Stefan threw his napkin on the table and left. Caroline was the first to stand up to go after him, but Zach stopped her. "Let him be" he said, knowing full well that his nephew needed to cool down a bit. "Why don't we move this into the sitting room for desert, shall we?" he suggested, leading the way. Everyone reluctantly followed except Bonnie who stayed with Elena and Lily, who snuck out of the room a few seconds later. Elena sat quietly in her seat, still ashamed about everything. Bonnie stared at her for a long moment. "Whenever you're ready to talk" she said, grabbing Elena's hand and sitting with her quietly.
XXXXXXXXXXXXX
Lily wandered outside in search of her uncle, finding him almost immediately out back by the pond. He was sitting on a rock, picking at grass. Lily carefully crawled her way into his lap and wrapped her arms around his neck. "Why did Daddy kiss Elena?" she asked. And then it hit Stefan just by the simple way that his niece had worded that question. Why had Damon, not Elena, done it? "Don't be mad at Elena" she said quietly.
If Stefan thought he could tell Lily how absolutely amazing she was in that moment, he probably would have. But all he really could do was keep himself from crying in front of her. It was stupid to cry over a girl. He knew that. "You shouldn't be out here worrying about me" he told her, holding her close. If anyone could talk some sense into him though, it was that six year old.
"You worry about me all the time" Lily told him. "Like, you worry if my socks match or if I got enough sprinkles on my ice cream" she explained.
Stefan laughed softly. Leave it to Lily, in all of her innocence, to make more sense than anyone around him right now. "Yeah, you're right" he said. "Why don't you go and get dessert before Alaric eats it all" he said, pulling away from her. Although he loved spending every minute with her that he could, he wanted to be alone right now.
Lily grabbed his face in her hands and looked into his eyes. "Can I go to Disneyland still?" she asked.
Stefan smiled. "I'll take you there myself" he promised. "Now go and get one of those cupcakes."
Lily crawled down and ran a few steps before turning back. "I love you Uncle Stefan" she said, a small smile appearing before she skipped off towards the house.
Stefan closed his eyes, enjoying the quiet. But it was short-lived. "Some family get-together" Katherine said as she made her way to him while holding a half empty bottle of bourbon. She took a seat on the same rock as him, their shoulders and legs touching. For once, Stefan really didn't care. "Want some?" she asked, holding the bottle out to him.
Stefan eyed the bottle before grabbing it and taking a long drink from it. When he was done, he held on to it. "You're not mad at Damon?" he asked her, looking over at her.
Katherine laughed. "Now why would I be mad about some silly little kiss?" she asked him. "I mean, come on, Stefan. It's not like they slept together" she smirked. "Which wouldn't bother me either, but I get the feeling that an extramarital affair might be a deal breaker for you."
Stefan shook his head. "Glad you think so lightly of this situation" Stefan told her. "I know Damon has been a monumental disappointment to you all these years."
Katherine rolled her eyes. "And Elena was your perfect little wife?" she asked, almost gagging at the thought. "Come on, Stefan. You're cute. And rich. Do you honestly think you will ever find a girl who really, truly loves you for you?" she asked. "You know, like love you for all the crap on the inside or whatever?" she asked, poking his chest.
"Can we not talk about this?" Stefan asked, clearly frustrated with her and her inability to filter what came out of her mouth.
"Fine" she said. "What do you want to talk about?" she asked him.
"Nothing" Stefan told her.
"Come on, Stefan. You and I used to talk for hours" she reminded him. Her favorite memory involved them sitting near the window of the home he had bought her, watching as the rain came down and they talked about what to name the baby.
Stefan remembered talking for hours about anything and everything with Katherine. "Yeah, we used to" he said, turning to look at Katherine for the first time without such blatant hostility. And Katherine picked up on it.
"I know I screwed up everything, Stefan" she said suddenly for the first time. It caught him off guard, that was for sure. "But I still love you" she said. "And I am always on your side. So, whatever you want to do about this situation ..." she trailed off.
He looked over at her again and nodded his thanks. "I think I have to take care of this on my own" he said. "But thanks" he added.
"You know, I really admire you" she told him. He couldn't see why. Katherine never admired anyone but herself. "You have no obligation when it comes to Lily, yet you have been there for her since before she was born" Katherine told him.
"I love Lily more than anything" Stefan said, feeling oddly comfortable talking with Katherine about this.
"I know you do" Katherine nodded. "She feels the same about you. Never shuts up about you" Katherine smiled. "Uncle Stefan this, Uncle Stefan that. You're lucky you have that bond with her" she said, glancing down at the ground.
Stefan watched her – was suddenly aware of how vulnerable she had become in just a few minutes. "You could have that too, you know" Stefan said gently.
"No" Katherine said, dismissing the idea right away. "I wasn't meant to be a mother. She'd be better off without me."
Stefan sighed. "If you thought that, you would have left a long time ago" he told her. "It doesn't take much. All Lily wants is your time and attention." It really did not matter what you were doing when she was with you. Just being with you was what made her happy.
Katherine thought for a long moment about what he said. "She asked me to come and watch her ride" she mentioned as if she was actually considering it.
"Good" Stefan nodded. "That's a start. Come and watch her ride. You can ride too" he said, standing up. Katherine laughed at the idea of her riding some dirty animal. "Oh please" Stefan said, resisting the urge to roll his eyes at her. "You took riding lessons for 15 years so don't even start" he warned.
Katherine smiled. "You are amazing at remembering things" she told him, having only mentioned her riding lessons once during their relationship. She stood and squeezed his arm lightly. "Too bad you weren't just as good at forgetting" she added before walking away from him. Stefan watched her until she was out of sight, trying to remember when the two of them had been able to be decent towards one another for more than a few seconds.
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
"Wait, this marriage is fake?" Bonnie asked in disbelief after Elena had spent the past ten minutes explaining things to Bonnie in a roundabout way. "But you are all in love and stuff" Bonnie said, greatly confused.
Elena sighed. "I hated him when I first met him and when he presented this idea of marrying him so he could get his trust fund" she explained. "But then I moved in with him and we grew closer and then I kind of, sort of fell in love with him" she said, running a hand through her hair.
"Does he love you?" Bonnie asked. Because it sure as hell seemed that way.
"I don't know" Elena said, frustrated with the whole thing. The marriage. Stefan. Damon. Not to mention, Derrick. "Sometimes I think so. But he is nowhere near ready to commit to a relationship" Elena told her.
"Okay, so why marry Stefan for the money then? That is totally not you, Elena" Bonnie said, quite concerned.
"Because" Elena said, standing up and beginning to pace. "One million dollars, Bonnie. One million. Do you know what that could do for us? It would pay off your student loans. It would buy you and Jeremy a nice house. It would buy back my family's home so Jeremy could stop feeling so guilty for us having to sell it off to pay for his rehabilitation" she rattled off. "This was an unbelievable opportunity."
Bonnie stood and walked towards Elena, grabbing on to her arm. "Elena. Do you realize that everything you just said benefits Jeremy and me?" she asked. "What about you, Elena?" Bonnie pressed. "When do you get to be happy?"
Elena shook her head, fighting back the tears that she already knew were coming. "I don't deserve to be happy, Bonnie" she said, sinking to the floor and continuing to wipe at her tears. "All I do is screw up and hurt people. You and Jeremy deserve to be happy. You deserve to move on and live your lives" she said.
Bonnie sat down next to Elena and smiled sadly. "Do you know how ridiculous that sounds?" she asked her. "You are such an amazing person. You know why? Because when life throws horrible things at you, you keep going. You might stumble and fall for a little while – we all do, but you get back up and you are stronger because of it. You deserve to be happy too, Elena. And if Stefan doesn't or can't make you happy, then get out of this marriage" she told her.
"But" Elena began.
"No" Bonnie said, holding up her hand. "You don't get to worry about me and Jeremy or Stefan. This is about you and what you need" Bonnie assured her.
"I made a commitment, Bonnie" Elena said. "I can't bail out now. It's only three more months. I can hang on until then" she said, wrapping her arms around her knees.
"But if you're not happy and Stefan is angry with you right now ..." Bonnie continued.
But Elena just shook her head. "Stefan is a good person who has been hurt far more than he should have been" Elena explained. "He deserves to get his inheritance. That's all I have left to give him now" she said, weakly pulling herself up off of the ground. "I think it would be best if you and Jeremy went back to the hotel tonight" Elena said, drying her eyes some more.
"Are you sure?" Bonnie asked, uneasy about leaving Elena alone.
"Yeah" Elena said. "Stefan ad I have some things to discuss" she reminded.
Bonnie nodded reluctantly. "If you're sure" she said. "I'm going to go and find Jeremy and let him know" she said, giving Elena a long hug before she left the room.
Elena sat back down on the chair and closed her eyes. She was dreading the conversation she was about to have with Stefan. Surely he hated her by now. She couldn't imagine why he wouldn't. "Elena?" a quiet voice said, interrupting her thoughts. Lily. Elena opened her eyes and gave the little girl her best reassuring smile that everything was okay. "I brought you a cupcake" Lily said, handing Elena the plate. "I frosted it myself so it has lots of frosting" she explained.
"Thank you" Elena said, setting the plate down on the table next to her. "That was very thoughtful of you" she added.
Lily walked until she was face to face with Elena and could see that she had been crying. "Don't cry, Elena" Lily told her. "Uncle Stefan still loves you" she said reassuringly.
Elena tried to laugh, but tears came out instead. "I hope he does too" she told Lily. The thought of Stefan hating her was destroying.
"He does" Lily assured her, climbing up onto Elena's lap. "Because one time, I broke his favorite piece of glass art because I was playing ball in the house when I wasn't supposed to be and he got real mad at me, but he said he still loved me" she explained. Elena smiled sadly at her before leaning her head against hers. "And it costed lots of money too. Like, thousands of dollars and he said he couldn't buy another one. But he still took me out for ice cream, so I know he still loves me" she added.
Elena couldn't help but think that breaking an irreplaceable, expensive piece of art, would have been so much better than breaking Stefan's heart. "I see" Elena replied.
"Uncle Stefan lied to me, you know" Lily continued. "He said I was the only girl he was ever gonna love" she said. "But then he said told me that he loves you" she added.
"I'm sorry he lied to you" Elena said, unsure of what else to say to Lily.
"I'm not!" Lily exclaimed. "I'm glad he loves you too because that means you get to live with him which means I get to come over and spend time with you and stuff" she explained. "You are so much funner then Laura" Lily said.
"Who is Laura?" Elena asked cautiously.
"Like, the stupidest, meanest lady ever!" Lily huffed. "Uncle Stefan was with her for a week but then I said I didn't like her, so he got rid of her" she shrugged.
"He got rid of her, just like that" Elena said, more to herself than to Lily.
"Yeah, but I didn't like her" Lily repeated.
"One day you might not like me either" Elena told her sadly. That would truly break her heart.
Lily seemed to consider this for a minute. "Nah, I could never not like you, Elena" she giggled. "You better eat your cupcake before Alaric comes out and eats it" she told her before running out of the room.
Elena sighed once again as she sat in the room by herself. She could hear laughter in the other room, despite the awkwardness from earlier. She wondered where Stefan had gone off to.
XXXXXXXXXXXX
Awkward could not even begin to describe the feeling in the air just after Elena had said her goodbyes to Jeremy and Bonnie. Stefan had gone upstairs without so much as saying a word to her, thought he did tell Jeremy and Bonnie to have a safe flight.
Elena now felt more alone than ever as she stood in the middle of the living area. It had taken every ounce of her strength not to jump in that car with her brother and go back to California with them.
But she couldn't. She would have to face Stefan sooner or later. And sooner it would be. Elena climbed the stairs, listening for any sounds he was making. But everything was silent. When she got to his room, she found the door wide open and Stefan sitting on the edge of the bed with his head lowered. He was spinning his wedding band around his finger.
Elena entered the room slowly and after debating for a few seconds about whether or not to sit or remain standing, she sat down next to him. "I'm sorry" she said, keeping her eyes on her hands.
"When did it happen?" Stefan asked, keeping his eyes locked on the wall ahead of them. He didn't even know why it really mattered.
"The day I had that run-in with Derrick. Damon came up to my room to talk to me and before I knew it, he leaned in and kissed me" she explained. "I told him it wasn't okay" she quickly added. "Because it didn't mean anything to me and I didn't let it go any further."
"Then why not tell me?" Stefan asked, standing up. "I don't understand why you wouldn't tell me!" he said, raising his voice. "Don't I deserve to know these things?" he asked her.
Elena finally forced herself to look at him. "Yes, you do" she told him honestly. "I have no excuse for not telling you. Only that, I'm sorry" she said, standing up.
"So I am" Stefan said, catching her off guard. She couldn't bring herself to ask what he meant, but he was more than willing to tell her. "What are we doing here, Elena?" he asked. "Because we're fooling ourselves if we think we can make this work."
Elena felt her eyes sting as she stood there and took in what he said. "So, we're back to our business deal then?" she asked, trying not to sound bitter. The deal where, no feelings were allowed.
Stefan nodded slowly. "We should have never let it go this far" he replied. "We have three more months until I can get to my inheritance. At that point, I see no reason for us to not go our separate ways" he stated.
Elena closed her eyes, feeling a few tears sneak out from under her eyelids as she processed what he was saying. He did not want to be with her anymore. At the end of the next three months, he wanted her gone. Maybe it was for the best. But that still didn't mean that it didn't hurt. Stefan hadn't expected Elena to cry. He thought she would have realized that this was for the best. Because it was for the best. "Okay" she said, taking in a small breath to try and calm herself. She didn't hesitate to leave his room, heading back down the hall to her own room.
Stefan leaned against his dresser and cursed. It wasn't supposed to be this hard. He was supposed to feel good about asserting his freedom. But somehow, he felt guilty.
XXXXXXXXXXXXX
Elena got in the shower almost immediately so she could cry without Stefan walking by and hearing her. She expected Stefan to be mad at her. She hadn't expected him to give up on her altogether. But maybe it was for the best. She would be a free woman come March and she could go wherever she wanted. This was a good thing, she told herself. But why did she feel like there was a hole in her heart now?
Half an hour later, she forced herself to get out of the shower and crawl into bed. She doubted that she could sleep, but at least she could close her eyes and try and forget about this day. She was interrupted though by her phone telling her that she had a new text message. She grabbed for it and checked it, figuring it was Bonnie checking in. But it wasn't.
It was Derrick. Elena opened the message, her fingers beginning to tremble. Elena, I miss you. Please answer. You'll never know how sorry I am for what I did. We can start over. Xoxo
Elena realized as she was getting out of bed that her first instinct was to go straight to Stefan with this text. But then she stopped herself. She didn't need to bother Stefan with this. Not anymore. Elena got back in bed and stared at her phone. Should she reply? No. But she did anyways. Stop trying to contact me. I will call the police. Satisfied, Elena sent the message.
It took less than a minute for him to reply. I don't want any trouble. Just want to talk.
Elena began typing away on her phone. Yeah? Talk about what? How you hurt me? How you say you got help? She hoped her text sounded as angry as she felt.
I can't begin to apologize enough, Elena. I just ask that you hear me out. Just the two of us. Next Thursday at The Grill. One hour. I promise, just talking.
Elena was ready to turn her phone off and try and ignore him. But there was something dangerously intriguing about meeting with him. Maybe it was because Stefan would have disapproved if he had known. Maybe it was because she had nothing anymore. Okay. With that, she set her phone down and tried to sleep.