"We're both headed in the same direction, man, but I bet I'll get there first."
Suddenly she reaches and grabs my hand, pulling herself up for a split second to whisper in my ear.
"Race ya."
And then she lets go.
"No!" I scream, desperately trying to grab onto her, but it's too late.
"Oh, God," Sam whispers shakily. "She let go...
"Five, that building's coming down now! You've got to get out of there! Run!"
The building collapses.
And I'm engulfed in darkness.
When I emerge, it's still dark, but it's the present. At least, I think it's the present. I'm in a room. There's something in my hand-cold, electric. It feels heavy and warm against my skin.
Large hands grab me, the fingers connecting to them digging into my shoulders, shaking me. I can see a face-two faces, but I don't recognize them, or the voices that belong to them. I just keep staring blankly ahead as darkness starts to burn around the edges of my vision.
The voices get louder, the fingers digging in enough to cause bruises. It hurts, or it does until my skin goes numb. The feeling of touch slowly fades away. The fingers still dig harder, trying to get my pain receptors to tell my brain to move away from the discomfort, but I don't.
I feel them, but I don't feel them.
Darkness engulfs me again.
"Wow, this is intense, Five."
"What's wrong with her? Why isn't she responding?" Someone yells into my ear. That voice doesn't belong to the two faces I saw before. I think his name is... Samuel? I feel something, a sadness when I hear that panicked tone. Why?
It's like I know him, but I can't remember him. I think he means something to me. By the way he's screaming, I must mean something to him.
"Callista! Please, snap out of it!" He screams, and I blink. I think I blink.
Callista. Is that my name? Even if it isn't, I want to go to him. I don't know why, but I do. I try to find him in the darkness, try to reach that speck of light that his voice is coming from.
"Callista, can you hear us?" Maxine-yes, that woman is definitely named Maxine-
No, no, it's not.
"This is Dr. Meyers, only Medicare at Abel Township..."
Dr. Meyers. Her name is Dr. Meyers.
No-
"Maxine Alexandra Meyers M.D., you are an idiot..."
No, Dr. Maxine Meyers. Same person. Yes.
Where are they? Why do they sound so far away?
Where am I?
Who am I?
Why is everything so hard to remember?
I try to reach out, try to grasp on it-them, their voices. But as I reach out, every bit of it, the material part I thought I could reach-flies away until it's nothing.
"We found a tape I made talking about something that happened to me. The other me. The real me. The me that used to have a body," Moonchild says. I know her. I remember her.
She did things to me, made me do things I didn't want to. She made me hurt people.
So, why do I not hate her? Why do I not fear her?
I remember her being a part of my mind, but she's different now. She's the only thing real here in this dark abyss. She's not translucent here, but not flesh and blood either. It's weird, scary. Her dark eyes land on my face.
"I think I know where it's from. It's when Sigrid invited me to stay at her house in the Scottish Highlands before the zombie outbreak, but I can't really remember what happened there. The tape has triggered something. I think we're... merging in my memory. I think we're becoming one. Oh! Maybe I'll take over your body for good now! Maybe this is how it happens."
Something about the words 'take over' triggers fear. Control. I don't want her having control.
Why?
I don't know, but I know she can't have it. It's not hers to take.
I begin pushing myself away from her, my legs too weak for me to stand and run. I don't know where I could possibly go. There's nothing out here. I'm stuck in some kind of endless void. Moonchild notices, and she smiles.
"Don't panic. I've had trips like this before, Five. Just stay calm."
I stop when she takes a step towards me, my heart still thrumming in my chest. Moonchild crouches down, still holding that smile. I don't find it settling.
"We're going into my memories. Stay with me. We're going to open the doors of perception, yeah?"
Before I can even think of a reply, she grabs my hand.
Then she's gone, and I'm falling.
I let out a shout, then I feel something soft when I land. I'm engulfed in darkness again, but it's different this time. It's not an endless, empty darkness. It's just darkness.
I'm hit with a drowsiness nearly puts me to sleep, but the constant knocking on my door keeps me up.
I stand, my feet padding onto the hardwood floor.
"Open the door! Open the door!" Someone yells. I know her voice. The owner of it has hurt me, hurt my friends.
What friends? Who are my friends? Why can't I remember who I am?
"Wake up and open the door, Moonchild!"
My hand pauses on the door handle. Moonchild? But I'm not-
I look down at my skin, which is now longer pale, but instead dark. I turn on the lights and look in the mirror and am met with a face and body and braided hair that is not my own.
Oh.
I open the door, and I recognize the woman. My mouth opens, words spilling out from Moonchild's memory and not my own will.
"What is it? It's the middle of the night, Sigrid."
"He got out." The blonde looks frantic, paranoid, and a few years younger than I remember her. Where do I remember her from? "He wasn't supposed to get out, but he's got out. If he escapes over the wall now, it's all over. Moonchild, put your clothes on and come with me. We've got to search the grounds of the house. We've got to run, now."
I scurry to put on some clothes, since the pajamas I'm wearing aren't... exactly decent. It's weird, seeing through someone else's eyes, and yet, there's a familiarity that comes with it. After putting on a shirt and pants and shoes, Sigrid grabs my hand and drags me off.
I'm pulled through long hallways that never seem to end, but they always do. Bright colors and clean walls and fresh smells greet me. They all seem foreign. Why? Did this me-the person whose body Moonchild has taken over-not get to have these luxuries? Why would she want to take over a person who has nothing?
Because maybe I don't have nothing. Moonchild doesn't seem like the person to be materialistic, if the clothes I'm wearing mean anything. Maybe it's the people.
The two who were yelling before seemed worried about me, and so did the two people who were grabbing me. Maxine and Samuel and... whoever the other two were. Maybe Moonchild wants that. But if so, why would she try to take me over and make them so worried?
I don't get an answer as Sigrid pulls me out of the house, and I'm met with a veil of darkness that's only split open by the light of the moon overhead. She makes me run the perimeter with her. She has a very large piece of property, so even with the cool night air, I find myself sweating, my mind reeling.
I do hope this memory takes over, so I can talk again and find out what the hell is going on. I mean, I can talk if I want to, but I wonder if me talking and not this memory doing it for me would be wise. This Sigrid gives me large feelings of hate, but also large feelings of fear. I do not wish to cross her even in this weird memory.
"So, there's no breach in the wire," She says, looking around. "Whatever he's done, he can't have got out of the grounds. Even if he has got out of the grounds, where would he go? It's thirty miles in every direction to a station or road. We're going to find him and bring him back. You're going to help me, aren't you?"
I nod. "Oh, yeah. Well, my tarot readings tell me I should trust you and help you. If... someone's escaped, you need to bring them back. I can understand that. I just... want to ask you something, okay? There's no need to be afraid or angry. You know I'm your friend."
Sigrid nods. "Yes, of course. You're my only friend. One of the few who really understands what I'm doing." Her lips purse together in thought. "You think if we quartered the shrubbery to the north, we could flush him out onto the lawn?"
"Okay," I take in a breath and let it out slowly, "do you think it's good for you-uh, karmically-to keep your husband imprisoned in this house? You know he always comes back to you in the end. He needs you."
"My husband?" Sigrid laughs loudly, and my brows furrow together in confusion, mostly because I don't remember who her husband is. "No! Ernest is... oh, I don't know. He's off with one of his women, I think. We're looking for Pro. Holloway, the leader of the Wakened Land. If he manages to get to a phone, or if he makes contact with any of those people who work with him, it'll all be over."
I frown. "So, this isn't about your husband, Earnest Van Ark?"
Van Ark.
Now that name strikes a memory.
"This might hurt a little. Well, it might feel like your veins have turned to fire, but if you value your fingers and toes, you won't slow down."
I suck in a breath through clenched teeth when the needle pierces my skin, and I let out a pained gasp as I feel it-the formula making its way through my veins, spreading into different parts of my body. It feels as if I'm burning from the inside out. Tears prickle my eyes, and it takes everything in me to keep from screaming.
"No, no. He's irrelevant," Sigrid says. "But Holloway's a real threat. He's misunderstood everything. We've got to get him before he gets out of the grounds. Come on!"
I follow her, my mind racing. Sigrid's husband-he hurt me. Sigrid's hurt me. Why would I let Moonchild take over my body when she was friends with people who hurt me, and my friends?
My friends.
I remember a girl-dark hair in pigtails, bright blue eyes, bubbly, with a pet chicken named... Mildred Van Dur Grauf.
Archie. Her name was Archie. Van Ark shot her, and he infected Paula.
I remember Paula. She's Maxine's wife.
Van Ark got Sarah Smith killed. Sarah was my friend.
And Sigrid-she tried to steal Samuel's baby-my baby. No, not my baby. Yes, my baby, but not Samuel and I's baby. I adopted, and he had a baby with Maxine because she and Paula wanted one. Yes, I think I remember now.
I continue to follow Sigrid, bits and pieces of the puzzle that make up my mind falling into place, although a large portion of it still remains jumbled. I don't know everything, not the details, but I know enough to be certain that Sigrid is a bad person, and so was Van Ark before I killed him-I killed him? Yes, I did kill him! And it was awesome!-and so was Moonchild. So is this Moonchild in my head!
I will not let her take control of me.
Sigrid chuckles from beside me, amusement dancing in her eyes as she looks over at me. "I can't believe you thought I'd go to all this trouble for Earnest."
I tip my head to the side. "You told me once that you'd rather die than live without him."
Did she tell me that, or Moonchild?
"Did I?" She blinks before shaking her head. "No, I don't think that can be right. That's not the sort of person I am at all. No, no." Another laugh leaves her lips. "Poor Earnest can hardly keep up with me there days. I am going to remake the world, Moonchild. At least, as long as we catch that blasted Holloway."
Blasted? Why does she describe him as if she doesn't like him? She told me about attending one of his seminars once and spoke as if he was the greatest man alive-a genius that was a gift to mankind.
"Listen, we're doing a little experiment right now. It's started earlier than I expected, but it's all very interesting. There's this virus that used to periodically wipe out large numbers of people up to the Viking era. I have a theory that it tends to select out groups and individuals who can't work together, who aren't clever enough to survive.
"It seems so relevant to me, to Holloway's work-that stuff about the land reclaiming those who aren't needed, the continuing evolution of the human race."
"Sig, are you high right now?" I ask with concern in my voice. "Because you're kind of manic, and if you're high, it's okay! You just need to tell me."
She gives me a closed lipped smile. "Only high on life and possibility."
"Uh, oh. Okay. Uh, tell me if you've cast I Ching or something. Any answer is cool, really. But uh, why have you kidnapped Pro. Holloway?"
Her face sours, twisting up into something angry, cold and ugly. "He's turned against his own work. His imagination is blinkered. He can't see the truth. He needs to be taught." A wicked smile spreads across her face. "I had to have a Eurostar train stopped so I could get him off, can you believe it? Lucky he's on the register as a threat to national security.
"I had him brought here for a few days so we could talk. I could tell him what I'm doing. He'll understand if we just bring him back and I explain it properly. But if he gets away now, he will destroy everything we've worked for. I think he must be in that part of the garden." She points to the large mass of trees and shrubs that looks more like woods than a garden. "Look, you take the right-hand fork, I'll take the left one. Go, quickly! Now!"
•
I've been running for a while now. I watch and listen, my eyes searching for a sign of this Pro. Holloway. It's hard to remain focused when memories keep flooding back to me. They're all so vague, especially when it comes to the people I know, or am supposed to know. I'm hoping that after this memory is over, I'll regain my own.
But before I can focus on that, I must see this through. I look around at the vast expanse of trees and bushes and flowers, the only trail being the dirt path I'm running on. Why does someone need an estate this big anyway?
"I remember this now, Five," Moonchild's voice echoes in my head. I jump, looking around to find no one. Strange. Usually she shows up when she speaks to me...
Although, I guess things are different since I'm in her body rather than her in mine.
"I tracked Pro. Holloway through the undergrowth. It's not too difficult when you've learned to hunt with the Hopi. I bent down and sniffed the earth." As she says it, I do it. It smells clean and rain-sodden. "I listened."
There are tiny rustles of nearby bushes, and up above birds fly away. I look over to where they originally came from-my left.
"The land is always saying something if you know how to listen," She says, continuing as I edge forward, being slow and quiet as to not scare him off. "I don't think much of human beings, Five. I didn't then, and I don't know. We've got above our station! We're only one animal on this planet, but we act like we own it. There are too many of us! We've put our heads above out bodies, and we think that makes us special.
"You know, people say that life is sacred, and it is, but that's all life, Five. Those birds, the trees, the tiny creatures in the little stream that ran through Sigrid's property. It's all sacred! All I really wanted was to make people happy, but it's a hard problem, Five."
I almost stop, my face twisting into a sneer. All life is sacred? Moonchild certainly didn't believe that when she made me blow up those Comansys ships, killing everyone on them. She didn't think that when she made me try to murder Sam... uel, or beat up Jody, or shoot Caleb.
Caleb...
I head over to the bushes and push them out of the way. Sigrid gave me a flashlight before we split up, but it's only now that I turn it on. A short, white-haired man flinches at the bright light, his suit dirty and wrinkled.
This must be Pro. Holloway.
I grin. "Found you!"
"No!" He yells, his voice thick and afraid. He stands, nearly tripping on his own feet as he backs away. "Oh God, no!"
"You don't have to do this," I say quickly, taking a small step towards him. "Sigrid just wants to talk to you."
"Stay away! Stay away from me!"
"He ran, Five," Moonchild says, and I watch as he turns on his heel and does exactly that, running as quickly as possible to get away from me. "So we followed him. You and me, because we're one now."
I start to follow him, but a part of me doesn't believe it, the part about us being one. I don't think we are, not just yet. My own memories are still coming back to me. I don't think that would be happening if Moonchild had already taken control. Why would memories coming back to me matter? Surely Moonchild would have access to them all already, since she's in my brain.
Although, I kind of hope she hasn't seen all my memories. I'm sure there are some embarrassing and inappropriate ones that I don't want even the weird split personality in my head looking at. Some of those embarrassing memories might actually need to stay in the dark and not resurface, but I doubt they will do so.
I keep following Pro. Holloway. He's not exactly being quiet. Running through bushes, tripping over roots, breathing extremely loudly. I'm guessing he's not in the best of shape, which is weird. After being in the apocalypse for so long, just about everyone is in shape, or at least good at running. It's odd to be reminded that some people weren't active because they didn't have to be in order to survive.
"This Holloway was clearly not a man who'd ever learned to live in harmony with nature," Moonchild says as I continue to go after him. "He didn't even know how to cover his tracks or steer away from-"
She's cut off when Pro. Holloway shouts in fear, and the sigh she gives is the sound version of an eyeroll.
"-muddy places. I chased him, and he fell. It was easy to find him."
She's right. It is easy. He's right behind some bushes, up against a tree. His suit is now covered in mud, but he doesn't seem to care. He's too focused on me staring over him, and the flashlight-no, that's not a flashlight. I must have put that away.
The gun in my hand clicks as I point it at him.
"There's a gun in my hand. I remember it." There's a beat of silence. "How did that get there?"
"Please," Pro. Holloway begs, fear swirling in his eyes as he looks to my face and then at the gun pointed at him. "Please, you have to help me."
I lower my gun, but I don't put it away. "Of course. I want to help you. I want to help everyone. That's why we're here."
He shakes his head, pushing himself back into the tree. He's still afraid of me. "It's Sigrid. She's perverted my teachings. She's totally misunderstood everything I said. She read my book, she-have you read my book?"
"The Wakened Land?" I nod. "Oh, yeah. Really intriguing. I'm all about Gaia."
A glimmer of hope appears in his eyes. "Then you understand! It wasn't a blueprint! Not a manifesto! It was a-a set of problems. Hypothetical. It was a prediction that the human race would end up dooming itself one way or another."
I nod. "I agree with you, man!"
"But she's actually trying to do it! Do you see? Do you understand? I wanted to warn about what was coming, to explain where we'd gone wrong, so maybe, by some miracle, it could be fixed, so we could learn from our mistakes of the past. But she-she wants to kill everyone! She really wants to make it happen!
"I said there might have been viruses in the past that kept us in check. She found one, and she's trying to bring it back." His hands grab at his sleeves, gripping the fabric so tight that his knuckles turn white. "Those people who died in the quarantined hospital a week ago-they were infected with a virus that hadn't been seen for a thousand years! She deliberately brought it back! We have to stop her!"
I stay silent for a moment, and Pro. Holloway simply stares at me desperately.
"Do you want to get out of here?" I finally ask, and he nods immediately.
"Yes. Yes, I do. Please. If I can talk to the Wakened Land, she can be stopped. Please, help me!"
I nod, smiling and offering him my hand, which he takes. "I know how to get you out of here. Follow me. Hurry!"
I lead him off, heading down the path. I keep hold of his hand, just to make sure he won't run off. I'd rather not have to start chasing him again. I want this memory to end. I'm going to have to give Moonchild the fight of my life if I hope to have even a slight chance of keeping her from taking over my body.
It'll be hard, since I'm used to fighting with another person and not a personality that lies within my own mind, but I can do it. I have to. I have no other choice but to beat her, because I can't bear the thought of losing control.
I keep moving, my steps light as I avoid twigs and leaves and anything else on the path that might create noise. As we get closer to one of the north gates, I slow down. Sigrid should be around here, still searching for him. We need to be extra quiet around here, and I make sure to tell Pro. Holloway that as well.
I lead him around the side of the house, making sure to stay in the shadows. We can't be seen.
"I'd forgotten this part until right now, Five, but yes, this is right. I was trying to save him." She sighs happily. "It's good to remember myself, remember who I really am. I tried to save this poor man from Sigrid!"
I stop, looking at Pro. Holloway over my shoulder.
"Professor, you stay here. I'll distract Sigrid, and you can creep through that gate."
He grabs my hands before I can leave, a wide smile on his face.
"Thank you," He whispers. "Oh, thank you."
I offer him a sweet smile and stand, walking towards the woman I can faintly see standing at the tree line.
"Sigrid! Sigrid, I found something important!" I yell, waving my hand to get her attention. She practically sprints over to me, wide eyed and waiting.
"What is it?"
"Yes, that's right. I tried to distract her, but she was too quick for me."
I open my mouth, ready to lie or create some kind of distraction, like Moonchild said she did, but I don't. Instead, I spin around, pointing right at Pro. Holloway.
"He's over there, Sigrid. See him, crouching behind that gate?"
Pro. Holloway's eyes widen in horror as Sigrid grabs her gun and stalks toward him.
"No! No!" He yells, pushing himself back until his back hits the gate.
"No, that can't be how it happened," Moonchild says. Her voice is shaking. "I tried to save him. I must have. Life is sacred!"
"So he is," Sigrid tuts. "Well done, Moonchild, my only true friend."
I smile at Pro. Holloway. It's the same smile I've been wearing. "Life is sacred, Pro. Holloway. Death is sacred too! Meet your death with the knowledge of its sanctity, and everything will be okay when you pass over the great river."
I remember her talking about sacred death when she was alive, when she convinced Jonathan from New Canton's Permanent Advisory Council to let himself be eat by zombies so we could get away, even though we could have gotten away without him needing to sacrifice himself.
Still, Pro. Holloway looks at me with desperation, fear. "Please, please help me!"
He's all but begging at this point, but I ignore him. Sigrid steps forward.
"All I need you to do, Professor, is stand with me on this. We are going to enact your dreams-the dream of a wakened land. We are the inheritors of your legacy."
"You are no inheritor of mine," He snarls. "The Wakened Land will not stand for this, Sigrid. When the land awakens, when she speaks, she will not be your friend!"
She scowls, a sudden anger burning in her eyes as she points the gun at him. "Then return to her. Now!"
She pulls the trigger, and I'm thrown back into the black abyss. I'm me again, now in my body instead of Moonchild's. But she's here, standing above me. It's just me and her surrounded by never ending darkness.
"I helped her kill him," She says, looking distraught. "Is that who I was? Who I am? Did I want to make a new version of myself, a cleaner one? Is that why I'm here?"
She looks down at me, her face becoming emotionless. "I can see how to take over your body. It's very clear to me now. I could take you over if I wanted. But I... I think that was the other me's plan. Five, I have to think about this. I have to go, Five! I have to go!"
Black takes over my vision, swallowing me whole. When I open my eyes, I'm in a room-Moonchild's bunker. I remember coming here and playing that recording.
Kytan and Veronica sit in front of me, staring, watching.
I remember them. I remember everything.
"Five?" Kytan asks, and I swallow, my lips parched and my throat dry as I blink.
"What happened?" I ask, and as soon as I do, I hear Sam-not Samuel-start sobbing over my headset.
"Oh, thank God you're back!" He all but wails. "I thought I lost you!"
I look at Kytan and Veronica for an explanation, and thankfully Kytan understands my unspoken question.
"You're here in Moonchild's underground base. When we came in after you, we saw you sitting down like this. You've just been sitting here for ages. We thought you were catatonic." He helps me up, which I'm grateful for since my legs feel so very weak.
"Oh," Is all I can say, and I tip my head to the side when I see Veronica and Kytan looking at me expectantly.
"So... did it work? Is Moonchild gone?"
A/N: Here you go, guys! I hope you enjoyed this chapter! Please be sure to vote and comment! Thank you and have a blessed day!