Footsteps pattering above the hardwood floors and the rustling of fabrics and cardboard, awaken me from my foggy slumber. I had cried beneath the sheets all night long, until I drew on a migraine and became dehydrated, eventually falling limply asleep shortly after. The sheets were still sprawled above my head and the opened curtains and balcony, bring in the light from a new day which sinks through the thick duvet that blocks me from the four servants.
Sighing and shedding the sleep from my brain, all I can dwell upon is how rough my life had become even though I know sleep upon soft, silk sheets with feathered pillows.
When the harsh gaze of brown eyes, burn into my opened vision, I shake the memory of Kylo Ren from my mind, or else I will weaken beneath these heavy fabrics and never truely tear them away.
Slowly and reluctantly, I uncover my face. I blink, close my eyes, and blink again. Streaks of sunlight penetrate the bedroom and blind me for a split second until a young servant walks in front of the sun's rays and blocks it as she carries over some of my undergarments and places them in a small box. I sit up, drag my feet off the bed, and rub my knuckles onto my eyes. I stretch my arms above my head and yawn.
My legs dangle above the crimson, polyester carpet that lays around my bed, as I furrow my brows to the servant, speaking with a groggy voice that rasped its way through my throat, "What are you doing?"
The servant girl looks up to me, almost perplexed that I had spoken to her. She's unfamiliar, with her blonde hair that is bunched up messily behind her headscarf and her uniform is slightly grimy with dust and brushes along the thighs of the fabric, as if she had a habit of wiping her dirty hands on her clothes. Maybe, the servants of the Kingdom had a hierarchy? Maybe, she was new and they made her do all of the dirty jobs that the older workers didn't wish to... At least, that was the way it was back at the orchard.
She swallows and shakes her head but is unsure with herself as she stops all movements quickly. She's nervous, incredibly. And for a short second, I am wondering why her lips are quivering and why her knuckles are turning white around my clothes; Until I remember that I am supposably, the Princess of Jorkhan.
"Y-Your Highness –" The servant stutters, "It is upon orders that we relocate your belongings to another room."
Flinching my face back and contorting my face, I run a hand through my hair in a habit I always did when I was uncomfortable or uncertain, but my hand only gets stuck an inch above my roots when the knots of sorrowful, tossing a twisting, meet my curled fingers.
I glance around the Princess' bedroom, noticing the bare space of where the paintings once hung and my now empty closet. None of the belongings that were being packed away, were ever and will never be mine and neither will this bedroom – But that didn't stop the rise of unease that burned like a heartache in my chest at the thought of relocating rooms, when already this whole Kingdom is so unfamiliar.
"Another room?" I croak, glancing back to the servant girl, "Where?"
The girl bites her bottom lip and tears a nervous mark in the chapped flesh and when she flinches at the taste of blood, she bows her head to the floor in hopes that I do not notice. "Kylo Ren's quarters, Princess."
Her words fall and echo upon the hardwood floors like a penny falling in slow motion to the ground, only I am not jolting to pick up the piece of silver before someone else does, instead, I let the words tap and swirl among the ground, loudly and bringing a ring to my ear with the anxiety that sings in their tone.
Kylo Ren's quarters.
I am being relocated to Kylo Ren's quarters.
The dread creeps over me like an icy chill, numbing my brain, flooding and then freezing over my system. My heat begins to pump and beat like it's trying to escape my chest and my eyes widen with as much fear as the servant below me.
My chest is hollow, and then all at once it's filled with this buzzing. Buzzing. Buzzing. Like a swarm of fruit flies, the same type that would rot the plums back at the orchard, only these ones are bigger, louder and their wings flap at my guts, bringing on an uneasy sensation. My face is numb and I'm crying, but I didn't notice until a few drops seeped into my parted lips.
It's the same reasoning to why I am crying this very second and why I cried all night long: I do not want anything to do with the evil, Kylo Ren. He is repulsive, sly and a snake in his attributes and gestures. The way his hand had groped my thigh last night was bad enough, but when he forcefully stole a kiss and shoved his tongue into my mouth, I knew that he would truely become the death of me.
I cannot marry him. I cannot move into his quarters. I am on a double sided tightrope which I currently balance upon on my walk to freedom, but on both sides are consequences that I shall meet upon my choices.
If I walk backwards and cower away from Kylo Ren, the King will kill me – But if I complete the King's wishes, and tip-toe towards Kylo, the Apprentice, who has shown that he isn't shy to prove his brute and abusive nature, will leave me bruised in this deceiving lie that I must play with him. I almost wish that I could forget about this golden tightrope, for it is smothering me as if it was tied around my neck instead – I wish I could take the fall from it and return to the ground below, where all the people walk beneath the gold, leaving their faces shadowed in their disadvantage.
When I speak once more, no longer is my voice only groggy from sleep, but from the tears that stream pointlessly down my face as I ask, "Who ordered you to pack my things?"
I can see her eyes glazing over, she doesn't know what to do. I can almost hear her thoughts, wondering why the hell, the Princess was crying when she was the one covered in dirt. Flickering her eyes to the side and then back to me, she answers with a soft and timid tone.
"Ruby Mayse, Your Highness."
Ruby.
Her name stung my heart and fuelled the fire that was slowly dying inside of me, causing it to burst into long trickles of flames. My fists began to clench into the sheets around me and my jaw rooted. It only took a couple of seconds before I stormed up from the bed and tore a dress out of another servant's hands, slamming the bathroom doors behind me as I went to get changed.
My face was burning and my lip was tightly squashed beneath my teeth as I again, slammed the doors of the bathroom open and demanded the location of Ruby from another, poor servant girl. She looked terrified, with eyes blown wide and pupils dilating at me who towers above her, but suddenly, all of my empathy and sympathy has left my system as it was replaced with the growing tide of rage that met with the storm above that was brewed by fear.
"She should be around the west halls!"
That was all I needed before I stormed out of the foyer doors. Paths twisted and turned out of sight and so dense was my boots that thrashed against the hardwood floors of the higher up levels. I watch the paintings along the walls flicker by my peripherals in my quick pace and exceptionally ignore the eyes of the painted Princess. Rich carpets then muffling the heels of my boots, I soon have to lift my dress from underneath my feet when I see a staircase to the ground floors where carpet and hardwood, both meet the stone of the courtyards.
The stone staircase wound up in a tight spiral, so that the inner part of each step was so narrow and pointed that it was impossible for more than one person to use at a time. It curled around to the left with no hand rail and only the narrowest of windows to provide light but even then, the window glass was blinded by a kaleidoscopic arrangement of colours which was a mosaic to the royal emblem.
The stones were hot and even through the rich leather that bound my feet, I could feel the sunshine making the stairs their resting place as it opened up widely to the courtyard.
I expected to be only met with the gentle summer's breeze and maybe the soft pattering of passerby's footsteps, and I was when I leaped off the last step, met with all of those things, and introduced to the chortled huffs and breaths of a duel happening in the patch of grass that meets the conjunction of the courtyard.
At first, when I turn the corner, I presume there to a be a genuine fight that is battled between the mess of cloaks and clattering staffs, but upon further inspection with curious eyes as I cradle around a stone pillar, I realise it is two men, who move so fast in their blows that they are almost undetectable; Training in the courtyard, for the mediocre weapon that they fight over, never fully collides harshly with the other's flesh.
The men are both strongly built, this I can tell in the midst of the chaos and burning sweat, but the tallest of the two was quick to pry the edged staff from his opponent and knock the end of it into his chest.
The opponent whipped around to grab back onto the staff and with armoured fingers, clashed the steel back onto the first man.
It reminded me of the fake fights between Anwar and I, when we were little. We used sticks and he always gave me the bigger, pointier one with the most barbed roots on the sides as an advantage, but I didn't need it because I would kick him in the shin and he would have toppled down into the dirt and pleaded mercy, every-time.
But this fight was clearly more involved with strength and endurance. Their paces were quick. Their blows were hard. And if one of them dropped to the ground, they only shot back up immediately after.
I watch as the shorter man grabs fully onto the staff and aims it towards the other man. My heart dropped and my stomach lurched when the taller man pulled out the silver weapon from his holster and ignited it. A lightsaber. A burning red, lightsaber. Kylo Ren.
I freeze in my spot, hoping the single pillar is enough to camouflage my trembling frame. Kylo held the blade at an even, and a perfect, undaunted horizon, upwards and levelled with his prominent nose. Holding it as it hummed loudly in the air, he had stalled the man's next strike as he leans beneath the blow that whistles in the empty collision of a hot breeze.
I watched a wretched, stained grin split at his soft features as his lightsaber shivered under the brutality of his compelling strength and the blade flashed as he brought it over his head and hummed a low, swift tune when he brought it down towards his opponent.
I can feel the sweat drench my skin, the throbbing of my own eyes and the thumping of my heart against my chest. My fingers are curled around the pillar as I watched how physically advantaged and strong he was as he seethed in this fake fight. I can't hear my rapid breathing, but I can feel the oxygen flooding in and out of my lungs heavily.
Only now my brain is as a flat battery, the exertions of last night draining me and my once rage, leaving me lonesome with only the storm of fears. As Kylo then spun around and dodged another strike, I let out a small gasp at the evil glimmer in his brown eyes, as it reminds me of the look he shunned upon me beneath the moonlight – And much to my horror and dismay, suddenly they are upon me in one quick motion again.
The brown lays upon me and suddenly beneath the heavy stare, time pauses and only here, us two stand in the slowed movement. I feel as if I am scorching into ashes beneath his eyes, as if they are in fact, the two suns in the sky – Then all at once, the staff in the other mans hand, locks target with Kylo's jaw, but before it could even connect with the bone, Kylo sends out a long arm and outstretched hand, sending the opponent flying in the air and crashing against another pillar at the back.
The power also has the ability to send my eyes flying wide and me stumbling away from the pillar as he keeps his stare still upon me.
The ability of the force wasn't so much a myth in my suburbs, but nobody I knew had ever seen such power possessed within an individual that we believed it to be a trait that was just a fantasy to our Planet – But here, Kylo Ren stood in the heart of Jorkhan, with all of that force energy racing in his veins, a privilege given with more sovereignty than any royal could ever possess.
Just as I spun on my heal to swiftly walk away, Kylo Ren walks up the three steps and onto the archway halls that I walked, grabbing gently onto the flesh of my wrist and spinning me around as I let out a yelp.
"Enjoying the show?" He played briskly, but there was no smirk nor smile upon his features as I took in his face.
My eyes narrowed as the man continued taunting me the same way he did last night. He was tall and handsome, but a pretty face wasn't enough to swoon me over the fact that he was a monster deep within.
"Get off of me!" I grit between my teeth, thrashing my wrist in his pensive grip. Only now, did I realise that he wasn't wearing his leather gloves. Long fingers, wide palms with blue corded with veins pulsating above and through the pale flesh, perpetual shaking and short fingernails, they were rougher than any man's in the slums, and yet they were more inviting. I bit that thought away at the side of my cheek.
Kylo looked unimpressed, but there was a smirk brewing at his bottom, rosy lip that he swiped his tongue across, glistening it with saliva, "Still playing hard to get, huh?"
He throws my wrist finally away and I roll with its harsh throw, then cradling it to my chest with my other hand as I brush away the feeling of his fingertips digging against the bone. I give him a disgusted look, "There's no playing." I scoff, "Marriage or not, nothing can make me give myself to you willingly."
A cruel sneer formed on his smooth face and he leaned forward, eyes bearing straight into mine as the consolations of freckles upon his cheeks burned into my mind subconsciously, "I don't need you to give yourself away, I already own you."
Fires of fury and hatred were smouldering in my narrowed eyes as I weighed the pros and cons of the various and creative means available to me for exacting revenge – I want to slap him, punch him, kick him in the shin harder than I have ever kicked Anwar, but when I glance to the indent in the pillar from when he had force thrown the man into it, I know violence could never work against this brute of a man. My hands twitched and I could feel a vein pulsing in my forehead.
"Not until the wedding, you don't." I spit, "So, keep your distance from me until then."
Kylo's brown eyes widened for a second before narrowing in anger once more and this time, he let the smirk fully rise, "That might be a bit difficult, when we now share the same quarters."
A breath hitches in the middle of my throat. I forgot about the fact that all of my belongings, were being moved into his new quarters, this very second. He has shocked me, and he knows his words have hit its mark upon me as he raises a thick eyebrow.
My hatred grew from nowhere and then into a tornado. In my rage I was blind to my fabrication and forgot about the supposed, delicate petals of my heart and soul, which were truely dust and a need for survival. The words I spoke were in such a well intentioned harshness, which triggered something in me that originated from fear.
I shake my head and my hair sways over my shoulder, "Fuck you."
I turn back around and I hope my hair slaps him on its brush over, but he only grabs onto my hand and turns me back around as easily as he had done so before as he chuckles lowly.
"I didn't know Princess' spoke that way." He chimed, not letting go of my rigid hand.
It was as if my brain was suffering a massive short circuit and was struggling to compute as all the summer air sucks right into my soul upon his words and waves of heat coursed through my blood, whilst a cold sweat glistened at the back of my neck.
In the midst of shock and wild panic, I stuttered incoherent words but the silence lays on my skin like cement seeping into my bones. He knows. He knows. He knows.
"Then, again –" He cocks his head to the side and his raven hair shines softly beneath the sun as he brushes his thumb above the back of my hand, "You aren't wearing your crown."
Furrowing my brows, I slipped my hand out of his own before my palms became sweaty.
"What?" I whisper, timidly; A major difference to my tone from only seconds before.
Kylo Ren chuckles. Low and deep, like the rest of his voice was. He closes the distance between us and I only stumble back against the pillar as our chests nearly touch. My lips part and my heart is beating so erratically against my ribs that I'm certain he can see the rise and fall as easily as I can feel it.
He lifts his big hand to the side of my face and I await the violation of his lips once again as I clench my eyes tightly close. But his silky lips never meet my own, instead his fingers only curl a loose strand of my hair behind my ear.
I open one eye before the other, noticing the way his gaze flickered from my ear, to my lips and then to the top of my head.
He shrugs and takes a step back. Only then, do I let out a shaky breath which I didn't know that I was holding captive.
"You're not wearing your crown today." He says nonchalantly.
Swallowing softly, I shake my head slightly and raise a hand to the top of my head, as if I didn't believe him, but when I only meet the parting of my hair, I drop my hand to my side once more and stutter, "O-Oh, well... I guess I forgot."
Stupid. How could I forget?!
Kylo Ren huffs a small, briny laugh and as a servant walks by, I realise she would have no idea that two seconds ago, we were practically screaming at one another.
He sighs and kicks his foot out, as if he is ready to leave, "I like it forgotten then," He says curtly, "You look much more free... Spirited, almost."
I'm taken aback, my face surely proves so.
Was he trying to say that I looked good? Nicer than I do when I wear a golden crown that weighs as much as its worth, above my head?
Well, you should see me with my uniform on and my berry stained fingers, then. I want to add, but I never could.
"Really?" I breath, but my eyes shift back to annoyed slants, "Then, I'll be sure to wear it even to bed now."
Those golden browns roll into white, "You're so ignorant."
I nod, "You've told me before."
I am staring into Kylo's eyes with a defiant look. My heart is hammering but I keep my eyes casual with no hint of hesitation. When he doesn't protest, I huff and roll my own eyes, and this time, when I turn around to walk away, he doesn't stop me – But he does call out a final sentence with his rough, deep voice.
"See you tonight."
As hard as it was to try and not hold my breath, I knew deep down that I had to hold a reason to. Along with pretending to be a Princess, the threat of my life if I don't by the King, an arranged marriage to the cruel, Kylo Ren and the fact that I was now lingering in his quarters; It was safe to say that I felt as if my life was drowning and slowly diminishing as even all this expensive gold, is weighing me down like an anchor.
Swallowing hard, I clutched furiously at my chest, hoping that by a scratch or simple graze along my collar bone, my heart would stop racing, and my body just might entirely shut down, finally causing me clarity as I let out all of this throbbing pressure when my heart falls to the polished floor.
The colourful, but somehow still dull, painting from the Princess' foyer, where only she is painted vividly among a background of emerald green, teased me with her unmoving eyes, and almost snickered at my loss with her slight smile.
Just wait until you're the one replacing me! I glare into her eyes, which were only a mirror to my own.
It's late and though I do not want him to ever enter through those hardwood doors, every hour that passes only brings on more apprehension and anxiety into my core. I harshly rubbed at my eyes with my palms, yawning but making sure not to rub off the drawn on birthmark above my cheek bone.
The crown is heavy upon my head and my neck is straining from holding up its weight all this time, and just as I am about to take it off and place it on the desk in his lounge area, I am happy that I am abruptly stopped by the opening of the main doors, for Kylo Ren finally walks inside.
He takes three steps in before his eyes finally fall upon me, who stands before the new painting which had been hung above the fireplace of his quarters only today. He stops his footing a couple of paces away from me and his eyes flicker to where I stare, almost conceitedly.
It is so calm and quiet in this unfamiliar space for the two of us, but he doesn't care one bit as he cocks his head to the side as he takes in the artwork as if it had a hidden meaning.
It is in his stillness that scares me. Perhaps, it is the moonlight that billows through the opened archway that meets the balcony, making his skin so pale, or the wind that blows his hair softly around his features, I'm not sure what it truely was in this moment that made me uneasy, for his hands weren't clenched by their sides but were once again, wrapped in leather and his cloak was still thickly draped across his broad shoulders.
Through my peripheral's, I watch as he doesn't even blink but just keeps his eyes upon the Princess as if she whispers secrets to him through the brushstrokes.
He breaks the high silence with his low voice, "You look different to how you do in all of the paintings in the palace."
My heart was as cold as the bare air that blew in after his sentence finished. It causes an ache within, tugging on my heartstrings like the music of a great orchestra. My mind was sent reeling, unable to comprehend or process anything other than he must truely know by now, but he somehow doesn't.
I walk over to one of the couches in the room and lounge upon it as if these are my quarters and not his, "I'm not the best at keeping still." I murmur, the lies seeping off my tongue as light as ever, compared to that heavy metaphorical rope around my neck.
I flick my hands above my head, resting my elbow on the arm of the couch and playing with a jewel that was embedded into the gold of the crown. I kick my feet onto the table before the couch, my lounging clothes making it easier for me to do so.
I try not to smirk at the little voice in the back of my head, 'I told him I would even sleep in this crown.'
Kylo plays with the buttons of his drapes, pulling them undone and throwing them onto the table before me, the fabric, somewhat falling onto my feet and I kick them away with a huff.
He stands tall in the room and I chew the inside of my cheek as he just watches me as intently as he did with the portrait. It's infuriating and I fold my arms around my chest as I raise my eyebrows and scoff, "Can you go into the bedroom or something?" I bark, "It's late and I want to go to sleep."
He furrowed his brows and shrugged, "Go for it then."
I roll my eyes, "I would but I can't sleep with you just staring at me like this."
As he stands tall in the dim light of the lounge, the moonlight shines through the balcony and shines him with a half of its light and the other half, a casted shadow, but I can still see the way his eyes lock into mine.
Something flashed beneath the surface of his hardened expression and I hurried to investigate the sudden shift but it was too late, the emotion disappeared before I could identify it. He squints his eyes, "You're sleeping out here?" He asks, then turning to the fireplace.
Casting long shadows over the rug, the flames in the fireplace, curl and sway as the sounds of crackles fill the tension as the flames burn the dry wood. By the couch, I can feel the gentle warmth of the flames, my features too, illuminated by the flickering light, and though the air isn't smokey, I can smell the pine as it burns, just a faint fragrance to reassure my senses as it reminds me of the edge of the woods by the orchards.
I sucked in a sharp breath and patted the cushion of the couch comfortingly as I sighed, "Yes, there's only one bedroom."
Kylo kneels and begins to dim the warm fire that burns in the fireplace. I furrow my brows as he speaks, "Nonsense, you will sleep in the bedroom." He deadpans, "In the bed."
"Then, will you sleep out here?" I question, but part of me already knows the answer.
He turns around and I gulp at his features, his words are dull in my ears but I watch him mouth them anyway, "No."
I stand from the couch abruptly.
"I am not sharing the bed with you!" I screeched, throwing my arms in the air and then slapping them by my sides. He doesn't even flinch. I roll my eyes and storm into the bedroom, throwing the duvet out of its folded sides and flattening the pillow. Kylo only follows and leans against the archway.
I crane my face to him and scoff at his sly smirk, "Get out! You're sleeping on the couch, then."
He shakes his head, "I'm sleeping in the bed too."
I know I'm testing his patience with my outbursts and tantrums, but I have every right to.
"I would rather sleep in a puddle than share a mattress with someone like you." I spit.
Kylo only shakes his head and enters the room, opening a drawer and plucking off his leather gloves, to which he throws them into. "And who is someone like me?" He asks me, as if I am a child he is simply entertaining. My blood boils.
"A vile human being!" The cruel words leave my lips as if they had sat in my head for too long, and they had. "A murderer. A plague to the Galaxy!"
All at once, I saw the way his eyes darkened, the same way they did last night and his neck began to turn red as did the faint flickers of anger in the brown. He growls and like he had done with the man he duelled, he held out his hand quickly, and suddenly, I am pulled over with a rough tug of the force. My toes that slipped in their socks, barley grazed the floor as they swung pathetically to be grounded.
My crown fell to the floor.
His face draws close to mine with a scowl, "Know your place!" He screams into my face and I gasp as I feel fingertips tighten around my neck, but his hands stay clenched by his sides, "You may be the Princess, but I am the future ruler of this Planet! You will do all that I say and all that I command of you – I own you and you are my servant..."
I claw at my neck, but find no hand to draw from strangling me. My heart starts to beat harder and faster, my adrenaline levels rising as tears spilled from my eyes.
"Do you understand?" He seethed into my face and I tried to make a sound but no air could enter nor escape my lungs or throat, "I said –"
Suddenly, the grip around my throat is gone and I am thrown to the ground beneath me. I heave in oxygen as if I had never inhaled before – It shocks my lungs and my heart beat quickens as I lay vulnerable beneath Kylo's feet.
"Do you understand me?"
I am heaving breathes in and no matter how much I pant, there is still not enough air in my lungs to carry the light weight that succumbs my mind. My whole body is limp and the corners of my eyes are darkening whilst the middle is seeing spots.
I cough and splutter over the leather of his boots as I finally find the breath to let out fits of sobs as the tears flood down my cheeks. I farewell my confidence and all the fight within my heart as I let out a broken, "Yes, I understand."
The man continued to do laps around my weak body, intimidating me even more, like a lion would taunt it's prey before slaughtering it. His smirk never faded, only became more prominent as his tongue peeked out for a moment to lick his bottom lip.
Silence fills the tension and causes a ring in my ears as my eyes go wide and my eyebrows cave in. Tears spilled down my cheeks in the tsunami that thrashed with realisation as Kylo chuckles and shakes his head, "Good girl." He praised, "Now, get into the bed."
I sprawl up onto my feet and I'm trembling as I pull the sheets further and then hide beneath them like I did this morning, my eyes only peeking partially above the fabric as through the fog of my tears, I watch him prepare for bed.
I'm still heaving breaths inwards as forcefully as I can and my soft sobs come out uncontrollably. My body felt as if poison was coursing though it instead of blood. I then had to bite my lip to keep from crying out as I watched him casually get changed, with his back facing me. I clenched my eyes tightly closed.
A little voice in the back of my head found me. It spoke to me in its cackling voice, screaming at my stupidity and cursing at me for getting us into this mess.
When I opened my eyes once more, Kylo was already staring back at me with hungry eyes, eyes of a passionless executioner. I hated him.
No matter the pain he had brought upon my words, I still spoke the truth. As he made his way over to the other-side of the bed, I dipped inwards with his weight but tried to claw my way back onto my side as I chanted the words with an acid tone in my head.
A vile human being. A plague to the Galaxy.
Aside from the beat of my heart, no muscle would move. That pounding inside only beat a rhythm to the words in my own mind. I could hear him breathing deeply behind me as he sunk his head into the soft pillow, as I gripped onto my own with white knuckles. The white pillowcase, turning damp with my tears.
A vile human being. A plague to the Galaxy.
Suddenly, his large hand wraps around my waist and his strong forearm rests upon the curve of my trembling frame, pulling me closer into his chest until my prominent spine was plush against it.
I choke on another sob, shutting my eyes once more.
A vile human being. A plague to the Galaxy.
I sucked in a sharp breath as his shirtless torso brought warmth to me. Even in this position I could feel just how tense and toned it was. I don't dare to move as the bile rises in my throat, burning and feeling as thick as the ache in my heart did, for the fear has replaced my fight tactics for a traumatised sense of fragility, that must remain potent in my scared complicity.
A vile human being. A plague to the Galaxy.
I was suddenly only the vessel of the person I once was, and throughout the night as Kylo Ren keeps forcing me closer, I glare at the crown that sits lonesome on the floor.
I once feared the King more than anyone, for he had threatened to end my life if I do not pretend to be someone I am not, but even when I pretend to be her, I am only left with Kylo Ren who has now broken me into a shattered Princess that will do anything he says, to also not die.
When those chants from before are finally gone, I am not pulled into a soft silence, for another sentence starts to flood my mind through the sleepless night, where my tears fill the pillow rather than my dreams.
It hums the sentence softly and with words that speak the truth despite my new life of lies:
Is the sparing of my life worth the damage?