Maddie's POV
I jolted awake, paralyzed by the nightmares. Paralyzed by the fact my nightmares were reality. I was fighting against the reigns of my thoughts, struggling to steer them away from the darkness clogging my pores from seeing the morning sun, but they had too tight of a grip. I forced myself out of bed, admitting defeat to the woes and darkness following me down the dimly lit hall.
"Good morning love," Liz pats me on the back as I slug into the kitchen. "Perk up, it is a beautiful day out," she attempts to earn a smile from me, I give her one out of habit. When forced smiles become natural, that is when you admit defeat. I reject her offer for breakfast, avoiding her weary gaze.
I give in eventually, sitting down with a cup of orange juice to relieve her of her worries. I didn't want my everlasting problems to become a burden. My presence enough was a burden.
Just as I let out a soft sigh, slouching back onto the seat as I let myself fall into a partial state of relaxation, a sleepy Luke walks into the kitchen shattering my attempts. His hair was strewn out of place and plastered across his forehead from the sweat of his sleep as if he had been tossing snd turning through the night, his sweatpants hung low against his bare chest, hands rubbing his eyes before they fluttered open bringing to life the dangerous blue incursions ready to swallow me whole. I forced myself to look away, the orange juice suddenly hot poison against my throat, his presence searing into the scar tissue around my heart.
He doesn't acknowledge me. Not that I expected him to. Luke ignored Liz's good morning, grabbing a box of cereal and a bowl, and sitting as far from me as possible. I can see his chest rising and falling to the rhythm of his uneasy breathing. His hand clenched around his spoon, staring at his bowl with a sense of emptiness.
"You might want milk before you eat that," I said curtly, sliding the pint to him. "But you might believe something else these days."
With that I push myself from the table, ignoring the fact I completely embarrassed myself with a sucky attempt at being rude to Luke. I hastily get changed into a t-shirt and shorts, slip on my converse, and throw my hair up to get out of this house as fast as I can. The fresh air pushes away my clenched throat, the sun melts away my broken expression, and the empty roads give me a sense of relief. Relief that there is no one around to break me, and no one around for me to break. The two halves of life; breaking and being broken.
I walk to the only place I know how to get to from here.
-
I walk across the street, entering the park, or as Ashton refers to it 'the sanctuary'. Children ran through the open spaces, the empty fields transforming into the land their imagination creates before their eyes. People sit under the trees, getting lost in the shadows, or perhaps hiding from their own. Walking over to the soccer fields, someone spots me from afar.
"Maddie!" Lauren shouts, waving to me from the stands. I wave, walking over. She taps a curly haired man-boy sitting next to her, pointing towards me.
"Madds?" Ashton grins, sliding over to make room for me. I lean into him, his arm immediately taking home slouched around my shoulders. I rest my head on him, a real smile emerging as I feel the relief of my troubles slowly fading.
In the midst of the chaos, in the midst of my woes, he is the one constant. He is the bird who sings in the rain, he is the star that shines through the misty night, he is the flower that grows in the cracks of the road, he is the hand that holds me when I forget I can move.
"Harry is playing in the game today, look," he points to the little curly haired boy on the field. "He will be so happy when he sees you here." Ashton squeezes my sides, resting his cheek against my head.
"I don't know how long I'm staying," I can't help but smile as one of Ashton's sloppy curls tickles my forehead.
"What brings you here anyway?" Ash rubs his thumb against the back of my hand.
I shift uncomfortably, my body slouching as the worries that had easily escaped me ran back. Ashton pulls away, looking at me worriedly.
"Madds, what's wrong?" He grabs both of my hands, forcing me to look at him.
"It's nothing, Luke and I got into a fight," I trail off.
"What else is new," Ashton grumbles under his breath, an almost angry look on his face. I can feel his body tense up. His eyes flicker to the ground, thinking hard, before looking back up. "What happened this time?"
"Luke doesn't believe me that Max isn't his son," I roll my eyes.
"Wait, what?" Ashton raises his eyebrows, confused.
"I told Luke that Max wasn't his kid and he wouldn't believe me!" I say frustratedly.
"How do you know that is even true?" Ashton slips his hands out of mine.
"Cole hinted at it pretty hard," I laugh coldly at this simple truth.
"Yeah, but did he ever actually tell you?" Ashton looks away from me.
I gape, stomping my foot in frustration as I stare at another face disbelieving me. I look to Lauren for support, but her raised eyebrows mock Ashton's pity for me. Pity for the girl who has lost her mind.
"No one believes me," I groan, grabbing my hair by the roots and standing up. I was on my own, there was no escaping the faulty system of mistrust.
"I never said that!" Ashton shouts after me, standing up but not following after me as I storm down the bleachers, "Madds!"
I ignore him, done with everyone.
I was insane perhaps. In my head I was screaming the truth, pleading, begging, for someone to grab my shoulders and shake me awake. Waiting for someone who was on my side. The truth can so easily be lost in a web of lies, it can be plastered and contorted with wrong perceptions, with the interference of evils.
But then again, sometimes the people we thought were evil end up being the good guys. Sometimes the good guys, the prince charmings, were just villains in disguise. Basically we lived in one cold-hearted, twisted world.
A sharp hit against my shoulder blade forced me away from my thoughts. A hand caught me from stumbling off the last step of the bleacher.
"Always bumping into me, I'm starting to think its on purpose," Cole smirks, lowering me onto the grass.
"As if," I roll my eyes, twisting out of his grip.
"Ouch," he clutches his chest with a slick grin. I ignore him, starting to walk away, but stop in the midst of my tracks. If everyone thinks I'm the villain, maybe I need help from the villain himself.
"Wait," I turn around, Cole was leaning up against a tree looking down at me with a teasing smirk.
"You always come back," he pushes himself up, walking dauntingly close. "Finally know what you need?"
"I need your help," I cross my arms as a barrier to keep his body away from mine.
Cole chuckles, eyes running down my body, "Need help getting your mind off of Hemmings? That is my specialty."
"No, this is serious."
"Your need for me is serious, I know," Cole whispers.
I lose my patience, enough of this. "Is Aliesha's baby your son? Is Max yours?"
Cole freezes, taking a step away from me, his usual sparkling eyes hardening around the edges, his flirty smile becoming a straight line. "H-how do you know about Max?"
"Doesn't everyone?" I watch as he slowly backs away, his arms crossing against the tree for support.
"No. No one does." He snarls, eyes cast to the roots. "We tell everyone Aliesha's mom adopted him. No one knows. How the hell do you?" His voices unsteadily rises. A mom gives him a hard glare.
"Maybe because Luke has been over there everyday for the past week taking care of his son." I put air quotes around the word son, flinching as the sentence left my lips.
"What did you just say?" Cole jaw clenched, fingers curling into a fist. His eyes were glazed with a certain darkness, the darkness I had awoken with. The darkness slowly taking over him, slowly clogging his uttermost being.
I could feel the stares of families set on us, the mothers shaking their heads, the children watching as if this was some sick drama. I grab Cole's arm, pulling him away from 'the sanctuary' and into the streets of the town. He switches my grip, now pulling me behind a building. He sat down on the grey brick step of a store back. Cole runs a shaking hand through his hair.
He takes a deep breath, his hands gripping his temples. "So you are telling me that your boyfriend thinks my Max is his son?"
"It's not his fault," I coldly defend Luke. Cole shoots a glare at me. "So Max is your son then?"
"Yeah." Cole runs his fingers against the hardened outline of his mouth. "I was there when he was born. I was there when he learned to walk. I've always been there. Just the shadow of a father, but they treat me like I am some battered down disease that needs to be hidden." He frowns, his cold eyes have a glistened hint of betrayal.
Cole stands up, his hands folded behind his head. "Listen, I know I am one messed up guy, you don't know half the crap I've been through, but I can tell you one thing," he pauses, looking at me for the first time since the start of the conversation, "I may be a sucky person but I am a damn good father. Max is the only part of me I am proud of. He is the only good part of me."
I was looking into the face of a broken man, and I suddenly felt sorry for him. He was broken, he was alone. Behind every darkened person is a chilling past, a lonely seat in a crowded room, an infinity of cloudy skies, abandoned roads, and cold hands that have nothing to grab onto.
"So what do we do?" I whisper.
"We tell Luke it's not his kid!" Cole snarls, stuffing his hands in his jacket.
"He isn't going to believe us."
"That's why we aren't going to be the ones that tell him."
Cole flicked his head, beckoning for me to follow him. We walk down a few streets before coming to a halt in front of a black car.
"Get in."
-
We pull into an empty driveway, the engine cutting off with a hiss.
"Why are we here?" I stare up at Aliesha's house.
"I have a bone to pick with her before I lash out on your boyfriend." Cole takes off his jacket, throwing it into the back.
"No one is even home," I stare at the empty yard.
"Trust me, she is." Cole looks at my uneasy and confused demeanor. "Luke isn't going to listen to us, she has to be the one to tell him."
I just laugh. "Good luck with that." Cole ignores my doubts and gets out of the car. I quickly follow behind him. He doesn't bother to knock, storming into the house uninvited.
"Aliesha!" He shouts, waiting for me to stumble in behind him before he slams the door and walks into the living room.
"Cole what the hell?" Aliesha walks out of the kitchen. "Max just went down for his nap." She wipes her hands, her eyes squinting in disgust when she notices me. "What is she doing here?"
Cole rolls his eyes. "The real question is, why isn't Luke here on daddy duty?"
"What?" Aliesha glares at us.
"Don't play stupid with me," Cole grits through his clenched jaw. "Why did you tell him Max is his son?"
"Because he is," she smirks, taunting Cole.
"Do you think this is some sort of sick joke?" Cole clenches his fists, beads of held back anger forming on his forehead.
"Why do you care? We aren't dating." She rolls her eyes, flicking her hair behind her back. The movement reminded me of another girl, suddenly realizing what Aliesha was after.
"I care because I don't want my son calling some other guy his father. Why did you do it?" Cole seethes. He was trying to hold onto the one thing he could proudly claim as his.
We all have chips and cracks, but there is always one thing that hold us together despite that.
"Why wouldn't I do it?" Aliesha smirks. "Luke has his life together. His band is on its way to fame."
"So you want his money?" Cole spat. "That is low even for you."
Aliesha rolls her eyes. "What are you going to do? Tell him? He won't believe you."
"That is why you are going to tell him." Cole picks up the phone and dials, throwing Aliesha the phone. "Tell him to come over."
Aliesha frowns, throwing the phone to me. I almost drop it, Luke's voice coming through the speaker.
"Hello?" I stutter.
"Maddie? What are you doing at Aliesha's?" He sounds more angry than surprised.
"Um-"
"Tell him," Cole groans impatiently.
"Is that Cole? What are you doing with him?" Luke seethes.
I felt a surge of my own anger rush through me. He couldn't just push me away and then all the sudden need to know what I was doing. This is how he wanted it, separate, right?
"Yeah I'm with Cole. If you actually care what we are doing you can come and find out yourself." I can feel the attitude roll off my tongue.
"Why are you there? Is Aliesha there too?" Luke's voice shook in aggravation.
"I don't know, you are the one who always seems to know where she is. Figure it out yourself." With that I hang up, throwing Cole the phone back.
"That was harsh," Cole puts the phone away. I glare at him. He turns to Aliesha. "You have to tell him."
She frowns, plopping down onto the couch. "You can't make me."
"You know that isn't true," Cole laughs at her. "Don't test me."
Aliesha rolls her eyes. "I was only going to go with it for a little longer. You were never going to be out of the picture."
"Why would you want to be with him again anyway? There was a reason you came to me in the first place." Cole smirks.
"It was too easy," Aliesha shrugs.
She had a point. The realest love is the love you have to fight for. The more troubles you fight through, the more you prove to yourself it is the type of love worth the pain because in the end pain is nothing when you have each other.
But love could also be a drug. The deepest type of hallucinogen. Despite the known fact it is slowly deteriorating you, despite the fact it is slowly killing you, you shakily fight for more, out of feverish want and need. The skin to skin cure for the cold disease of reality. You scrape for more, ignoring your fading heartbeat, until it sucks your last breath away.
I don't know what kind of love I had.
A heavy knock on the door made the three of us exchange anxious glances. Cole was the only to rise, opening the door with a fit of rage. Luke looked at him with anxious fear.
"Come in," Cole bit his tongue. Luke unsurely entered the house, his eyes widening at the sight of Aliesha and me in the living room.
Cole takes a seat on the couch, leaving Luke to awkwardly stand by himself. I felt bad for him, but I forced myself to ignore the feeling. Cole nudges Aliesha. She opens her mouth, but no words come out.
Cole and I exchange glances, both knowing she wasn't going to crack. Cole's eyes dart to the hallway and then back to me. I give him a questioning stare. He moves his lips ever so slightly, 'Max'.
I look at the other two, oblivious to our silent exchange.
"Listen, Luke," Cole begins, "I think there has been some confusion..."
I don't stick around to hear the rest of Cole's attempt at telling Luke. I walk down the hallway, stopping at a little blue nursery. By the shouts coming from the living room, I can only imagine that Cole's attempt failed.
I walk over to the crib, little Max sitting up in his crib, his curls strewn, his eyes widening at the sound of the yelling, his bottom lip puckering slightly.
"Ssh, come here, its okay," I whisper, lifting him from the crib and rubbing his back. He rests his head against my chest as I sway him. Within a few minutes I have him giggling and running around in his room. "Want to go see daddy?" I kneel down. Max nods, grabbing my hand and we run down the hall.
The yelling stops when Max and I enter the room. Cole's face softens. Luke looks panic stricken and full of worry. Aliesha had tears threatening her eyes. I can only imagine the words exchanged while I was gone.
"Go ahead Max," I whisper.
"Dadda!" He squeels and giggles, running past Luke to Cole. Max wiggles his fingers up at Cole until he scoops him up. Cole smiles, giving him a tickle and swaying him in his arms.
"Hi bud," Cole laughs. Aliesha frowns, looking to the ground. A look of realization crosses Luke's face.
"I'm so sorry," Luke croaks.
"It's not your fault man," Cole gives Luke a sympathetic look. He walks over, setting Max down for a minute and clapping Luke on the back. "You will make a great father one day with someone who deserves a nice guy like you." Cole holds Luke's shoulder, shaking his hand. Luke just stares up at him. "I'm sorry about all this."
Aliesha looks up, "Luke-" she begins, but this time I cut her off.
"Save it," I walk over, Luke's broken eyes finding mine. "Just leave him alone, okay?"
Aliesha nods, ashamed perhaps.
"Maddie I'm-" Luke's voice quivers.
"It's okay, let's just go." I whisper.
Luke bows his head, the two of us walking to the door.
"Bye Loo!" Max giggles from behind us.
Luke turns around, waving one last time, "Bye Max."
Oh my god sorry I like disappeared off the face of the Earth. HOPE YOU HAD A MERRY CHRISTMAS. IM SORRY.
So to make it up to you I am going to do a bonus chapter, so comment what scene you want to see. It can be anything that has already happened, or anything in the past (a scene in a different pov or a flashback or really anything) in the story from any pov. I will pick my favorite or whichever seems the most popular. Go crazy.
-Maddie