Chapter 30 - I Drive Myself Crazy
CHAD's POV
Saturday 8:03 PM
Chad: Thanks for the photo! I'm glad you had fun. Sweet dreams.
Saturday 8:04 PM
Courtney: You too. See you Monday. Sweet dreams Chad xx
I put my phone on my bedside table after I read her response to my message. I laid down and my head immediate hit the pillow. I closed my eyes and took a deep sigh.
I recalled all the things that had happened for the past few weeks, since my encounter with her in front of the faculty room and up to this day. The date.
In a short period of time, she sure has changed a lot. I wonder what could be her reasons for these sudden changes. Could there be any ulterior motives? Like, was she still after winning the bet again that's why she'd been doing all this?
I wanted to think differently, that she was doing all this for herself, that she somehow realized that this is who she really is and what she wants, and the old Courtney was just a façade.
I was happy for her, you know. I could even feel that she was happier, too.
But I couldn't shake off the idea that she might be after the first bet we made, about me losing to her and give her the exam papers instead. I was getting ahead of myself, and I know I shouldn't be thinking that this is about me.
But...
I picked up my phone and looked at the photo Courtney had sent me.
But I have to be cautious.
You wouldn't want to do the same thing twice, right, Chad?
"No, not again." I reminded myself.
I dropped my phone to my side and looked up the ceiling.
I'd tried so many times to divert her attention away from our first deal, I even commended her dedication to Annabel Lee and offered to do something for her in return whenever she gets a passing grade.
"But the first deal is still on, right?"
Her words kept on replaying in my head, like every time she does something good, or even nice to me, I couldn't help but think it has something to do with that first deal. That she was only doing all this to make me fall for her. I know I shouldn't think of her that way and just give her the benefit of the doubt, but I was only being cautious.
I have to.
I even wanted her to see me as a person, as just Chad, the geek, not as her ticket for the exam papers.
"You prefer me as the Chad Geek Treyson, huh."
That day, I was hopeful. When I put my glasses back and she told me it's much better, I thought she did, that she finally saw me for me, but her answer...
"I just don't want others roaming around you while the bet is still on, you know."
...reminded me that, yeah, this was all just for the deal.
Damn it, Chad. Why did you even want her to think of you differently and forget about the deal?
Why?
"That's because I care for her." I said as I heaved a huge sigh.
Maybe that's why I'd been doing all this, even going beyond what a tutor should be doing. I care. Crazy boy I am, that's for sure. But my intentions for her were pure. I just wanted to help her pass and graduate the right way.
But, though my intentions were pure, did I somehow overdo it? Thinking back all the actions I did for her, it was too much. But I couldn't even grasp why I was doing those things for her, especially that date. I made it seem like an actual date, where in fact, I just wanted her to feel rewarded for the effort she had done, to inspire and motivate her more.
And at the same time to see that smile on her face. That contagious smile.
My lips curled upward as I remember how she looked when she saw the picnic setup in her garden, her happy and vibrant face that could lit up every room. I can see now why she was very confident of herself, and for saying that everybody likes her.
"Everybody likes me! Everybody loves Courtney Collins."
Yeah, you could make everybody like you.
Do you like her?
I asked myself.
The smile I just had suddenly disappeared when I remembered what happened a while ago.
"Yeah, you're right. That's probably the reason why I broke up with that someone."
When. How. Why.
Those were the questions I wanted to ask her, but for some unknown reason, I couldn't help but think that I somehow played a role on that one. Did I complicate things for them?
When I looked around and realized what I did— it dawned on me. The date, flowers, and how I like seeing her smile—I shouldn't be doing this. That's why I left right away.
I shouldn't be there. I shouldn't have agreed to that deal in the first place. I couldn't believe myself for even playing that game with her, I know myself, and it wasn't my intention to ruin their relationship and even break them apart.
I looked up the ceiling and took a deep sigh, "I shouldn't have played the queen's game."
* * * *
Wednesday.
I'd been busying myself with SA duties and drama club, but no matter what, I still couldn't stop myself from thinking about her. Was it a jerk move to just stop talking to her all of a sudden?
Maybe, or maybe not.
I doubt she even noticed it. I haven't received any message from her either, it's not that I was expecting it though, maybe she was preoccupied and I couldn't blame her for that. She has a lot of things on her plate. Her grades, and her sudden break up.
But what should I do then? I wouldn't want her to get the wrong idea, and I wouldn't want to get involve either. It's just that I wouldn't want her to think I was backing out with my promise of tutoring her, and a promise to myself that I would help her no matter what.
But she just broke up with her boyfriend, and whatever her reasons be, one thing is for sure. I shouldn't get involve.
Jackson was saying something about his new video game—I laughed when he laughed, and just kept on nodding. Physically I was present, but mentally not.
How was Courtney anyway? How's her studies? I sure hope she's doing well. She made a lot of progress already, and it would be a shame to watch all her efforts go down the drain. I found myself thinking about her every day and night.
I was tempted to turn my head back, and have a quick glance at her direction. But I willed myself not to. I should stop thinking about her.
When we're about to leave the cafeteria, I took a side glance at her direction discreetly, and I found her looking at me as well. I turned my head straight and kept on walking.
I shouldn't let my guard down.
* * * *
"Okay, you have to tell me what's going on." Jackson asked the moment he saw me in the library—where I spent most of my time for the past four days now. Studying and editing scripts for the play, and just to busy myself and stop thinking about Courtney.
Jackson pulled out the chair in front of me, I didn't look up and just continued reading.
"I won't let you get away with this." Jackson said in a stern tone.
"I don't know what you're talking about." I responded lazily as I flipped the book to the next page.
"Oh yeah? So you think I didn't notice how you're not on your usual self lately? I even purposely repeated the same story thrice and you didn't even notice that."
I closed the book and looked up. He was giving me his scrutinizing stare. This is going to be a long talk. I thought to myself. "What do you want to know?" I finally asked.
"What's happening? Why are you acting weird and as if your mind is always elsewhere? And..." He paused. He turned to look sideways before he leaned closer and whispered. "And why is Courtney Collins keep on looking at you? Did you do something wrong? Are you in trouble again?"
I pinched the bridge of my nose and leaned back. I crossed my arms and was debating with myself if I should lie to my best friend or just tell him the truth. Oh well, this is Jackson. I wasn't sure if he would take my truth as the truth. Especially if his precious Courtney is involved.
If I would tell him what has happened for the past few weeks and my deal with his precious queen, he wouldn't take it seriously and just accused me of getting away with the real truth again. Oh well, at least I chose to be honest. He's still my best friend after all.
So with that, I told him everything. How it started and up to this day, the deal and all. Jackson was just silent the whole time, maybe he was trying to process everything or thinking I was lying to him. I wouldn't blame him though. Hearing myself telling the story, it sounded like a made up story that can turn into a book.
So unreal and unconvincing.
"You have got to be kidding me." He said the moment I finished my story. I knew it, he wouldn't believe me.
I shrugged then opened my book again. But to my surprise, he snatched it away from me. "You haven't learnt anything from before, have you?" Jackson's tone was deep, I could feel that he was trying his best not to yell at me.
"What?"
He turned away for a second and turned to me with gritted teeth. "You have to stop doing this to yourself. The hell with her if she won't graduate. It's not your fault! And why did you even agreed to give her the exam papers, have you gone crazy?"
"Do you have selective hearing or what? I didn't say anything about giving her the exam papers."
Jackson was tapping his fingers as he was shaking his head. "Unbelievable, Chad. Un-freakin-believable. I thought you're smart? You were even pushed around by the football team with her orders and you didn't even see it? She is desperate! She can do anything. Courtney Collins gets what she wants. All.The.Time." He reiterated.
I was about to debate with him, but he didn't let me. "She even broke up with her boyfriend! For what, huh? Have you ever wondered why?" I wanted to tell him that I asked myself the same question, but he just wouldn't stop talking. And truth be told, I was unsure too. So instead of interrupting him, I just waited for him to give me the answer instead. "She is trying to lure you. To make this deal more realistic, and for you to take her seriously."
"That's ridiculous." I told him. Not the answer I was looking for.
"Oh, ridiculous? Let me ask you, did the fact that she has a boyfriend ever crossed your conversations? Like you made her aware she has a boyfriend and can't continue this fall for me deal?" He challenged.
"And yet I'm having a deal with a committed girl."
"You know what, I've been thinking. Since we're not having progress in the first deal we made, and it seems downright impossible to achieve that, why not we make a more challenging one?"
I avoided Jackson's scrutinizing stare as my conversation with Courtney about her boyfriend suddenly resurfaced. Yeah, at the time I wouldn't want her to think I was flirting or making a move. I didn't even try to seduce her or attract her in any way. One thing was in my mind—help her graduate no matter what, that's why I kept on diverting her attention away from that stupid deal.
"She knows, Chad. She can sense that you're a saint and a man of principles who wouldn't go for someone who has a boyfriend. And the only way to win your heart, or the exam papers, is to break up with her boyfriend. That's how the queen works. Because she knows that at the end of the day, she could get Troy back. She even offered to be your girlfriend in exchange for the exam papers. That should ring a bell."
Was it delusional of me to think that she broke up with him for a different reason?
"Is that how you think she is? You've been following her since we transferred here. You admired her, worshipped her even. What if she broke up with him because he was a jerk, or not happy anymore?"
Jackson let out a sarcastic laugh. "You definitely lost it, Chad. Just like how you lost it with Olivia."
"You're overthinking things, Jackson. Give her the benefit of the doubt. She is not Olivia." I told him sternly.
"No!" He said in an angry tone. He stood up abruptly that the chair he was sitting on almost flew back. Good thing the library was almost empty and we're quite far from the reception. "One thing I regret up until now is that I didn't do anything to save you from those tormenting days, I didn't even stop it even though I had a feeling it would end up badly, and it did. I cursed myself for just watching you suffer like that. But never again, Chad. Courtney is just like Olivia. This will end up badly, too. They will do anything for popularity and their status—that's the truth." He hissed in a hushed tone before rushing out.
I got the chance to reach him before he could even get far. "What are you going to do? Expose her?" I dragged him to the side where no one was looking. "I want to remind you that I agreed to this deal, and if you do that, it would endanger my SA status and my record, too. I know you're just trying to be a best friend to me and do the right thing. But I swear Jackson, that is not the right thing. I know what I'm doing. Just leave it and I will handle this."
I tried to guilt him so he wouldn't do the thing I know he was about to do. Truth be told, I wasn't afraid with my status and such, I just said it to stop Jackson from doing anything that could damage or even hurt Courtney.
"You're doing it again." Jackson pushed me lightly. "You may not have realised it yet, but let me tell you, you care about Courtney a lot, the same way you cared for Olivia. Did you just hear yourself? I know what I'm doing? Same words you said to me when you were trying to protect Olivia. Courtney had already manipulated you, Chad. You even sound like you like her a lot now. Wake up before it's too late." He let those last words venomously before he finally walked away.
I stayed rooted to where I was standing. Jackson's words hit home. He was right.
I know what I'm doing?
Do I really know what I'm doing?
— END OF CHAPTER 30 —
So, what do you think of this chapter? I really like reading your comments, guys. Tell me what do you think and what you want to see next.
What do you think of Jackson? Is he being unreasonable? What do you think will happen next?
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Sorry for the delay, I worked 5 consecutive days and all of them are 12hours shift (life of a nurse!) so it was quite tiring. Don't worry, I won't abandon this story again. I plan to finish this and not keep you waiting for years. It's just that it's hard sometimes because of my shifting scheds. See you next week!
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