do you ever feel like you're drowning?
when you're standing still and the rain pours down on you?
making your hoodie ten times heavier than the weight of the whole world on your shoulders
when the rain falls right in your face
stopping your breath entirely
kind of like in the shower, y'know?
you stuck your head under the stream and you can barely breathe?
it's hard to breathe when everything falls like that- all in front of you
like it's choking you
restricting your breath
you get a pain in your chest- it burns ten times hotter than heart burn
you get rid of that with medicine though-
you may think, "just get out of the rain, dumbass!"
but it's hard when it's always raining
in your mind
over your head
from your eyes
it's hard to breathe, the rain chokes you, drowns you
restricts breathing, restricts movement of any kind
the rain never stops and it's hard to live this way
but sometimes you have to
you have to push through the pain of your crushing chest, the fire burning within it
push past the lack of air and find your own find new air
push past the water and surface again
pull your head from beneath the stream
sometimes you have to find your way out of the rain
and into the soft, dry meadow of fresh flowers
breathe in the scent take in the beauty
fill your lungs with the fresh air
throw yourself into it, land softly in the flowers
roll in it and dry off from your storm
sometimes you have to
sometimes you're drowning
and sometimes you need to be pulled from it
and held within the flowers
the flowers are safe
the rain is dangerous
that's clear-
will you drown or will you breathe again?
patrick throws his notebook aside, shaking his head at how stupid that seemed.
"you okay?" pete asks, glancing up from his spot on the floor.
"it's stupid," patrick shrugs.
patrick had no idea what he was feeling. he had no idea what his own words even meant. he wrote it because he went into the storm, and returned soaked. there was no profound meaning, though to some there could be. he had no idea what he was talking about.
"you mind if I look?" pete asks, cautiously reaching for the notebook.
"there's nothing to it, but go for it." patrick mumbled, putting his face in his hands with a groan as he thought over his own words.
patrick had not been feeling the greatest lately, so anything coming from him seemed ridiculous. to him anyway.
who knows, maybe pete could understand it.
"I'm sure that's not true," pete smiles, opening to the last page with writing.
"it's gibberish! garbage! my own words and I can't understand a single fucking one!" patrick groans, throwing up his hands.
"just let me read it." pete mumbled, finding his place again.
"fine," patrick grumbled, throwing his head back, waiting for pete's thoughts on what the jumbled words were.
"'tricky?" pete asks, looking up after a minute or two of silence.
"hm?"
"are you dying?" pete asks, clearly joking.
"maybe," patrick scoffs, shaking his head, almost with the hope that he were.
pete frowns, putting the notebook aside and climbing into the bed with patrick. "well, good luck leaving without me." he said, offering a small smile, wrapping his arms tightly around his friend. "or at least come back to haunt me?"
patrick rolls his, allowing pete to hold onto him. "promise," he mumbled, resting his head on pete's shoulder.
"cool," pete says, beaming almost at the thought of his best friend haunting him had he died. something about being the one your friend haunts after death makes him feel special- he always joked.
"so?" patrick mumbled, looking at pete expectantly after a minute of silence.
pete shrugs, knowing what patrick wanted. "so, I think you're just having trouble, bub. it happens, we all get upset and we all get depressed. sometimes it's just hard to get your emotions out right. but it isn't up to me to decide how you're feeling, you know that." he spoke, offering a small smile to his friend, hoping to help him feel better. "you may not understand it, but that's what came out of you, and it's okay not to understand it. I never understand what comes out when I'm upset, and that's okay." he gently rubbed patrick's side as another attempt to help the boy. "it's going to be okay, patty, I promise. it's always going to be okay."
patrick nods along, showing he was understanding and listening. "thank you, petey." he said in a soft, quiet voice, almost a whisper. he rubs his eyes with a soft sigh, snuggling close to his friend. "you always know how to help..."
pete smiled, keeping the boy close. "I'm always here to try, patty." he said softly, kissing patrick's head.