EIGHTEEN
paranoia
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The sidewalk to my house is generally devoid of any folk at this time of the day and taking a walk down to the Adelaide Central Market is my way of getting a 'breath'.
I was half-jogging though I had forgotten to change from my canvas shoes to sneakers but what ever. My heart was still pounding heavily against my ribs and I didn't know the particular reasons why I had suddenly freaked out when every thing was going so smooth.
"Vanessa! Hey! Wait up!" Ian's faint voice behind me makes me halt. But I don't turn around to look at him because I already knew when I left the house that he'd come. The fact that I was a pretty fast walker might have made him increase his pace a bit and he was panting.
"Are you alright?" he asks, frowning at me as he catches up his breath.
"Do I look like I'm about to break down or something?" I roll my eyes and earn a scowl from him.
"Vanessa don't you pretend. At least not in front of me." he says, crossing his arms.
"What are you, a therapist? Or better, a tarot card reader?!"
I see his jaws twitching at my sudden snapping but he glances at me and exhales slowly, probably trying not to fight back. Being the birthday girl has its advantages, be it for a day or just some minutes.
"What's wrong? Why did you just leave? It's not like someone back there was insulting you or something" he says, observing my face.
I bite the inside of my cheeks. This guy just won't let go without an honest answer and I also don't know why do I always give in.
"I feel like, something bad will happen. Because...the morning was so perfect and since last night I have been really happy and I am totally not used to being a happy person so it's kind of an unknown territory. I am scared..." I explain in one breath and I felt as if the pressure has been released off my chest.
Did it really feel this good to just share what you're thinking? Because so far I have been just a closed up person and Jae-Hwa and Audrey have accepted me that way since toddler days. There wasn't the need for them to worry because I never opened up. But Ian made it all different.
"Paranoid" He says and purses his lips.
"Yeah, yeah...that's the word." I nod, looking up briefly at his shining pair of emeralds that never failed to make me feel lost.
"I have a better idea... Uh, do you wanna go for a drive?" he asks.
"Where? And everyone's waiting up there. We haven't even eaten breakfast!" I exclaim, my eyes widening because the idea got me totally baffled.
"Where ever you wish. And we can eat somewhere on the way. There are plenty of roadside stops. I'll tell your parents, don't think 'bout that!" he says, already walking back.
"Err... And where's your car?" I ask, still standing in disbelief.
"Duh! In your garage!" He chuckles and I winced at how silly I was acting here.
Ian Eastwood: the walking talking contradiction who also liked to turn other people into contradictory messes.
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The Green Ferrari running smoothly on the rain soaked highway didn't provide as much comfort as Ian's warm hand resting on my thigh did. I still didn't know where we were headed and he was just driving.
It was drizzling outside and the glass windows were adorned with the droplets so beautifully that I almost forgot my reasons to be sad.
The Southern Expressway had roadside flower shops and quaint little cafes at one mile intervals but I wasn't hungry yet. This entire thing of being silent and watching the rain was soothing me. Somehow Ian's presence did much more than I had expected.
"Do you feel better now?" he asks, breaking the long drawn silence.
"Pretty much. Why are you doing this?" I throw a quick glance at him through the corner of my eyes. His expressions were quite unreadable and his gaze was focused on the road ahead.
"Doing what?"
"Everything... I mean it wasn't necessary to take me for a ride. Besides, father told me this morning that it was you who had arranged the birthday surprise for me" I say, perking up one eyebrow.
"Uhmm...yeah that's right. I did....I don't know I just thought it would be nice" he answers. I wish I could learn how to keep a straight face like that when someone was directly attacking you with questions that needed immediate answers.
"Are you trying to do this as a compensation or something? Like, it's you who make my parents go out of station every other day and work their asses out. And that indirectly affects me." I say, more to convince myself.
"Why are you always so hostile towards me?" he asks with an exasperated sigh.
"Ian. We aren't even friends" I state the words slowly, so that it produces the maximum impact on him.
"I know that well before you do. Can you please not bring up such conversations on your birthday? I thought bringing you here would make you relax your nerves. But I guess I'm failing" he whispers and shakes his head in defeat.
For a moment I felt like I'd press him further on why he was the way he was: mysterious.
But then, I preferred finding his lips than fighting in the middle of a road. So I made him halt the car at an abrupt moment. I didn't know how far we were from home but I just wanted to kiss him.
"What are you even doing?" Ian breathes heavily against my lips as I pull away. My arms were still snaked around his neck, fingers dug into his hair.
"I am not answerable to you" I sneer.
"Really Vanessa!? Why are we kissing each other at irregular times since the past two months?" he asks, his voice hoarse.
"Only if I knew" I laugh bitterly, untangling my arms and pulling away. I could feel the heat burning out as I opened the car door and got down in the middle of the highway.
"What the fuck are you even doing?" he shouts, slamming the door behind him.
"This place is beautiful." I smile, inhaling deeply.
The clouds had just begun to clear and the sun made the trees, the grasses on either side of the road glow in gold.
"You look beautiful" Ian responds and I look up to find his eyes so full of tenderness that I had never seen. He pushes back some loose strands of my hair, walking a step closer to kiss me but I stop him.
"If you really wanna kiss me right now, you gotta tell me the answer of a question I asked you last night" I say, gently brushing my fingers along his slanting jawline.
He contemplates for some moments before realizing what I meant.
"Oh... Vanessa. It's just that, my dad got married to a Frenchwoman. Err...he wanted to secure a deal and he traveled to Paris. He slept with a supermodel, the daughter of his business partner and that was it. The end of everything for us, my family....Iris and I came here from England just for my mum. Vanessa...please don't ask me anymore." he was visibly sweating right now and I could sense the nervousness in his voice. He looked hurt and for the first time I felt like just hugging him tight against my chest and provide all the solace I could.
"You don't have to explain. It's okay." I whisper, softly placing my lips on his.
He responds immediately, the urgency evident in his fingers trailing inside my shirt. He grinds me against the side of the car, refusing to stop.
I suddenly realize it: we were both in need of each other. He was as troubled as me. It was just that he was emotionally stronger and had better coping skills. So far, I had been thinking it was just Vanessa Davenport who knew how to fake it. But here was someone who could definitely deceive better.
Even as I kissed, I felt the paranoia melt away slowly though not all at once.
When he pulls apart in response to the annoying ringtone of my iPhone, I groan in displeasure.
It was Ezekiel Cleveland.
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A/N: Okay I wrote this chapter in one go and also, in my phone so you can imagine how fast it was. Wheww!
I wanted to tell you here, I have extensively written about Vanessa's birthday in three chapters because things happening here are really important for the future events.
Also, I might be a little late with updates but please stay tuned! <3
Don't forget to VOTE!!
-Mia.