Thursday, 7th September
The phone buzzed as Jae was restocking the shelf at 2.30 a.m. Yoongi was calling her through Skype. She received the video call and moved to the area that abled her to see the store entrance and the manager's room.
"Yo Jae!" Yoongi greeted as she accepted the call.
"Yo Suga!" Jae greeted back.
"I still prefer you call me oppa than Suga," he complained.
"You wish. How's LA?" she asked.
"The crowd was great. The manager said we sold out the 3 days concert," he said and yawned afterwards.
Jae calculated mentally, it was roughly 10.30 a.m Wednesday in LA. "Did you just wake up?" she asked and as she looked closely his hair was tousled and a bit messy and she could see the headboard behind him.
"I did. We're gonna head out in a while for lunch at noon. Gotta hit the gym before that." Yoongi stood up and went to the desk to get a bottle of water. He propped the phone on it and Jae caught a glimpse of his keyboard and laptop on it.
"You brought your studio with you?" she asked, amazed. A songwriter never actually have an off day especially when they have an active mind. She was amazed that he actually brought his equipment along.
"I still have to work when I'm touring," said Yoongi.
"Of course, but just how many equipment did you bring?" Jae was curious.
"Laptop, speakers, headphone, mixer, audio interface, keyboard – you know the drill," he said, showing what he got on the desk. Girls would love chocolate or jewelry, but Jae was practically drooling at what she saw. The speakers were the top of the line as well as the audio interface.
"Working on the next album?" asked Jae.
"Just dabbling around. You're working on the next track?" he asked her back.
"Dabbling around too. Got a few projects going on," she replied.
"Game soundtrack?" he asked again.
"Yes. It's easier than what you are doing," said Jae.
"I don't think so. Soundtrack is more difficult."
"Well that's what makes us different. I could think better with the pictures, videos and story concept given. You can't just tell me to make a happy song but not telling me the whole picture," she clarified.
"You're attached to an agency or are you doing freelance?" asked Yoongi.
"Is that question 2?" teased Jae. She laughed when Yoongi groaned. "Bet the whisky you had last night is giving you a headache."
"You're a headache. How did you know I had whisky?" he asked as he massaged his temple.
"There's a bottle and an empty glass on your desk just now. I just made a deductive reasoning," she replied. "I'm doing freelance. But if Blizzard wants to hire me as an in house songwriter, I would gladly do so. But I'm not picky, Square-Enix would be fine too. In my dreams," she jokingly added, referring to the top game developer in the world.
"It could come true."
"Maybe. One day. You play video games?" she asked.
"I played some but I don't play much. Taehyung and Jin are the game junkie."
The entrance rang, alerting for the incoming customer and Yoongi could hear it through the call. "Duty calls," said Jae.
"Take care," he said.
"You too," Jae ended the call.
Friday, 21st September
Jae was about to put her phone on silent mode as she received the Skype call from Yoongi. "You're in your room?" asked Yoongi as they finished greeting each other. He noticed the change of her background. She got her clothes hanging behind her. As she moved, he could see her desk that was filled up with her equipment. It looked tight and cramped. Jae was glad that even if the room was small, her place was clean and in order. She couldn't permit herself to be a slob as she had to make sure everything that she needed was in sight and easy to find.
"It's Friday. I don't work at the store on Friday," she said. "I thought I already told you that."
"I forgot. Blame it on the time zone difference. You're about to sleep?" he asked.
"Yes. The only day I could get quality sleep – if there's no deadline. How's Ontario?" asked Jae. Yoongi told them before that they were there for 3 days.
"It's cold. ARMY makes it warm."
"Sold out for 3 days?"
"Sold out for 3 days," Yoongi confirmed.
"That's great. You got loyal fans all over the world who would fight for a ticket to your show."
"We were lucky," he said.
"No, everyone in your group is talented," she corrected.
"You follow on our activity?" he asked.
"Not really. Sorry, even if we work in the same company building I don't really keep track on where you go or what you do. Tunnel vision, remember? But I do know that every one of you work your ass off when I see you around."
"I just wonder... what if we crash?" said Yoongi absently.
"Crash?" Jae asked, not knowing what he meant.
"Being up here, winning awards, success... what would happen when we fall," he trailed off, biting off one of his nails on his left finger and putting his hand down again.
Jae sobered up. The talk was getting heavy. "I do know what you are trying to say. Take it from a person who already crashed. Savour your moment. Don't waste it."
Jae could see him sitting straight at her advice. "Jae, what happened?" he asked. She knew what he meant from that question. How did she end up from living in a mansion to a room smaller than her walk-in closet a lifetime ago?
"Can the answer wait? I don't think I'm ready to tell you yet," she replied. Honestly she wanted to tell him really bad but a part of her didn't want to. Too much pride? Maybe, or whatever pride she had left stopped her from telling him so. She was afraid. If she told him, what's next? She counted her blessings that he didn't treat her any different. It would kill her if he look at her with pity. She didn't need that nor sympathy. She just wanted to survive with whatever she had.
"Whenever you are ready. I'll be here," he assured her. Jae sighed. She didn't feel that she was worthy enough to be liked by him. He would be better off liking someone else who is way better than her. When he found someone else would she be ready to forget him? She survived her puppy love infatuation phase before. Could she survive again?
"You're making this hard," she said at last.
"I'm not forcing you to do anything that you don't want to do."
"That's the problem. If you were being pushy I could just shut you down real quick."
"That's not who I am," he concluded.
"That's not you," she agreed. "Aren't you supposed to have lunch or something? It's noon in Ontario now," said Jae, changing the topic.
"I'm on intermittent fasting," he said.
"When was your last meal?" she asked.
"2 am... 3 maybe?"
"You're not doing 20:4 right? You need lots of energy performing," she said with concern.
"Still 18:6 but I'm gaining a lot on tour. The stylist complained I might not fit into my clothes," he replied quickly.
Jae was angry. At the rate they were going, they burnt off a thousand of calories easy, but that is what the industry require them to do. Any weight gained will be noticeable and netizens would be flooding the social media with nasty comments. "Just don't forget to eat," she said at last. She couldn't be babbling and going on a tirade when that was the price that he has to pay for the career choice he made.
"Oh, I eat a lot. Don't worry. Same goes to you. What did you have for dinner?" Yoongi asked.
"Ki-Tae oppa cooked us fried rice and kimchi jjigae."
"Ki-Tae oppa?"
"The restaurant owner. He cooks for everyone before night rush hour started," she explained.
"Ki-Tae oppa?" Yoongi repeated again.
"Yes, what's the problem?"
"You call him oppa," Yoongi sulked.
Jae smiled, "He's older, duh. Ki-Tae oppa and Chan-ri eonnie are my brother's friends." She suddenly heard the doorbell on Yoongi's end.
"I gotta go. That's probably my manager. Take care Jae," he ended the call.
Jae sighed. She did a lot of that lately. She looked forward for his calls but at the same time, she felt that she shouldn't. He's achieving big, on world level and here she was, barely noticeable to everyone. She felt small.
The feeling of unworthiness was just overwhelming.