially in the night when his insomnia kept him up later than he should be awake, kind of hope that maybe it would happen again. At least someone would be acknowledging him then. He shook the thoughts off quickly. He wasn't weak like that anymore. He didn't allow people to treat him like that anymore. As Tom looked blankly forward to the front of the Great Hall, where the Headmaster Harry Potter was giving his annual speech, the words of Hagrid echoed through his head. He cared little for Professor Potter's unimportant ramblings so he focused on the memories instead.
'To you- yer everything.'
The Great Hall suddenly burst into cheers. Tom looked around disinterestedly and completely silent among the crowd of ecstatic children.
Hagrid was right. He was everything. And he had to be. Because if he wasn't... then he was nothing. That was the only way for him to think now.
Tom's leaving of Hogwarts was uneventful this year. He was actually surprised that no one had even brought up the events of last year, not that it would've made things that much worse. He paid it little mind, however, as he exited through the grand doors of the castle, standing out a little from the large crowd. As he did leave the castle, Tom was unaware of one, quite important fact. There were two people watching from inside the castle. They stood far enough away to not attract attention but close enough to see clearly what they were looking at.
"That's him. That's the boy I was telling yer about," Hagrid said, pointing the boy out. Harry Potter, who stood next to him, raised a hand to stroke his beard.
"Hmm," he paused, "Do you know his name?"
Hagrid thought for a second before sadly shaking his head, "No. Sorry."
"No, no," Harry still stroked his beard thoughtfully, "It's fine," he paused again," But it's just..." he paused for a third and final time, his mind whirring a mile a minute, "I wonder."