★ not edited [point out any clerical errors if you see 'em!] ★
"WH-WHAT?"
FRANK STOPPED his hips immediately as Gerard stared at him, his eyes wide as he looked up at Frank's now fucking petrified ones.
Gerard pushed Frank back, signalling Frank to pull out which he did as quick as he humanly could. Gerard sat up, his eyes still wide as he kept his stare on Frank, who honestly didn't fucking know what he was supposed to be doing.
"You- You love me?"
"I-I," Frank was having a mental breakdown as he looked around the room, his mouth open as he just choked out incoherent sounds, "Um,"
Gerard looked at a loss for words, "Frank...-"
"'M sorry I... I didn't..." Frank cleared his throat, "Can we just go from where we left off? F-Forget I said anything?"
Gerard stared at him before slowly shaking his head, "No, Frank, no of course we can't— continue where we left off you just said you loved me,"
"But I didn't—"
"You didn't what?" Gerard asked quietly, both of them now practically a feet apart and sat parallel to each other.
"... Did you- did you not mean it?" Gerard's eyes glossed over as he spoke, his frown making Frank swallow thickly, the feeling of roots squeezing his heart unbearable.
"Gerard..." Frank prolonged the letters, trying to think of something to say- anything- because it seemed like there wasn't any fucking way out of this. He... Maybe he did love Gerard. But with the way Gerard was acting it didn't seem like he wanted to hear that from Frank at all- hell, Frank wasn't even a hundred-percent sure if he had meant it.
He just knew once he had said the words everything seemed to click into place for him. Everything seemed... right.
But that didn't matter— because Gerard hadn't said it back, so now Frank had either admitted his unidentifiable feelings to Gerard, which he didn't even fully understand himself, or he risked coming off like the biggest asshole known to man by saying he didn't mean to say what he did. Which loosely translated to... he didn't love Gerard.
They were both terrible options, but the way Gerard was staring at him made him more scared than he had been in a while. It seemed like Gerard didn't want to hear Frank's answer to it anyway, because Frank was only getting the feeling that maybe Gerard didn't love him.
"Um, no," Frank whispered despite himself, his chest aching in gut-wrenching pain as he watched Gerard's face shift into something he didn't think he'd ever seen before. "I mean- y-yes... maybe?"
"You don't know?" Gerard asked quietly, his eyes confused but above all hurt. "What- is that your fucking go to response when you're not enjoying sex or something—"
Frank swallowed as he shook his head quickly, "No, of course it isn't. I mean, maybe? I don't-"
"Are you fucking serious?" Gerard asked in a heavy scoff, and Frank watched in a haze as Gerard broke their prolonged eye contact.
"I can't fucking believe you sometimes, Frank." Gerard mumbled, his voice laced with emotion as he turned away from Frank fully, "It's like every time we finally get somewhere- you have to tell me you love me while we're fucking and then turn around and tell me you don't mean it at all-"
"I never said I didn't mean it," Frank's eyebrows furrowed, "Granted my timing was a bit off but I—"
"So you do love me then?"
Frank was quiet as he looked around the room, "... Do you?"
Gerard scoffed, "We're not playing the fucking shadow game, Frank."
Frank sighed as he thought back to the feeling he had gotten when he finally said the words.
"Um... 'think so." Frank muttered, making Gerard let out a small breath. He turned his head to face Frank's with a raised eyebrow.
"You think so?"
"What do you want from me?" Frank asked breathlessly, "I-I don't know, alright? Is that so bad?"
"Frank, I'm not an expert or anything but aren't you meant to be certain about these things before you moan them during sex? I mean I've said some weird shit before but Jesus Christ- do you know how hurtful it is to have someone tell you they love you and then admit they aren't even fucking sure they do?" Gerard asked, rubbing his forearm absently as Frank watched him with a sigh.
"Well, you don't see me upset over the fact that you didn't respond back with an 'I love you.'" Frank muttered.
Gerard let out a loud laugh, "Well I didn't fucking say it during sex now did I? What even- what even made you say that? If you're not even sure you love me why would you-"
"I-I don't know!" Frank exclaimed out of irritation, "I-I don't know... it was just a feeling... and then you were just there and then I said it and this warm feeling came and I—"
"Frank,"
"No- now we're mad at each other again and this is becoming fucking ridiculous because all I want is to just be with you but I can't even-"
"Frank, fucking shut up," Gerard said, making Frank's eyes flicker to his.
"I... I'm not mad at you, okay? I'm just confused, and unfortunately still very hard, so I just really want to make sure when I ask you this, alright?" Frank nodded at his words. "Do you love me?"
Frank stared at him for a moment, and it was like this neurological brain freeze took place because seconds later he was forcing his neck to move in a nod. "Y-Yeah... um, I think— I... do."
Gerard stared at him silently.
Frank swallowed, "Do you.. Do you love me too?"
Gerard looked down at his hands again before he let out a small breath.
"I... I really like you, Frank. I-I do- but we haven't been dating all that long and we're still getting used to each other." Gerard mumbled softly, "... Saying 'I love you' is a big step for me, Frankie. It's- It's been a while since I've even wanted to date anyone and—"
Frank felt his chest light on fire as he watched Gerard's eyebrows furrow, "It's okay, Gerard."
Gerard looked up at him, "No, I- it's clearly not because now you're hurt that I can't just—"
"I'm not hurt," Frank answered gently, moving closer to Gerard to wrap his arms around his waist, "I understand what you mean, okay? I know this is rushed... but I don't,"
Frank swallowed again, "I don't feel like I have a lot of time left before I fuck this up like I always do... and I really don't want to waste my shot with you, alright?"
Gerard stared at him silently before slowly wrapping his own arms around Frank and pulling him into an embrace. "You're not going to fuck anything up, Frank. Not majorly at least."
Frank chuckled dryly, "You can't say that- you know how I—"
"I know how much you're trying, okay? And I know we argue a lot but... knowing that you're trying is enough for me." Gerard responded into his neck, making Frank hold him tighter, placing a small kiss to the side of his head.
And for almost a split second Frank forgot about his still somehow prominent erection. And he forgot about Gerard's too it seemed.
He blushed slightly when they accidentally brushed against each other, Frank knowing their hug was meant to extend beyond their physical desires for one another. Though that definitely didn't fucking mean he wasn't hard, and quite frankly, in pain from his long he'd been putting off thinking about it.
Eventually Gerard pulled back to look at Frank softly, a small smile across his face. "That was... not how I planned on this date ending to be honest."
Frank cleared his throat awkwardly, "It uh, technically doesn't have to end like that."
Gerard raised an eyebrow, his smile still very persistent. "What? You wanna play Monopoly now or something?" He teased.
Frank rolled his eyes and kissed his lips quickly, "Unless Monopoly involves my dick in your ass then no."
"How romantic." Gerard laughed, twirling around some of Frank's short hair.
Frank nodded and pressed his face back against Gerard's collarbones, nipping at them between his words. "You still feel like having se—"
"Mhm," Gerard let out a small moan, "Just please don't pull out again midway."
"You fucking asked me to do that—"
Gerard laughed quietly and lifted Frank's head up so he could kiss him, "I did... 'n thanks for um, doing that when I basically forced you to."
Frank smiled weakly, "You don't have to thank me for that. I mean, I do know what classifies as assault- I'm sort of obligated to know that since I'm in law enf—"
"Okay, if this is your idea of dirty talk it's not working." Gerard giggled, pulling Frank over him as he laid down on the mattress again.
Frank raised an eyebrow, "You want me to talk dirty?"
Gerard nodded with a shaky noise, "I wanted this to be romantic not a fucking vanilla milkshake, dumbass."
Frank smiled and kissed down Gerard's neck again out of habit. He didn't know what it was about Gerard's soft skin but he honestly could nip and kiss at it for fucking hours, and it would still give him the same erotic feeling.
Frank positioned himself against Gerard again, "Ready?"
"Yeah," Gerard breathed, "And please, Frankie. Don't be so gentle, okay? I'll tell you if I want you to stop."
Frank nodded. He kissed him again quickly before sliding in, letting out a soft groan.
And although for Gerard it seemed like the conversation had passed and they had moved on from it... Frank really did think he loved him.
✩ ✩
"Did you guys- did you guys fuck on my bed?"
Frank's breath hitched from the living room, Bob's voice echoing across the apartment from his bedroom.
Frank slowly closed his Stephan King novel.
"Uh, no?"
Bob let out a loud groan, "Fuck you guys. You have a bed for a reason, asshole. God, that's fucking nasty—"
Frank smiled slightly, "Just wash the sheets, Bryar. Don't be such a drama queen."
"Oh, I know you didn't just call me a drama queen, Iero." Bob said in disbelief, making Frank swallow down his small chuckle.
"We have a washing machine for a reason, asshole." Frank mocked in Bob's voice, making a loud groan leave the blonde man.
"Suck a dick."
"Already did." Frank lied, revelling in Bob's loud and disgusted noise.
//—//
this was very sloppily written so if something doesn't make sense.. i'm sorry