Its Not That I Didn't Wanna Be Pregnant Its That I Just Didn't Wanna Be Pregnant Right Now
In This Time Of My Life
August Was So Sure That I Wasn't
But A Month Has Pass And I Had Been Sick Every Minute Of The Day And I Was Sure That I Was Pregnant
And I Had No Choice But To Believe It
I Was Pregnant
I Didn't Need A Test Or A Doctor To Tell Me Cause I Know My Body
So I Went To Tell August Today
I Drove Over Crib Wearing Sweats Pants And A Tank Top
Of Course I Wasn't Showing Yet But Thats Because I Wasn't Eating
Cause Everything I Eat Makes Me Throws Up
Even When I Smell Eggs I Immediately Turn Green And Vomit
So I Wasn't Gaining No Weight
I Got To August House The Security Guard Let Me In
And August Was Sitting At The Kitchen Table Eating Breakfast With His Three Nieces
"Hey Babe" August Said
I Smiled And Said "Hey Girls"
All Three Of Them Said "Hi Jordyn" At The Same Time
I Giggled Cause It Was So Cute
"Can I Steal Yall Uncle For A Minute From Yall" I Asked
"Wassup" He Said As He Stood Up
He Walked Towards Me And Took Me Too His Room
I Sat On His Bed As He Closed The Door Back
"Im Pregnant August" I Said
He Smiled "You Sure"
"Im Positive" I Said
He Picked Me Up And Said "I Having A Baby" He Said While Being Very Excited
"You Happy" I Asked
"Listen Man.. This Gone Be Some Life Changing Shit For Me" He Said
Than We He Said Life Changing My Mood Got Back Down
"Whats Wrong" He Asked
"August My Career Is Taking Off Who Gon Want A Big Ass Pregnant Woman To Model For Them" I Said
He Laid Me On The Bed And Got On Top Me And Said
"Nigga You Can Still Model For Maternity Fashion...And You Still Model And How Would People Know If You If You Don't Tell Him" He Asked
"Im Still Scared" I Said
"Don't Be...This Is Gon Be A Beautiful Thang...Me And You We Have A Little One Of Us And Because Of That I Love Ya Even More" He Said
Than He Starts Singing "You Havin My Baby"
And I Started Smiling And Said "Here You Go"
He Pulled My Shirt Up And Said "I Got Little Son Or Daughter In Here"
He Kissed My Stomach
And Than I Realize That August Is Gonna Be A Great Father
"Oh August You Gon Be A Father" I Said
He Me On My Lips And Said "Thank Ya"
He Had Changed My Whole Mind
And I Was Now Excited About It
"So What Now" I Asked
"Move In" He Said
"What" I Said
"Lets Move In...Let Make This Official For The Baby Sake" He Said
I Look At Him Crazy As I Said "You Mean It"
"Every Word" He Replied
Whatever Was Growing Inside Of Me Actually Made Me And August Closer
And Would You Believe August Immediately Moved Me In The Next Two Weeks
And Things Were Good Real Good
Too Good To Be True
I Was Still Working Doing Commercials And Every Thing I Gained 1.5 Million More Followers On Instagram And People Was Walking Up To Me Asking Me For My Autograph
Things Were Good But Crazy Good I Was Happy I Stayed Busy
And Me And August Decided To Keep Our Little Bundle Of Joy A Little Secret Just Until I Get Signed
And I Was So Close To Getting Signed To IMG Modeling Agency
Which Is One Of The Biggest International Modeling Agency Ever
Chase Was Workin On My Deal Right Now As We Speak
While Me And August Was At The Doctor Office Waiting In The Lobby To Be Called Back
And Was Acting Like A Little Ass Kid
"Im... So...Fucking Bored" He Said While Layin On My Chest
"They Should Be Callin Me Very Soon August Just Keep Calm" I Said
"We Been Her All Day" He Whined
I Laughed And Said "You Can Thanks Yo Baby For That"
"Right The Lil Nigga Already A Trouble Maker" He Said While Smiling
"Nigga? August I Honestly Think Its A Girl" I Said
"Sound Stupid Its A Boy" He Said
"Its A Girl" I Argued
"Nigga Is You A Doctor Now" He Asked
"Is You" I Asked
"Yes Nigga I Got Three Nieces I Have Experienced When It Come To Babys" He Said
I Just Laughed Cause August Swear I Was Carry A Boy
But We Both We Wouldn't Really Know Untill Im Like 4 Months
And Im Like 7 Weeks Now
"Im Hungry" I Said
"Ya Always Say That Than When You Eat And Throw Up" He Said
"I Can't Help It Aug Im With Child" I Said
We Both Been At This Office All Day And We Haven't Ate At All And August Was Getting Cranky
But Luckily They Finally Called Us Back
And A Nurse To Me To The Exam Room
I Laid On The Bed While Sat In A Chair Next To Me
The Nurse Took My Blood Pressure Ans Weighted Me And Gave Me A Exam In My Private Area That Was Very Very Uncomfortable
After That We Waited For The Doctor To Come In
The Doctor Who Was A Man
An Indian Man
Walked In And Said "Ms.Skyee Im Dr.Ohan Im Going To Be Your Obgyn...And You Must Be The Father"
"Yes Sir" August Said
Dr.Ohan Pulled My Shirt Up And Started Feeling On My Stomach
"Fantastic First Baby" The Dr Asked
"Yes" I Said While Smiling
"Great" The Dr Said As He Hooked My Stomach To Some Monitors And Some Cold Jelly On My Tummy
And Than You Can See My Precious Sweet Baby On The Screen
And I Hear Its Heartbeat And It Was Love That I Felt
Nothing But Pure Love Is What I Was Feeling Inside Of My Heart
"It Looks Good And Sounds Great Its A Strong Heartbeat" The Dr. Said
"There's You Baby Head" The Doctor Said Pointing To The Screen
August Was Quiet But Very Aware Of What Was Going On
"So Everything Is Good You Have Any Questions" He Asked
"Yes..Im Throwing Up Like Every Minute Of The Day Which Is Making It So Hard For Me To Eat Is That Normal" I Asked
"Yes Its Very Common In First Time Mothers But I Strongly Encouraged You To Make Sure That You Get Some Nutritions In Your Body..Eat Light Drink Plenty Water, And Drink Ginger Ale Its Should Help With The Nauseous" The Doctor Said
Than August Said "She Been Working Non Stop And Sometimes I Worry Cause She Be Over Working And Be Stressed Would You Tell Her To Slow It Down"
I Rolled My Eyes And Said "I Have To Work I Don't Know How Not To Not Work"
"Ms.Skyee It Okay To Work...But Try Not To Overwhelmed Your Self Take It Easy Remember If You're Stressed You're Baby Is Also Stressed And We Don't Not Want That All" The Doctor Said
"I Hear You Doc" I Said
"Okay Will Im Gonna Get You Started On Prenatal Vitamins And I Wanna See You Again In Exactly 3 Weeks" The Doctor Said
"I'll Be Here...Thank You" I Said
"Your Most Certainly Welcomed" He Said As He Took
P The Monitor Off My Stomach And Wiped That Jelly Off My Belly
And Than The Doctor Shook August Hand And Walk Out Of The Room
"Lets Go...I Got To Be In Another Meeting In Like 15 Minutes" I Said As August Began To Help Me Sit Up
"You Ain't Just Hear Him..Take It Easy" August Said
"August Im Fine...The Baby Is Fine...." I Said
"If You Keep Working Like This You Won't Be" He Said
"You Really Sitting Here Telling Me That I Work Too Much When You Always Working Doing Shows Back To Every Night" I Said
"Im Not Carrying Ya Baby...You Carried Mines So Im Asking You Nicely To Please Just Be Careful"He Said
"I Hear You Can You Please Feed Me Now" I Asked.
"Gimmie Kiss First" He Said As He Pucker His Lips
I Pucker Mines And Kissed Him "Muah"
Than When We Left We Hitted Up Taco Bell
We Was In The Drive Thru In August Ranger Rover
When This Number Kept Calling August
He Looked At Him
As I Smack My Lips And Rolled My Eyes Cause I Know Its Probably A Female
I Grabbed His Phone At His And Answered It
"He... llo" I Said In A Highly Irritated Voice
"This Bitch...Damn Can You Please Tell August He Left His Hat Over Here Last Night" I Heard Kassie Voice Say
"Kept It...Considered As A Gift From Me You Can Have But That's All You Can Ever Have From Him..Now Would You Mind Were Having Family Time...So Stop Callin! " I Said As I Hung The Phone
And Gave His Phone Back To Me
"I Swear To God That Bitch Betta Not Let Me See Her...Ima Beat That Btc Bloody" I Said As I Shook My Head
August Was Quiet As My Hormones Began To Rise
"Keep Fuckin With That Bitch Keep It Up August Cause You And That Bitch Gon Get Fucked Up" I Said
He Grabbed The Food And Pulled Off
I Wasn't Even Hungry I Was Now Angry
"You Continue To Fuck With This Raggedy Hoe...Every Time I Look This Bitch Calling You Like You Committed To Her" I Said As I Folded My Arms
"Did You Eat Her Pussy Too Last Night" I Yelled
He Ain't Reply
"Oh You Can't Hear Me Now" I Snapped
"Nah.. Na.. I Ain't Eat Her Pussy But She Sucked My Dick" He Said
And I Loss All Control And I Leaned To His Side And Started Hitting Him As He Was Driving Home
He Pushed Me Back Over To The Passenger Seat
"The Fuck Is Wrong With You...Bitch Im Driving" He Said
"I Don't Care Nigga I'll Kill Us All You Don't Care About Me Or This Baby All You Care About Is Kassie" I Said As I Began To Get Emotional
And My Eyes Began To Water
"You Moved Me In Just To Hurt More Even More" I Said As I Began To Cry
"What Is You Cryin For" He Asked
"Because You Don't Love Me And You Really Want This Baby And You Still Wanna Be With That Bitch" I Cried
"Man Stop Crying" He Said As Pulled In Our Drive Way
Than Out Of Nowhere I Somehow Manage To Get On His Lap While Still Crying
He Grabbed Me My Hair And Pulled My Lips To His
And Instantly Became Horny
Thats Thang About Being Pregnant It Made So Damn Crazy
I Wanted To Kill Fight Cry And Fuck At The Same Down
I Stopped Kiss Him
"I Can't...I Gotta Goo Im Late I Gotta Get To This Business" I Said
"Business.." He Said
"Yea... Meanwhile Could You Please Keep Your Dick To Yourself" I Asked
"....Ight Well Before I Leave To Ny Tomorrow Morning I Wanna Spend Some Time With Ya..Make A Little Kool Aid...Some Lasagna...Have A Nice Dinner Something Special Cause It Some Shit On My Mind And I Need Vent To You" He Said
I Looked Him In His Eyes And "No Problem See You Later" I Said
He Kissed Me On My Lips
August Was Feeling Neglected Since I Was Always Cancelling On Him Cause I Had To Work
Its Like He Felt Like I Put My Work Over Him But It Wasn't Like That I Was Just To Close To My Dreams
So I Stayed Busy I Haven't Been Talking To My Brother And Sister
I Was Bustin My Ass Off
I Had To..I Had A Baby On A Way And A Family That Needed Me
Although I Felt Guilty For Working So Much I Still Couldn't Slow Down
I Had Becamed A Full Blown Workaholic
I Got To Chase Office To Discuss A Few Things
When I Walked He Look At Me And Looked Right Down At My Stomach
And Said "Wow"
I Looked And Noticed That My Usually Flat Stomach Was So Flat Now
I Now Had A Puge
I Thought It Was Obvious To Chase That I Was Pregnant
So I Asked "What"
"I Think We Should Definitely Get You A Gym Membership" Chase Said
"Im Just Bloated A Little" I Said
"No Your Bloated A Lot" He Said
"Anyways Sorry Im Late" I Said As I Sat Infront Of His Desk
"..Its Okay...Tonight You Know You Have To Finished Shooting For The Night Club Commercial" He Said
"I Kinda Have Plans Tonight" I Said
He Handed Me His IPhone And Said "You Might As Well And Cancel Now..."
"I Can't" I Said Because I Knew How Bad August Wanted To Wanted To Spend Time With Me Tonight
"You Have No Choice You Sign A Contract" Chase Said
He Was Right I Did
I Can't Break A Contract And I Know I Would Be Out All Nigjt Shooting This Commercial
Im Sure August Can Understand That I Thought
So I Took My Phone Out
And Dialed His Number
He Answered And Sais "Miss Me Already"
I Smiled And Said "...Im Have To Work Tonight"
"And" He Replied
"And Im Not Gon Be Able To To Make It Tonight" I Replied
"As Always...Ight I Ain't Trippin Do You" He Said
And Than He Hung Up
I Coulda Call Back But I Really Didn't Feel Like Arguing
So I Went On And Continued Working
But I Would Be Rushing To Get Home To My Man
Which Was 3 In The Morning
I Had Been Shooting The Commercial All Night Long And I Was Exhausted And My Feet Were Killing Me
When I Got Home I Went Upstairs And August Was In Bed Laying On His Back With His Shirt Off On His Laptop
I Took My Heels Off And And Got In Bed Next To Him
I Knew He Had Been Up All Night Because I Simply Know August And I Know That August
Doesn't Really Sleep At All
Some Nights He Can But Other Nights He'll Be Up Watching Me Sleep Watching Netflix Or Working
"Wassup" He Asked
I Kissed Him On Chest And Said "Im Exhausted And My Back Hurts"
He Closed His Laptop And Put His Arms Around Me
And Began Rubbing My Stomach
"I Just Talk To My Mama" He Said
"Did You Tell Her About The Little Girl Inside Of Me" I Asked While Smiling
"Na I Didn't Tell Her About The Boy You Carrying For Me" He Said
"I Got A Three Shows Tomorrow" He Said
"Three..Thats A Bit Much Don't You Think" I Asked
"Na..That More Money In The Bank..I Gotta Be On My Grind More Than Ever Now.. I Got A Child To Take Care Of Ima Start A College Fund...Give My Baby Everything I Never Had" He Said
I Love Seeing Him Talk About Our And Making All These Plans For A Baby Thats Still Growing Inside Of Me
Than He Kissed My Tummy And Said "I Love Ya Already" To My My Belly
"Aye Miss Workaholic You Think You Can Come To My Show Tomorrow Night" He Asked
"Yeah Since I Have Ima Have To Be Newyork For A Final Meeting For IMG Anyways" I Said
"Good... " He Said
We Layed Up In Bed And Than August Had To Get Up And Catch A Flight
He Kissed Me And My Bell Goodbye And Left To New York
I Showered,Ate Breakfast, And Tried On Ten Different Outfits
Cause I Looked Fat In Everything I Tried On
My Belly Looked Even Bigger Than Yesterday
So I Had To Wear Jogging Pants With A Black Tee
As I Was Brushing My Hair I Heard Someone Knocking On The Door Hard As Hell
I Opened The Door And It Was Elijah He Stormed In
And Said "What Happened To You"
I Closed The Door And Said "What? " With A Confused Look On Face
"Why Wasn't You At Court This Morning" He Asked
Than I Remember That My Brother Had A Court Day Today
"Oh... I...Forgot" I Said
"You Know You Be Awful Forgetful Lately" He Said
"I Been Busy E" I Said
"Im Sick Of Hearing That You Busy Alright To Damn Busy Thinking Of Yourself" He Said
"Me" I Said While Pointing At Myself
"Yea You.. You Changing Up On Me,C'amarya Ej...I Understand That You Work Alot But That Means You Gotta Ignore Yo Own Blood" He Said
"Im Not Ignoring Anyone Its Just That Im Busy..Im Working Hard Its Alot Been Goin On Lately" I Said
"I See You Give Up Your Apartment Move In With A Nigga Thats Playing You.. You Don't Answer The Phone For Me..You Don't Talk To C'amarya No More You Changing" He Said
I Was Shocked To Know That Elijah Felt So Neglected
It Was Never My Intentions To Make Him Feel Ignored
"Sorry What You Want Me To Do Stop Living My Life Just So You C'amarya Can Live Yall Lives" I Asked
"No But You Can Show Up To Your Baby Sister Graduation,Or Come See Ya Nephew,Come To My Court Date Supportin Me Like You Always Do" He Said
"And Be There For Yall But When Its All Set And Done Who Gone Be There For Me" I Asked
"You Think This Nigga August Is"He Asked
I Sat On The Couch And Started Crying "Don't!"
"No No Somebody Need To Give You Need A Reality Check ...This Nigga Don't Love You.. This Nigga Just Want You For The Moment Not A Lifetime...I Can't Believe You Choose Him Over Us" He Said
"I Didn't Choose Him Over Nobody..You Just Being Selfish Elijah" I Said
"Selfish...Selfish...You Better Lookin In The Mirror Sis Cause Selfish Is All You" He Said
He Shook His Head
And Left Out The Front Door And Slammed The Door Back
Im Alot Of Things But Selfish Could Never Be Apart Me
That Is Noy Whom I Am Thats Not My Character
My Whole Life I Took Care Of People Before I Took Care Of Myself
And The Moment I Branch Out And Chase My Dreams Elijah Wanted To Call Me Selfish
I Wiped My Tears Off My Face
And Placed My Hand On My Stomach
"That Was Your Uncle..Elijah.." I Said To My Belly
My Phone Rang And It Was Chase
I Answered It And Said "Chase Im Getting Ready To Leave To New York Right Now"
"You Have An Business Meeting In My Office Now" Chase Said
"What.. Chase I Can't Come To Your Office Now I Have A Flight To Catch" I Said
"Postponed It Get Here Now" He Said
"Okay.. Im On My Way Now" I Said
I Ended The Call
Grabbed My Keys And Headed To Chase's Office
When I Got To His Office I Walked In
And Chase Was Sitting At His Desk
And My Mother Sitting At His Desk
I Walked And Looked Around And Said "What Is This"
Chase Stared At Me For An Minute And Than Said To Me "Have An Seat"
I Sat Down Next To My Mother
I Couldn't Even Look At Her
"I Was Just Ten Years Old When My Mother Was Killed In A Car Accident ..I Think Her About Every Single Day Of My Life..And I Would Give Anything...Anything! Just To See My Mother For Just An Moment....I Would Do Anything Just To Have A Conversation With Her" Chase Said
Than He Pointed To My Mother Who Was Sitting Next To Me And Said "Thats Your Mother...Whom Carried You For Nine Long Months She Is Not Gonna Be Around Forever...So While She's Here Now Finally Speak To Her"
"I Have Nothing To Say To Her" I Said
"Jordyn.. I Know... I Haven't Been The Perfect Mother...I Know I Said Some Things And I Treated You Bad... But Life Is Changing For Me And I Have To Make Things Right With You Before Its To Late" My Mother Said
I Faked A Smile And Said "Mama Look Around Its Already Too Late...You Can Never Make Shit Right With Me Never!" I Said As I Stood Up In Anger And Walked To The Door
And As Soon As I Was Just About To Walk Out The Door
My Mother Yelled "Jordyn Wait!"
I Turned Around And Looked My Mother In Her Face As She Removed An Black Curly Wig From Her Head
She Was Completely Bald
Than I Noticed How Pale Her Skin Was And How Thin She Looked
"I Have Cancer In My Brain Doctor Say I Have Only 4Months To Live" My Mother Cried
I Looked At In Her Eyes And Said "God Is Punishing You Mama Everything You Said To Me And Did To Me You Gon Pay For It I Hope You Don't Even Get To See A Another Day To Breathe...People Like You Don't Deserve To Live" I Said
Than I Walked Out His Office
I Got On Elevator And I Was Filled With So Many Emotions
My Mother Was Dying And A Part Of Me Wanted To Cry For Her Another Part Of Me Didn't Have Any Remorse What So Ever For Her
How Was I Supposed To React How Was I Supposed To Feel
Honestly I Didn't Know
She Did So Much Fucked Up Shit To Me And Said So Many Hurtful Things To Me
But She Dying And She Was Still Mother
But I Just To Damn Angry With Her To Even Have A Decent Conversation With Her
I Had To Take A Later Flight To Ny
But I Got There Just Into For August Third Show
He Was In His Dressing Room Getting Ready To Go On
And I Had Just Got There
When He Saw Me He Looked At Me With This Frustrated Look
"So Now You Decide To Show Up" August Said
"Im Sorry I Had To Deal With Some Things" I Said
"If It Ain't One Thang Its Another With Ya" He Said
"August Please Don't Start" I Asked Nicely As I Down On The Couch That Was In His Dressing Room
I Could By His Eyes That He Obviously Had Been Drinking
"Its Not Me That Starting Anything Its You That Can't Finish The Shit You Started..Don't I Come To All Ya Shows" He Said
"Sometimes...Its Not My Fault That I Get Busy Its Alot Thats Going On In My Life August And You Out Of All People Should Understand That" I Said
"Yea I Understand That But Damn We Having A Baby A Baby And You Can't Even Slow It Down For Our Child...You Barely Got Time For Me How The Hell You Gon Have Time For Our Baby" He Said
"I Have Time August Don't Be Dramatic Please" I Said
"Im Not Being Dramatic Im Being Honest Im Sick Of Being Last" He Said
"I Don't Put You Last" I Said
"You Make It Seems That Way" He Said
Than A White Dude With A Clipboard Come In And Say "August You On In 5"
Than The Man Walks Back Out The Room
"Sorry Im Not Kassie" I Said With Tears In My Eyes
"Damn Right...One Thang About Her Is That She Makes Time For Me She Have All The Time In The World For Me" He Said
And Than I Just Attacked Him
"Nigga Thats How You To Talk To Me" I Yelled
Hitting Him But His Tall Ass Pinned Me Against The Wall And Said "Why You Getting Mad Its The Truth"
"So Disrespectful I Hate I Met You" I Said As I Frowned My Face
And He Just Stared At Me Sadly He Didn't Say Anything Back
He Just Stare At Me
I Was In My Feelings And Pregnant I Didn't Mean That We Was Just Having A Disagreement Just Like Most Couples Do
He Slightly Shook His Head And Walked Out The Room I Followed Him
His Staff Handed Him A Microphone
He Go Out Staged
And Starts Performing
I Was Upset With Him But I Still Proceeded To Watch Him Perform
I Noticed How Weak He Looked
And I Knew Something Was Wrong Cause He Wasn't Performing At His Best
I Asked His Bodyguard Who Was Next To Me "He Been Drinking All Day"
"Every Since He Landed In Newyork" His Bodyguard Said
He Got To New York 8 Am In The Morning
It Was Now 9pm
"Did He Eat" I Asked
"Nope" And Right When He Said That
August Fell Out On Stage
And I Immediately Screamed "August"
As My Heart Pump Faster And Everything Around Me Begans To Move Slow Around Me
Felt Like A Bad Dream
About 20 People Ran Out On Stage While The Audience Starts Scream
And Im Panicking So Much Inside
And I Just Want Him To Be Okay Please Just Let Him Be Okay