tw: violence, drugs, mentions of overdose
j e s s i e
i sighed as i tapped my finger quickly and repeatedly on the desk, staring at billie. she was turned around in her desk, facing me, and giving me a cocky smirk.
"could you tap a little quieter?" matt asked from beside me.
"i'm sorry, are you trying to overcome a nicotine addiction?" i snapped.
"sorry." he muttered.
i let out another sigh as i let my head fall and hit the desk, then i proceeded to let out a low groan. "no, i'm sorry, matt. i didn't mean to snap like that. this is just a lot harder than i expected it to be."
"you've got this, jess," he assured. "you've gotten through a lot harder shit than this."
i lifted my head to shoot him a small smile. "thanks, matthew."
the bell rang and i shot up, grabbing my bag that i had already put my binder in. "bye, matt, see you this weekend."
i walked over to billie, grabbing her hand, and quickly leading her out of the classroom.
"where are we going?" she asked as i pushed through people, making my way down the hall.
"i really want to vape right now, so," i pulled her into a storage closet, pushing her against the door when i shut it and placed my hands on either side of her head. "i figured that i'd kiss you instead. that cool?"
her blue orbs scanned mine for a moment, a flustered look on her face, before mumbling a small "yeah" and leaning in, connecting our lips. i moved my right hand from beside her head to hold her chin, keeping it in place as i turned my head to deepen the kiss. she placed her own hands on my head, tangling her fingers into my hair.
a few moments pass before i pull back slightly. "i wanna take you somewhere tonight." i say before connecting our lips again.
she kissed back for a second before pulling away, though barely. "where to?" she asks before leaning back in.
i get lost in the kiss for a while before pulling away again. "a place i used to go to," i kissed her once more before asking "please?"
"sure." she murmured before connecting our lips again.
it's not until the bell signaling for fourth block to start when billie pulls away. "we should get to class." she whispered.
"maybe," i say before kissing her again. "but i like this better."
i could feel her start to melt into the kiss again, but she placed one of her hands on my chest, pushing me back slightly. "jj, baby, as much as i would love to continue this, i've really got to get to class."
i sighed as i moved my hand from her chin to move my hair out of my face. "you're right." i said as i pushed myself off of the door and adjusted my book bag strap.
she leaned forward and pressed a quick to my cheek. "see you at lunch, jess." she smiled before slipping out of the room.
i stared at the door for a moment before exiting as well.
that girl is going to be the death of me.
<~~~~~>
almost six hours later, i'm parking my car in a pretty deserted area. i got out, ran to the passenger side, opening the door and holding my hand out for billie's.
"dude, where the fuck are we?" she asks her as i lead her through a field.
"a place i used to go to a few years ago." i explain.
a few minutes later, we reach an abandoned train track that's no longer in use. on the train track is several box cars, each covered in graffiti. i walk over and run my hand over one of the graffiti pieces. "i did this."
billie's eyes widened slightly. "when?"
"sophomore year," i sighed. "the night i got detained."
i begin telling her what happened that night and it feels like i'm there again, doing shit i know i shouldn't be.
<~~~~~>
"jj, come look!" jaxton laughed, ushering me over to him.
i walked over to him and let out a laugh and shoving his shoulder when i saw that he had spray painted a dick. "stupid."
"no need for name calling, jess," jonah said, walking over to give jaxton a fist bump.
"aye, you ain't even in this conversation." i narrowed my eyes at him.
he raised his hands in defense before walking back to continue spray painting whatever it was that he was making. i walked over to andre and took the juul out of his hand, taking a hit from it.
"yo, did you lace this with anything?" i ask. "cause i keep seeing shit that i know for a fact i shouldn't be."
"spice." he answered shortly.
i dropped the juul. "and you didn't think it would be good to tell me?" i ask loudly, feeling my anger rise as i raise both of my hands to push his shoulders.
"what? you can't handle it?" he chuckled, obviously not taking me seriously.
"i could get addicted to that shit, you fucking idiot." i say, pushing him back again when he began to get closer.
"it's not that bad, jj, calm down."
"fuck off." i muttered, turning around to go back to my own graffiti work.
"nah, come on. you wanna get angry with me? come at me."
"yo, leave her alone, andre. she's obviously not comfortable with it." jonah cut in.
"i thought you were cool, jessie," andre said lowly. "guess not."
without another thought, i turned around and threw a punch at his face, making him stumble back. he chuckled as he wiped his face before throwing his own punch.
before it could get too intense, jonah had pulled andre back, while jaxton had pulled me back. he had faced me away from andre, holding my face as he inspected it.
"you okay?" he mumbled.
i tried to focus on his face and his breathing as i tried to calm down. "yeah."
i looked past him to see andre, a sick grin on his face as he licked the blood off of his busted lip.
i glared at him before leaning my head down and pushing it into jaxton's chest. he rubbed my back a bit. "you sure you're good? i could take you home, if you need me to." he offered.
"nah, i'm good. i'm not going home."
i stepped back from him and walked around him, dropping the bottle of spray paint that i had dropped.
"what? you ain't got anymore fight in you?" andre asked as i resumed painting.
"dude, shut the fuck up. leave it alone." jonah spat.
"pussy." andre muttered as he walked past me.
i was about to say something else, but the loud sound of police sirens and bright blue and red lights stopped me. my eyes widened as i saw them get closer.
"run!" jonah yelled, running past me.
i dropped my spray can and was about to start running as well, but i was yanked backwards, and pushed into the ground. i looked up to see who it was with furrowed brows.
"don't fuck with me, jacobs." andre threatened lowly before stomping on my stomach.
it felt like all the air in me was knocked out of me as i clutched my stomach, desperately trying to catch my breath. my heart felt like it was beating a million miles an hour as i heard the police car park.
i tried to sit up, but only got to my knees before i saw two police officers get out of the car. both of them had a pistol and a light pointed at me as they walked towards me.
"hands behind your head!" one yelled.
i placed both of my hands behind my head, my breathing still erratic as i did so.
scared was an understatement of what i felt right now. hell even terrified was.
one of them came behind me, pulling one of my hands behind my back to cuff it, then the other one, making me wince at how tight he cuffed it. "stand up." he ordered and i did so.
the other came in front of me, shining his light in my eyes, making me squint. "are you the only one?"
"yes sir."
snitches get stitches and end up in road side ditches.
"you're in big trouble." the other officer said as he led me to the car.
i didn't say anything as he shoved me into the car. i didn't say anything as they got in the car as well and drove to the police station.
i just sat in silence.
i only spoke when they put me on the phone with my parents.
"jessie?" my mom answered.
"hey, mom."
"why are you at the police station?"
"vandalism."
she let out a deep, frustrated sigh. "why, jessie? why would you do that?"
"it seemed fun at the time."
"your father, jordan, and i will be there shortly." she said and i heard the line end.
jordan.
fuck.
i placed the phone back in the holder and turned to the guard. he chuckled before leading me to my holding cell. "didn't want to tell mommy that you're also on drugs?" he chuckled.
"nope."
i sat on the paper thin mattress that was attached to the wall whenever we reached my holding cell. i put my head in my hands, my leg bouncing anxiously as i did.
everything that's happened in the past two hours doesn't even feel real.
i was lost in my thoughts until the same guard from earlier came back. "you're released."
i looked up at him. "for real?"
he nodded and beckoned me forward. i stood up and walked over to him, following him through the building.
i looked forward and saw my parents and brother standing at the desk, a disappointed look on all of their faces.
i couldn't really care about my parents being disappointed in me, but just the thought of jordan being disappointed in me made me want to cry.
i reached them and my mom wrapped me into a hug, but popped my arm harshly after. "what were you thinking, jessie jade? this isn't how me and your father raised you."
i didn't say anything as i looked down. i couldn't meet jordan's eyes.
"you're lucky," my dad said. "we paid the police to take this off your record and let you off without any consequences."
"any consequences from them at least," my mom started. "you're grounded from your phone for a month, and the only reason you'll be leaving the house is to go to school."
i nodded slightly.
i didn't say anything as i got into my mom's car or as she drove.
when we got home, i looked up at jordan before he went to his room. "i'm disappointed in you, jessie. i thought you were better than this." he said before walking down to the basement.
i felt tears prick at my eyes as i stood there for a moment. i walked up to my room, crying into my pillow as soon as i dropped into the bed.
<~~~~~>
"and then i tried to overdose." i mumbled quietly.
i buried my head into billie's neck as i felt tears come to my eyes. "i regret that night so much."
she wrapped her arms around me, pulling me closer to her as he rubbed one of her hands on my back. "it's okay, baby. it's over and done with." she whispered.
i didn't try to say anything else as i cried. i instead listened to billie repeatedly telling me that it's alright and that it's over, along with the soft beating of her heart.
i pulled away after a while, wiping my eyes. "sorry, i just... that night-"
"is alright," billie cut me off. "you don't have to apologize."
i gave her a small smile. "let's get out of here, yeah?"
she nodded and i took her hand in mine, starting to lead her back out of the field. i felt my foot move something and i furrowed my brows as i looked down to inspect it. i bent down and picked up a juul.
i inspected it for a second. "this is andre's. the one that was laced."
billie watched me intently, watching to see what i would do. i let go of her hand for a moment to back up, then chucked the juul as hard as i could. we both watched as it soared through the air, landing probably forty yards out.
i held my hand back out for her's and she took it wordlessly. i led her back to my car and opened the door for her. i got in on the driver's side.
"can you stay at mine tonight?" i asked, glancing at her as i drove.
"why?" she asked, a smirk present on her face.
"bro, i just wanna be held," i whined. "is that too much to ask for?"
"not at all, mama." she smiled.
<~~~~~>
two and a half hours later, me and billie are back at my house. we've both showered and we're laying in my bed. she had on a pair of my sweatpants and one of my t-shirts.
i was cuddled into her, my head laying on her chest. our legs were tangled beneath the blankets, and her arms were around me.
"hey, bil?" i called out after a while.
"yeah?"
"thanks for being here for me and shit and not running off. it really means a lot."
"i'm not going anywhere, jj," she said, pressing a kiss to the top of my head. "you're stuck with me."
<~~~~~>
a/n thoughts?
words:
2300