Luckily for Elena, the hospital was small so she didn't have to navigate very far in order to find Stefan. She approached the ER first and identified herself as Stefan's wife. From there, they directed her to the third floor. The waiting area was small and filled up with Stefan's family and friends. Damon and Katherine, Alaric and Caroline, and Zach. They all looked surprised to see Elena come huffing and puffing into the waiting area. She had been running since the parking lot. Damon wasn't surprised though. "Who called her?" Katherine sneered.
"Stop it Katherine" Damon warned, seeing that Elena was about to either burst into tears or faint. Or both.
Katherine grabbed onto Damon's arm and pulled him close. "Stefan made it perfectly clear that he didn't want anyone to call her" she said aggressively, as though Elena was not standing a few feet from her.
"I don't give a shit what my brother said!" Damon spat at her. "She's his wife" Damon reminded.
"A wife who walked out on him!" she spat back, turning to glare at Elena to make her point known. Elena quickly averted her eyes to the floor in shame.
"Don't you dare start giving speeches about what it means to be a wife" he told her, seething mad from his frustration coupled with his fear and his stress.
Katherine let go of him forcefully and narrowed her eyes at him. "You're an inconsiderate ass" she told him, taking a few steps back and crossing her arms.
"Enough you two" Zach interfered. "We are all here for the same reason" he announced. "Elena has the same right to be here as we all do. And we are not going to argue about it. Got it?" he asked, eyeing Elena.
Elena silently thanked him with a small nod. She looked around her. Everyone was exhausted, scared, and distracted. Katherine sat down, but continued to glare at her. Elena had more important things to worry about though. "Can I talk to you?" Elena asked Damon. He nodded and followed Elena down the hall. "What happened?" was the first question to escape from her.
Damon rubbed a hand over his tired eyes. "He called me complaining of pain in his stomach Thursday night. I came and took him to the emergency room and they ran some tests and said he had some sort of liver inflammation, probably due to some viral infection he had a while back that lingered in his body" he explained. "He's been hooked up to all sorts of monitors and they've been pumping stuff into him the whole time. But he's not responding to the medication" he added.
Elena tried to read the expression on his face, but Damon wasn't going to give her anything to go with. "He's not responding to medication" Elena repeated. "So ... what does that mean?" she asked, too afraid to come up with her own answer.
Damon sighed. "It's not good, Elena. He's in a lot of pain because they don't want to give him anything that could interfere with the medications they're giving to him."
"Okay, so long term, what does that mean?" Elena asked, pushing for Damon to tell her what she didn't want to tell herself.
"His body is shutting down on him, Elena" Damon finally answered. "The inflammation is progressing." Elena couldn't stop the tears any more than she could stop her hand from covering her mouth. "Those documents that Stefan sent you ..." Damon began. "The doctors recommended that he get his affairs in order while he was still lucid enough to do it."
"Oh God" Elena said, a sob escaping her as she was overcome with lightheadedness and began falling to the floor. Damon caught her, easing down with her so they could sit on the cold, hard tile. "I just ... I ..." she said, stumbling to find the words she needed to say. Her heart was pounding so hard that she found it hard to breathe. She began slowly gasping for air, holding her hand to her chest. "I can't breathe" she said, beginning to panic. She remembered this feeling. It was the same feeling she had when her parents had died. The same feeling she had when the doctors came out and told her that Jeremy might not survive.
"Elena" Damon said, shaking her leg slightly to try and get her to focus. But Elena was already so far into her anxiety attack that she couldn't hear anything except her heart thumping inside of her. Very faintly, Elena could see that Zach had approached and was kneeling beside her with Damon. "She's having some sort of attack" Damon said.
Damon backed up as Zach sat in front of her. "Elena" he said moving his finger in front of her eyes. Her eyes focused on his moving finger. "Feel your fingers" he told her, rubbing his fingers. He repeated it until Elena was making the same movements. "Feel your arms" he continued, moving his own arms for her to see what she needed to be doing. "Feel the floor" he finished with, placing his own hands on the cool tile. Elena did so and noticed how even her breathing had become just by doing this simple exercise. Damon stared on in amazement. Zach had made Elena bring herself back to a moment where she was not anxious or panicking. It was incredible to watch.
Elena took slow breaths until her heart rate returned to somewhat normal. She noticed both Zach and Damon staring at her. "I want to see Stefan" she said quietly as though nothing happened.
Zach nodded. "You can see Stefan, Elena" he told her. "But you have to realize that Stefan is not doing so great right now. He's in a lot of pain and his body is under attack. He looks as bad as he feels" he reminded her. Elena only nodded her acknowledgment of the current information.
Both Damon and Zach helped Elena up and walked slowly with her down the hall. Elena checked in and both offered to walk with her to Stefan's room, but she told them no. She could do this. Though, with every step she took towards his room, her anxiety began to build back up.
His blinds were shut and so was his door. But she had been told to go on in. The nurse had prompted her not to cause him any stress. He would be awake, but very exhausted. When Elena's hand reached for the door, she realized how sweaty she had become. When she finally pushed the door open and saw him lying helpless in the bed, silent tears involuntarily escaped from her eyes.
Stefan's eyes slowly opened at the sound of his door opening. His face showed some surprise, but he was so exhausted that he really couldn't show his emotions fully. Elena smiled, remembering what the nurse had said about not adding to Stefan's stress. But her tears were still present. "Hey" she whispered, shutting the door.
The corners of Stefan's mouth turned up slightly, but they quickly went back into their neutral place as he took a deep breath. Elena noticed that he appeared to be having a moment of severe pain and was trying to not let her know about it. "It's not a library" Stefan said with a small grin. She could tell it had taken a lot of effort to grin like that. "You don't have to whisper." Elena took small steps towards him until she reached his bed. She took a seat in the nearby chair, but didn't touch him. She didn't want to cause him anymore pain. So Stefan slowly and weakly reached over and grabbed her hand. She noticed that his grip was weak as well, but she was willing to bet that if she tried to pull away, he wouldn't have let go. "Don't cry, Elena" he said quietly and she thought he was having another moment of immense pain.
Elena smiled and shook her head as more tears came tumbling down her cheeks. "Allergies" she told him.
"Bullshit" Stefan smiled, closing his eyes for a moment to get a little rest. "Who called you?" he asked, opening his eyes again.
She rubbed his hand with her thumb gently. "I came out here and when I couldn't find you at home, I called Damon to ask where you were" she said, swallowing hard. He wasn't at home because he was here. "He kind of had to tell me where you were" she said, hoping Stefan wouldn't blame his brother.
Stefan studied her in his exhausted and pain-stricken haze. "You're too pretty to cry" he said softly, wishing he could reach over and wipe her tears. But he was just so weak and tired.
Elena laughed slightly. "You always could give a good compliment" she told him. Even as he was lying here in pain, he was so focused on her. It made her heart hurt that much more.
"You're easy to give compliments to" he smiled, taking in another sharp breath. His grip on her hand loosened, but she tightened her own hand around his. "So you signed the papers I sent you?" he asked once he felt he was able to.
Elena shook her head no. "No, Stefan. I didn't" she told him, her expression suddenly serious. "First, because you're not going to die" she told him. She refused to believe it, despite what any doctor said. They had been wrong about Jeremy and they sure as hell were wrong about Stefan. "And second, it wouldn't be right for me to take your money, you're houses, your share in the company ..." she listed off. "If anyone should be entitled to that, it's Lily" she reminded him.
Stefan smiled. He knew she was going to put up a fight with this. She had morals and that made him love her even more. "Lily already is entitled to all the money she will ever need" he assured her. From Damon as well as from all that was set aside for her by Zach. The kid would never have to work a day in her life and could still live more than comfortably if she wanted to. Even though Damon, Stefan, and Zach wanted more for her, like an education and a career. The point was, Lily was set up for life.
Elena sighed. "You can't give all of that to me, Stefan" she told him, her eyes searching his. "You haven't even known me that long" she added.
"I've known you long enough to know that I love you" he told her without missing a beat. His eyes remained locked on hers. "I want to know that you will be taken care of financially. That you won't even have to worry about money" he explained. "I just want to make sure you're going to be okay" he said. By this point, both of them were crying.
Elena looked away for a moment, trying to calm her tears but it was no use. They only fell harder. "You think I'm going to be okay without you?" she asked in somewhat of a disappointed tone. Like he was telling her his money and his things were more important than him.
Stefan squeezed her hand as tight as he could, bringing her eyes back to his. "I'm thinking if I don't have a choice here, I will know that you will live comfortably for the rest of your life" he told her. "All I want is for you to find happiness, Elena. And if that means you want to travel around Europe or buy a newspaper or whatever, I'll at least know you can do those things" he explained.
"I want you" Elena said, letting it slip out so effortlessly. She didn't want anything except for him to live. She wiped at her face with the sleeve of her jacket. Another wave of pain washed over Stefan and he momentarily forgot about his conversation with Elena. "Stefan?" she asked when his eyes closed and his breathing became hitched. This time, it seemed to last longer.
"Just promise me, Elena, that you will sign those papers" Stefan said weakly, his eyes still closed as he gasped for air and clutched his stomach.
"Stefan?" Elena asked, panic filling her voice. The pain became worse and Stefan thought he was going to pass out. Elena quickly smacked the call button to get the nurses. They came filing in with the doctor who decided that Elena needed to leave the room.
As a nurse began to pull Elena out of the room, she heard Stefan continue to yell across the room to her. "Promise me Elena!" he yelled. "Promise me!" he said, his words becoming quieter. "Promise."
Then, Elena couldn't hear him anymore. Then, the door shut and she was left standing outside of his room, unaware of what was going on inside. She pressed her hand to the glass as she continued to cry. "I promise" she whispered before closing her eyes and losing herself in her own nightmare.
XXXXXXXXXXXX
Two hours. That was how long the doctors and nurses were behind the closed door of Stefan's room with him. Elena had sat against the wall in the hall, her eyes glued to the clock. Damon, Zach, Alaric, and Caroline had all come and sat with her, asking her if she was hungry or wanted something to drink or to get some sleep. She wondered how any of them could be thinking about any of those things right now. She wondered how any of them expected her to think about those things right now.
It truly was her nightmare with Jeremy all over again. The waiting to see if he was going to live or not. The pitying looks she received from strangers. The worried looks from those she did know.
The door opening made her jump. The nurses and doctor all filed out of Stefan's room with unreadable expressions. Elena looked up at them expectantly. "Miss, are you family?" the doctor asked her, looking down at her through his glasses.
Elena slowly stood up, hanging on to the wall for support. "I'm his wife" she said confidently. She thought they all wanted to kick her out of the hospital. But maybe she was just projecting her own feelings onto them because in all reality, she really did want to run from this place and never look back.
The doctor nodded. "Well, I'm afraid there isn't any better news to give" he explained. "The inflammation is still present and his vitals are lower than we would have hoped for by this point" he added. By this point, the rest of Stefan's family and friends were by Elena's side. "At this point, we would normally move forward by suggesting a liver transplant, but Stefan is not stable enough to undergo surgery. Then of course, there is always the issue of waiting for a donor to become available."
"What about a partial liver transplant?" Katherine asked, surprising everyone standing next to her. "What?" she asked. "Don't you ever watch Grey's Anatomy?" she questioned, narrowing her eyes at them all and crossing her arms.
The doctor nodded. "That is a possibility if one of you were a match. But like I said, Stefan is not stable enough to undergo surgery right now."
"So what do we do?" Damon asked, wanting and needing answers.
The doctor sighed. "We wait. If he can be stabilized enough for surgery, we can discuss that. But right now, I suggest you all spend time with him" the doctor said, practically telling them that Stefan was going to die and there was nothing that anyone could do.
"He's not going to die" Elena said, challenging the doctor's assumptions.
He looked at her momentarily. "I'm not saying he's going to die. I'm saying he's going to have to fight like hell" he stated. "I have another patient to get to, but I will be back to check on Stefan. In the meantime, one at a time in his room please" he said before walking off. His group followed him.
Everyone else remained quiet. "I'd like to be with Stefan right now" Elena said, keeping her eyes on the floor. No one seemed to oppose her, so without further hesitation, she walked back into his room. His eyes were still hazy and he looked like he had been sweating.
He smiled weakly when he saw that she was about ready to burst into tears. "They finally gave me a little something for the pain" he lied. "I'm okay now" he added. Elena slowly made her way over to the chair by his bed and took his hand gently. "Did you sign the papers?' he asked her.
Elena squeezed his hand. "I don't want to" she said quietly. She looked away for a moment and sighed before looking back at him. "But I will, if that's what you really want" she told him.
"It is" he said, nodding slowly. Even that subtle move hurt. Then there was a long pause. "So, what are you going to spend the 12 million dollars on?" he asked, trying to lighten the mood.
It hurt her to think about that. So, she decided to ignore the fact that Stefan assumed he was going to die. "Not me, we" she told him, a glint of hope filling her eyes. "We can go somewhere for a little while, get out of this town" she told him.
Stefan laughed lightly at the idea, but he played along. The thought of spending time with her was nice at a time like this. "Yeah?" he asked. "Where are we going to go?" he asked, rubbing her hand with his thumb and closing his eyes momentarily.
Elena thought about it for a moment. "Alaska" she said. She smiled when Stefan opened his eyes and grinned. "What?" she asked.
"Out of every place we could go, you'd pick Alaska?" he asked her. He had been there once when he was younger. There was a lot of snow. "I was kind of picturing you on a beach someplace warm" he told her.
Elena leaned in a little closer, getting a little excited with their plans. Because thinking about things like Alaska and beaches was so much better than thinking about Stefan dying. "I've never been to Alaska" she told him with a small smile.
"It's cold there" Stefan informed her.
"Which means we would have to get a cabin with a fireplace so we could cuddle up together and stay warm" she smiled quietly.
Stefan closed his eyes once again as a wave of pain washed over him. When it passed, he opened his eyes again. "I guess I can handle cuddling by a fireplace with you" he smiled weakly.
Elena had realized that he was in pain again. She hadn't wanted to point it out because he was trying so hard to hide it from her. "Then it's settled. We'll go to Alaska" she told him.
"I'll take you to Alaska" Stefan smiled, slowly bringing their intertwined hands to his lips and kissing her hand. He continued to hold their hands near his chest as he looked up at her. "Elena" he said, his voice serious now. No more daydreaming about what they would be doing together. "We both know there's a good chance that I'm not going to walk away from this hospital" he told her.
Elena was already shaking her head. "Yes you are" she told him. "You're not dying anytime soon" she stated stubbornly.
"Elena" he said, squeezing her hand tighter. "I need you to be realistic with me" he told her. "And if I don't make it out of here, I need you to know a few things" he said, taking a deep breath. Elena decided to keep quiet now and to let him speak. Because she knew there was a possibility he wouldn't live, even though she wasn't going to focus on that. "I love you, so much" he told her, smiling when she smiled at him. "And every day I wish I had fallen in love with you first" he said, locking eyes with her. "You are going to be so successful in life, with or without me, and I just want you to know that I support you, no matter where you are or what you are doing" he said, squeezing her hand again. "And I'm sorry I let my own pride get in the way the past month. I should have called you. I should have come to see you" he said, and by this point, he had tears coming out of his eyes. He was angry with himself. "I lost a whole month with you" he told her sadly. "I'm so sorry" he said, bringing her hand to lips again and kissing it as he closed his eyes and cried softly.
Elena closed her eyes and leaned in even closer until her head was resting against his. "Don't be sorry" she told him through her muffled crying. "I'm the one who is sorry. I never should have walked away from you" she said, this time in a whisper. "I love you so much" she added, kissing his neck softly.
Stefan wanted so desperately to put his arms around her and hold her close. But since that wasn't doable at the moment, having her this close was good enough for now. Because if he had to die, this moment right now with Elena was the one he wanted to have when it was all over.