WHEN NEIL WAKES UP, he finds the space beside him to be empty. Groaning as he snuggles further into the bed, he inhales the scent of the pillow, that had managed to acquire Presley's heavenly scent.
Despite the empty space beside him, he smiles as the events of last night replayed itself inside his mind. He giggles childishly, rolling his eyes at his own actions. He wonders to himself, what did I do to deserve her?
He stays there for what seemed like an eternity, grinning like an idiot, until he finally decides to remove himself from the sheets and stand up. Slipping in his clothes that had been discarded last night, he exits the room, cautiously looking out for people.
He figured it was around breakfast time, and decided to take a very quick shower before proceeding to the mess hall. Upon arriving, he had a lopsided grin on his face, feeling even more giddy than usual. "Good Morning, guys."
Charlie raises an eyebrow at this, eyeing the effervescent boy. "Someone's in a good mood." He muses. He wondered what made Neil this happy, as though yesterday never happened. He was certain the boy had extreme mood swings by now.
"What happened with Mr. Nolan?"
"Did he scold you or something?"
"Did something happen?"
"What did he say?"
"Where were you last night?" All heads whip towards Todd's direction, whose question was different from the others, causing multiple questions and suspicions to arise. Neil freezes at the question, having no idea whatsoever on what to reply.
"He didn't sleep in your room last night?" Charlie asks out of disbelief and shock. "Hey, Neil, where were you?" Neil didn't want to answer the questions as he smiled to himself, but then again, they would force it out of him anyway.
"I was starting to get worried." Todd says, shooting Neil a pointed look. "I stayed up until around midnight to wait for you. Where were you?" Neil struggles to reply as he stares back at Todd with an unreadable expression.
"Well — my father visited last night — "
"Again?"
"When is he gonna stop?"
"Guys, its not what you think." Neil lets out a chuckle, amused at his friends. "He permitted me to continue acting." The boys momentarily gasped at this, which earned a warning look from Mr. Nolan who was across the hall.
"Are you serious?"
"Just like that?"
"So suddenly?"
Todd could only smile, knowing Presley was successful at her attempt in convincing Mr. Perry to allow Neil to continue acting. He was proud of his friends and genuinely happy for them. "So you slept at your parents' house?" He asks, raising an eyebrow in the process.
"Why would he do that? Its the middle of the semester?" Charlie wonders out loud. He seemed to perk up as a theory finds its way into his mind. "Unless . . . Neil went somewhere else." A smirk crept its way on Charlie's face, as he shoots Neil a knowing look.
Neil scoffs sardonically, an amused smile on his face. "Where else would I go?" He asks.
"Uh uh, Neil, there's no running away from this." Everyone was genuinely confused as they look at Charlie, waiting for an explanation. "You slept in Presley's room didn't you?" He whispers.
Neil lets out a laugh, feeling caught in the act. "No." He replies. "Why would I do that?" He wasn't the one to like being the center of attention amongst his friends, he'd rather save that on stage.
"Lads," Charlie starts to say, ignoring Neil's question. "Neil beat me to it. He's no longer a virgin." The boys' mouths were wide agape as they stared at Neil in shock and amazement. No one ever guessed Neil was the first one to get laid among them, as they thought it would've been Charlie or even Knox.
"What?"
"Neil, is it true?"
"My god."
"Damn. God damn."
Neil was speechless though, as he switched from a calm, and collected boy, to a stuttering mess in the next second. "I — well — uh — "
Todd wanted to laugh. He wanted to burst out laughing at the thought of his friend losing his virginity. He didn't find it funny or anything, it was just a weird thing to talk about. He found himself staring at Neil incredulously as if to ask, did you actually?
"Guys — no — we didn't — I didn't — "
"Then why are you stuttering?" Charlie arches a knowing eyebrow, smirking at Neil in the process. "Come on, Neil. Don't deny it, I know." Neil couldn't bring himself to answer now that Charlie was looking at him like that. Like he knows something.
"Whatever, Charlie." Neil sigh, rolling his eyes playfully in the process. "We are not talking about that." He says, trying his best not to smile but his body is failing him miserably. He curses the butterflies in his stomach for betraying him, they were supposed to do what his brain says.
"Whatever you say, Perry." Charlie shakes his head, evidently amused. "I'm guessing you liked it." He was doing this on purpose to elicit a reaction from Neil, which so far he seems to be succeeding.
"Are you kidding? I l — " Neil stops himself midsentence knowing fully well what Charlie was trying to do. Leave it to Charlie being such a detective Sherlock when it comes to the topic of intimacy.
"What was that, Neil?" Charlie says, evidently enjoying as he teases the hell out of the poor boy. "You lo— you lov— you loved it?"
"Shut up, Charlie." Neil was now blushing hard as everyone snorts at the exchange, since they can't exactly laugh out loud since Mr. Nolan is being the prick he always is. "Its so early in the morning."
"Oh Perry," Charlie cooes. "Its never too early to talk about sex."
PRESLEY HAS HAD sex before. But the last time she did it with someone was around two years ago, and she never really talks about it. The morning air of November forces her to clutch her coat closer to her, as it was a little chilly.
She doesn't understand what had gone through her mind last night. Sure she enjoyed with the boy last night, but a pang of guilt ate at her on this fine morning.
Stay away from my son.
The words repeated itself over and over again in her mind. She had woken up way earlier than Neil had and decided to go for a morning stroll, and found herself staying away from the building as she inhaled the fresh air of nature.
Presley knew she shouldn't let Mr. Perry's words get to her. But it echoed in her ears and ate away at her. Should she really stay away? After all that has happened? If so, how does she even start?
Footsteps sounded from behind her, causing her to whip her head towards the direction of the sound, and she was greeted by Mr. Keating. He smiles at her, but she doesn't return it, turning back to look ahead.
Mr. Keating ignores this and walks towards her, sitting on the bench beside her. He doesn't say anything for a while, which Presley was grateful for. But with Mr. Keating, nothing is certain. Nothing is certain at all.
"Why are you outside?" He asks. "Why aren't you inside eating breakfast?" Presley didn't want to answer his question. She didn't have the energy to, but she knows she had to. She had to stop being so rude towards Mr. Keating.
"Mr. Keating, when I tell you this, don't hate me." She starts to say. Mr. Keating glances at her, giving her a look as if to tell her to go on. "I had sex with Neil last night." She mutters under her breath, finding it weird to say it out loud.
Mr. Keating gives her a mixed look of surprise and amusement. For a moment, he was taken aback. He knew she was very random but he didn't imagine her to be this random. "And? Go on." He says, knowing not to question it.
"I can't."
Arching an eyebrow, Mr. Keating asks, "Can't what?" He was reminded of the same scenario two years ago when Presley wound up in front of him crying. He didn't really understand why she had cried after spending an intimate night with someone, but he said nothing nonetheless.
"You know what I mean." She says, "You know I can't." Mr. Keating seemed to understand as he lets out a sigh, now getting concerned of the girl. Presley's mind was clattered all over the place as she thinks about a thousand things all at the same time.
She had made the mistake of getting attached. And now it was too late to turn back. She hasn't admitted it to herself, but she did have feelings for Neil. Feelings so real it could even be love. Or more than love. But Presley was scared. Just like that, she was scared all over again.
"Didn't I tell you its okay?" Mr. Keating sends her a reassuring smile, "Its okay to get attached, little one. You can let your walls crumble down because trust me, it will be worth it." Presley wanted to, but it was just so difficult.
She doesn't say anything, turning to look away from the teacher. She feels her chest getting heavier by the second as tears started to prick her eyes, resulting in her to blink multiple times to prevent them from streaming down her face.
"You need to tell him about it, Presley. He needs to know." Mr. Keating's voice was gentle. It was so gentle Presley couldn't help but let out a sob, the tears finally streaming down her face. Mr. Keating pulls her in for a hug, patting her back gently.
Stay away from my son.
PRESLEY CAN'T BRING HERSELF to even look at Neil everytime they passed by each other. Which caused Neil to wonder about what he had done wrong yet again. This was starting to get really out of hand, so he decided to confront her about it by the end of the day.
She drags her hand harshly through her hair as she tried to calm her breaths. She was finding it hard to breathe yet again as she clutches her chest, clawing at it. It was already night time and the moon was high up in the dark twilight sky.
Neil had tried to talk to her, but being the coward she was, she darted away without thinking. Actually, she wasn't really thinking about anything at all as she ran away. Ran away from everything.
The figure of the boy stands up in front of her, and only then does she have the courage to look up. Now that Presley stared into his eyes for the first time today, she knew it wasn't just nothing. Maybe it was the way her heart pounded against her ribcage, or maybe its the butterflies in her stomach that betrayed her. But these feelings were real, stronger any other feeling she's trained herself to feel.
Neil looked hurt. And he was hurt. After spending a night of basically getting to know each other emotionally and physically, she can't just ignore him all over again like this. She can't leave him hanging again. "Why are you being like this? We've been fine for weeks and now you're acting like this again?" The pain in Neil's voice caused Presley's heart to shatter. The way his voice cracked in the end. The way his eyes stared back at her sorrowfully.
Presley was feeling too much emotions at the same time, and her knees suddenly feel weaker than they have been before. So she stops, she stops her heart, her everything. She stops the feeling of her blood circulating through her veins. Suddenly, its as though there was no circulation of oxygen in her lungs, and she is gasping for breath, why do i torture myself like this —
Neil lets out a breathy exhale. "I was just finally getting used to the idea of you being okay and happy and now you're — you're not?" Neil didn't know what to feel, he didn't know what to think about all these emotions that just came bursting out of his already full bottle. He wonders to himself — am I not enough?
Presley wanted to tell him everything. She wanted to tell him that she knew what was wrong with her, but she can't bring herself to even utter a single letter. So instead, she replies in a flat tone. "You know we're not together right?" She pauses, "Just because last night happened, doesn't mean we're a couple."
Neil can't bring himself to reply anything, he just stares at her with an unreadable expression as their breaths start to get in sync. Why was he even forcing himself upon her if she didn't want anything to do with him? Why was he hurting himself by trying to understand her? To love her?
At that moment, Presley refused to hold on. She refused to hold onto him and scar him even more. If she just stayed away none of this would've happened. But every single atom and molecule in her body didn't want to let go of him, she didn't want to leave.
Neil finally says something as he quietly replies, "Why do you keep pushing people away?" His voice cracking at the end was enough to make tears appear in Presley's eyes, knowing how much impact her words and actions had on him. "Why can't you see that people are willing to give you love and affection and appreciation and validation that you're enough and that you're worth all this trouble?"
Presley draws a shaky breath as she tried very hard not to cry when she says, "Neil, don't do that to yourself, I'm not worth it."
"Bullshit Presley, you're worth every star in the whole god damn universe." Neil's outburst made Presley restart, as silence dawns upon the two. Tears were threatening to spill and hearts were being torn apart by the millisecond. "Pres, can you — can't you just tell me what's wrong so I can help you."
"You can't help me Neil."
"What do you mean?" A bitter smile appears on Neil's face as he tries to understand what she meant. And it was getting very very difficult to breathe. "Presley can't you just tell me what's bothering you, you know I'm always he— "
"I'm scared, Neil." Here it goes.
Neil lets out a bitter chuckle, blinking as if to see all this was real. "Scared of what, Pres? Of commitment?" He wasn't ready to hear what Presley was going to say next, and he certainly wasn't sure on what to feel about that.
"Of dying."
Neil's heart shatters. The sound of his heart breaking was so loud you could practically hear it. Then it was as if time stopped, the world stopped revolving around in orbit as they both stop. It felt like the world just came crumbling down to a million tiny pieces and Neil wanted it to stop. Please, no. Please don't let this be real —
"You're just joking." He chuckles wryly, momentarily looking away from Presley. "You're just — you're just trying to be funny. Very funny, Pres. You got me there for a second. You — you — " Suddenly, Neil forgot how to breathe. He hated that he had fallen too deep to stop, he hated that he didn't want to let go of her, he hated that just when everything was okay, this happened. This — this —
"Neil," Presley could feel her lips quiver and her breath getting shaky as she says, "I've been diagnosed with cancer."
And that was the last straw as Neil found himself shaking, tears started to stream down his face. Momentarily looking away to process the information, he couldn't bring himself to process it. No. He didn't want to process it at all. "Presley stop joking, its not funny anymore."
"Neil, I'm not joking." Presley exhales shakily, "That was the main reason why I decided to become a neurosurgeon."
At that moment, everything made sense, and nothing made sense. It made sense why Presley would constantly look pale, how she was sensitive when Charlie playfully punched her, how she would try to push everyone away and avoid attachments. Neil puts a hand on his mouth as he starts to shake from so much emotions. This was too much — I can't —
"I need to process this." He says ever so quietly. "Its going to be okay, Pres. You're going to be okay." He says under his breath, and Presley's heart shatters. It was as if he was trying to convince himself more than he was convincing her. "Everything's going to be okay."
But Presley knew nothing was going to be okay. At all.
* * *
A/N: *silence*
This was so difficult to write tbh
Feel free to hate me skksks
Xuan xx