I didn't know if I even slept a wink the whole night when I opened my eyes the following morning. All I know is I still feel restless even though I took my daily dose of pills to bring myself to bed last night after he left.
Malalim akong bumuntong hininga at nanatiling nakahiga. Nagtagal ang mga titig ko sa kisame na mistulang walang balak bumangon habang inaalala kung anong tagpo ang nangyari kagabi.
What happened just keeps on bombarding my head.
The look on his face, his words, and even how his arms felt against my body are running havoc in my system.
My thoughts are in haywire. Hindi ko alam kung ano ang dapat isipin at maramdaman. There's a weird feeling in my chest that wants to be heard, but a part of me is forcing it to be silent like it is forbidden to be discussed.
I'm in a state of confusion, but I hate how I'm well aware of what I should do and what I shouldn't.
Because days from now, I'm going to be married. And with the current situation we have between our warring families, I don't think this uncertain feelings can even stand a chance.
Nasapo ko ang noo at napapikit nang mariin upang ihinto na ang mga naiisip. Nagsimula akong bumangon saka naalala na dito nagpalipas ng gabi si Zara.
With the thought of her in my head, I instantly turned to look at the space beside me where she slept, only to find it empty.
Maayos na ang pinaghigaan niya na waring walang bakas na natulog siya sa tabi ko kagabi. Tamad akong tumayo at tinapunan ng tingin ang orasan.
It's still too early from my usual wake up time, but since I can no longer sleep, I immediately put on my house slippers and stride my way towards my bedroom door.
Lumabas ako doon para tignan kung nasaan si Zara. Dumiretso ako sa receiving area ngunit nakitang walang tao roon. I checked the bathroom in case she was there only to find it empty too.
Kumunot ang noo ko nang hindi siya mahanap kaya't tinalunton ko ang daan papunta sa kitchen dahil iyon na lamang ang parte ng condo ko ang hindi ko pa tinignan ngunit wala rin siya doon.
Akma akong hahakbang paalis doon upang bumalik sa kuwarto para tawagan siya nang mahagip ng mga mata ko ang isang tumbler mula sa kitchen counter na may nakadikit na sticky note.
Lumapit ako at dinampot iyon para basahin.
Good morning! Sorry I left without making paalam. I don't want to wake you up so early kasi. I called Kuya Levi to pick me up naman. Thank you for letting me stay the night, Raegan!
P.S. Here's a hot choco for you when you wake up.
-Z
Napailing ako nang mabasa ko nang buo ang nakasulat. By the way she had written the note with her usual conyo tone made me think that she already regain her condition as if she didn't cry with a broken heart last night.
Naglakad ako pabalik sa kuwarto upang maligo muna habang hawak ang note sa kamay saka iniwan ang tumbler sa kitchen counter. I'll just drink it after I take a bath.
I spent a couple of minutes to freshen up until I was done. I picked a comfortable house wear since I'm just going to be in the house for the day to write.
Pagkatapos ko doon ay saka ako lumabas muli ng silid upang mag-agahan.
Dumiretso ako agad sa kusina dahil alam kong nandoon na si Ashton nang katukin niya ako kanina para tawaging kumain.
Nang makarating ako sa doon ay kaswal akong lumapit sa dining at nakitang handa na ang hapagkainan.
Tinapunan ko lang ng tingin si Ashton na nakatalikod sa akin mula sa sink. Most of the time, he's really the one preparing my meals lalo na sa umaga tuwing pumupunta siya rito para makisabay kumain. Minsan ay nagpapadeliver na lang siya lalo tuwing kailangan naming magmadaling pumasok sa trabaho pero minsan ay siya naman mismo ang nagluluto.
This morning, he managed to cook our food. Base na rin sa umuusok pang mga pagkain sa harap ko.
Hindi rin nakatakas sa paningin ko ang ibang mga nakahain doon na hindi niya naman normal na niluluto ngunit alam kong paborito ng kung sino.
I pursed my lips on that thought while I sit on one of the chairs in the dining table. Inabot ko na lamang ang isang tasa ng kape doon. I automatically took a sip from it when I remembered Zara's hot choco.
"De Vera can you hand me the hot choc---"
Nabitin nga lamang ang sasabihin ko sa ere nang pagharap sa akin ni Ashton ay tangan na niya ang tumbler at nakita ko ang pag-inom niya mula doon.
He looked at me in confusion.
"Hand you what?" Pag-uulit niya nang hindi narinig ang huling sinabi ko.
I stared blankly at him when he sipped from the tumbler for the second time while walking near me.
Naikot ko ang mga mata.
"Nevermind." I sighed dismissively.
Inabot ko na lamang muli ang sariling kape at humigop doon nang umupo na siya sa kaharap kong upuan.
We're about to start eating when I can sense that his head suddenly turned to look at my bedroom's direction.
"Si Zara?" Tanong niya agad. "Hindi pa ba gising?"
"Umalis na." Tipid na sagot ko nang hindi nag-aangat ng tingin.
I started to put food on my plate, but he's still not yet done asking.
"What time did she leave? Ayos na ba siya?"
I shrugged my shoulders since I'm not really sure. At kung tinutukoy niya ang kalagayan ni Zara, her bruises are still visible so probably she's not yet physically okay. I wonder if he can ask me about her heart though.
Ipinilig ko ang ulo.
Akala ko nang hindi nakakuha nang maayos na sagot mula sa akin ay titigil na siya ngunit nagtanong ulit si Ashton. This time, his worried tone surfaced even though he's trying to made it sound casual.
"Is it safe for her to go back home already?"
Bumuntong hininga ako at tumingin sa kaniya.
"Hindi ko alam, De Vera."
It's as if he was taken aback with my sudden remark. Sumandal siya sa likod ng upuan at nag-iwas ng tingin.
"She just left me a note with the hot choco you're drinking. Levi picked her up." Saad ko saka ipinagpatuloy ang pagkuha ng pagkain.
I'm not dumb not to notice that he's concern about her no matter how rude or cold he appears. They had a past and he liked her. It's not easy to just shrugged it off even after what happened between him and her father.
"I'm sorry." Rinig kong paghingi niya ng paumanhin, like what he just asked were inappropriate.
Wala naman iyon sa akin. I don't really care. There's a lot of matters in my hands to deal with than be affected with their issues.
Hindi na lang ako sumagot at tahimik na lamang na nagsimulang kumain. Ashton just did the same and we ate in silence after that. Binasag nga lamang ang katahimikan namin nang tumunog ang cellphone niya.
He fished it from his pocket and read the screen to figure out who's calling. Nang makita kung sino iyon ay itinaas niya ang cellphone at hinarap sa akin.
Bumaling naman ako doon at nakitang si Daddy ang tumatawag.
Great.
What the hell does he want this time?
Napaismid ako nang hindi tumigil ang pagtawag kaya walang nagawa si Ashton kundi sagutin iyon.
"Good morning, Mr. Castañeda." Panimulang pagbati rito ni Ashton saka saglit na tumahimik upang pakinggan ang sinasabi ng nasa kabilang linya.
Ashton glanced at me for awhile as if my father just mentioned my name.
"She's here, Sir."
Habang nakaupo doon at nakikita ang biglang pagseseryoso ng mukha ni Ashton ay nawalan na ako ng ganang kumain.
"Yes, Sir. I understand."
Maya-maya ay naputol na ang tawag.
Hindi ko alam kung pang-ilang beses na akong bumuntong hininga sa umagang ito nang bumaling si Ashton sa akin.
"There's a car waiting for us downstairs. We'll leave for Cagayan today."
I furrowed my brows at him. Ang alam ko ay sa susunod na linggo pa kami aalis.
Ashton might've read the question on my face when he continued.
"The news about Vince Zardeleja probably reached your father. He wants you back in Cagayan now."
Damn it.
Napasapo na lamang ako sa noo dahil alam kong wala na akong magagawa. It took him two days to know so it means he just came back to the country after being missing in action for months.
"Pack your things for now since you have to leave at 10 am."
"Aren't you coming with me?"
"Your Dad still wanted me to do something. Susunod din ako."
I didn't ask him to elaborate what my father asked him to do any further. Tumayo na lamang ako mula doon at nagmartsa pabalik ng kuwarto.
As I start to pack, hindi na magkamayaw ang utak ko sa kaiisip. I don't know what's waiting for me when I get home. At higit sa lahat, I don't get why Richard Castañeda desperately wants me to leave after hearing what happened to Vince Zardeleja.
Isn't he supposed to be beaming with joy that I helped putting that asshole in jail? Bakit pakiramdam ko ay mas lalo siyang nababahala kaya gusto niya akong lumuwas pabalik ng Cagayan?
I pondered hard on that thought when a faint memory flashed my mind. Bigla ay bumalik sa isip ko ang narinig kong sinabi ni Vince sa kausap nito sa telopono ng gabing iyon bago kami nagtalo.
He mentioned about knowing something against my father that can cause his downfall.
Was it the reason why? If it made my father this scared that he managed to go back in the country hurriedly, then maybe it's that serious.
Ano naman kaya ang ginawa niya na pwedeng gamitin laban sa kaniya ni Vince?
With all these curiosities building up in me, nagmadali akong mag empake. I need answers. At gusto kong sa bibig mismo ni Richard Castañeda iyon manggaling.
Mabilis akong lumabas ng kuwarto bitbit ang handbag at isang maliit na maleta na naglalaman ng laptop ko at ng konting mga damit.
Nadatnan ko si Ashton na naghihintay sa akin sa sala. Tahimik lamang nitong inabot ang maleta ko saka nauna nang lumabas ng unit.
I checked the area one last time to see if everything is in place before I leave. When I'm good to go, I followed suit.
Pagbukas ko ng pinto ay napansin ko ang siya namang pagmamadaling pagsarado ng pinto ng kabilang unit. Naaninag ko pa nang bahagya ang taong pumasok na mistulang aligaga dahil naiwan pa nito ang ibang bibit na plastic sa labas dahil sa pagmamadaling pumasok.
I noticed that it was a girl.
She might be the one who bought Levi's unit.
Napakunot nga lamang ako ng noo nang mistulang pamilyar sa akin ang babaeng iyon. With her small frame, short hair, and skinny body, she reminds me of someone. Ang dating katulong ko nang manirahan ako sa ibang bansa.
Ipinilig ko na lamang ang ulo ko dahil imposible namang siya iyon. Kaya nga siya nagtrabaho sa akin ay para kumita at mapaaral ang sarili niya. She can't just afford this condo when she's struggling financially.
"Raegan, let's go."
I was snapped out of my thoughts when I heard Ashton calling for me.
Tinanggal ko na ang tingin mula sa pinto na iyon at nilock na lamang ang sariling unit. 'Di kalaunan ay sumunod na rin ako kay Ashton papunta sa elevator.
Truth be told, nang makababa kami mula sa building ng condo ko ay nakita naming may nag-aabang na sa amin doon mula sa isang sasakyan. Sinalubong nila kami sa parking lot at kinuha ang mga dala naming gamit.
Saglit silang kinausap ni Ashton at siniguradong sila ang pinadala ng magaling kong ama na susundo sa akin. He even called my father again to make sure.
Not that it bothers me a bit. Ilang buwan na rin naman mula ng nakauwi ako sa Pilipinas at wala naman na akong napapansin na sumusunod sa akin o nagmamasid. With my father traveling freely as well, I don't think that there's still a threat lurking around us.
"Call me when you get there safely."
Bumalik ang tingin ko kay Ashton nang sabihin niya iyon pagkatapos makipag-usap.
Tumango lamang ako kahit alam naming pareho na hindi ko naman gagawin ang sinabi niya. I rarely even text him.
Sumakay na ako sa sasakyan at hindi na siya nilingon. One of the men who also waited for us closed the door on my side before they also got in the car.
Nagsimula nang umandar iyon palabas ng parking lot nang tumingin ako sa bintana ay nahagip ng paningin ko iyong babae kanina sa kabilang unit.
She's standing there beside the exit door while her eyes are following the car I'm in. At dahil tinted ang sasakyan ay malayang sinuri din ng mga mata ko ang pigura na iyon.
Malapit siya sa lagusan kung saan lalabas ang sasakyan namin papunta sa kalsada kaya't habang papalapit kami ay mas nakumpirma ko kung sino siya.
I don't know if she can see me but the moment the car passed by her, I swear that we locked gazes with each other.
Nang lampasan namin siya ay lumingon pa ako sa likod at nakitang nakatingin pa rin siya sa sasakyan kahit nang nilabas niya ang cellphone sa bulsa at may tinawagan.
Umayos ako ng upo at tumingin sa harap. I furrowed my brows because I know that our sudden encounter was not a mere coincidence. But why? Why did she follow me here?