"You are staying with him? Are you sure?" Junkyu with his flasterred face, he even spilled some of the coffee he was drinking.
I sighed. I don't know but I feel like I just really wanted to stay with him even only for awhile.
"It's a favor and the least thing I can do for him," I said biting my lips. After that night he just went upstairs and sleep. I woke up early to get my stuffs at home.
"Think carefully, Jeongwoo. You might end up hurting yourself or he might end up hurting you, we don't know," the though of him hurting me doesn't really bother me at all.
I packed few clothes for work because I still have some at the old house, I don't really need to pack much.
It's Sunday, usually it's my free and vacant time to catch up with myself and relax but today I need to clean the house and my room...
Haruto was already gone when I arrived, it's good too since I don't know how should I communicate with him. His eyes is intimidating... it changed.
I started cleaning and did the laundry, I also washed the dishes Haruto left, it looks like he didn't even finish the coffee he was drinking. I pouted, is he only drinking coffee and not eating a proper breakfast?
I was not supposed to enter his room but I just wanted to check if I need to clean it. I saw his luggage and an empty closet, he wasn't able to arrange his clothes yet so I thought it's no big deal to do it myself.
He brought a lot of clothes, maybe because he's a model and gets too picky. I smiled, base on his sense of fashion, he really changed a lot, he is really now the well known handsome model Watanabe Haruto, not the simple young giggly kid I knew. It's such a bittersweet thought.
I saw a picture of him and Zia kept in his tiny pocket. He was on his uniform and Zia was wearing a white dress, Haruto wasn't smiling but Zia's smile is wide and pretty, the way she clinged on Haruto's arms... they are really close. They knew each other before he became famous... I don't know why it's breaking my heart.
I put it back and tried to bury the image of them away.
I decided to cook Haruto a dinner. I think he's not really eating well, he is realy skinny...
I cooked a meat soup I learned from youtube.
It's exactly 8:00 in the evening when I finished cooking, I waited at the sofa and watched some netflix. I checked some emails and messages but Haruto is not yet home. It's already 12:00 AM...
I can't stop staring at the door when finally Haruto entered, he is drunk...
I run to him to catch him from falling off the floor when I felt him pushing me.
"Get off me, you disgust me." he said slapping my hand. I felt tears forming but I tried not to cry and let him see.
"Haruto... you're drunk," I said with my cracked voice. He laughed a little when he stared at me and slightly looked at the table.
I tried to help him stand but he pushed me again.
"I can handle myself, I asked you to stay but it doesn't mean a good thing. I'll just let you watch how I live my life now," his eyes is too sharp it is actually stabbing my heart. I was left there, watching him walking upstairs unstable of his steps.
I cried in silence and cleaned the table... I didn't know I am actually crying so hard that he might heard it from the upstairs.
I calmed myself and drank a glass of water when I heard the doorbell.
I was surprised to see Zia but relieved that there will be someone who'll look onto Haruto even though I am dying to do it myself.
"Where is he?" I can see a worried face, she's a bit frank and straightforward but I can see that their relationship is something I can't criticize.
"Inside his room. Uh... help him change and—
"You don't need to ask me to do that, I know what should I do, I'm doing it for years already," she said and walked past by me and went upstairs. I sighed.
"Haruto! Stop being stubborn now!" I heard Zia shouting. I sighed again knowing that they are probably cuddling or what, I should not care.
I don't know how I was able to sleep that night. I woke up and prepare for my class even though I am blank and feeling empty. I took a quick shower and ironed my white polo. My eyes is swollen but thankfully the foundation helped a bit to cover it up.
I can't even smile at myself in the mirror, after hearing that he disgusts me... it is haunting me.
I sighed and picked my sling bag, folded my coat and hang it on my arm.
Zia and Haruto are having their coffee at the mini table near the dining table where the soup I cooked was there, unmoved and cold.
Zia raised her brow at me, it seems like she's judging my soul with the way she stares at me. I avoided her gaze and went towards the sink and made myself a half hot coffee.
"Your eyes is swollen," Zia noticed. I saw Haruto quickly glanced at me. I think he's fine now.
"U-uh, it's because I was not getting enough sleep," I reasoned out. She rolled her eyes.
"That's a common excuse, the truth is... you cried because of Haruto."
"It's impossible for Jeongwoo to cry because of me. Right?" he smirked. For awhile I feel like I'm slowly melting, good thing someone called, it's unregistered but I still answered it.
"Jeongwoo!" a familiar high pitched voice shouted on the other line that I need to take my phone away from my ear which made Haruto and Zia looked at me again.
"Yuki?" I asked in disbelief and excitement.
"Yah! I'm back!" Yuki is a lawyer now, we parted ways when she needed to take the examination here in Korea when I was in America. Yuki and I became classmates in college in a well known university in U.S.A
"Really?" I can't hide my excitement that I really sounded like an excited kid for his lollipop. I've learned so much from Yuki... and I treasure her with all my heart.
"Yes! I missed you, Woo! Oh my God! I heard Haruto is back at Korea, did you meet him?" she asked. I avoided Haruto's gaze, he's staring too much.
"Uh, no. By the way, I missed you too, let's hang out later after my class?" I asked her to change the topic but I actually really wanted to see her.
"Bring me to your place! I want to eat your food, I missed it so bad!" she giggled.
"U-uh, we can eat in a restaurant, Ki. My place is a bit messy," I excused.
"You? Messy? Stop clowning me, you've never been a mess aside from a mess for Haruto, that's actually a different thing," she started teasing me.
"Okay, I'll hang up now. I'll call you later after my class,"
"Yah, Haruto will really make you shut up your mouth, huh, until now," I hang up before hearing more of it.
"Is it your girlfriend?" Zia asked.
"Uh... no." I responded.
"Hitting two birds with one stone, huh," Haruto said. He clasped his hands and stared at me. He probably didn't recognize it's Yuki, we're never been close since then though. I felt insulted but I tried not to talk back.
"I'll go ahead. Have a good day." I said.
My day went on, I succeed not spacing out at my classes. Yuki told me that she's at the lobby.
"Ki!" I called her. She smiled at me and run towards me for a hug. She looks elegant with her red cocktail dress, she's wearing a light make up like how I told her she's brighter with it.
"Oh my God, Woo! I missed you so much!" she cried still hugging me tight. I chuckled.
"I missed you too. Wow, you look good, huh." I teased her, she pretended to giggle.
"What me? You look fabulous! I am seeing a lot of articles about you. Famous professor eh?" she started teasing. I shrugged it off and she laughed.
She clinged on my arm as we walked on the way to the parking. She said she left her car so that we can ride on mine.
"How's America?" I asked her, starting the engine.
"Well, it's good. But I missed it here so I guess I'll be staying for good already," she giggled.
"Oh! That's good, Ki. I'll be having someone who'll treat me meals," I laughed. She rolled her eyes, stared at me for at least a minute.
"You really are a manly man now, Woo. I can't believe my eyes! How much more Haruto, huh?" she asked in curiousity.
"I'm not sure," I faked, he's extremely... more good looking, Ki.
We catched up in a restaurant but I never thought we'll end up going to the old house.
"Ki, it's getting late already, I'll take you home now," I tried insisting. She can't see Haruto, for sure she'll do something weird again.
"Why are you pushing me away, huh. Are you hiding something from me?" she looked at me with her eyes full of confusion.
"And I thought you're staying at an apartment, you didn't mention you moved back here,"
I lost my hope when she entered the gate determined to go inside.
"Ki..." I sound hopeless.
And it sucks that Haruto's inside, sitting on the sofa with the remote on his hand. He raised a brow.
"Oh my God, is that Haruto..." Yuki whispered at me. I scratched my head and nodded.
"You're staying together? Are you back together?"
"n-no"
"never," the cold wind blew, Yuki dropped her jaw and I think I dropped mine as well. He looked at her with an intent eyes and smirked.
"So, you're back, noona," he sounds sarcastic.
"I never thought you'll start dating him,"
"Yah, Haruto! You sound jealous, now," she started the fire, she's really going to drain Haruto.
"What now if I'm seeing Jeongwoo? He's a good catch, a pretty one. And you said never that you'll be back together," she crossed her arms walking around and seated beside Haruto.
"This is the reason why you can't let me go here, Woo?" Yuki asked.
"Are you hiding him?"
Haruto stared at me. He looks tired, he's probably worked up from the photoshoot.
"It's fine. I won't even be proud to tell anyone that I'm staying with a disgusting man," again, it stabbed my heart multiple times. I faked a smile.
"Excuse me." He said taking the exit outside the house. Yuki stared at me with a gloomy eyes, she understands where is Haruto coming and I do understand more. That word is not enough to define me.
Yuki left after that, she apologized for insisting to come but it wasn't her fault at all, Haruto will say it weather she's there or not.
I messed up with my hair and cry out all the frustrations inside. He let me stay... to torture me.
It's 1:00 AM in the midnight when I heard my door clicked. A drunk Haruto went inside. I turned on the lights just to see him crying.
"Haruto..." I stood up from my bed and walked towards him, not minding the thought that he will push me again.
"I hate you," I heard him say, kneeling on the floor he sobbed hard that it brought me to tears. I've never seen him like this before... I never seen him like this even that time I threw him away.
"Just... hate me, Haruto. I will accept it. I understand," I cried hugging him. It breaks my heart to see him like this.
"Why? Why... Why did you do that to me? I hate you so bad. I disgust you. I hate the thought that I loved you and I still love you. You... don't deserve it. But what the fuck is wrong with my heart?! What the fuck. Why is it always you?"
I started crying again, harder. He looked at me with those sad and gloomy eyes behind those cold and emotionless gaze... he is extremely sad.
"Why do you need to do that to me?" he cried, pulling my shirt as he buried his face on my chest.
I gulped... I'm not ready to tell him. Not now that he's drunk...
"Haruto, take a rest. Let's sleep for now..." I told him. He is really drunk.
I tried to guide him walk towards my bed. He immediately lay down and closed his eyes.
I sighed. I can't sleep with him.
"Sleep with me." I heard him say. I gulped harder.
"U-uh..." looking for the right words to say, he pulled me and I fell on his arms interlocking me on it. I feel like I forgot how to breath.
"Don't go anywhere..." he whispered. I blinked and tears fell down my eyes.
"I won't let you go anymore," his baritone voice echoed in my ear, I felt his lips on my head as he tightened the hug. I was hesitant but I held his arms embracing me and dozed up to sleep.