We all knew the day I went up against Four was coming, it was talk at breakfast. Some people sounded as if there were bets being made about who would concede first, if Four would actually lash out at me, and if I'd end my day in the infirmary.
"Maybe you should just concede after he punches you, it would be less messy that way" Mia and I walk towards the training room. I didn't have any appetite to eat my eggs and toast. I didn't think I could keep anything down.
Four might've said he would go easy on me, but after proving he's the best initiate, what does "easy" mean?
"It's my last fight, I have to show some ability that I can defend myself" I glance at Mia, pushing the heavy door that leads into the training room; the smell of sweat and shoes smack into me immediately.
It's clear that Four is keeping his distance for now, standing at the opposite end of the circle while we all watch Xander to fight Tara, she of course not putting up with his inability to hit a girl.
Xander punches Tara in the jaw, sending her to the floor.
"She's out cold" Xander makes an apologetic face towards Amar, our instructor looks just as uninterested as every other day.
"Take her to the dorms. Next" Amar calls out. Sean and Mia take the center.
"Good luck" I grin towards Mia, she gives me a grin herself when our eyes meet.
Just as the door opens for Xander carrying Tara's dead weight body, someone else walks in. Max.
Amar looks at Max with a smile, walking around the circle while multiple grunts come from the competitors.
"Max, nice of you to stop by" Amar greets, they shake hands.
"I wanted to come see some of the initiates perform for myself before stage one is complete. Hope you don't mind" his low voice causes a shiver up my spine.
"Of course not, you're just in time for the second match. The last pairing is what everyone's excited for, though" Amar glances towards me then to Four.
"Ah, yes. I hear only good things about our Abnegation initiates. Four sounds like a promising Dauntless leader in the making." I glance towards Four who looks a bit distraught, hearing the word "leader" in reference to him can't be a good thing.
Mia groans loudly when a loud snap echoes through the room. Amar runs to her side, it looks as if Sean hit her too hard.
"Medical. Now" Amar looks at Sean, I cringe towards the cries Mia is sounding.
Sean looks pale, not moving at first until Amar yells at him to stop standing around.
Amar let's out a deep breath and glances at both directions of the circle, me and Four. Our only audience now is Eric and Max- the joy.
"Okay, let's get this over with, shall we?" Amar asks while gesturing for us to step forward.
Without hesitation, I walk forward. It felt like everyone else gave their all today, whether it forced someone into the medical center or not. My chances aren't looking very good.
Four and I stand a few feet away from each other, he looks taller than before. He looks stronger than before. More confident, maybe. But his eyes look lost and confused.
"Don't do it," I whisper to him.
"Don't do what?" He asks, his hands shaking at his sides.
"Go easy on me. Max sounded as if he came here just to see you fight, so don't give me mercy" I narrow my eyes and bring my arms up.
Four glances at the small audience, Amar among them now, then settles his eyes back on me. "You know I can-"
"Begin" Amar shouts at us, causing the both of us to circle one another.
Knowing Four won't make the first move, I take two steps forward and swing my fist as quick as I can towards his face; he quickly blocks it and takes hold of my arm, twisting it to make me turn my back on him.
"I'm not going to hurt you, I just can't" Four whispers through his panting. I wait a moment and stab my elbow into his stomach. When he releases me, I turn and punch his chin.
"Yes you can" I breathe heavily, bringing my arms back up to my face. Four takes a step forward and punches my shoulder when I'm not quick enough, I can't help but roll my eyes.
"We're not mock fighting, Four. Not now" I push him and punch his eye. He flinches and takes a step back, but doesn't fall to the floor.
"Amalia. I'm never going to forgive myself if-" I can't hear him say it anymore. I swing a punch to the side of his jaw with all the power I can manage, when he stumbles, I push him to the floor and sit on his torso.
"Fight" I wrap my hands around his throat, he stares up at me with his blue eyes that make me feel all sorts of feelings. Because of that, I force myself to look away.
He struggles for breath, his face turning red. But before he goes limp, a fist flies to my face and sends me to the floor beside him.
Four coughs for air, getting up and sending another punch to my face. I'm not sure if he's using all his strength, but he looks blurry with the red specks when I try to look straight at him.
Blood flows across my face, a pulsing pain I've grown used to starts all over again. It's not as bad as the first few days. But knowing Tobias caused the pain, and I provoked it, makes it worse.
When I see the tears fall from his eyes as he hovers over me, I don't know what to do. I don't want to fight him anymore.
"Please, Amalia," he whispers, "please" he wipes the tears off his cheeks. I've never seen him cry before, this must be some other level of pain for him than it is for me.
I'm causing him pain.
With that in mind, I nod and put my arm up. "I'm done" I say as loudly as I can. The door opens and closes just as quickly.
Amar walks over to us, his eyebrows furrowed.
"What was that?" He asks in disbelief. "Max comes to watch you and you fight like... I don't even know."
"I'm sorry" Four speaks more clearly now, I can see him enough that he's standing straighter and no sign of emotion is showing on his face. "It's just..."
"I get it. But this is about your future, kid. And you," Amar looks down at me. I don't feel like trying to get back up so I stay where I am. "You lacked showcasing your abilities, too" he shakes his head.
"I'm sorry" I mumble, closing my eyes and adjusting my head on the cold floor.
"Can I take her to the dorms?" Four asks, already leaning down to pick me up.
"Go ahead" he sighs, I listen to him walk off.
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Somewhere between the training room and the dormitory, I black out from the adrenaline. I wake to an ice pack against my face and Four sitting with his head bowed, his fingers pinching the bridge of his nose.
I glance around the room, it seems we're the only ones here. Tara probably woke up before the two of us even arrived.
"Four" I mumble, he looks up at me with the bags under his eyes; puffy.
"I'm so sorry, Amalia. I told you... I told you I didn't want to hurt you."
"But why? I know we've known each other since we were children, we spent years together, but why?" I hold myself up by my elbows; letting the ice pack fall to the mattress.
"Because, I don't want to treat you as Marcus treated me. The day before the Ceremony, I told you you deserved to get out. But this is far from it. I want you to feel safe, not threatened" Four's eyes shift from my eyes to my forehead.
I sigh, shifting out from the covers and pull my body upright. I feel fortunate that the only area hurting is my face.
"I don't feel threatened by you, Tobias," I whisper his name, "I know you don't mean to hurt me, or any of the others... maybe just Eric but I know what you believe. You could never hurt me" I catch his eyes. "You could never be like Marcus."
For a long moment, again, we stare into each other's eyes. His hand finds mine and grips it until I feel throbbing.
"I'm sorry for punching you" he sighs, not letting go of his grip.
"Pain is temporary" I grin. "Thanks for going easy on me."
After a few minutes go by and Tara walks through the door with an ice pack of her own, Four stands and takes a few steps backward toward the door. The heat from his hand still lingering in mine.
"I'll see you later, Mal" he looks down at me then exists without another word.
Tara glances at me then back towards the swinging door before sitting on Mia's bed.
"What did I just walk into?" She asks when a pillow presses into her stomach.
"He just brought me back," I glance at her then to the ceiling light. "How's your jaw?"
"My head hurts more, but I'm more accustomed to the pain now," she shrugs, "how about you? I didn't hear what happened yet."
I contemplate what to tell her, there's not much but enough to make her see that Four really did go easy on me in front of a leader of our faction. That he cried.
"I was down after a few punches, I followed Mia's technique and put him in a choke hold but that didn't last for long. After that, he brought me here and you came" I hope she can't tell that I'm hiding something, there's no doubt she can't detect that. "How is Mia, anyway? Did you go see her?"
"I just came from the medical center. A bandage was wrapped around her torso, Sean fractured a few of her ribs. She'll be okay though, it was fortunate that today was the last day of training."
I sigh and sit up completely, swinging my legs over the bed. "I should go see her." After the last week of becoming friends with Mia, her helping me and defending me when she could, I feel obligated to go see her. Guess that's the Abnegation part of me.
"You sure? You look terrible. I know after Four left me bleeding, I stayed in bed for the rest of the day" Tara sets her pillow down.
I shake my head. "No, it's okay. I want to."
"I'll come with you, then."
We both stand and walk through the double doors, selfishly thinking how fortunate I'm not the broken one in the hospital bed right now. That's the Dauntless side of me.
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
I'm surprised to find Sean sitting by Mia's bed, his head bowed while Mia looks bored out of her mind. The sight of Tara and me makes her tired face light up.
"There you are, Mal," she greets, making a little face of pain when she shifts in the wrong way, "didn't think I'd see you so soon."
"That's what I was telling her, Four barley left a mark on her" Tara rolls her eyes in a mocking way. I give her a scowl.
"I have bruises" I defend myself.
"Well, I'm the one with the broken ribs" Mia counters.
"Fractured" Tara chimes in.
"Basically the same thing" Mia narrows her eyes at her.
Sean finally looks up and groans. "I didn't mean to hurt you, you're just so small and" he trains off and groans again.
"Sean, I've forgiven you. There's no need to worry about me, I'll be better in a few days" Mia looks at him sympathetically.
He sniffles and stands, looking at the three of us. "I'm going to go drink," Sean announces before leaving the room.
"He's... odd. I've never truly understood him" Tara shrugs and sits on the chair, setting her boots at the end of Mia's bed; the space she can't reach.
"How am I going to explain this to my parents tomorrow?" Mia sighs. "If they come."
I tilt my head in confusion. "What's tomorrow?"
The two of them look at me.
"Visiting Day, remember?" Tara asks, folding her arms over her chest.
The memory of Amar mentioning it clicks in my head. "Oh, right. Visiting Day."
Mia nods. "Do you think your family will come?"
I'm quickly reminded that I've never mentioned my family to them, that it's just my brother left with the guardian I don't think about anymore; other than in my dreams when I picture the doctor from the simulation.
"It's just my little brother, I don't think he would take the trip that far away from Abnegation" my foot kicks the floor a bit.
Thankfully, no one pushes me to give more information.
"I'm sure they'll understand, being part of Dauntless means taking risks" Tara breaks the silence.
"Hopefully... they weren't that happy to see me leave Amity, but they knew I didn't belong there. Not anymore" Mia fiddles with her thumbs.
"Well, I'm sure my dad will be very happy to see all my bruises. Especially when he sees what I've done to the 'other guy'" Tara smirks, I give her a grin.
"I hear that they're going to make a bunch of cakes, even though the initiate count this year is small," Mia adds with her hands rubbing together.
"The cake here is good, though I have nothing to compare it to" I grin.
"There wasn't any cake in Abnegation" Tara asks in disbelief. "What did you have as desserts instead?"
"Nothing, we didn't need another meal after dinner" my hands fold in front of my stomach.
"Not even a birthday cake?" Mia raises her eyebrows, wrinkles showing in her forehead.
"We didn't celebrate birthdays, if anything, we did more volunteer work" I shrug.
"That's... depressing" Tara nods, Mia along with her.
"What would an Abnegation dessert even be, then?" Mia asks with her head tilt to the side.
I look down and grin. "Cold milk, maybe the stale bread."
They're silent for a moment until Tara breaks into a laughing fit, Mia too but holds her stomach down when the pain shoots.
I look at them and laugh softly along. One of the only things I'm happy about so far after joining Dauntless is that it brought me friends.