Camila's POV
At home Darren had fixed me up and took care of Ariana for me by forcefully taking my phone away and texting her. Although, Darren had always dragged me wherever he wanted, he was acting very strange this time. He was so insistent on me going. Maybe he just wanted me to break up with her already. Or maybe he just wanted me to forget for a while. Either way I was going to the party regardless because after all, I had already been standing out side the feternity doors. I hesitated but Darren as confident as he is, opened the doors and practically through me inside. Ariana quickly caught me before I lost my balance.
"Shit." I said holding onto my chest. "Thank you."
"No problem, are you okay?" She asked helping me stand upright.
"Yeah... yeah. Thank you."
She half smiled before she asked, "Do you want me to get you anything? Maybe like punch? A beer?" She said with a smirk.
"Ha ha ha. Very cute Ariana but no. You know how much of a light weight I am when it comes to drinking." I pouted.
"I know." Ariana said scrunching up her nose. "I just like teasing you about it."
I half smiled because I loved her I really did, but I wasn't in love with her and the task at hand was distracting me.
"So punch it is?"
"Yeah."
"Cool." She awkwardly said noting my obvious discomfort with our verbal interaction.
I'm the second that Ariana's petite body got lost in the crowd, Darren quickly pulled me aside. "So you're going to dump her right?"
I shrugged my shoulders.
"Mila!" Darren whined with a tint of annoyance.
"I'm sorry. You know I don't like hurting people."
"You're going to hurt her more if you stay with her. Let her go. It's time."
I sighed, "Okay, but not here. I can't do that to her. She deserves better than this." I said glancing back at the party.
"Alright. When are you telling Lauren?"
"I don't know. After I break up with her maybe?"
"You should go find her and tell her how much you love her."
"Wait she's here?"
"Of course she's here. Did you think I brought you here just for the hell of it." He said looking past me.
I turned around and gasped when my eyes suddenly met by the green eyes I loved so much.
She looked sad. Hurt. And even a bit sick. Her beautiful pale skin was now Pasty white with no glow what so ever. Under her puffy green orbs, lay purple tinted eye bags. And underneath her nose, was a line of blood; Red, gooey substance that had been dripping from her nose as her eyes stared at me with the most sincerity. I was going to approach her but when she realized that her blouse had been covered in her own dripping blood, she tensed. I stopped in my tracks to observe her reaction, and she was absolutely terrified. She looked as if she was a child, a child who had just seen a ghost; a red bloody ghost. Her wide panicking eyes moving back and forth between me and her blouse when I began to approach her. The closer I got the more she tried to hide her nose bleed. While I tried to get through the huge crowd of people, she did the same but in the opposite direction. She ran away from me before I could even get to her and I didn't understand why she would do that. Or what she was afraid of. But in a panic of my own I ran after her. At the moment I didn't care who I left behind, whether it was Darren or Ariana because all that mattered right now was Lauren. The state she was in, was not healthy. And seeing her like that, made the immense pit of regret within me grow deeper.
But chasing Lauren was not as easy as you may think. Apart from her outstanding athletic skills, she knew how to maneuver around people. While I instead, struggled moving past the huge glob of drunk college students. Through my struggle, I had gotten beer spilled on me and a few bad words thrown at me. But it was worth it, because I caught up to her. Not because I suddenly got super powers or something but because she lost her balance and fell on her bum.
She rubbed her head as I approached her. She was unaware of how close I was getting to her, but I didn't care. With one swift move I had been at her side and found myself checking every part of her body for any wounds.
"Are you okay?" I asked as I cupped her cheeks and looked for any imperfections.
She instantly twitched when she heard my voice and felt my touch.
"Camz?"She said in utter confusion and fear.
"Hey yeah it's me, are you okay?" I repeated the unanswered question.
She was about to open her mouth to answer but before she could her eyes wandered to the fresh drop of blood that had just stained her shirt. She quickly rubbed her nose as if it was the answer to get rid of her nose bleed. But when she realized that it wasn't working, she freaked out. I tried to calm her physically, but out of nowhere her fear was replaced by laughter. By now I surely thought she was wasted or on something because this type of behavior isn't like Lauren.
"Holy shit..." She continued to giggle. "I'm bleeding."She said rubbing her bloody nose and letting the liquid stain the back of her hand.
"Oh my god Lo..." I said in a scolding tone, I quickly searched in my bag for a napkin and to my luck I found one. "Tilt your head down." I instructed her before I dabbed her nose with it.
"Stop that tickles..." She giggled.
"Lauren you're bleeding just...hold still."
"Holy shit I'm bleeding?" She asked wide eyed.
"Yes you're bleeding. Are you drunk or something?"
She laughed, "No..."
"Tired?"
"Nope." She said popping the p.
At first I didn't understand why she was acting so strange. But then it occurred to me. The sudden idea or even thought that she was on something never threatened to cross my mind up until this point. And the fact that it was the only possible reason I could find for her behavior, worried me.
"LAUREN WHAT DID TOU TAKE?"
"I don't know... it was this little pill that was crushed into tiny little pieces." She said and showed me by squeezing her fingers together.
Okay now I was worried.
"I think it started with a c... Ugh I don't remember."
"Crack?"
She shook her head.
"Coke?" I tried again.
Her smile grew wide.
"Bingo." She pointed at me, "Coke. That's what it's called." She said as her index finger shook in my direction.
"Oh my god Lauren, why did you do coke? You'd never do that."
"I don't know...one second I was fine but then I saw you walk in...with her." Lauren said recalling the painful memory. "And next thing I knew, I couldn't breath. And I was just so angry and sad. Then Vero came up to me and offered me some. At first I said no, but then I remembered that when Vero is sad, she takes things like that to make her forget and after that she's happy again. She would always say that it made the pain go away. And that's all I wanted." She paused as tears began to form in her eyes. "All I wanted was to forget and be happy again. That's why I did it. To be happy." She half smiled before she frowned, " it took the pain away for a while but now that you're here, the pain is back again..." Her voice almost cracked at the end.
Her words killed me. I had never heard her more vulnerable in my life and I don't think I ever will again. Lauren's never been a very expressive person. She keeps everything bottled in and refuses to let people know what she feels but today, she broke. And at first I believed that it was because of me. That it was my fault that she was like this. But as I pondered about it, I knew that wasn't the whole truth. There had been something much darker and more powerful than me lingering in her mind. And whatever it was, it decided to make it's way back into Lauren's heart. But like I said, Lauren usually doesn't let things bother her. It had to be this other force that brought the self conscious memory back into her brain; to haunt and destroy her. And that very thing had to be the drugs she took. Lauren thought that the coke would take her pain away but in reality it hadn't done that at all.
What they really did was unravel this part of her where she kept her deepest darkest feelings away; bringing them to the surface, a place where they have never been before.
But she didn't believe that. She blamed me instead. She thinks it's my fault that she's in pain but she's wrong. Before she had even seen me, she had been in pain. I saw it the second I met her puffy faded green eyes. She was in pain then. And she had been in pain now. She had always been in pain. And as long as she blamed me for everything she felt, she would always be in pain.
But being in pain still wasn't an excuse for her to take drugs. Hell no. Even though I had been a trigger for her sadness, I knew that wasn't the whole truth. There had been something bothering Lauren before I came, something or someone that must have slipped into her mind while drugs inhabited her body. But as much as I wanted I know who or what that thing was, now was not the time. She needed me. I know that she would never admit it but she did and I wanted to be there for her.
I held her in my arms as she cried and slowly pulled her into an empty room to separate us from the chaos of the party.
"Lauren..." I began as I closed the door behind me. "You can't just take drugs when you feel like crap."
"But what else can I do Camz? There's nothing I can do to take away what I feel. Maybe drugs aren't as bad as you think." She innocently said as I sat her down on a bed.
"No Lauren. Drugs are bad for you. And you know that. Look at you, you're practically spasing out." I said pointing out her consistent shaking.
"Fuck..." She muttered, "Why am I cold? Why is it so cold in here?" She began to panic.
"It's not cold, it's the drugs. Calm down, I've got you." I said wrapping my arms around her.
Her teeth began to chatter through the whimpers that escaped her beautiful lips. "Shh..." I said as I stroked her hair lovingly.
We sat there for a while in a comfortable silence but knowing Lauren, I knew it wouldn't last.
"Camz..."
"Yeah?"
"I love you."
" I know. I love you too."
"Then why won't you be with me?"
"It's complicated Lauren...you know I have a girlfriend."
"Fuck her. You love me." She said digging her face into my chest. "I don't undertand why you don't want to be with me."
"It's not that I don't want to be with you Lauren....I just can't."
"Why?" She calmly asked.
"Because, I don't trust you. Everything about you scares me. Even your love it terrifies me."
"You've gotta take chances Camz. I think that way you'd be happier. I really love you Camz. I really do, and all I want is to make you happy."
I smiled at her words. "I know Lauren..."
"Then what's the problem?"
"I don't know."
"..."
"Why do you love me though?" I suddenly asked after a short silence. "Out of all people, why me?"
Lauren smirked against my chest and muttered, "That's the same question I ask myself everyday."
I half smiled as her words vibrated against my chest.
"I love you because ever since I met you, suddenly...nothing was a lie. All my life, all my friends and sometimes all of my being felt like a lie. At first I didn't think it felt like that, but after...after I met Cara I realized that everything was a lie, even love." She paused.
Who's Cara?
"But after I met you, everything changed. You weren't like everyone else. Everything about you was true. Even your love and it took me a while to figure that out. The fact that you accept me Camz...the fact that you accept all of my flaws and see them as good things is why I love you the most. Because until now you're the only who does. You've always seen me differently and been able to see who I really was. You remind me that I might not be such a bitch after all. You help me believe that I can be a good person. You help me see the world in your eyes and sometimes even my own. You remind me of who I am and who I can be. And that's why I think...no that's how I know that I love you."
There was literately tears threatening to escape my eyes. Never in my life would I have thought that she would say something like this to me. It's all I've ever wanted to hear. All I've ever needed to hear. And in that moment I knew that this is where I wanted to be. I wanted to be next to the person who consumed my whole being. The person who made me weak with the simple curl of her mouth. The person who turned me into a stuttering idiot with a simple glance. The person who has been engulfing my heart for the last few years of my life. This person who was shaking her way into my arms but mostly my heart. This was the person I wanted to spend the rest of my life with. And she needed to know it.
"And this...this is how I know you're the one."
Her head instantly popped up.
"What?" She said in disbelief.
"You heard me. You're the one Lo." I half smiled.
"No..." She firmly said, lightly shaking her head as her brows furrowed roughly. "I don't believe you."
I cupped her cheeks and looked directly into her eyes, "I chose you Lauren."
She closed her eyes and shook her head. "Why? Everything with me is so much harder."
"I know, but I don't care. All I know is that I want to be with you. I know that it'll be harder. And I know that you need time to come out. But I'm willing to give you a chance. A chance for you to show me that you won't hurt me. But more importantly that you're willing to give up everything to be with me."
"Camz..." Lauren began to say as a few tears began to escape her eyes."You're making a big mistake..."
"No, I'm not. I know that you think that you'll ruin me but you won't. You've worked way too hard to win me over...and now I'm telling you that I choose you."
"But-"
"No. I want to be with you Lauren. Stop trying to find an excuse to convince me otherwise."
"Fuck..." I heard her breathe as she shook her head lightly, "That fucking pill was strong." She said holding her head in disbelief of my choice.
"You think I'm an illusion?"
She nodded her head weakly as she lifted her head up to look at me.
"I'm real Lo."
"No, you can't be." She claimed.
"Do you really need me to prove it to you?"
"Maybe."
"Consider it done."
Her eyes grew wide. "Camz-"
She breathed back.
"Shh." I shushed her before my lips gently pressed against hers. The contact caused her to gasp and jump in surprise.
I found my hand running from her thigh to the back of her neck. As my lips pressed against hers, she remained still. Shocked in pure confusion, excitement and desire. She eventually gave into my kisses and returned them. She quickly changed gears and pushed me down against the bed. Her hands traveled to every inch on my body as her eager lips pressed against mine. Although her touch had practically peralized me. I managed to get my shit together, to show her who's boss. I wanted to get my point across and show her that I was real as fuck. And that's exactly what I did.
I quickly pushed her away and flipped us around. She furrowed her brows in slight confusion at the lost of contact. I sort of chocked as my lips hovered over hers. But in response to my hesitation she quickly connected our lips. But again, I wasn't going to let Lauren have the upper hand this time.
I grabbed her by her wrists and pinned her against the mattress. I pulled away slightly and just stared into her dark green pools. You could tell that my dominance was making her uncomfortable but I didn't care.
"Camz" She breathed, "What are you-"
I quickly interrupted her sentence by practically shoving my tongue in her mouth. As our lips and tongues moved against each others, my hand began to slip under her shirt. When my finger tips grazed her abdomenal area she moaned at the contact. But as her arosal began to take over, her body began to shake uncontrollably. I assumed it was because of the drugs or maybe it was because of me or maybe it was both. But either way, I didn't want to hurt her. So I knew that I needed to stop...before I hurt her more than I already have. I gently pulled away from her and sat us up. She sat there mortified. I wasn't very sure what was going on with her or why she had reacted the way she just did but now was not the time to ask questions. I needed to comfort and take care of her. Because from the mess of a state that she was in, she needed it. I held her in my arms as she continued to shake and slowly but surely began to silently cry.
"Lo..." I whispered before I too began to feel her pain.
"Oh my god." I heard her mutter in terror against my chest before she began to hit her thighs with the balls of her fists. "Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. FUCK!" She muttered in pure anger. "FUCK!" She angrily said before she broke down again.
"I'm so sorry Lo...I didn't-"
"-It's not you, it's..." She said closing her eyes tightly, "It's her."
"Who?"
"Make it stop." Lauren said holding onto her head. " Make her go away. Please just make it stop!"
"Lo...hey look at me." I tried to get her attention. She refused to do so and dug her tear drenched face further into my chest. " Look at me." I repeated a bit more sternly. She slowly looked up and answered my demand."I'm here okay? I'm right here."
She half smiled before her painful demon came back. She held on to her head silently wanting to keep me from seeing her in pain.
"Lauren... Babe, it's okay to cry."
She shook her head in refusal.
"Hey look at me." I ordered.
Like a lost puppy she answered.
" It's okay because I'm here and... "I've got you." I whispered the last part in her ear.
"You got me?"
"Yeah, I'm here I'm not going anywhere."
"Ever?" She breathed.
"Ever." I whispered in her ear before I planted a simple kiss on her forehead.
And I meant it. From now on nothing would be the same. And that was okay. Even though there was this deeper, darker part of Lauren that never reveled itself to me, I understood. In some twisted way, I just did. And for the moment, I was okay with that too.
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