He felt terrible. No pain he had ever felt compared to what he was feeling now and what was worse was that he knew she was going through it as well. He just couldn't handle being a father when he was so broken himself.
Mark still loved her, of course he still loved her - she was his life. He just needed a break from life at the moment. He was sitting on the hotel bed with his head in his hands as he thought through everything.
His eyes gazed over the golden band on his left hand and he sighed, he had made a huge mistake when he left. What had he been thinking?
It had been months and he had not spoken to anyone in Seattle because he didn't want his location to get to Vanessa.
Mark wanted to go back but he knew that things would never be the same. He tried to convince himself that she would understand - that he almost died multiple times and his head wasn't in the right place - but a large part of him knew that there was no repairing what he had broken.
"Idiot!" He screamed, throwing his bag across the room in a fit of rage.
He picked up his phone from the bed and held it in his hand, mentally debating with himself. He ultimately decided to use it and he pressed on her number, putting the phone to his ear and rubbing the bottom half of his face.
"Pick up, pick up, pick up." He whispered, biting his fingernails as the phone rang out. He closed his eyes as her voicemail played and he felt the tears stinging the back of his eyelids as her voice entered his ear.
He decided to leave a voicemail.
***
Vanessa placed Charlie in his chair and placed his food in front of him as Amelia started eating hers. She smiled at them as he phone started ringing in her pocket and she pulled it out, looking at the screen in surprise.
"Who is that, mommy?" Amelia asked and Vanessa whipped her head around to face her daughter.
"Just someone from work." She lied as she walked out of the room and upstairs to check on her baby. The phone was still vibrating in her hand but she couldn't bring herself to answer it, the things he had put her through were just piled on top of her, burying her and even if she did want to forgive him, it would take time to climb through.
"Hello, baby," She cooed as she picked her daughter up and held her to her chest as she placed her phone on the table, "How are you today, Caroline?"
Her heart broke slightly as she remembered her dead friend but she was quickly distracted when Caroline made the cutest sound. Vanessa laughed, picking up her phone again and walking downstairs with the baby to keep an eye on the twins.
She set Caroline in her highchair and sat herself down at the head of the table as Amelia and Charlie ate their lunches, speaking together about something Vanessa didn't know about.
Her phone pinged with a new message and she looked at her phone quickly, seeing it was a voicemail from Mark. She sighed and slid across to listen to it - it must be important for it to be the first time he contacted her in months.
"Hey, I, uh," There was a shuffle on the other end of the line, "I want to come home, V. I'm sorry that everything came to this and I know you're probably pissed as hell at me and I deserve that, I," Mark sighed, "I left because it was too much for me and I needed time and I know that was stupid and I know everything I've put you through and, believe me, there's nothing I regret more. Just call me back as soon as you can. I love you."
Vanessa placed a shaky hand loosely over her mouth as tears formed in her eyes. She wasn't quite sure if they were happy or angry tears but they were there and they were dangerously close to falling.
"Are you guys done?" She asked her children and they nodded as she took their plates over to the sink. She placed them in the sink and leaned her weight against it. She couldn't decide if she wanted him home or not - on the one hand he left her by herself with three kids but on the other she loved him more than anything and she just wanted him back.
She picked up her phone from the table and sent a text.
Vanessa
Can I drop the kids at yours?
Owen
Sure, what's going on?
Vanessa
I'll explain later. Thank you :)
"Alright, we're going to uncle Owen's." She called and both the children pushed their chairs out excitedly as they ran to put their shoes on and Vanessa grabbed her car keys.
---
"He called?" Owen asked incredulously as the kids ran around his living room chaotically.
"Yeah," She sighed, "Said he wants to come home and that he's sorry."
"Are you gonna let him?" He asked. He wasn't quite sure what her would do in this situation either - it was something that he never would want to experience.
"I don't know, I just need to talk to Alex so is it okay if I come back in a bit?" She asked him and he nodded.
"Thank you." She breathed, hugging him quickly before saying goodbye to the twins and Caroline before walking away and getting back in her car to go to Alex's house.
---
"You're joking!" He gasped and Vanessa shook her head.
"I mean, I want him to come home but..."
"But he left and now everything is different." Alex finished her sentence and Vanessa sighed, smiling at how well Alex understood her. She leaned back into the couch and Alex joined her, tilting his head back over the back of it.
"Everything is different." She repeated before picking up her phone.
"I should call him back, right?"
"Probably - even if it is just to tell him to shove it."
"Alex! He's my husband."
"Exactly," Alex looked over at her, "He's supposed to stay with you even when things are tough."
Vanessa unlocked her phone, clicking on the phone app and hovering her thumb over his contact name. She hesitated before pressing it and putting the phone on speaker so that Alex could hear the conversation.
It only rung twice before Mark answered and neither of them said anything, waiting for the other to start the conversation. Vanessa sighed softly and she heard shuffling on the other end of the phone.
"V, I'm sorry," Vanessa just stayed staring at the phone in her hand, "I know what I did was stupid-"
"Stupid? Stupid is like forgetting to lock the front door when you leave for work or reading the wrong story to Charlie before bedtime. Which you wouldn't know anyway because you up and left." Vanessa found her voice, deciding she had every right to be angry at Mark for what he had done.
"I know, I know," He took a deep, shaky breath in, "But I almost died and I just needed time."
"That's not how marriage works, Mark. You can't just leave when you need time - especially when you have three children." She pointed out and Alex nodded his head along with what she was saying.
"I-I know and I'm sorry. I've wanted to come back since I left I just thought you wouldn't want me back."
"Of course I want you back home, we just have a lot we need to fix."
***
Vanessa walked through the doors of the house, surprised at first when they were unlocked but she ultimately concluded that Mark must already been home and she took a deep breath as she watched the twins run upstairs to their room and she walked up the stairs to put Caroline in her crib.
It had been a few days since the original call from Mark and they had both decided that they would talk everything through and try to restore their relationship back to what it was.
When Vanessa closed the nursery door and wiped her palms on her jeans sighed before beginning to walk downstairs and to the living room where she saw Mark sat earlier. He was sitting on the couch, resting his elbows on his knees with his hands clasped together and he had his head dropped down.
She closed the living room door behind her so that the kids wouldn't hear anything as she sat on the couch opposite where Mark was sat. Neither of them said anything, too afraid to break the bubble.
"I'm, um," Vanessa started, placing her hands on her knees and bracing herself for the answer, "I'm offering you an out." She refused to look at him as his head snapped up.
"So, there's that. If you want to leave, I'm giving you a free pass." She concluded and Mark rested his head in his hands. How badly must he have screwed up for her to think he would want an out?
"I don't- I would never want an out." He mumbled against his hands and she internally celebrated - she would probably never recover if he took it.
"Why'd you leave then? That was basically an out - I just didn't give it to you." She points out and he sighs, running his hands down his face.
"I died, multiple times, and I couldn't deal with that fact. I didn't want to be around the kids and you while I was like that - it's no way to be a dad." He explained and Vanessa looked down at the ground.
"We could've help you - I could have helped you."
"Can we just leave it for tonight, please?" He asked, he sounded broken, as if he had physical cracks in his heart that he needed repairing.
Vanessa nodded, still not looking at him as her feet seemed to become more and more interesting.
"Can we...can I just hold you?" He requested and Vanessa slowly moved her eyes to meet his. She stood up and walking over to him, sitting next to him on the couch. He wrapped his strong arms around her neck and she hesitantly hugged him back as he buried his face in her neck and breathed in her scent.
He had missed her more than anything or anyone else and he knew he had a lot of work to do to make it up to her but right now he just wanted to think about holding her and being with her again, being with his family again.
*******************************************************
A/N: I was gonna make him be gone for longer but yeah i decided against that lool
I do not like this :/
also didn't proofread
But thanks for reading :)