"We cannot stop! I will not allow it!"
The voice was desperate, but the pain was the only thing I could focus on. Something was ripping me in two. I couldn't see, couldn't move an inch.
"Legolas, if she wakes not in the next few days, there is no hope. It may be kinder to let her soul depart these lands and find peace with those who left her behind."
"You cannot do this to her." There was another voice. Elladan, I thought, for he spoke slightly softer than his brother. Elrohir spoke then, fiercer but with a wobble mid-sentence.
"She is our kin. The kin of your beloved wife, our mother. Ada, you will have to get past all of us before you do anything to harm her." (S: dad)
"This is the last thing anyone wants, my sons" the older voice said exhaustedly, "but we may be forced to make a terrible choice. As for harming her, we are reaching the point where intervening may cause more harm than leaving her be."
Someone took a shaking breath. "Legolas", I heard Elrohir mutter consolingly. There was a hand in my hair, and one on my right arm.
Sense was dripping back to me like a drizzling rain. I knew the desperation in Legolas' voice; I had heard it far too many times over the past months. The older voice, of course, was Lord Elrond. The twins surprised me more, for, though I loved them, I had never considered what it might mean to them if something were to happen to me. Legolas had been my main concern, but the tremor in their voices caused a lump to rise in my throat.
The elf-lord sighed from my right, wearier than I had ever heard him. "After all you've lost, the last thing I want is for your love to be snatched from your arms too. However, we must prepare for the worst."
My heart was pounding. With hideous clarity I recalled what had led me to my sick bed. The blankets on top of me were soft and warm, the pillows made of down. The air was refreshingly cool and the scent of blossom was carried into the room by a light breeze.
Legolas' hand, achingly familiar, was in my left, gently stroking my palm. I squeezed it, clinging to him as if he alone had the power to anchor me to Middle Earth. I drew in a shuddering breath, which ended in a groan.
The others seemed to freeze for a moment. Someone pressed a hand to my forehead, but it was pushed aside by another, the fingertips of which were toughened by years upon the bowstring. His hand slid down to my cheek.
"Nesseldë?" His voice cracked at the end of my name. I squeezed his hand again, while something painful built up in my chest. How he must have suffered to see me so close to death. "Ness?" He whispered.
"Legolas it hurts."
Legolas pressed his lips to my forehead. "I know, darling girl, but open your eyes for us. We are safe at last."
I did as he pleaded as soon as I could, though the effort it took was exhausting. "Hello Sinda", I choked. He smiled widely, with tears in his eyes. My mouth was dry.
"Thank the Valar", he choked.
I reached up a shaking hand, and he lent down, wrapping his arms around my back, and pulling me upright, into his chest. I whimpered involuntarily as my wound spasmed. "Sorry. I forgot myself." He muttered, moving to rest me back on my pillows.
"No." I sniffed. "No." He pulled me closer again, and I rested on his shoulder. "I love you." I said softly. He buried his hand in my hair, stroking the back of my head with his thumb. I breathed in his woodsy smell, grateful to feel his body pressed against mine.
He gulped. "I love you so much, I would have followed you."
"Say not that." I swallowed. "You're needed."
"So are you." he lent back slightly to press his forehead against mine. "Did you hear us talking?" Tears in my eyes, I nodded, and he spared Elrond a venomous glance before continuing. "That was the worst possible outcome, which will not come to pass. You're not going anywhere. We are safe now, you and I."
"How do you know that?" I said breathlessly. Legolas sighed shakily. I felt a weight on the bed, ever so slight, and turned to see Elladan next to me, his eyes wide. "Bless the mercy of Nienna", he muttered, leaning over to wrap an arm around me and kiss my temple. Elrohir was stood behind Legolas, but he moved to sit on my other side, kissing my cheek.
I took it in for a moment. Legolas in front of me, pulling me into him, and my kin either side of me, squeezing my shoulder and stroking my hair. I had never thought to feel again the touch of any of them.
Elrond spoke up for the first time. "You have not been yourself, dear child. You have not spoken more than a few words, and rarely were you conscious enough to recognise us."
I turned from Elrond to Legolas. He avoided my eyes. "I alone could calm you if you were scared, but I do not believe you knew why."
"I've put you through so much." I muttered with a sigh, my shoulders sagging.
Legolas ran his hand through my messy hair. "Do not apologise. I had the others looking after me, and I was glad to care for you."
Elrohir propped my pillows against the bedhead, and Legolas propped me gently against them. Elladan shifted to the edge of the bed to give me space, but I bolted up suddenly, yelping at the pain. Legolas held me back, stroking my hair away from my face. "Peace. Tell me what troubles you, meleth nin." (S: my love)
"The others!" I half-shouted. "Did everyone survive the battle? Did the children-"
"Nesseldë", Elrond took my hand and squeezed it, leaning on the bed, "Your friends are fine. Many were harmed, and seventeen men were killed in battle, but those who have children are here with them. The others, Galdor and Halbarad and thirteen of the thirty rangers who joined you just before the battle, have returned to the wilds."
"Firiel was badly hurt defending her young ones, but she is healing well." Legolas contributed, taking my other hand.
"Almarien is here?" Elrond nodded, and I continued. "Is – the baby-?"
"Born in the wild", Elladan contributed, a slight smile on his face, "A girl, as healthy as can be. They are both doing well."
My shoulders relaxed. "Thank the Valar. What have they called her?"
"Beriadan suggested Miriel, and Almarien thinks it is perfect." Legolas smiled. "She has a head of dark hair already, and the biggest blue eyes I've ever seen. You can meet her soon."
"I can hardly wait. New life is such a blessing in dark times like these. How is Ancalimë? I expect the journey was hard on her."
Legolas and Elrond exchanged a look. A rock dropped into the pit of my stomach. "What?" Legolas sat on the bed, facing me. "No." A tear trailed down my cheek. "Legolas, no."
He shifted forward, pulling me closer again. "She's alive", he said calmly, "but she lost her right arm."
"By the Valar. How?"
I buried my head in his shoulder and he trailed his hand up my back. "The orcs caught up with them, and they barely escaped with their lives. The blood loss damn near killed her, but she is recovering well."
"It is a miracle we didn't lose anyone."
"Down in great part to your leadership." I could hear the pride in Legolas' voice. He stayed in the same position, letting me rest against him while he stroked my back soothingly. I was dressed in a light nightgown. I could feel it resting just above my ankles, and Legolas' fingers were warm through the delicate material. The wide sleeve fell back when I reached up to touch his cheek with my fingers. "We're in Imladris" I said after a few quiet moments.
"We brought you here as fast as we could, Elrond and Aragorn and I." Legolas replied softly. "The others were weeks behind."
I sat back at last, wincing at the use of my wrecked stomach muscles. I was so thin, almost as much as I had been when I was first brought here. "Weeks? It can't be weeks, or I'd be dead."
"You have woken to eat and drink every few days." Elladan said. I looked at Legolas and he ran his fingers lightly up and down the inside of my forearm, exchanging a glance with Elrond and his sons. His touch was sunlight on the grass after a harsh winter.
"The battle was two months ago, sweetheart. You have been very unwell."
"Two months?" I repeated softly. Legolas nodded. I closed my eyes for a moment, trying to absorb the information. I had missed two months of my life. I sighed shakily and opened my eyes again, kissing Legolas on the cheek even though it ached to stretch up to him, and he half-smiled. "I can never repay your loyalty."
He shook his head slightly. "You already have, ten times over. You're here, are you not?"
"I suppose I am." I tried to collect myself. "Is the wound terribly bad?"
It was Elrond who then reached out to squeeze my hand with both of his. "Bad enough", he said softly, "that it is likely to take you years to fully recover. The pain of it will not disappear until the internal damage repairs itself."
"But it will fade soon enough", Elrohir added, tucking a stray hair behind the point of my ear, "and then you can explore Imladris to your heart's content."
For the first time, I looked around at my chambers. They were far bigger than the previous ones I had slept in when I had first arrived in Imladris, almost two years before. The door was in the far-left hand corner, and a few metres away from the end of the bed stood a mahogany fireplace, with a table surrounded by two comfortable armchairs upholstered with mint green leaves. Sheer curtains were blowing in the breeze, and outside I could see the bridge leading to the House of Elrond, and past it the soft swaying of the trees at the edge of the woods.
Legolas tangled a hand in my hair again. "It will be some weeks before you are well enough to walk any distance . You will benefit from the larger guest rooms. We can sit by the fire when you're strong enough to take a few steps."
"I forgot how beautiful this place is." I smiled up at him, enjoying the spring breeze blowing softly though the room. "When I'm well enough, we should sit by the waterfall."
His fingers traced my cheek delicately. "I have plans for that fair place, which I hope will please you."
It was odd to be back in Imladris, after everything that had happened since my first stay. I was not the same person who left on that early morning many months ago. Rivendell was so at odds with the clouds of doubt and fear in my mind, present even now in this place of safety. Almost unwillingly I glanced up at Elrond, wondering how much he knew.
He seemed to understand what was in my mind almost at once. "My sons have told me what you went through. My dear child, I would never have spoken of the prophecy at all if I had foreseen what was to come."
The calm, ageless face flickered, just for a moment, with pain. I regretted what cost my trials had for those who loved me. Elrond had treated me like a second daughter, for the sake of my father his long-ago protector. It took me effort to say, in honesty, what I thought, but I wanted to tell him, of all people, the truth. "Sometimes I wonder whether I should have just waited for Legolas and Aragorn to come home, but then I remember the rangers. They are fine friends, and I would not leave them to their fate, even if I knew what lay ahead."
Elrond smiled with effort. "You have valour of your father, and the kindness and wisdom of those of your kin who survived the first age."
"Don't forget the strategic prowess of Maedhros", Elladan said, and Elrond chuckled. "You should have seen her", he continued, "when she took charge on that final day. I was stunned. Gone was that shy little wisp of a girl I knew at first, and a warrior took her place. I would have followed her into Mordor itself, if that was her command."
I felt myself turning an unattractive shade of magenta, and the others laughed. Elrond rose and walked to the table by the fireplace, taking a tincture from a selection. He filled a glass with water from a silver decanter next to my bed, and added four carefully measured drops of the tincture. "Your wound has hurt you, even in your deep sleep. This will help to reduce both swelling and pain."
I took it from him and drained the glass, happy to quench my thirst even though the tincture tasted slightly metallic. He was right – my wound throbbed sharply, and felt tight against the silky material of my bandages. Tentatively, I ran a hand down my stomach, feeling the beginning of the bandage below my rips and the end on my hips. On the lowest part of my stomach, I winced, feeling the place where the arrow had pierced so deeply. It was knotted with swollen scarring, and even the soft touch of my fingers seemed to stab deep into me.
"The bandages are thinner now." Elrond explained, seeing my slight gasp. "A wound needs fresh air to heal." He did not need to explain any more. Thick bandages often made a wound damp, an easy environment for infection to take hold. Legolas sat on the bed again as I rested my head on my pillows. He stroked my hair back from my face, giving me another focus besides the pain, which, thanks to Elrond's tincture, was now gradually improving.
Looking past Legolas and Elrohir, I saw, for the first time, the truckle bed in front of the bathroom door. I would know those neatly folded blankets anywhere. When Legolas looked into my face, he frowned to see the tears in my eyes, but seemed to understand when he glanced down at his things. He sat closer, taking one of my hands tightly in his and using his other to stroke my cheek. I closed my eyes at his touch.
"Do you think I would leave you to suffer alone?" He whispered, pressing his lips against my temple. I opened my eyes, looking earnestly, almost guiltily, into his.
"I would do the same. Without a second thought."
He lent down to press his forehead to mine for a moment. "I know. Do not trouble yourself about me. It would have been far worse had I been forced to sleep somewhere I could not guard you."
"It must have been awful." I sniffed, wiping the back of my hand under my eyes. Legolas almost shook his head, and I knew he wanted to retreat to his usual defence whenever emotional topics were discussed – relating it back to me, and hiding his own pain deep inside. However, at the look on my face, he relented.
"It was", he said, a slight wobble in his voice, "but you are worth any pain, and now you will heal," he paused, forcing down a swallow, "and so can I, with your help."
I knew the effort it took him to acknowledge his hurt, even to me. Truly, Thranduil had damaged his ability to open his heart, but the icy protection Legolas had built was melting. I felt my heart swell, and cupped his face in both my hands. "I'm proud of you."
Legolas sat up slightly, pressing his index finger and thumb into his eyes. He sniffed, enveloping my hand in both of his and resting his head upon them. We sat thus for a long time, paying no mind to the others while Legolas slowly mastered himself. I traced his braids my other hand, and it seemed to calm him.
Eventually, he sat up again. Elrohir stood to give us space, and he sat next to me, wrapping his arm around my shoulders. He pressed a lingering kiss to my temple in silent thanks.
Elrond watched us for a second with an unreadable expression on his face, but eventually stretched. "I have been told of your sleeping arrangements in the Dúnedain stronghold."
Legolas and I both snapped around to look warily at him. He stared back sternly, letting us stew for a moment, but then his face broke into a smirk. "Since you were responsible in that situation, Legolas may stay with you for a few more days. Only until you regain a little strength, mind you."
My shoulders relaxed in relief. After all the time we had spent in each other's arms, I did not want to spend a night without Legolas. He alone could calm me, and I him. "Thank you, my lord. Truly." Legolas said sincerely, unusually red-cheeked. Behind him, Elrohir winked dramatically and I had to work hard to conceal a laugh.
Elrond grinned again. "I was once a young lover too, but lord Celeborn was my beloved's father. Imagine the terror I felt." Legolas chuckled and I smiled.
Elrond rose, bending to give me a kiss on the cheek. "Remember, those of us who love you will always do so." He whispered, standing and leaving the room quietly.
Once he had left, Legolas let a few tears slip down his pale cheeks. He, eternally strong, looked absolutely exhausted. There were dark shadows under his eyes. Gently he pulled me into his arms, paying no mind to the sons of Elrond, and I lay my head on his chest, stroking his stomach with my fingers in what I hoped was a comforting gesture. I felt tears springing in my own eyes. All that we had been through seemed to bear down upon us, and in that moment of compete safety we could feel it all at last.
Elladan shuffled up on the bed again, rubbing my arm. Elrohir sat opposite us, placing a hand on Legolas' head. "We wouldn't have given up on you, whatever father says." Elrohir muttered. Though I knew he could make no such claim, it was comforting, nonetheless.
"That won't happen." I said, almost trying to convince myself.
"Of course not." Elladan assured immediately. "You'll be alright, given time and rest."
Legolas stood, claiming the need of the bathroom, but we all knew he wanted a moment to compose himself. We let him go in silence, and the twins settled me back against my pillows, fussing around me for a moment. I let them arrange my blankets and pour me water uncomplainingly. "He's been here all this time, hasn't he?"
Elladan nodded, taking the empty cup from me. "We tried to make him rest, but without you, he would only pace, waiting until we let him go back to your side. It was best to let him stay here."
"Thank you for looking after him." I said solemnly, taking both of their hands in mine. The twins only smiled, squeezing my hands back and standing when Legolas opened the bathroom door. "We'll come back tomorrow. You should both rest."
Each of them clapped Legolas on the shoulder, then walked away, closing the door silently behind them. I heard one of them expel a sigh as they left.
I turned from the door to see Legolas gazing at me, as if he was afraid I would disappear if he blinked. "What happens now?" I said after a moment.
"Whatever we want, I suppose." He said uncertainly. We looked at each other and slowly, a smile spread on my lips. He sat opposite me, framing my face with his hands, and kissed me. The moment his lips touched mine, I knew we were going to be alright. They were just how I remembered – soft, and careful, and all-encompassing. When we pulled away breathlessly, I took both his hands in my own.
"This wound, will it affect any-" I paused awkwardly, unsure how to phrase it. The arrow had pierced me so low down on my stomach. I knew what it must have damaged, and the thought had plagued me since I had awoken. I was almost afraid to ask him. "- any plans, in our future."
Legolas smiled. "Our future? I like that idea." I smiled and he lifted my hand to his lips to kiss it. "Elrond said that, if we one day want children, it might take a little longer. That is all."
"How much longer?"
He sighed. "I do not know exactly. Nesseldë, such things matter not at all, at least not to me. If the wound had been even a little deeper, I would have lost you."
"So I'll be alright, one day? If- if we-"
"If we wish to wed?" Legolas asked. I nodded, and he kissed me again. "You'll be alright. More than alright, I hope." He smiled nervously. "I know all of this is a lot to take in. You awoke not half an hour ago, and we speak of things we have never seriously spoken of. I don't want to scare you. We can take our time."
We had never talked about marriage, except to tease each other. I allowed myself to imagine it for a moment. Me in a white dress, and him in fine robes of silver, crowns of flowers upon our brows. I could imagine how he would smile, so widely and yet as if he were on the verge of tears. I pictured the feast we would host, and what would come after. The joy I felt being close to him, and how I knew it would feel the same then, too.
"This is a big step forward." I said eventually, pushing the daydream away with difficulty. "But this relationship is not merely some light-hearted dalliance. Besides, we both know what we wanted the night before the battle. Did I seem scared?"
He raised an eyebrow and shook his head. "Quite the opposite, I thought." I leaned in and kissed him irresistibly. We rested our foreheads against each other for a moment, soaking each other up. He sighed. "Will you ever stop causing me trouble, Noldo?" I giggled.
"How would you occupy yourself if I didn't?" He laughed quietly, and I felt his hand squeeze mine, and reached up to trace his cheek with my fingers, savouring the softness of his skin.
At that moment, the door cracked open. Aragorn walked in and we froze, unable to hide our intimacy, Legolas' hand on mine and our lips practically touching. Legolas stood quickly and I bit my lip. He raised a single eyebrow and let us blush for a moment, but he grinned eventually. From behind his back he produced a vase full of daffodils, a fair reminder of the spring outside. He set them carefully on my bedside table.
I sat up painfully and he perched on the bed, pulling me silently into his shoulder. We sat thus for a long time. "Hannon le", I choked eventually. He shook his head.
"Do not thank me. I'm just so glad to see you awake." He smiled tremulously and stood up, dragging a stool from the corner of the room to sit beside us. After a moment of hesitation, Legolas perched next to me again, and I rested on his shoulder.
" Arwen sends her prayers. We picked the flowers for you."
"I love them." I smiled affectionately. "I would see her today. She doesn't need to wait."
"We must not overwhelm you. For some time, even small things will seem exhausting." Legolas explained gently. "Tomorrow your kin will come, and perhaps a few days hence the rangers can visit too."
"You must be tired already." Aragorn said. I nodded.
"I do not wish to sleep." I said warily.
Legolas curled an arm around me, and Aragorn squeezed my hand. "You need plenty of rest, dear friend. You will not fall unconscious this time. You'll just sleep."
I focused on the touch of each; my two-favourite people in the world. "I trust you." I said eventually.
"I should think so." Aragorn said. He bit his lip. "Have I been terribly insensitive and interrupted a private moment?"
I laughed, shaking my head. "We have all the time in the world."
A.M.