Liam Dupont proudly occupied the top position on the list of the most confusing things in my life, next to the mismatched socks after I'd done the laundry and my hair ties that always went missing.
After my birthday dinner, he turned into the same cold and detached version of him I was unfortunately familiar with.
As if that wasn't enough, he locked himself in his bedroom. Was he afraid that the doormat named Sky would pathetically go to knock on his door just because he let her believe he wanted her?
I did no such thing.
I took the ridiculously expensive bottle of champagne they gave us at the gala and dragged one of the chairs to the terrace, where I sat wrapped in a fleece blanket.
Liam had issues, and I knew it. He told me he didn't date. He said he didn't want a relationship, and his life was too complicated. He had been honest from the start, but I chose not to listen, telling myself the same lie many girls did - that he would change for me because I was special. I wasn't.
I was stupid and valued myself less than any other girl I knew. I put up with all the unforgivable things Paul had done to me and never stood up for myself, fearing the repercussions. I let Liam do the same, stringing me along and making me believe he felt something.
My phone buzzed when I was about to take the first swig from the bottle.
"Hey, Mom."
"Happy birthday, baby! I'm sorry for not calling earlier; work has been insane."
"It's still early there, it's okay," I said, trying to hold back the tears. "How are you and dad?"
"All is good, but you know how your dad is, always complaining. He'll talk to you as soon as you and I are done. How are your classes?"
"Good," I said, trying to add some cheerfulness to my voice. "The workload is huge, but I think I can manage."
My mom sighed. "Baby, listen, we won't be able to send you extra money for your birthday like we did last year. We have to do some repairs at home, and-"
Refusing to let the news affect me more than they should, I muttered, "No problem." Then, my dad picked up the phone, and a short chat later, I was finally free to taste the champagne.
I had a stupid idea of doing that with Liam. I almost considered taking things a step further with him tonight. I was glad I didn't do it. My dignity was ripped to shreds, but I had to protect the little of it I had left at all costs.
Guys weren't everything. More things in my life screamed for my attention. For starters, my university assignments. The pile of those kept growing, and I hadn't even started studying. Then there was photography and dances. Now that I could use the studio, I was looking forward to starting to dance there.
Half of the bottle was gone when I took off the necklace and put it in an envelope.
"I don't want it." I wrote on it and slid the white rectangle under Liam's door.
Liam wasn't sleeping. In barely a minute, he wrote, "It's yours" next to my words.
"Shove it up your ass together with your kisses and sweethearts" was my written answer. It was mean and childish, but the hurt his attitude caused me wasn't something I could get past easily.
He let me believe he cared, and that was worse than ignoring me or treating me like the roommate I was.
That time, he didn't write anything, and I cried myself to sleep after chugging down the rest of the drink, promising myself it was the last time I would do if because of a guy. It was high time I learned the lesson.
***
Two days had passed- two days of avoiding Liam at all costs. I left the apartment before he woke up and studied in the university library, finally making some progress. I directed all my anger and frustration toward my studies, and the result was better than I could've hoped for. Things finally started to make sense, and I crossed a few assignments off my long to-do list.
I only went home when I knew Liam wasn't there and spent two evenings in the dance studio, dancing and doing some stretches.
It couldn't go on forever, but for now, it worked.
Today was the third day of avoiding my roommate. He sent me ten texts I deleted without reading. Nothing he could say would make me forgive him.
I had afternoon classes at uni and headed to the studio right after the professor dismissed us.
Brigitte was at the reception, reading one of her worn paperbacks and sipping her tea. Once again, I was the only person who went there to dance. At first, I thought it was a coincidence, but now I wasn't sure of that.
"Sky! You again!" The woman beamed, taking off her glasses and rubbing the bridge of her nose. "The weather is awful today. Mark my words- it will pour with rain in no time."
"I hope it won't," I replied. "I'm not dressed for that."
Brigitte smiled again. "Would you like a cup of tea? We can talk for a bit. The evenings here can be lonely."
I shrugged, lowering myself onto an old chair. "Sure, thank you."
A few minutes later, Brigitte handed me a cup of jasmine tea and sat behind the desk.
"Am I the only one who comes here in the evening?"I asked, not missing the silence filling the building once again.
Sighing, Brigitte smiled sadly. "You noticed, didn't you?"
"I did. A place like this should be swarming with people, and it isn't. I don't get it. Its location is marvelous, and I'm sure that many people know about it, right?"
"They used to know about it," Brigitte corrected me. "Back when my sister Anna was alive. She passed away last year and left this school to me, her only family. It was her life. She used to be a ballerina, and when she retired, she invested her savings in this building and opened her dance school. She wanted to leave something to the future generations, but it's not that easy."
"Why?" I asked.
"I'm old, and I have no idea about dancing, Sky. This old school that needs repairs cannot compete with modern studios that hire the best dancers. We only survive thanks to a handful of loyal students and Monsieur Arnaud's donations. He knew my sister and has a soft spot for this school."
"That's sad," I uttered. "What about the staff?"
"We only have one teacher now. The rest of them left when better offers came along. I cannot blame them. If you are talented, you need to get well-paid; otherwise, what's the point in showing that talent to the world?"
"Money isn't everything. There's also loyalty."
"It's hard to dance on an empty stomach, chérie." Brigitte downed her tea and rested the cup on a platter. "I'm going home before it starts raining. The place is all yours."
"Thank you for the tea." I smiled.
"You are welcome."
The woman collected her things and left, leaving me alone.
I was too tired to dance well. The lack of sleep made me clumsy, and I called it a day in less than an hour.
As soon as I locked the studio and stepped outside, Brigitte's words came true- it poured with rain, and I got soaked in no time.
The studio was within walking distance from my building. I quickened my step, desperate to get home as soon as I could as I tried to dodge puddles of rainwater.
My watch told me it was after ten p.m., meaning Liam would be in his room, and I could sneak into the apartment without any problems.
Fishing the key out of my pocket, I unlocked the foyer door and rushed to the elevator. My wet clothes clung to my skin, making me shiver as I let myself into the warmth of my apartment.
"Thank God." Liam appeared out of nowhere and squeezed me in a hug that stole my breath.
"Let go of me," I said, pushing him away.
"No."
"Yes."
"No, because it's been three days, and we need to talk."
"You said it all when you locked that door, Liam. I'm done with you."
"After we talk, if you still think the same, I will accept whatever decision you make, but I need you to listen to me first."
"I need to take a shower. You can wait for me in my room."
Liam followed me to my bedroom. For the first time, I noticed how exhausted he looked, with dark circles under his eyes.
Sitting on the edge of my bed with his elbows on his knees, Liam watched me grab some clothes before I disappeared into the bathroom.
I took my time in the shower. When I was back, he was still there in the same position. The only thing that changed was a mug of steaming tea on the nightstand.
"I fucked up," Liam said quietly. "And I don't blame you for being angry and not reading my texts. I get it. I let you down on the same day I said I liked you, and that was an asshole thing to do. I spoiled your day, and I hurt you. I know I did, but I need you to know why."
"Because you don't want a relationship." I shrugged. "You said that from the start, and I should've believed you. You didn't have to lock the door in my face," I said, my voice trembling. "You led me on, Liam. You made me believe you wanted more, and I actually wanted to give it to you because I'm stupid like that."
"You're not stupid." Liam shook his head. "I am the idiot here, not you. I freaked out, Sky. I feel something for you, and I got scared. You wanted to know why I didn't date, and the reason is that I don't belong to myself. It's not only me. It's my brother and I, and he isn't something temporary. It's for life."
"I never told you it was a problem, Liam."
"I know. But it is a problem because he lost his mom when he was three and his dad when he was five. He gets attached to people, Sky, and he suffered too much already. Fuck, I need to put him first cause it's my obligation. It's the promise I made to my mom.
"Asking a girl like you to accept me with all of it isn't fair. Maybe you will want to go clubbing one day, and I cannot do it because of Tim. I cannot travel except for when he's on his school break. I'm not a typical guy my age who has fun and spends his folks' money. And I'm so fucking afraid that if we are together and you get tired of the way my life is, you will leave Tim and me behind, and you will be yet another person who let him down. This is my second biggest fear."
I sniffled. "And the first one?"
"The first one is to lose you before I got a chance to have you. I like you. And it's scary because it means taking a risk, and my only previous experience wasn't good, but I am willing to do it because the thought of losing you is unbearable. I want to be with you, and I am saying this like the bold asshole that I am.
"I want you to be mine. Be my girl. Be my girlfriend. Call it whatever you want. You want to make it official, no problem. Let's do it. Just forgive me. Please forgive me."
"I forgive you," I whispered, staring at the hot mug that was between my palms now, "but I cannot be your girlfriend. Not yet. Not when I don't trust you with my heart and not when you lock the door in my face. It's too early to make things official, but we can try being together and see where this thing goes. I also have issues, Liam. I was mistreated once, and I cannot allow another man to hurt me."
Liam nodded, his eyes downcast. "I fucked up for real, sweetheart."
"I felt humiliated. Hearing that lock turn was awful. Did you really think I was such a doormat that I would go after you?"
"I wasn't thinking, Sky. God knows I did everything but think. What I told you is true. I want to be with you, but I can wait until you are ready. Just don't push me away."
"I won't."
Liam looked at me, his eyes red. "I'm not going to try to convince you with words, but I will show you that I care and that you can trust me, Sky. I will prove it to you."
Thoughts?
Would you forgive him? Should Sky forgive?