"And Allah would not punish them, while they seek forgiveness." Quran.
Allah loves He who asks for forgiveness, and Allah said, 'If you come to me with repentance i will forgive you.'
And He is the most Forgiving.
Samirs pov
"It's okay to cry when there's too much on your mind—
The clouds rain too, when things get heavy."
I read that somewhere, didn't really ponder about it but today it really came in handy.
While pacing our porch all alone, like how I've been doing the past week, the thought crossed my mind and i can't help but let it out, my eyes were filled anyways.
I sat down on the first step on the porch, duck my head downwards as i let the liquid cascade down my cheeks.
It's been seven years now, almost eight, one would thought that i- or anyone in my position would have been over it over the years, but no it doesn't work like that.
My therapist once told me that, 'Time heals all wounds.'
I've never believed her, has she forgotten that the scars will forever be printed on you, it can't be washed away with time, i agree you might get used to it with time, but it doesn't heal it, no, not even one bit.
My familys death anniversary was three weeks ago, and i swear the pain came back full force and lets not forget how worse my nightmares became over the weeks, it's- it's all afresh now.
I don't blame myself no more, but i should have done something instead of me standing and watching them die like the coward i am, I know Allah has already planned it, but- but, i don't even know.
I sigh, while standing up, i pick my basketball and start dribbling it, my face dried of tears, my mind, however, jumbled.
I start playing, alone, like how i always do.
It's true; somethings just never die.
I dribble the ball, doing a 360 and throwing it into the hoop, the first two didn't get in, the ball came flying back to me.
I did again and it effortlessly went through, i dribble and throw, dribble and throw, dribble and throw till the sky start to turn to orange and a bit of pink with a strike of yellow,
Yes, definitely sunset.
Can i just take a picture? I have tons of sunset and sunrise pictures, i can't help it, the nature too beautiful.
I throw the ball and it went through the hoop, didn't even intend it, so a small smile grace my lips, while walking inside my house to get my camera, i jog upstairs and pick the first camera i saw on my vanity table which was a gift from Abhi, i pick it and jog outside.
I brought the camera to my eyes, shut one eye and focus on the beautiful nature, i snap almost 4 pictures.
Hang the camera around my neck and enter the house, yes my parents aren't home, Abhi went for a check up and as usual his wife went with him.
The Adhaan of maghrib was heard from my phone, i turn it off and perform wudhu.
After that i walk to the masjid and prayed.
***
"Thwo it Sammy." The three year old Affan said, i threw the ball at him, he quickly ran and pick it.
It seems like he likes b-ball too, because whenever he comes over he drags me and we will play,
Deep within me, i don't want him to be playing because i do not want him to end up like me.
We played for few minutes till a pregnant Aunt Sarah came and called us in.
Yes, she's pregnant again, smh!
We went inside to have lunch, both Aunt Tee and Aunt Sarah are here, even uncle Mahir, we all sat on the dining table.
"Here's your bowl of soup." Mama Zainab place the bowl in front of Abhi and he smiled at her,
"I wan swop." Affan says, Abhi chuckles and they shared the soup.
"This is delicious." Says Aunt Sarah, licking her fingers, eww!
"Everything is delicious to you now, huh?" Aunt Tee asks amusedly, "Don't blame the poor woman, she's pregnant." Mama Zainab says with a wink, Aunt Sarah winks right back.
"True,"
Uncle Mahir shook his head; "Women." He muttered and I couldn't agree more.
What's there to talk about pregnancy anyway?
They continue talking, i didn't bother to chirp in, not really in the mood to talk, thank goodness they understood and didn't question me about it.
Once i was done with my meal i excused myself and walk upstairs to my room, unplug my phone and turn on the WiFi, might as well just surf through the internet.
Armans messages pop up and i just ignore him, i tap the message app when i saw Nihals message.
Nihal💗; Hello handsome😻
My heart skipped a beat, i am still yet to find out why it does that all the freaking time.
Me; Hey pretty face.
I replied.
The meeting with her dad was—? I don't even know,
The day after graduation I showed up at their house at around 2:45pm, i stayed outside their porch, practicing my words, and how i will sit and all those stuffs, i was a nervous wreck.
At exactly 3pm, i knocked, he opened the door as if he has been waiting for me too- well, maybe he has.
"Assalamu Alaikum sir!" I greeted, "Wa'alaikas Salaam Samir, come in." Mr Jabir motioned for me and i went inside.
We both sat down; "How are you doing?" He asks, "I am fine thank you, wbu?"
"Alhamdulillah—" Mr Jabir nodded his head: "So, what are your plans?" He added.
Huh? My plans? What do i say?
This is why i need Nihal to be by my side, i am sure she would have something to say.
Okay..
"Samir." Mr Jabir called, omg!
Way to go Samir, look at you giving the wrong impression.
"Umm-" I cleared my throat; "Yes, my plans, i will be working with my uncle in his company, i will in shaa Allah be managing the accounting department." I explained.
"Accounting? Thought you studied economics?"
"Yes sir, that's the position my uncle is giving me." I answered. "Your paternal or maternal uncle?"
"Maternal sir." He nodded; "So tell me more about yourself."
Gosh, i am definitely not good at these stuffs, what do i say? That i am an introvert? Or that i love basketball?
I cleared my throat; "Uhmm... i am an only child now, i lost my siblings, i am living with my dad and step mother."
"I will turn 22." Next year, haha! At least he shouldn't think that his daughter is older than me.
"Subahanallah i am sorry for your lost, May Allah forgive them." He said softly, I smiled at him.
"And your mum?" Questioned Mr Jabir; "We lost her too, they died on the same day, even my cousin." I whispered.
His eyes softened; "We will reunite in Jannah in shaa Allah." He said, i nodded.
Silence befallen us, i think we're the only one in the house, cause i just realized that i didn't hear any noise and Mrs Jabir would have brought me snacks, but her husband here hasn't brought me anything except the fact that he is bombarding me with questions.
After almost 10 mins he asked me the questions that had been making me nervous, what if he thinks i am not good enough for his daughter?
"What are your intentions about my daughter?" He asks, hands under chin, eyes glued to a nervous me.
I wipe my palms on my trousers: "I want to marry her?" It sounded more like a question rather than a statement, and my voice quivered.
He chuckled; "Calm down Samir, i don't bite." Mr Jabir said, sounding less intimidating now.
I manage a tight lipped smile: "She is a nice person.." really Samir, that's what your dumb brain will come up with? "...and I'd love to spend the rest of my life with her, with your permission sir, i am asking for her hand in marriage, please sir." I added.
He kept quite, examining my face, for what? I don't know, i started sweating from head to toe, no exaggeration.
2mins, 4, 6, 10, still no response, my heart began to beat faster than the school bells.
After what felt like decade; "We will think about it." He said, standing up.
I stood up as well, he will what?
Hmm!!! This man!
He started walking towards their door, guess he wants me out of his house, i stretched my hands and we shook hands; "Thank you sir."
"You're welcome."
And with that i walk out of their house, i flung my hands in the air, yes,
He doesn't like me, it's official.
I am done for, no one will love my sorry arse except her, and now i am beginning to rethink the whole thing.
A small smile grace my lips after reminding the event that occurred that day.
Gosh he was so intimidating— heck he still is.
He actually thought about it and he called my Abhi to talk things, i was so ecstatic when my father told me, he shed tears and so did mama Zainab.
Mr Jabir has accepted our proposal and now we're waiting for them to fix the date, yes no one is still aware, not even Aunt Sarah, Abhi said it's better to tell people when the date has been finalized.
Nihal was extremely excited when her dad broke the news to her, she called that night, and she cried her heart out, i shed few tears too, because she'll have to deal with my broken self.
I still have nightmares.
So, yes, i am courting her, or her doing me, whatever.
I walk downstairs after performing wudhu, and find out that my Aunts are gone already.
We walk side by side with Abhi to the masjid, we prayed.
We all said our duas and soon we're making our way back home.
"So, soon to be zawj(husband)." Abhi winks at me, "Ugh! Abhi let's not even start." And he let out a low chuckle.
He drape his arms around my shoulders: "I am so happy you're settling down my boy, i am so proud of you, you're done with your studies and now you're getting married, Allah wubaraik habibi(May Allah bless you my love)"
"I know, shocking huh?-" I chuckle: "Even i never knew I'd ever settle down." I said.
"I know, May Allah be always be with you ibni(my son)"
"Amin Abhi, ana bi hibbaik(I love you)" I said and hug him, he hugged me back, sniffling: "Hello! Don't cry, i don't want mama Zainab to question me for making her husband cry."
Abhi laughed; "Akhrus(shut up)" and we laughed entering our home.
I love the man, so much.
*******
Assalamu Alaikum loves❤️
How are y'all doing? May Allah be with us all, Amin💞
So they're finally getting married?💃🏾😂or not?
Ignore typos please🥺
Love you❤️
Malika🥰🥰