I force myself to get up after awhile and then head to the bathroom to get cleaned up. As the warm water cascades down my back, I can't help but recall how we made love right here just this morning.
And in the span of a day we've had one of our biggest arguments and now Lucian is missing. My eyes sting under the running water and I rub them in disdain. I wash up and leave the bathroom and my heart sinks when I see that he has not returned.
I stare at the door for a few long seconds as my heart weighs me down with its anguish. I finally turn away, feeling useless and then walk around the room to know where in particular.
Somehow I find myself in Lucian's library in front of one of his unrestricted book shelves. I skim through the books, roughly knowing what I am looking for and then I pull out the geographical book of Earth.
My fingers tremble as I turn the pages and then the world map comes to view. I place a finger over the part I think I grew up in and my eyes fill up with tears all over again.
I barely remember my family, I don't know what they look like anymore or if everyone is still living under the same roof. Has my brother moved out? Is he married or dating someone?
It's funny how my thoughts immediately flit to Lucian when I think of marriage and dating. I sink to the floor, clutching the book in my hands but at this very moment my heart doesn't belong with Earth or my family.
It longs for the person who just walked out on me. It belongs to the man who risked his power and fought for my kind today during the meeting. It belongs to the person who makes me feel like I'm the most special being on this planet even though I am just a human.
Tears stream down my cheeks and they drop down on to map of Earth, wetting the paper. Will I ever be able to go back? Do I even want to now that I know how impossible it seems?
There is a part of me that just wants to leave this planet and go somewhere far away. Some where no one can find me. And if I had Lucian with me everything would feel complete but I know his place is here, where his empire needs him.
He has to stay here and take over instead of Lazarus. If Lazarus gained all the power he would kill Lucian and I as soon as he got the chance.
I look up at the forbidden shelf, remembering how determined I was to study flight manuals and floor plans when I first got here. A soft laugh escapes my lips. I now know how to fly, how to operate a ship and travel in space but I know nothing about how I can overcome the strict surveillance on Earth.
There is also the question of the spaceships needing clearance from the command center before exiting the base. There is absolutely no way I will be able to escape on my own, of this I am sure. I stare at the papers that stick out ever so often and my hands itch with profound curiosity.
Is there something there that can help me?
I stand up and stare at all those documents that require Lucian's fingerprints. Feeling disheartened, I walk back to the bed and eye the table that houses his computer as well. Maybe if I could access his computer, I would be able to find a place on Earth that isn't being monitored by the Plutonians.
Or worst case scenario, maybe I might be able to find an abandoned planet I can settle down in and live the rest of my days in ignorant bliss.
Or at least find away to get out of this prison like planet without killing myself.
The bottom line is that I need his finger prints and I need to be able to replicate them so I can use them like that device Cyscus used to access Lucian's computer during our training. It suddenly dawns on me that if I leave Lucian I will never have access to his information again and now I regret pushing him away.
I sit down on my side of the bed and cast a long look at the door again. Where did he go? My chest fills with fear and apprehension as I wonder if he has gone to see Luna or another Plutonian woman.
After trying to sleep and failing miserably, I leave the room and walk along the lone corridors in search for Lucian. I turn a corner and nearly jump back in fright when I see Cyscus leaning by the wall staring at me.
"Mistress Aria, where are you going?"
"I'm looking for Lucian," I say, feeling worried.
"He's downstairs in his bar," Cyscus replies. "Did you two fight again? He looked very upset."
I stare at my feet, looking guilty. "We may have had a slight disagreement. Can you take me to him?"
Cyscus shifts on his feet looking unsure and then he finally nods his head. "Follow me."
The sound of our footsteps are the only thing I hear at this time of night. Cyscus takes me down the glass elevator and down a long corridor which leads to a very large dining hall. We walk through it and head down another corridor until we finally reach Lucian's bar.
I see him sitting by himself, holding a glass filled with some purple liquid. He shakes the glass slightly, watching the liquid swirl and then he drinks it all in one gulp.
"Good luck," Cyscus's face is etched with fear as he stares at Lucian and then he takes two steps back. "If he's angry with you for coming here please don't tell him it was me who brought you."
I nod at him and smile slightly. Of course Lucian will know it was Cyscus who brought me here. He was the one on duty outside our room.
I pull on the doorknob and walk inside quietly, feeling more nervous with each step I take.
"Give me one more," Lucian instructs the bartender and then he notices my presence. "Aria, what are you doing here?"
"I wanted to check on you. I feel bad. I shouldn't have pushed you like that," My words tumble out of my mouth and I walk towards him cautiously. "I'm sorry."
"Aria," Lucian mutters my name and then runs a hand through his hair as he stares at me. "I should be the one apologizing. I'm sorry I threatened you. I feel so bad about it."
He pulls out the chair next to him and I climb into it.
"Do you want a drink?" He asks me and I nod my head. He instructs the bartender to fix me one and then he tells him to leave us.
I take a huge gulp of the liquid and feel it burn my throat. The sensation is fitting, a punishment I deserve.
"Are you still angry with me?" Lucian's eyes are filled with pain and worry as he stares at me.
"No, I have no right to be. It's your choice, Lucian. If you want to marry, then marry. If you don't want to, then don't. I just don't like the idea of humans dying because of it but it's wrong for me to push you into a decision you don't want to make."
"But are you going to leave me?" He struggles to get out his next few words and I see him gripping the glass in his hands tightly.
Oddly enough it makes me think about his fingerprints that will be imprinted on its surface.
"No, I don't want to. Unless you want me to leave," I look back up at him and offer him a small smile which he accepts gratefully.
He puts down his glass and pulls me towards him, enveloping me in a hug. His scent comforts me and his embrace feels like home. I melt into him and squeeze him back just as tightly.
"Don't be stupid. I said I was never going to let you go, remember," He mumbles into my hair and I smile against his chest. A sad smile filled with guilt and pain because I just lied to him.
Because I need him to get what I want.
Lucian releases me and calls the bartender to prepare another round for the two of us. After a few rounds I start to feel woozy and Lucian starts to look more and more attractive.
He is resting his head against the palm of his hand and staring at me with a drunken smile plastered across his cheeks.
"You are so beautiful," He mumbles. "I could stare at you all day."
His words make me blush and look down at the glass in my hands. "You're drunk and talking nonsense."
"No, I'm serious. I'm not just talking about your looks. It's everything. You are the only person who really knows me. You've seen me at my weakest. You know about my nightmares, my fears, my weaknesses and you never once looked at me like I was someone incapable, someone who doesn't deserve to be me. I can't be like this around everyone else who expects me to be this perfect, ruthless leader," Lucian leans forward and looks into my eyes, drowning me in the storm behind his blue ones.
My breath catches in my throat and his sincerity paralyzes me.
"No one else can ever compare. I could never be this open to any of them, not even Luna whom I grew up with. This trust, this comfort, this companionship, it's something I've never felt before. That is why the thought of you leaving me made me so angry and afraid," He admits in a voice thick with emotion.
"I think I love you, Aria."
My body tenses like a coil the moment he says those words and my lips quiver ever so slightly. Those are words I used to say to my parents before I went to bed. They meant something to me, something sacred and irreplaceable.
But then my body freezes in fear when I realize that Lucian saying this makes me feel the same way only more intense. Something warm and fuzzy spreads through my entire body making me want to sink into his arms again.
"Lucian....you're drunk," I stutter, too afraid to say anything else.
He just smiles at me and nods his head. "Yes, I am but I meant every word of it. You don't have to reply if you don't feel the same way. I just felt like getting it off my chest."
He gets up and stumbles around, reaching for the door. He is evidently more drunk than I am, so I have to guide him to our room. My legs nearly give way under his weight and thankfully Cyscus sees us and helps him to our bed.
Lucian is knocked out the moment his head hits the pillow and I tuck him under the sheets carefully. Cyscus leaves the room and I sit down on the bed and stare at Lucian's peaceful expression.
A lock of hair has fallen into his eyes making him blink so I gently push it away. My fingers brush against the smooth skin of his forehead and I can't help but admire him.
"I love you too," I whisper and my eyes fill with tears.
The very thought of him sleeping in this bed with someone other than me fills me with dread, eating away at my insides like a parasite. And if I had to watch it unfold while I stood by as his mistress, it would kill me.
I get up and then take the glass I brought with us. Lucian's glass, the one I carried under my shirt while he was too drunk to notice.
I hold the edges and then wrap it carefully in the sealer bag I sometimes use to pack food. I place it in my work bag and then tuck it neatly by my side of the bed.
I then get into bed and settle in. I turn towards Lucian and tuck my hand under the pillow, staring at him the whole time before I finally succumb to sleep.
Hey guys, big revelations for the both of them, although Lucian's confession made me soft while I was writing lol. Let me know what you guys thought about it. What do you think Aria is going to do?