The rest of my first day went like shit. I mean, there was nothing to do! I had honestly started to wish, that I would have one of those private counseling sessions, because I was bored out of my mind. After Kenneth had left, he basically disappeared and I wasn't sure if he had run away or something like that, so I was left alone, in the grass, trying to talk to one of the other kids, but whenever I was approaching another guy, a counselor came up to me and told me to sit somewhere else.
I tried approaching a girl once, but she send me a death glare and so I thought, no thanks. The rest of the two hours I had, I spend trying to build a house with leaves, but failed. God I was bored. After that, we were send inside to stay in the 'hangout room', since apparently, when somebody new joined the program for the first day, they gave them some time to get used to the place. Most of the other students were called for a one on one session afterwards and so I waited for Wendy to join me and make this all a bit more bearable, but she didn't.
After another hour of doing absolutely nothing, well, I drew a bit on the board and played chess against myself, we were called to dinner in the cafeteria, which I was not looking forward to. The small room looked exactly the same, only that some of the staff had their own table, where they were enjoying the food, while we waited in line, getting what appeared to be some catfish and peas. Yikes...I hated fish, but it didn't seem like I had an option to eat anything else.
"Excuse me, is there a vegetarian option for this?" I asked the lady with the hairnet, who looked like she hated just the idea of talking to me. "Yes" she said and I was pleasantly surprised! Anything was better than fish so... "Well then I will take that" I said and watched the woman take one of the white plates, before putting two big scoops of peas on top, handing it to me. "Next!" she yelled way too loudly, because the girl behind me in line was literally a feet away.
"Thanks" I muttered, taking my peas and the pudding onto my tray, walking over to one of the empty tables. I already wanted to dig in, even though this didn't look too yummy, but I was hungry as fuck, until somebody hit my arm with the fork I was holding, making me freeze. When I looked up, I saw Wendy grinning at me, but her eyes looked a bit red. Now normally I would have said she had smoked some without me, that bitch, but since that wasn't allowed here, that only meant she had cried. But I held back from asking her about it.
"You have to wait for Simon to say grace. Its like you have no idea about christianity" she chuckled and I put down the fork, groaning.
"Fuck, I'm gonna starve" I exclaimed and Wendy shook her head, giggling, before walking away and towards the line to get her food. I glanced around, but only met sad faces, that were busy being painfully quiet, so I decided to just focus on my peas, writing HELP with them on my plate. This was officially the most boring day ever. I was very into writing with my food, until somebody put down a tray next to me, who I presumed to be Wendy.
"Hey this is killing m-" I said, until I actually looked up and saw Kenneth instead of Wendy, smirking at me, as he sat down next to me. My mind went completely blank. And that never happened! Expect for when I was very high. But I wasn't right now so...huh? Before I could open my mouth, Wendy took the seat on my other side and quickly, some other kids like that Eric, the girl who had glared at me and Brian, I think his name was, sat down at the table, before the door opened, revealing Father Simon. He walked inside, taking a seat with an already prepared tray in front of him, at the staff table with all the counselors, standing up and everything went deadly quite.
"Bless this food, these gifts, oh lord, which we received through your grace. Give us the strength to overcome our sinful ways and follow your path, so we can all become worthy. Amen" Father Simon spoke and everybody folded their hands, silently praying with him. When even Kenneth did so, I followed them and even said Amen at the end, because I had a feeling I did not want to find out what would happen, if I refused to participate. "You may eat" Simon smiled, before sitting down and the whole hall erupted in the sound of metal hitting plate or some silent murmurs, but nobody was actually talking. I glanced around, but even my table was deadly quiet and as the new kid, I wouldn't be the one to test the waters.
I mean I glanced at Kenneth once in a while and he smiled to himself, as if he knew that I was looking, so I stopped and rather focussed on eating my dry ass peas. After we finished, we brought the trays back and then it was time to go to our rooms. I mean, at least we could do in our room what we wanted, or so I thought. Because until we would sleep, the door had to stay open. I didn't understand why, since I was literally sharing with a girl and wasn't that like the whole goal of this bullshit? That I would want to sleep with her and she with me? Apparently not I guess.
The worst part of my day so far was, that I was always being watched. Like always. When I would just sit around, there was a counselor. When I would go to the bathroom, one had to follow me, which I found quite irritating...so how the fuck should I ever have a wank? I couldn't with Wendy in the room I guess, that would be a bit rude. Not that that was possible, since there was literally a counselor outside our room listening in on us. That was so creepy. The only time I wasn't getting watched was in the showers.
I mean, there was still a counselor in the room, but he had to face the wall, since they all were, apparently, also 'recovering homosexuals' who were now married to a woman and had kids and shit, just to show that the program worked. And apparently watching us boys all soaped up in the shower would 'tempt' them...ew. There were special hours, where we could use the showers and after dinner and before lights out was apparently pretty much the only time where we could really do so. When I went to my room with Wendy, there was a folder on my bed with all those rules I would have to memorize and the shower times were a part from that.
So I grabbed my towel, telling Wendy where I would go and she only nodded, reading some weird book, that was Titled 'How to dress appropriate for your godly husband'. It didn't seem like she actually wanted to know all of that, but what else could you do around here? Stare at the wall? I guess so, but after three weeks, you just give up maybe. When I walked out, the counselor just looked at me, but he had obviously heard what I had said, so he let me walk out and down the stairs, where I found another guard, just looking at me, until I reached the shower room for the boys. Yeah we were still split into girls and boys here, which didn't make much sense, but ok.
When I entered the room, there was already one kid giving up his information, like room number and name, to the counselor. I remembered the kid from the group session, but I had no idea what his name was, since he hadn't spoken this session yet. He was tall and a little overweight, but other than that, nothing to notice about him. He looked as sad as all the other kids around here. The counselor nodded and the kid went into the shower part, getting undressed behind the belly-high wall, so the counselor couldn't see I guess.
"Room number, name, time" the counselor said and I frowned, because I had no idea what time it was and how I should even know that, since I haven't seen a single clock anywhere in the camp. "Uh 204, Tommy Davis and I have no fucking clue what time it is" I replied and the counselor gazed up, looking at me as if to see if I was kidding. "I mean how many times have you used the showers this week already?" he asked.
"Uh, first I guess. I arrived today, so, yeah" I answered a little awkwardly and the counselor nodded, writing it down.
"Undress there and use one of the showers opposite to Cameron. I will be here and if I hear anything suspicious, I might have to turn around!" he warned and I nodded, feeling a bit uncomfortable with all of this. The guy walked towards the wall and turned around, so he couldn't see us. God, this was uncomfortable. I guess I could consider myself lucky, that they weren't checking, if I had smuggled something inside in my butt, honestly.
I walked behind the wall and undressed, just like Cameron had done, before taking some of the shampoo that was laying around in small packages, that reminded me of the ones used for ketchup. I wondered why, but I guess some of the guys here would use normal bottles for...other stuff, so...ew. I walked to one of the showers across from Cameron, who was washing his hair, glancing over to me. This wouldn't be so uncomfortable if a grown man wouldn't be listening in on us...I mean, I have showered in a locker room right next to other guys before, it wasn't a big deal at all, but getting listened in on...that was weird.
I decided to not let that bug me too much, because this was basically my only 'alone time' ever around here, so I opened the shampoo package, massaging my hurting scalp. The water wasn't very warm, but it was better than nothing and after a day like mine, I could really use at least a minute of relaxation. I exhaled, trying not to think too much about the fact, that this was how I would be living for the next three months, if not years. So I rather concentrated on getting myself all cleaned up.
Whenever I opened my eyes to look through the falling water, I could see Cameron from the other side stealing a glance, which made me a bit uncomfortable, so I decided to turn around and just looked at the wall, letting the semi hot water runs down my body and sooth the annoying pain of being in this hell hole. I mean, I had only been here for less than a day and I already missed my pool, my weed, my room...even Julie. But don't tell her that.
I was just about to enjoy this weird experience of a shower, until a hand found my mouth, making my eyes widen, as I was pressed against the wall and I felt somebody's hot breath against my neck. What the fuck??? When I glanced back, I could see Camerons face there, as he looked at me with a gaze that made me realize, that I was not just getting mugged in the showers, but he was thinking something far worse. His hand, that wasn't covering my mouth, wandered from my naked waist, downwards and hell to the fucking no!
I squirmed in his grip, trying to free myself and show him, that this was not what I had asked for, because I had honestly no idea, how from me turning around he got, that I was asking for him to come over here and touch me, but naha, nope, I did not want this at all! When Cameron didn't budge and just rather tried to get me to quiet down, he hushed, before gripping my dick.
And there I froze for a moment. Not because I liked it, don't fool yourself, but because I guess I was in a short shock state. What the hell? My eyes literally popped out of my head, especially as he whispered "Shh, he will hear us!" in my ear as if I was a willing participant in all of this. I frantically tried to shake my head, making it very clear, that I did not want this at all, but Cameron still didn't get the message I guess. I wanted to move around again, but I felt a bit vulnerable with him...holding me. Could that guy just let go of my fucking dick??? When I could literally feel his erection rubbing against my asscheeks, I think I nearly threw up in his hand!
I squirmed around in his grip some more and with more force, until I finally managed push that fucking idiot off and away from me. "Get off of me!! What the fuck man???" I yelled, red in anger and, to my dismay, slightly shaking in what appeared to be fear.
"What is going on here?!" the counselor yelled, walking into the shower area, as I was stepping further away from Cameron, covering myself up a bit. Fucking christ, what the hell- I- what had just happened?? "I-I, uh-" Cameron tried to say something, as he was getting red as a tomato, fearing what would happen to him now, but I did not fucking care, especially since he still had that prominent erection of his!
"He touched me!!" I yelled, pointing at Cameron and the counselor snapped his head to the very worried and frightened looking guy, who was about to piss himself. Yeah, well, I was the one, who just got molested so...fuck him! "What exactly happened?" the counselor asked and Cameron opened his mouth again, but I would not let him talk himself out of this one.
"I was just showering and facing the wall to have some privacy, until he came up behind me, covered my mouth with his hand to keep my quiet and grabbed my dick while rubbing off on me!!" I yelled, feeling like I was getting sick again...Did that actually just fucking happen?? The counselor stared at me, but not much of a shock was visible on his face, more of an angry look. I looked at Cameron, who was about to cry, but come on dude, he was assaulting me and now I should feel sorry for him?!
"Alright...Cameron, you are coming with me and you, Tommy, get dressed and go to your room. Now!" he ordered and I didn't understand why he was being so hostile towards me, I had literally just been assaulted right next to him! I was the victim here...right? Wait why was I even doubting that? I surly hadn't asked for him to come over and try to...fuck me, definitely not, so...that meant this was assault, right? I just nodded, watching as the counselor guided Cameron away, leaving me alone in this shower room and I felt extremely uncomfortable.
I wanted to turn the shower back on and scrub myself clean, until I couldn't feel Cameron's hands on my hips, on my mouth and...other places anymore, but I was kind of afraid to close my eyes again. I just shook my head, deciding to get dressed and out of here as quickly as possible, so I could get some sleep and forget this had ever happened. I mean, not much happened. I felt a bit gross and shit, but it's fine. I was more upset about the whole situation. That I may had to spend more than three months in this place apparently without real hot water! Pff yeah no that was, ugh, not a pleasant thought. Yeah....
I quickly got dressed and walked back to my room, feeling that I still had some shampoo in my hair, but I would not go down there again, especially not alone. Ok, I mean, being there with people, apparently, also wasn't that great, but yeah, I just felt like going to sleep. I walked past the counselors, who threw me a look that told me, that they had no idea why I was back this early and clearly not finished, but it was not like I was going to stop and explain to them what happened just for the fun of it. So I walked past them and towards my room.
"Hey, you are back early! But then again you don't have to dry your hair for an hour like me. Is everything alright?" Wendy asked, sitting up on her bed as I threw my stuff in my closet, not even caring that somebody, maybe Wendy, must have unpacked my stuff without my permission throughout the day. I got out some of my pjs, since I couldn't really sleep half naked in front of Wendy, that would be a bit rude.
"Yeah I'm fine, just tired" I replied, quickly changing and feeling, that I hadn't dried myself properly before getting dressed and my clothes were partly wet. Wendy looked at me, a bit disappointed and surprised. "Oh...I- you know, I thought, because its your first night here, we could stay up and talk all night about stupid shit and I don't know just, get to know each other?" she asked and I felt like a dickhead, but I just wasn't in the mood to be this aware of reality anymore. Fuck, I could have really used my weed right now, like a lot.
"Yeah sorry, maybe tomorrow. I'm just really tired" I sighed, putting on my shirt and hopping in my bed, turning off my nightstand light. "Wait, you are going now? But its only 8pm" Wendy said and I decided to not say anything, because I was just not feeling like explaining myself. I also didn't really have an answer. I just wanted to be alone, but I wasn't, so staring at the wall and away from Wendy, acting like I was sleeping, was the only way to do so. Fuck...what had I gotten myself into.
-
I skipped breakfast, simply because I didn't feel that hungry. I just stayed in bed and told Wendy to go down there without me. I mean I felt fine, really. It took me a while to fall asleep, but when I finally did, I slept like a baby. After Wendy left the room, I fell asleep once more, until Stanley stormed into my room, telling me that 'breakfast wasn't optional' or whatever. Reluctantly I stood up and got dressed, going to breakfast, as everybody else was already leaving the room, to get some rest before the group session.
After eating a bit, I just put on a hoodie, while Wendy was carefully watching me from her bed, trying to read her book. "You ready to go?" I asked, making an attempt to be nice to her again, after reacting so cold last night. I mean, it wasn't her fault that this Cameron kid was an asshole. Wendy seemed surprised, but nodded, before hopping up with a grin on her face. "Just give me a minute to put on my shoes and lets go" she smiled, visibly happy that she had somebody to talk to again.
I offered her a smile, as I waited for her to quickly tie her shoes, before we walked downstairs, like everybody else, and towards the group session room, where the counselors had already prepared the chair circle for us. Wendy and I parted our ways and took our seats, like everybody else. I glanced at Cameron, who tried not to look at me, as I sat opposite of him, so he surely had no opportunity to touch me again. Maybe I was overreacting but...for fucks sake he touched my dick!
When I looked up, Kenneth took his seat, smiling at me as he sat a few seats over. The last one to join the circle was Father Simon, who walked towards us, seeming...sad? Maybe disappointed, but I wasn't sure why. Everybody slowly quieted down, as he took a seat, exhaling deeply. What was going on? I mean, he must have heard about what had happened yesterday, but then I didn't understand why Cameron was here and not...like in time out or whatever method they used here.
"Good morning everybody....so, last night, some unfortunate news have reached me about the...incident in the showers" Father Simon spoke and I leaned back, crossing my arms in front of my chest, because actually, I was not up for that talk, especially in front if everybody else, but on the other hand, it felt kind of good to have Simon know what Cameron had done to me. Everybody looked a little confused, except for me and Cameron, who was sweating like a pig.
"Tommy, Cameron, I was not pleased to hear from Thomas what had happened...Now for you Cameron, this is a big step back in your process and we will have to change the methods, but we will talk about this in the private session. Tommy, would you like to confess to your sins of last night's events?" Father Simon asked and for a moment, I thought I had misheard him, because he couldn't have actually said that.
"My sins? These are Cameron's sins! I was the victim here, I have nothing to confess" I scoffed, tightening my arms in front of my chest to feel more protected. I could see Wendy and even Kenneth frown at that, as they obviously had no idea what had happened, since neither me nor Cameron, apparently, had told anybody about him molesting me. Father Simon sighed, shaking his head as if he was disappointed in me.
"Tommy, god can only forgive you, if you are honest here. We can't help you, if you don't tell us what you have done. You know, I once sat in that chair many years ago, being as misguided and sinful as you were and look at me now. Don't you want that? Don't you want to live a happy and worthy life Tommy? If so, you have to be truthful here" he spoke and I was getting a bit frustrated.
"Yeah, but I did nothing wrong! Do you think if I had any part in this I would have called for help?" I asked, now leaning forward and looking at Simon, because I didn't think he was that stupid. Surly that Thomas must have told him what had happened! Why should I yell for help, if I had wanted Cameron to come over and...do that? Why wouldn't I have kept quiet, the counselor obviously hadn't realized it! He didn't even hear me struggling, it was only when I yelled that he had ran over to help me for fucks sake!
"You tell me Tommy. This is a safe space, the group will listen. I am giving you a chance to do this, before I let Cameron speak about last night events" he said and it did sound like a threat, didn't it? That he wanted me to confess to something that wasn't even true? Because I hadn't made any attempt to flirt or whatever with Cameron, a random stranger I met in the shower! I would have played the 'I'm not gay!' card, but that would obviously not work, especially since it seemed like Simon was just trying to get me to say what he wanted to hear.
"I don't know what you want to hear from me, but I didn't do anything wrong! I just took a shower, until this fucking pervert came up behind me and tried some shit! I didn't ask him to do that! How could I have even done that without Thomas hearing it??" I asked, the anger very audible. When I glanced at the others, they all wore either concerned or even embarrassed masks. Just Wendy and...Kenneth for some reason, actually looked like they were worried about what had happened.
"But did you enjoy it? Did you silently wish for something like this to happen? Even if you haven't verbally asked Cameron to come over and do those unholy things, didn't that dirty and confused part of you, that believes to like the same sex, want this to happen and even liked it?" Simon asked as if he was a father, asking his child if he had broken that vase. Only that the vase was apart of the son, that didn't fucking concern the father!
"Are you seriously asking me that? He fucking covered my mouth and wouldn't stop when I tried to get away from him, how the fuck are you getting 'I loved that' from that?? Are you fucking insane??" I asked, yelling right at that stupid idiot, because I just about had it! Everybody seemed shocked, that I had raised my voice in front of Simon I guess, but that fucker said I enjoyed getting assaulted, so no fucking way would I let him sit on his high and mighty chair, looking down at me while doing so!
"Now Tommy, calm down, behave yourself we-"
"No! Fuck this! Fuck you! I don't want to sit here and listen to you saying this shit right to my face! I'm out of here!" I exclaimed, standing up abruptly and letting my chair slam to the ground while doing so. I walked over to the exit, where Stanley was already getting ready to stop me, but I just kept pacing ahead, until I came to a halt in front of him, glaring at him. "Are you going to move or do you want me to totally escalate?" I asked and Stanley didn't seem too impressed, but also like he wasn't really up for a physical fight with me.
"Stanley, would you let Tommy outside please, he needs a minute to find himself again. Watch him, would you?" Simon asked, as if he truly was the loving and kind priest, that healed young children from an awful disease that he too had survived. Ignorant fuck. Stanley clenched his jaw, but reluctantly opened the door, letting me rush outside.
Fuck all of this!
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Oh my Tommy....Next Update will be on Thursday!
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