Beating out of my chest,
§
my heart is holding onto you...
"Wei Ying," Lan Zhan says.
"Lan Zhan." You haven't changed a single bit. You are everything I remember, everything I have dreamed of, everything I have yearned for. "It's..." Ah Xian clears his throat. "It's been a long time."
"Yes. It has."
"I, uhh, I see you have things to attend to. You've been summoned somewhere?"
"No."
"O-Oh... no?"
"No. I don't have things to attend to."
"Oh... well. I mean... I'm sure you actually have lots to do. You're just saying that. You should at least get some rest—or deal with these little buggers! These reckless lil' juniors here. They came all the way to the other side of the mountain to find me, did you know that? Ahah, rotten kids. Neglecting their classes like that, who do they take after? Also, I heard you're not feeling well. You should be resting, no?" Ah Xian clears his throat. "Clearly, you do have lots to do. I shouldn't impose on you... I'll just... I'll go wait in one of the guest chambers—"
"No."
"No?"
"You're not imposing. You won't wait in one of the guest chambers. Let's... just..." Lan Zhan trails off. His throat bobs, eyes glazed over in a way Ah Xian has only seen a few times in him. "Let's just have tea."
Ah Xian cocks a gentle brow, "Right now?"
"Yes," whispers Lan Zhan. "Right now."
•••
The air of the room simmers with an unusual, stale quiet.
Lan Zhan pours two cups of tea, his gaze lowered calmly to the pot in his hands. He sets one of the cups in front of Ah Xian. It clinks against the old wood of the table.
"Drink," Lan Zhan says. One breath. Quipped, gentle, concise.
Ah Xian wants to laugh.
"Thanks," Ah Xian says. He takes the cup. Suddenly, he is reminded of the countless times Lan Zhan has done this for him in the past. Each time they were somewhere new. Each time Ah Xian was sick with stress, and needed a way to relax; too often he yearned to resort to liquor. He always started to, but Lan Zhan would grab his arm.
"No alcohol," Lan Zhan says.
Ah Xian sighs, throwing him an annoyed frown, "Aww, come on, Lan Zhan, are you serious?"
"Yes."
"This isn't Cloud Recesses, in case you haven't noticed. We are actually extremely far from Cloud Recesses. So—I can drink as much as I want."
"Too much," Lan Zhan answers bluntly. "You'll get sick."
"That's a risk I'm willing to take," Ah Xian drawls sardonically.
"No."
Ah Xian tears from this thoughts.
Lan Zhan is staring at him, his eyes soft in a way that is also familiar. Ah Xian clenches his teeth. He wants to reach forward. Wants to lean closer, hold Lan Zhan in his arms the way he does in his thoughts. But Zewu Jun's words wrap his desires in a black hole. Ah Xian's throat tightens.
He looks away first.
"So... I, uhh, I heard you were looking for me."
"Yes."
"You sent out search parties for me, didn't you? Jingyi told me everything. But, he didn't tell me why you were looking for me. I guess he didn't know."
Lan Zhan says nothing.
"Did you just miss me?" Ah Xian prods, keeping his voice light.
Lan Zhan's eyes widen, "What?"
"Did you just want to see me? Is that what this was?" Ah Xian throws him a sly grin, lounging backwards. "Maybe you missed my presence. My charm, my grace, my handsomeness. I bet you realised you can't live without me, hm?"
Something enters Lan Zhan's eyes, completely disrupting his calm facade.
"Y-You..." Lan Zhan stammers, then sucks in a breath. Maybe it's Ah Xian's imagination, but there seems to be a storm of emotions hiding beneath his surface—not just flusteredness and rage. There are small telltales of fear, awkwardness and... something else... in his eyes. Lan Zhan continues in a familiar biting tone. "Shut up."
Ah Xian barks a laugh, "You're not denying it though. Why? Am I right?"
"Don't talk about what you don't understand."
"And what exactly do I not understand?"
"Wei Ying—"
He doesn't go on.
Finally, Ah Xian meets Lan Zhan's eyes. The careless, cheeky mask Ah Xian wears starts to slip, because he doesn't want to act like this right now. He's not in the mood to be clownish... he just wants...
"Wei Ying," Lan Zhan repeats, and doesn't say more. The rage and frustration has vanished from his face.
The air changes.
Ah Xian clears his throat loudly.
•••
It's Wangji's turn to brave a face, "Wei Ying..." he doesn't know what he's going to say yet. "About searching for you—"
"Ahh, it's alright, it's alright!" Wei Ying exclaims bluntly, waving his hands like he's clearing smoke from the sky. "Don't tell me, I can guess—you needed a friend, right?" He grins coyly, staring right into Wangji's eyes like he's running a dead-end. "You want me here because of your sickness. I get it. Everyone heals better with a good old pal by their side. Obviously, even the spectacular Hanguang Jun would be no different, am I right?"
Silence.
"Am I right or am I right?"
"You're... right."
"Yeah, exactly," Wei Ying replies faintly.
He finishes the last of his tea, eyes gleaming with laughter and causal warmth. He's so relaxed. He even scoffs next, catching Wangji off-guard, "Do you think you're some kind of immortal or something? Obviously you need a good friend."
A good friend?
A good friend?
"So. You'll..." Wangji can't seem to find his voice. The words he wants to say swim around in his head, tempting him and toying with him. At last, he manages to blurt. "You'll be living here, won't you?"
Wei Ying pauses there.
"Do you want me to?" His words are quieter.
Yes.
"Yes."
"Is it okay with Xichen? I mean. I know you're the Chief Cultivator and everything, and the Lan Clan Leader, but... I mean, Xichen is still your brother and senior. I just have a feeling that he won't be too pleased with this arrangement."
"He's fine," Wangji replies curtly. "Stay in the guest chamber." So I can see more of you. "Stay here... at Cloud Recesses.... and I'll take care of you."
Silence.
Wei Ying is looking down.
"You'll take care of me?" he repeats quietly.
"Yes."
Wangji's reassured one-word rings through the air, a desolate echo. Finally, Wei Ying laughs abruptly in response. Wangji doesn't know if it's his imagination, but there seems to be something dry and bitter in it. It reminds him, strikingly, of that time a hundred moons ago when they parted ways on the edge of a mountain, the wind blowing them away from each other, the bright green blinding them, and their duties calling them far, far away...
"Why are you laughing?" Wangji asks.
"It's nothing," Wei Ying raises his eyes and, finally, meets Wangji's gaze. "It's just that... I thought I was coming here to take care of you, but, um... here you are. Telling me you'll take care of me. Before I even had the chance to."
The affection in his voice. The estranged look in his eyes. The careful aversion of his gaze and the bold, striking bark of his laugh that rings like the sing of a harp. And, the undeniable warmth every time their gazes meet.