It is a usual day. I rolled up my sleeves up to my elbow and brushed my hair with my hand. I am wearing a white polo and black slacks, the usual attire I wear in classes. I stared at myself in the mirror.
I am thinking how will Haruto reacts if ever we see each other again. I mean, I don't use social media, people around me even my students and co-teachers understand I don't want them to post anything regarding about me including posting pictures of me.
Is Haruto curious about how I look like right now?
I can say my physical appearance changed a lot. I'm taller and fitter, people said I look masculine which I think is true. My features are defined, my jaw and nose are both at point which I think way back aren't really that pretty, I'm still tanned and I maintained it because I love my skin color.
"Why will Haruto care about you?" I asked myself.
For sure, he moved on. And I think he is seeing that famous model named Zia, she's half korean and half american which made her beauty unique and stunning. I've seen her a lot in television, even my students are fan of her.
I sighed. I'm thinking about this again.
My classes are pretty good today, I just gave students some reviewers and discussed some lessons they did not understand.
"Sir..." a student whispered. I am teaching some of them math formula, I am just casually sitting at my table and wait for them to come and ask me anything so that I can explain.
"Yes?" I answered. She pouted. She did not understand a formula, I smiled and taught her again.
The day ended just like that. Today is Friday, I'm still thinking if I should go to Jae's party because the boys will be there and will talk about Haruto again in front of me.
"Uh, this is a headache," I complained and covered my face with my pillow.
I can't sleep, I'm still bothered that Haruto is coming here, I keep thinking how will I avoid seeing him although I know he don't want to see me.
"As if he cares, Jeongwoo. Dream on," I scolded myself.
I checked on twitter and instagram. He posts picture of him everyday, he is considerate to his fans and fulfill their wish to see how he spends his day.
I smiled seeing his smile.
I was contented checking on him for years, sometimes I'll just end up crying but most of the time I'm just so thankful seeing him happy. I have no ambitions about us anymore... I just have no rights and I know Haruto deserves more than that. And it's not me.
"Professor Park!"
I heard the door clicked and Junkyu is in his jogging pants, I bet he's from the gym.
"Good morning! I brought you breakfast," he smiled at me. I smiled back. He sat on the sofa and took off his socks and moments after that he went to me bringing the paper bag he was holding.
I just woke up and I was planning to go around the park near the apartment and jog but since Junkyu is here, I think I can't go anymore.
"Good morning, what brought you here? No work?" I asked. I sat in front of him and he was busy taking the tupperwares out of the paper bag.
I sipped on my coffee and watched him excitedly preparing the food.
"No work because this CEO will go party tonight!" he clapped his hands and giggled. I scratched my head, seeing him being this childish made me realized that he's been really a workaholic, he can't go at parties because he needs to settle a lot of things for the company. Sometimes he will just come to me and complain about it but will end up sleeping after.
I smiled and it became a laugh.
"You're too excited for a party? How low can you be, hyung?" I teased him. He pouted.
"Shut up! I just miss parties!" he defended.
"Oh? Or are you trying to find someone else now? You're ready?" I asked. He pouted more.
"I'm your brother, I know both of us are hooked with that siblings," he said, he sounds hopeless.
Mashiho broke up with Junkyu when Haruto came home in Japan. Junkyu told me Mashiho fell out of love since long ago... which I think was not true. But I know I will prolong my brother's agony if I'll keep stirring hope in him. He was broke when I was broke too... but he chose to focus on my pain and helped me recover which made him forget about his own pain and broken heart.
"Hey, stop spacing out," he snapped on me.
"Jae told me to convince you to come later, let's go together okay? Please?" he pleaded. I nodded my head, I have a good reason to go because it will make my brother happy... at least.
Jaehyuk became one of the most successful doctors, he was wise enough to build his own clinic and it has three branches, since then he knows what he wants and now I can't help not to be proud of the person he became.
My eyes roamed around, people who attended the party are all professionals— doctors, attorneys, professors, CEOs and businessmen.
I saw Hyunsuk waving his hand, they are all already in the table. Junkyu went to the comfort room for awhile.
I waved back at them. I greeted some people I know through my way.
"You're so handsome, Professor Park!" some commented, I was shy to hear them say that and bowed down my head.
"Woah! Even among the professionals here you got some fans, huh. I envy you, Professor Park!" Yedam teased me.
"Stop it, hyung. Stop calling me that way," I told him. They laughed.
It's a big party, I don't know if Jaehyuk is just too rich now that his simply party looks too extravagant.
"Didn't you bring someone?" Hyunsuk whispered at me. I frowned.
"What do you mean? I'm not seeing anyone, hyung," I laughed a little.
"Hmmm, in case," he said, his words are hanging but I just shrugged it off. We were busy talking about life experiences when Junkyu came looking nervous.
"Are you okay?" I asked him. All of them were staring at each other, looking like they know something I don't know.
"I am, Woo. But can you promise me that a all throughout the party you won't get angry at me?" he sounds suspicious.
"Huh? I promise we're here to enjoy, okay?" I just answered.
Jaehyuk came out in his black suit.
"Good evening everyone, I'm grateful you came. But I need to announce something," he paused. I looked at Junkyu, Yedam and Hyunsuk, they are trying to avoid my gaze meanwhile Junghwan was just there smiling at me.
"This party is not really for me, it is for a friend who came back from Japan,"
I couldn't feel my body at that moment. I froze and my heart is in a great panic.
"I know everyone of us knows him," he added.
I'm trembling. I was caught off guard.
"Please welcome, Watanabe Haruto!"
Everyone screamed and clapped their hands, they stood up and I remained in my sit, still in shock.
I couldn't look anywhere. I can't calm myself and I might walked out of here because it's too heavy for me to handle. I can't let Haruto see me. I should not ruin his party, if only I knew this party is for him I will gladly not come.
"Woo..." Junkyu whispered at me but I'm still there, froze like a statue.
"Let's stay here, okay?" he said.
"Good evening, everyone,"
I don't know but my tears started streaming down my face. Hearing his voice again brought so much memories back that it hurts so bad to remember. My heart is aching.
"I'm glad to be back. Thank you for coming and let's enjoy the night," his low tone and baritone voice echoed, it gently touched my heart as if it knows how much I was longing to hear that voice again. It became unfamiliar over the years...
"Woo, sorry..." I heard Junkyu. Everyone is busy, they are all clapping their hands. I hope I can also clap my hands and shout happily because I know a part of me dreamed of this, but the guilt is always eating me up. I don't deserve to see Haruto.
Probably he is surrounded by a lot of people. I still didn't see him and he didn't get to see me too, for sure.
"I'll go home already," I excused myself.
"Jeongwoo, stay here, please," Yedam said.
"Woo, he doesn't care if you're here or not, he is with her girlfriend. It's useless for you to walk out," Hyunsuk said which made me speechless. I know they are helping me get over Haruto, they are even slapping me with those painful words. I don't know why it didn't made me angry... I just accepted that thought long time ago already, I was prepared for it.
"He's over you, Woo. You won't move on if you will keep avoiding him, you'll just keep torturing yourself," he added.
Junkyu held my hand and pulled me to sit. It weakened me. Maybe... I just need to act casually so Haruto won't think I'm affected.
It's been seven years. I know he changed. He surely had a change of heart because he was angry at me, I don't hold that place in his heart anymore and I should face it.
I did not try to see him, if I could I'll just pretend not to care...
People calmed down and seated, I saw Jae talking to some known people. I'm still trembling.
"Woo... I'm sorry I need to say those things to you, I just care for you so much," Hyunsuk whispered. I nodded my head and smiled at him.
My eyes drifted at the table near us, I didn't know Haruto was just sitting close enough for me to see him clearly.
My heart is throbbing. He's with two old woman and old man, beside him is a girl. It's Zia...
He is smiling talking to them, his eyes is sparkling that it blinds me, the movement of his lips and the way he nods his head... those were familiar but it became new to my eyes.
His face is slim... But it doesn't look bad.
"Woo?"
"You're staring too much, Haruto might caught you and think you aren't over him yet," Junkyu told me. Because I'm really not.
I continued looking at him, I can't help myself but to be mesmerized. Am I really seeing Haruto? Is he really Haruto?
My heart skipped a beat when our eyes met. His smile faded away and his eyes became cold. I avoided my gaze because my heart started aching again.
I noticed how Zia's hand snaked around Haruto's waist. I closed my eyes. It hurts to see that, I should stop looking.
"I'll get some wine," I told them.
"I'll go wih you, Jeongwoo," Yedam said and stood up already. I just nodded my head.
It was supposed to be an excuse but since I'm facing a wine already, I drink it all in one shot. And drink another three shots.
"Jeongwoo, I'm sorry, I should haven't agree setting you up..." Yedam said. He is staring at me as if he pity me for being in this pain. I'm too transparent, I became too readable for over the past seven years because it's them who always see me crying.
"It's okay. I think it's really time for me to put an end to this. If getting myself hurt will help then..." I drink another shot.
"Jeongwoo!" I heard a familiar voice. It's Mira.
"I'll go to the comfort room for awhile, Woo," Yedam obviously trying to ran away from Mira.
"U-uh, what are you doing here?" I asked. I have no energy to be rude.
"Jae invited me, duh?!" she responded. Mira is a friend I met during college, she started confessing to me in awhile and seems like courting me which I clarified to her is useless.
"How do I look?" She asked. I think the wine got on my body already.
She's wearing a red long gown, Mira is good looking, she has a lot of admirers in the hospital she's working in. She's still a friend for me but I know it's not the same with her anymore. It's up to her, anyways.
"Good," I answered shortly. She started stomping her feet and held my hand to pull me back at the table.
"Stop drinking already, you are not a good drinker, duh," she hissed. She's now pulling me, I'm weak since my sight is already blurred.
"Are you already drunk, Woo?" Junkyu asked. I shook my head.
"Who's drunk, I'm good!" I responded with my eyes closed. I was taken aback when I opened my eyes I saw Haruto sitting with them in the table beside my seat.
I pretended I didn't care and I'm thankful that Mira sat beside him and pulled me to sit beside her.
"Oh my God! Are you Haruto?!" Mira yelled out of excitement. I was just there seated like a statue. I feel like I'm breathing less air.
"He is, Mira," Hyunsuk answered for him. I can't look at Haruto but I can feel him staring at me.
"Oh my God! You are really good looking in person!"
"Woo, don't be jealous huh, but he's really handsome!" I know.
"Hi, I'm Mira, Jeongwoo's future,"
I choked.
"Nice to meet you." I heard Haruto said. I looked at him but he was not looking, he's looking at the girl in front of us walking towards our table. It's Zia.
"Babe, let's go to our table?" Zia said. Babe... That stabbed my heart.
She's really beautiful, indeed the best match for Haruto. She's wearing a gold long gown which defined her perfect body shape. Haruto is in a black suit which fits Zia's.
"Go, Haruto, let's cope up if you're vacant," Hyunsuk said. Haruto nodded his head.
He go with her without looking at me, it was a harder slap when he held her hand.
"Are you okay, Jeongwoo?" Mira asked me, now with a calmer voice. I nodded my head.
I want to go home already and cry but I know I should stop doing that. I told myself if I assured that Haruto is happy and he found someone worth it and deserving, I'll let go of him.
The party ended, Hyunsuk and Yedam was wasted and Junghwan took care of them. Jae was too busy and went to our table for awhile, he is trying to avoid me thinking I'm mad.
"Woo, what about Mira?" Junkyu asked me. I think Haruto is not around anymore, I tried not to look for him and I'm glad I have this kind of control over my body.
Mira is drunk and we will need to take care of her.
"I need to go to the office for awhile, I'll get some files," Junkyu said. I nodded my head and decided to carry Mira on my arms since she's petite and she's not really heavy.
I cupped for my keys when Mira smelled my neck. It tickles me.
"Mira! Stop doing that!" I scolded her.
"Jeongwoo, you always smell good, it's addicting," she said in her drunk voice and smelled me more.
"Stop it, stop moving I'm looking for my keys or else i'll end up dropping you," I warned her.
"Jeongwoo, I love you," she said. It's a usual pick up line, she always say that.
"Where is your respond?" she asked. I laughed. For the years I've been friends with Mira, we share this bond although she confessed to me I still see her as the innocent Mira.
"Respond, respond! or I'll bite you," she warned.
"Okay, I love you too,"
I was too focus on looking for my keys that I didn't know someone is watching us.
I didn't know it's Haruto. He's alone and he's in front of his car.
My heart won't stop beating so fast. He heard it...
"Uh..." I don't know why do I feel like explaining myself. I know it will sound off...
He raised his brow at me, waiting for what I'm about to say.
"Welcome back," I told him. His expression didn't change, he's still staring at me with those cold eyes which is way too different when he's talking with the people he likes. I feel bitter about it.
"Should I say thank you?" he asked sarcastically.
I gulped.
"I'm not grateful of your greeting but okay, thanks."
By that he hopped in his car and left.