Hair of midnight black and a perfect pair of eyes to match beneath the framing of graceful brows, his skin was as tan as the workers' from the orchards, but his hands of jewels were so obviously not used for plucking nor trade. He had prominent cheekbones and a well-defined chin and nose.
"Does he know about me?" I nod my head up the hallway and to the painting of Prince Dayvis which hung along the far-side of the wall, but even in this distance, his frozen eyes haunt me with a disparity of flooding nerves that await his return to a home where his sister isn't who he remembers her to be.
Ruby follows my gaze and rolls her eyes as we walk further down the halls and closer to the painting, on our casual stroll. "Yes, he's aware."
I stop before the picture and she mimics my frame as I wrap my arms around my back and hold onto my wrists tightly; A stance I had quickly picked up from her.
My words are hesitated as my throat feels incredibly dry beneath his pastel stare. I had been given nightmares in the form of daydreams the moment the King had spoken of the Prince's arrival.
I gaped openly as I observed his sharp jaw, chin, and cheekbones. Much like my stance now, his long hands were twined behind his back as he stood somewhat to the side, bathed in riches of expensive clothes and gloves which he had even worn thick rings of gems above to prove his worthy, despite the crown above his head.
His smirk was pensive in creating a sharp shiver down my spine, even though it was only a painting, but that only made me wonder how unnerving the real one could be.
I let out a shaky sigh.
"... Is he?" I speak lowly, "... Okay with my presence in the meanwhile – You know, before they find his sister?" My formal language has to improve before tomorrow, when the Prince will arrive and the King will throw a banquet much like the one for Kylo Ren, to celebrate his return – But all I can focus on lately is how to avoid Kylo as much as possible and not lodge the butterknife, which I had stolen and hid in the case of my pillow, into the soft flesh of his neck as he sleeps beside me every-night.
Bile rises in my throat when I think back to last night, when he held me close to his chest tightly, no remorse in the heartbeat which I was pressed against as I tried to cling onto the sheets to claw away.
Forget the daydreams of fears, my life was the nightmare.
Ruby hums, "Honestly, who knows." She says flatly, and in moments like this, I am reminded of how uncaring she can truely be, "Prince Dayvis is a troubled boy, with no reason to be so. He's unpredictable..."
The bile which already sat in my throat, almost turned to acid.
I wanted to look away from his frozen stare, but instead I stepped closer. Unwrapping my hands from one another, I raised a solemn finger and ran it across the canvass. The brush strokes were tiny and controlled, as if the painter was trying to tell me in the dull paint that the sociopathic smirk was just as true as the muse.
"Unpredictable?" I question, dropping my hand and turning to Ruby, who, unbelievably, had become the only person who I am most close to in this Kingdom, no matter how cold she is and despite how much I actually disliked her, which was as much as she hated me.
Ruby tuts and cocks her head to the side, signalling we should keep walking, which I follow shortly. "Lets just say..." She drags her words as the heels of her boots click down the halls, "– Prince Dayvis would have been a better pairing to Kylo Ren than the Princess... Or in this case, you."
I gulp down all my acid and let it swirl nervously in my stomach.
Giving into the temptation which is now always here, I curl my fingers into my palms – A habit I used to fight when I was a child and stuck in a fearful, adults world of war; I grew out of it though, because Anwar would always tell me off, or intertwine his big, boney hand into mine to stop the blood from drawing. But without him, and with no warm hand holding my own, the habit had grown back as strong as the fear had returned also.
The halls are dressed in stone and deep red velvets which are as dark as the hardwood floors are. The whole building sends a chill down my spine and reminds me just how my life had become something so unrealistic in this real nightmare. I do not want to be here, that's all that circles my mind as we circle the palace, and all I am waiting for, every-time I blink, is to wake up from this place and return to the dull life I once lived sorrowfully with my grimy hands and my empty stomach – The life that the Universe had decided for me.
But unfortunately, it is also the Universe's fault I'm here, by giving me a vessel to live in which resembled another's who lived a life, so strikingly different to my own.
Who ever had built this Kingdom from lonesome stone until it had built a castle structure, must have lived in a depressive world as I did, either that or it was created by someone obsessed by grey and dark, rich tones, as even the curtains and painted windows, provided me the overall impression of drabness. I longed to paint the doors rainbow with my smeared hands of smushed fruits from the orchard, but soon enough, dark hardwood soon turns to light stone and laughter bounces all along the courtyards from the palace people, who joined the songbirds and rustling trees with their conversations and footsteps, as Ruby and I, walked side-by-side only in silence.
All the plants which lined the stones seem to reach up for the sunlight, feeling trapped in their beautiful pots and seeking true freedom as much as I do as butterflies flit in-between them and I.
A breath of air brushes my ear and I follow the breeze and watch one, blue butterfly sway in the summer heat and flutter away into the distance. It's wings curtaining a hue of beauty in my nightmare as it flickers its colours over to the man of darkness, who stood in the distance with a short smile on his face.
Kylo Ren – The monster in my dream.
He had wolfish amber eyes that shun in the glaze of brown like limpid pools of gold that adorned his exceptionally pale face. With long dark hair that hovered above his shoulders like a fountain of molten obsidian and a prominent nose, Kylo Ren wasn't anything extraordinary or remarkable in his features, and yet, as my vision morphed from the bright butterfly and focussed onto him like the twist of a lens, I felt somehow, magically drawn to those serious and silent features, that whispered power and abuse in the tension, until those lips drew into a smile which lied about something else.
Though, I had made a new habit alongside the cuts in my palms, which included, always avoiding his gaze, I couldn't help but linger my eyes upon him as he waved me over with those two, leathered fingers.
I broke the stare, only to look over to Ruby, who was already somewhat, retreating away after giving me a simple nod, which basically confirmed that I was on my own. I sigh. Ruby was an intimidating person, with her high shoulders, straight spine, harsh words and tilted chin, but she sure did not like to mess with anyone who could be a contender.
My frazzled nerves jumped all together, and in different directions all around him as I trudged over, much like the hundreds of butterflies which seemed to now follow the blue one from before – Gods, I would much rather be one of them instead. I might have only been a moth in the pack, but never-less, I could still fly away.
"Princess," He breathes, leaning against the stone pillar beside him as he looks me up and down, "As beautiful as ever." He adds, but I don't give into the compliment, instead, I only narrow my eyes and cock my head towards my shoulder.
"What do you want?" I deadpan.
Kylo's eyes turn dark in the late sunshine and his smile threatens to turn into a scowl and as the fright begins to tighten in my chest, I notice a pair of StormTroopers walk by, reminding me that even if he was going to use those tightened fists to hurt me, he surely couldn't do it here, out in the open. He may be Kylo Ren, but this is Jorkhan's Kingdom, and I am supposably, the Princess – But as the StormTroopers passed, I wondered if they would have even interjected if Kylo did anything, for they were apart of The First Order originally, and Kylo would one day, be their Supreme Leader.
But punches never came and neither did the smack of harsh words, "I wanted to spend some time with you." He simply said and my eyes only slanted further in question and disbelief.
I can still feel the fear in my chest waiting to take over. Perhaps, it only wants to protect me but its presence is almost as overwhelming as his as it sits there like an angry flood propelling me towards an anxiety that I just don't need as I look to his danger. I swallow the lump of false acid in my throat, but its aftertaste lingers on the edge of my tongue.
"Oh, yeah?" I sneer towards him, curling my fingers into my palms once more, "Is your training buddy too beaten to play today? Huh – Is that what you want? Someone else to smack around?"
Kylo Ren glanced over to my twisted mouth that snapped at him, the corners of his own lips fighting a smile, as his eyebrows slightly raised. I looked away before that mischievous look of his spread, and I could have walked away had it not been for the smirk that rose after. That little rise in the corner of his mouth, combined with the shrug of his broad shoulders, proved he was truely savouring my disgruntled features as he tried to not laugh as he said,
"Sadly, no – That's not why I wanted to spend time with you." His deep voice, tried to fight the chuckle that eventually followed, "I wanted to see if you would accompany me to the stables once more."
My heart swelled at the mention of the stables and one of my heartstrings were tug upon as if they were tied to the comforting reminder of Anwar and his horses. But I only tried to silence my harmonic strings, to fight back once more. Even if he was showing sudden kindness, I still couldn't forget his cruelty.
"Did you forget what happened the last time we were at the stables?" I question, still standing my ignorant ground, "You slapped me to the floor."
Kylo bites at the corner of his mouth and flickers his eyes to the sky and then back onto me, "Maybe, we could pretend that didn't happen?" He smiles and I scoff. "Come on, Princess, I can clearly sense the desire within you to go to the stables... Why don't we just start all over?"
My heartstrings shrieked. He can sense my feelings?!
Feeling conflicted, I wanted to prove to him my unwillingness to accompany him, but at the same time, all I longed for was to get as far away from these stone walls and see the horses once more – Using them as a distraction. Maybe, if I closed my eyes for a short moment at the stables, and Kylo Ren could just be quiet, I could pretend for a split second, that I was back at the orchard, with Anwar by my side?
I chewed at the inside of my cheek, almost mimicking the flash of white that bit at his own lips. Rolling my eyes, I groan and ignore the distaste in my mouth as I mutter, "I'm only going because I want to see the horses, not because I want to be with you."
In his arrogant triumph, his smirk only grew, and he tilted his head back in a notion of victory. It was so subtle, but it was even more infuriating to me, who caught the glimpse of it. I continued,
"But!" I snapped, raising a pointed finger below his tilted chin, "I will not just simply forget all that you have done to me, and we shall never start all over."
The air is sweet and the weather is fine as the suns peak behind the fluffy, white clouds, awaiting for the next hour, where they will finally start to fall down into the horizon for slumber. There are birds in the sky, as many as there are butterflies and the short grass is the greenest colour I have ever seen, as it was cut short but still swashed below our feet as we walked in silence. I should be running as fast as I can away from the man beside me, but right now, I just want to smell the spring flowers and run my hands over the manes of the horses ahead. There's something about being outside that evaporates my fear, maybe the fresh air scent reminds me the freedom which is just in reach but never obtainable, I'm not sure – But my body has already begun to relax, until his gloved hand brushes mine shortly.
I snap my hands tightly to my thighs, ignoring it as I only watched him and all of his darkness, through my peripherals.
When I see the stables, tucked away by the edge of the palace, I only flick my gaze to the spot where Kylo had smacked me down to, and then back onto the three horses who nibbled at the longer grass behind the wooden fence, where small signs order people to not scale the fence or feed the animals.
My footing slows and so does my heartbeat. It's painful to my soul when I look over to the long barn that sat beside it, resembling a richer, nicer version of the one Anwar worked in, but still, it caused a tiny flicker of fire to burn in the midst of dying embers that dusted my caged heart.
My hands cling onto the wooden fence around the paddock and I take my time to flutter my eyes shut and just take in the familiar senses around me. Horse shoes trudging against the cushion of grass. Birds whistling among the trees. The smell of soil and hard labour. The feel of my hair swaying in the breeze. Anwar's deep breathes beside me.
I almost want to lean into his shoulder, until I am reminded it isn't the blonde boy from home.
I open my eyes and notice, he is already staring down to me.
I let out a slow, controlled breath and attempt to loosen my stiff shoulders as I look away and pick out the horse from the other night I had come here. I whispered below my breath, for the mare to return to the fence, but the black beauty never did.
The horse only stayed far away to the other end of the fence, noticing our return but not welcoming it as if it remembered Kylo. A penetrating coolness trickled over the suns that began to retreat, reflecting in Kylo's dark eyes as he looked over to the horse that I muttered to.
"Is that one your favourite?" He questioned, breaking the silence that I wished could have stayed.
My eyes run across every other horse. He didn't know that I had only been here once, but I did, and though I shouldn't have had a favourite yet. The black horse seemed to be the only horse that was comfortable enough to walk over that night and suddenly, I realise that I may have been drawn to her as a little reminder of the horse that Anwar brushed moments before I was whisked away in The First Order's vehicles.
"I suppose..." I tilt my head to the side at the horse in the distance.
He is still staring, "How come?"
I swallow harshly, no mind to how much it feels as if I am swallowing shards of shattered glass, "I don't know." I lie – But I did know, though I am sure Kylo nor the King would be happy with my reasoning.
'It's because it reminds me of the man I love's, favourite horse.'
Kylo Ren's face was never readable, like he had left his emotions on whatever ship that had brought him to Jorkhan. But as I flicked my gaze, secretly back onto him, he turned in a way which I hadn't anticipated and our eyes met. Him not the blank page, he liked to project and me taken aback. After an awkward moment, the corner of his mouth twitched into his cheek.
Suddenly, he turns back to the fence, and like me, he grips his leather gloves over the top of the fence, but they don't stay there for long as he uses the wood for leverage as he just kicks his leg over the side and drops down into the paddock, completely ignoring the signs.
My mouth is agape all at once and my eyes blow wide as I lurch my chest closer to the fence, but keep my fingers curled tightly on the beam.
"What are you doing?!" I hush at him with my shocked features, "Get back over to this side!"
That smirk is ever prominent and it is as if his muscles weren't forged on the weapon of destroying as he kicks a foot in the long grass of the paddock. "What?" He chimes, "No. You come over here."
Mischief lurks in his lips and eyes as I stare widely upon him with a creased forehead. It was there to see as plainly as the falling leaves in the sunset, but it still drew me in no matter the consequences. Trouble is a contagion, and Anwar had gotten me hooked to it, the moment I had met him, but suddenly it wasn't Anwar who was motioning me to do something that I shouldn't, it was the future King of Jorkhan, it was the future Supreme Leader of The First Order.
"Just jump the fence and come see the horse." Kylo Ren says, as if I was the one trained to scale high objects, not him, "It will be worth it, I promise."
I bite my bottom lip and glance between the monster of my nights and the mare in the distance.
Even in the slums, I was never the one to follow the rules, the healing gashes on my back could tell you easier than I ever could. And as I kicked my boot onto the first row of wood among the fence, I lodge the heel in and then step onto the one above with my other, climbing the fence like a ladder, and pretending the sign was never there to begin with as my long dress covers it as I sit upon the top of the fence.
Kylo trudges over quickly, and before I can protest, he grabs onto my waist with his large hands and lifts me down as if I weighed nothing at all. His hands linger for a short moment and so does his gaze as my boots kiss the grass – I break the tension and tear my eyes away from his, brushing the splinters from my palms on the thighs of my dress and then adjusting the crown above my head as I smile towards the black horse in the distance.
"I better not get in trouble for this." I grumble to Kylo Ren, who follows my quick pace over to the mare, "This is all your doing."
"Of course."
The horse was not above medium size, but she was alert as her left eye noticed me draw in, with Kylo closely behind. She somewhat, retreated backwards a couple of steps, but until Kylo stopped his footing, so did she.
With muscles that roll underneath the supple, black coat that hangs majestically on the frame. A flowing mane unfurls and whips as the sunset wind calls it, feet that pound the ground in my welcoming.
The horse was a beauty, glossy as silk, and naked as the day when she was born. I delicately run my hands around her snout, and then twine them through her mane as I hush small whispers, the same way I did that night.
"She does, indeed like you." Kylo hums from behind, thinking back to the same thing he had said that night.
I smile softly to myself and her, rubbing my hands in circular motions, the way Anwar had taught me years ago, with his skinny, tan hand above my own, "And I like her too." I hum.
The horse was so calm in my hands with her big, genuine eyes, that I even partially wondered if she was a horse that Anwar had raised and sold, to which I may have met a long time ago... But surely, that was impossible.
The soft spring soil was no match for its hooves as it dug them suddenly into the grass as her head extended forwards but laid her ears flat back. Puffs of moisture escaping from her nostrils, I glanced back, past Kylo and to the wooden fence I had climbed, curious to know what had the mare so rattled.
Kylo turns too, when the man in overalls, calls out to us with a disgruntled face of sweaty beads and potent veins.
"Did you read the sign!?" The stranger yelled over the field as he crossed it.
The mare fled away, and I let her do so as I walked to Kylo Ren's side willingly for once.
The man came over and his face was red, but I couldn't figure out if that was from anger or many hours spent in the now, drawing away, suns.
He wore clothes of plaid and denim overalls that were too long in the legs, so he had rolled them above his rich, leather boots that still proved his worthy, no matter how much soil was embedded beneath his short, rough nails.
"It says, do not climb fence." He bickers as he lowers his voice when he comes closer, "– And what did you two do? You climbed the fence!"
The man's eyes flicker from Kylo Ren's mess of black robes and then to the crown above my head, but it seemed he didn't care for our titles as he looked back to my eyes and tilted his head to the side whilst throwing his arms back in the air.
"What happened to you promising not to go into the paddock?" He questioned now, softly. "I specifically remember you and your Brother shaking on it, the last time I had caught you."
I'm in a frozen state, that doesn't know how to get myself out of this situation. There is no smile on my lips anymore, only the parting of them as I try to muster up a lie on the spot. My pupils became dilated and there was a tremor in my hands, to which I coiled together below my abdomen.
Get a grip. I curse to myself.
"I-I am sorry, Sir." I apologise, and the words sound rough against my tongue, as if someone of my supposed, title, shouldn't be apologising to a bald man in denim overalls.
Suddenly, Kylo Ren furrows his brows and looks down to me and then back to the man.
"Leave us be." He demands with his strong voice, and all at once, my eyes have widened at the force of the words. The bald man does the same, but then narrows them at the Apprentice, uncaring of the silver weapon among his belt, as if the mess of rope that were hooked into his own, were a match to the lightsaber.
"Excuse me?" The man scoffed, "This is my paddock, and the King has always trusted me to take care of his horses. I shall not just leave you be, there is a sign for a reason and I am sure the King wouldn't be pleased to hear about his daughter scaling the fence again like she did when she was thirteen."
Kylo Ren rolled his eyes, "So what? You're going to snitch on the Princess to the King?"
The bald man stood in his ground, no matter how much he had to crane his head to look up to the dark tower of Kylo Ren, "I'm not snitching. The King had always advised me to tell him anything that may be trouble to his animals." He ruffed, "And you and her, are trouble to the horses."
I gasped at the mention of the King finding out. I can't give that man another reason to threaten my life, "Please, don't!"
Kylo hummed for a short moment, and as he looked back to me, I presumed the Apprentice to be agreeing with the tamer's words and retreating calmly.
I was just about ready to apologise once more and make my way back over to the fence, when Kylo Ren then turned unnervingly, slowly back to the bald man and cocked his devious face to the side.
His hand stretched out and his leather fingers curled in the air. My mind flickers back to the way he had force-choked me in his bedroom, and I unleash a mess of loud protests for him to stop, but I am quickly rushed to silence when the man never heaves for short breaths and Kylo only calmly speaks to him once more.
"You will allow the Princess to see the horses."
The man's face froze. His mouth was slightly turned down, as his eyebrows only raised; He looked like he was ready to cry, or on the verge of a trance that was too unbreakable to not follow in Kylo Ren's unbelievable obtain of power.
My lips only parted once again as I listened to Kylo's next words, nearly as following as much the bald man he swayed into his power, was.
"You will walk away, and never return to the Palace."
My eyebrows furrow.
The tamer's face showed feelings of sorrow, but he only nodded slowly, as if there was a weight pushing down his head instead of him doing so.
"You will also, never speak of this again and you will apologise to the Princess."
The man apologises a wrath of sorries and then... I felt sorry too. I don't know why, I guess it was contagious. Our eyes didn't make contact and maybe that was the best as Kylo withdrew his magnetic grip. Then, he sighed and with his bald head hung low, he walked away limply into the distance. Far away from the Palace I suppose and never to return.
My stomach churns and my hands fall into those dreadful fists once more as the rationality of it all settles like cement over my thin framing of bones.
Kylo had just told the man to do something. And he just did it. It wasn't coercion, it was as if he had reached into the gears of the man's mind and made his choices for him instead with his leather hands and sly words.
All the calm of the sunset and the horse has faded into the dusk as the moon rises high in the sky, as did my anxiety. It comes as an electrical storm in my brain that, quite honestly, is painful. It's different from a headache and it feels the same as intense sorrow, perhaps as a sort of frozen panic with nowhere to go, because truely, there is nowhere to go. What if Kylo uses those powers on me? Would I just give the shifts to my mind as easily as Kylo had overthrown the man's?
I lick my lips and slowly look back to Kylo, who is watching all of the apprehension build once again. As if he could read my thoughts as easily as my emotions, he suddenly, shakes his head in the dusk and sighs with tense shoulders.
"Don't worry..." He promises me with a soft tone, as he looks to my curling lips and then to my white knuckled mess of coiled hands, "I wouldn't ever do that to you."
I inhale a sharp breath and lick my dried up lips again, "H-How am I suppose to believe that?" I croak, "You have used your force to choke me already – What's to stop you from just controlling my mind to better fit your satisfactions?"
Kylo shakes his head once again and takes a small step forwards, as if I was the fearful horse who could sprint away swiftly with one wrong movement, "Because I would never want to dig into your mind without permission."
"You will never have permission to do anything of that sort." I frantically throw a pointed finger over to the man who walked with a purpose, away from the lights of the Palace.
Kylo Ren stood for a short while, so frozen in his state that it seemed I had put him in a trance as well, but then unexpectedly, he moved closer and his large hand drifted to my hip, causing a frightened gasp to leave my lips as I tried to pry away but he only grabbed onto my hands instead, and held them close to his chest.
"Then, I promise you, Princess –" Beneath the dusk, his dark eyes were still shining as golden as the crown above my head. Kylo held my hands so warmly to his chest, that I could feel the beat beneath them, instead of pressed to my back like it would in his bed, but this time, I didn't particularly want to embed my butterknife into the beat and coerce it to a silence – No, this time, I just let him hold my hands there as he pleaded to me as if he was a servant and I was truely, the Princess that I pretended to be, "I promise you – That I will never dig for anything from your mind, or control you with the force."
I swallow shortly and blink quickly, trying to focus in the sudden darkness, "You promise me? How often do you make promises?"
His lip lightly tugs into that smirk once again, but not the type of one that haunts my nightmares, instead, the coy smile was one that could resemble the warm promise that he truely meant as he whispered to me his next words,
"Never."