"Hoy, ayusin mo naman!"
Lumingon ako kay Raffy na mukhang wala pang tulog ngayon.
I smiled at her and laughed.
"Okay, okay," I surrendered. "A 20-year-old Japanese man is brought by his friends for recurrent episodes of weakness of the lower extremities after playing soccer for several hours. The patient told the ED physician that he noticed that these episodes started a few weeks ago, and they are happening during physical activities. His family history is unremarkable, but the patient also mentioned that he has lost about 6 pounds in the last few weeks despite having a very good appetite."
She listened intently while I narrated the question in one of her reviewers. "The physical exam is remarkable for goiter and flaccid paralysis of the lower extremities. A few minutes later, the lab called the ED physician for an abnormal potassium level. The rest of the labs were normal. The ED physician ordered a dose of potassium intravenously and the patient started feeling much better; the repeat potassium is now normal. What diagnosis is the most likely?"
Kumunot ang noo niya. "Uhhh...."
"Kaya mo 'yan." I laughed. I didn't even understand half of what I said.
"Familial hypokalemic paralysis?" she answered with a questioning tone.
Umiling ako at binaba yung reviewer. These were obviously one of her 'I haven't eaten all day and I still have a few long quizzes tomorrow' looks. Naka-puti na uniform lang siya at nakatali ang buhok. She doesn't even have any make-up on, and she's obviously been crying last night, basing from our phone call.
"Baby, just eat first," I told her while fixing her plate.
"Thyrotoxic periodic paralysis!" she enthusiastically said.
Tumango ako at sinara yung kanina niya pa pinapabasa sa akin. This was one of the few nights I got to spend with her, with her hectic schedule, and my classes at APTS, it was almost impossible to find a night with the both of us being available. Mas lalo na next month, kapag nag-simula na ang clerkship niya.
"You good?" tanong ko sa kanya bago ako uminom sa baso ko.
She nodded and smiled. "Yeah, pagod lang kanina."
I gave her a smile and held her hand. Kitang kita yung pagod sa mata niya.
"Nawala pagod ko because of you, though." She squeezed my hand. "Yieeeee kilig ka 'no? Claude talaga."
I chuckled and shook my head. We've been in this relationship for more than three years now, and she never fails to make me smile even in the most tiring days. That's one of the things I love about her.
I was born in a Christian family. I grew up knowing about Jesus, but it amazes me how even in the times our relationship was rocky, she'd always show the maturity she has in faith. She taught me that love is not all about feelings.
"Ah, gano'n ba?" sabi niya sa akin habang nagmamaneho ako.
She had her eyes glued to her iPad. She didn't even bother looking at me.
"Yeah," I told her. "Pero marami naman sila, hindi lang si Alice. Sina Monty din, sina Carmilla. Come on, you've met them, right?"
"Mhmm," she answered. "Enjoy kayo."
"I was hoping you could join, though."
Her nose scrunched. "Baby, I can't. I have an exam on Monday, eh."
Tumango ako. I understand her schedule and time for academics. It just sucks that she can't go.
Napabaling ako sa phone niyang biglang tumunog. Tumaas ang kilay ko nang makita ko ang pangalan ni Jaxon.
"Sino 'yan?" tanong ko sa kaniya.
"Just Jaxon," she answered me.
I cleared my throat and kept my eyes on the road.
Bakit nanaman sila nag-uusap?
"His mom just wanted to know kung gusto kong mag-order sa business nila. Support local, gano'n," she explained. "Share ko lang."
"I didn't say anything," I told her.
"Babe, baka kasi iba nanaman isipin mo," sabi niya. "Mas maganda yung clear, diba?"
"Why are you so defensive?" I asked her.
"Hindi ako defensive!"
I shook my head and made a right turn.
"Nakakainis naman." She shook her head.
"Ikaw pa naiinis, babe?" tanong ko sa kanya.
"Be honest kasi, babe!" sabi niya sa akin. "Don't be passive aggressive!"
"Do you really want to fight now?"
"Bakit kasi tayo mag-aaway?!" tanong niya pabalik. "Pwede naman kasi pag-usapan lang."
"Okay!" sabi ko sa kanya. "Why is his number still saved on your phone? Why is his mom still contacting you?"
"Baby, wala naman kasing malisya 'yon."
"Baka nakakalimutan mong siya rin yung rason kung bakit tayo hindi nag-kita ng limang taon."
Napaawang ang labi niya nang sabihin ko 'yon. I knew right away that I crossed a line.
"Excuse me, Claude! Oo, he was a factor, pero kung hinayaan mo lang sana akong mag-explain, kung nag-paalam ka sanang aalis ka na, kung nag-usap sana tayo, kung bumalik ka sana sa Baguio edi sana hindi tayo nagkalabuan ng limang taon!"
Kitang kita ko yung gigil niya habang nagsasalita. I took a deep breath and looked at her.
"I'm sorry, I shouldn't have mentioned it."
"Tska, do you honestly think I'd make the same mistake twice? Especially kapag alam ko kung gaano 'yon ka-sakit for you? You think I'd hurt you like that again?"
"You're right, I'm sorry." I held her hand. "Sorry."
Sumimangot lang siya sa akin habang naka-kunot ang noo. I leaned in and kissed her forehead, hoping that it would help with the tension. The whole car ride was the both of us just sitting in silence, but one thing that she didn't do is let go of my hand.
There were days when we both didn't feel the way we felt in the first months of our relationship. But somehow, she never failed to make me feel loved. Perhaps that's because she's always filled by the love from the Father, so she never runs out in loving other people. That's how I know she's going to make a great doctor someday. Her compassion, her constant desire to help people in need, even without getting anything in return.
And I pray to God that I make her feel loved every single day, too.
Raffy has taught me that love is actually a choice. It's not just about feelings. There will always be a choice to keep going, to keep loving her, and I always choose to do so. How she always chooses me everyday, as well, is a miracle for me. I'm not a perfect guy. I fail, too. And it amazes me how she can always look at the bright side in everything. Even in our fights, even in my worst days.
"Wala, hindi ko binasa, eh." I told her.
"At least you were honest, babe." She rested her head on my shoulder. "Okay lang 'yan, bawi ka na lang."
"A simple yes or no question determined our score." Umiling ako. "Dapat kasi binasa ko."
"You were busy kasi, baby, don't be too hard on yourself." She pouted. "You preached noong Friday, diba? And you were at Church the whole weekend, as well."
Nagbuntong hininga ako at umiling. She gave me a quick kiss on the lips and smiled.
"I'm still proud of you, and I know that God is very pleased with you," she said. "Nag-devotion ka na ba?"
Umiling ako at ngumiti. It was days like this when I became even more grateful that God has given me a woman who loves Him more than she loves me.
"Baby, eat ka na rin." She told me. "Are you eating right ba? Wag ka puro fast food ha. I haven't seen you at all this week."
Since she still lives in her family's house and I live in my own, we barely get to see each other, as well. Hindi tulad nung kolehiyo pa kami.
Tumikhim ako at umupo nang maayos. I felt my nerves getting to my hands. Hindi ko alam kung bakit ako kinakabahan. I knew I wanted this. I couldn't imagine being with any other girl anymore.
"Raf..."
"Hmm?" She raised a brow while eating her chocolate cake.
"I love you," I told her.
"And I love you." She smiled.
"I know that I probably won't love any other girl in the world as much as I love you." Nginitian ko rin siya. "And I know we're both busy and all-"
"Hoy!" she cut me off. "Makikipag-break ka ba sa akin?! Dapat makatarungan yung rason mo, ah!"
"What?" Nanlaki mata ko. "No!"
"Kasi kung makikipag-break ka sa akin dahil sa oras ko talaga, Noestro! Hindi 'yon sapat na rason!"
"I'm not breaking-"
"Mas busy kaya ako nung first year kasi bagong adjustment, gano'n! Bakit ngayon?!"
Umiling ako at nilabas yung lalagyan ng singsing. If I don't ask her now, she'll probably never shut up.
"Rafaela Escalde," I got down on one knee. "Will you marry me?"
Nanlaki ang mata niya. "HA?!"
Lumunok ako. "Ayaw mo ba? Okay lang kung ayaw mo, no pres-"
"No!" she said. "I mean! Yes! No sa ayaw ko! Yes sa gusto ko!"
Kumunot ang noo ko. "Ha?"
"Yes, crazy!" She laughed and pulled my arm. "I'll marry you!"
I thought that that was the happiest I've ever been in our relationship, but I was wrong. Seeing her, a year and a half later, walking down the aisle, knowing that she finally has and MD by her name, knowing that we have our whole lives ahead of us, and knowing that she is the woman I'm going to spend the rest of my life with made me the happiest man on earth.
It was a long journey, it took so much time. But I know that God blessed that broken road that led us straight to each other.
END.