★ not edited ★
SLEEP CAME LIKE the falling of an axe for Frank.
He knew it had to come but he fought it with everything he had. Those hours he had spent with Gerard, oblivious to his surroundings and thoughts had been enough to light up his whole body with fiery sparks. But at this point Frank was wired to stay awake until he couldn't fight it anymore and the sleep came over him as instantaneous as it was unwelcome.
He did have some warning though, when his thoughts became intertwined with random ideas, impossible ideas, he knew he had lost it all.
And somewhere deep down Frank had hoped his dreams would be filled with Twizzlers and kisses from Gerard and maybe papier-mâché zombies... but they weren't.
His dreams were somehow... worse. This time he hadn't just been forced to kill himself, he had been forced to kill his mother too.
It was horrible, torturous even. Sure he wasn't a fan of her but he didn't want to fucking kill her. Not in a dream and definitely not with his hands around her neck.
God, he had to be sick to dream about something like that.
Maybe he was. Maybe Frank was sick in the head.
✩ ✩
Monday mornings were always a fucking struggle for Frank and his already quite fleeting motivation. And the only significant difference between this Monday morning and the rest were that this Monday morning... was his first Monday morning back at work.
And surprisingly, he wasn't dreading it like he usually did. Sure, Frank wasn't going in the field any time soon but he figured it would nice to jump back into the swing of things. Do his paperwork, buy disgustingly cheap food at the drugstore around the corner, watch Pete fumble around, and then go home.
He used to despise the schedule, but he actually found himself looking forward it that particular Monday morning.
Bob had, unfortunately, helped him get in and out of the shower, and now he was just putting his bag over his shoulder.
Bob was by the door, having purposely woken up earlier than usual to wish Frank luck or whatever.
"You take it easy, alright? I don't wanna see any new fucking injuries." Bob said sternly, though his serious expression broke a few seconds later as he pat Frank's back.
"But good luck, bud. Go... be a cop." Frank laughed a little at that and nodded weakly.
"Will do." He muttered, walking through the front door and to the elevator.
He wasn't really too worried about actually getting to work since Ryan had offered to drive him. And it honestly felt weird doing things on time, he hadn't really expected himself to be so used to the routine but he figured maybe his body had just been aching for purpose.
And for the first time, he didn't mind the ache.
The moment Frank walked out of the elevator to the precinct with Ryan, he was immediately enveloped in a thick wave of applause. He flinched and looked around, noticing the smiley cops all clapping their hands together as they stared at him, a banner tied sloppily and held up by Pete and Lindsey that read "Welcome Back" in black sharpie.
Frank's head was fogged over with surprise so he barely noticed Hurley coming up to pat his back with a polite smile.
"Welcome back, Detective." He said, and Frank could only nod with confused eyes.
He had definitely not been expecting anyone to really... congratulate his return.
He figured he'd come back and everyone would subtly say they missed him or something along those lines. Not bombard him with applause and banners and- cake? Frank's eyebrows furrowed as he saw the cake they had put on his tidy desk.
And Frank barely had a second to register it when he felt an arm wrap around his shoulders, making him flinch as he looked at Brendon. His sling now gone as he smiled widely.
"Welcome back, dude," He grinned, "We missed ya. Also, just a side-note, don't trust that cake. I think Wentz dropped the batter on the precinct floor."
Frank winced when he heard Pete's loud protest, "Hey! I didn't... just a tiny bit of the frosting fell on Ross' case file."
Brendon just dismissed him and walked Frank to his desk, not leaving any room for protests. Not that Frank had the energy or capacity to really form any.
"Since you're gonna be benched for a while, we got you a new chair and one of those foot stools. Way told me not to tell you but he build it himself from Ikea." Brendon smiled, making Frank smile a little at that.
"You're such a dumbass, Urie." Mikey grumbled as he glared at him. Brendon just shrugged him off as Frank looked at Mikey hesitantly.
"Um... thanks, Sergeant." He muttered, making Mikey simply nod. Frank looked back down at the cake and his new chair, feeling his mood shift slightly to one of mainly gratitude.
Gratitude always felt like such a tiny word to Frank, but he supposed so was love, and the emotion behind them was infinite he had heard. But Frank didn't really let himself feel them a lot, so when he did it felt a lighthouse guiding him.
In every storm Frank guessed maybe there was a makeshift lighthouse that shone the direction where he had to swim. Sure there were days where he just wanted to drown and get it all over with, but somehow it still lit up his belief that maybe he would want to swim again when his strength returned. That he'd regret drowning.
It never fashioned him a boat, or took him from the waves, but its warmth was oxygen in his lungs and maybe that was enough.
So he grew stronger he supposed, became a good swimmer, and made it to the rocky shores. So internally he thanked the lighthouse for its help, for it's graceful persistence when he had lost my way. When he had forgotten to be grateful.
"Take it easy today, Iero. Feel free to take as many breaks as your body needs." Hurley said to Frank once Brendon had left to start to venture back to his own desk.
Frank sighed, "With all due respect, I don't think I'll need 'em."
Hurley let a small smile take over his face as he pat Frank's back. "Everyone does, Frank. You're not weak for needing a little time to adjust."
Frank looked down and nodded weakly, not really convinced by his words but figuring it was best not to argue.
✩ ✩
When Frank got back to his apartment, via Ryan, he got a call from Gerard.
It was short, with way too many abbreviations, but essentially Mikey had told Gerard about his first day back so Gerard wanted to stop by and see if he was alright. He had insisted it even after Frank had told him he was fine, which eventually resulted in Gerard telling him to "shut the fuck up and be grateful."
And that was how they ended up on Frank's couch, Gerard running his hand through Frank's short hair as Frank told him about his day.
It wasn't eventful, well, more eventful than usual but anything was. He had spent most of the day filing paperwork and helping track IP addresses. Nothing spectacular. But with the way Gerard was listening and smiling at him, you'd think he was talking about the most interesting thing in the world.
"Did you end up eating that cake though?" Gerard asked with a raised eyebrow as Frank scoffed and shook his head.
"I don't even use the same pencils as Wentz, you think I'm gonna eat something he baked?" Frank asked incredulously, making Gerard laugh.
"Aw that's kinda mean." He said, but Frank shrugged.
"Ray got food poisoning after eating it, so, it's tough love I guess." Frank muttered, making Gerard laugh again and nod.
And Gerard shuffled closer to him as Frank rested his head against the back of the couch. He watched as Gerard tucked his legs under him so he was sat on his knees.
Gerard smiled softly then, and let his hands wrap around the back of Frank's neck. Frank's breath slowed as he looked at Gerard carefully, trying to memorise every crevice and blemish on his face. Not that there were many.
Frank found himself doing that a lot when he was with Gerard; memorising his features. Frank could almost say he loved doing it- it was just so calming, and the way Gerard's eyes would turn confused just made Frank more attracted to him.
He sometimes found himself wishing he wasn't half drunk when they had sex, because he really hadn't appreciated Gerard enough when they did. He hadn't taken the time to really remember what Gerard liked a lot and what Gerard didn't really get that much out of. And he hated that.
"What's wrong, Frankie? You went all quiet on me." Gerard said through his quiet laugh. His fingers brushing over the hair on the top of Frank's neck.
And Frank really couldn't help the way his eyes took in Gerard's for possibly the millionth time. Though for some reason each time he did it, Gerard's eyes were registered differently.
At that moment Gerard had eyes of the sea and wet pebbles. The centre was all pebble, soft reflective browns, spreading out to waves of forest green under an overcast sky. The outer edge was rimmed in dark brown, but the over all effect was of hazel eyes, the brown elements being more dominant since they complimented his dark hair and the faint freckles that lay over the the bridge of his nose.
"Frank?" Gerard asked again, this time seeming a lot more worried.
Frank cleared his throat, looking away from his face, "Nothing, s'fine."
Gerard looked puzzled, his eyebrows scrunching up in a way Frank had come to adore.
"You sure?" Gerard asked, and Frank nodded quickly.
Gerard didn't need to know about his little tendencies. That would only make him uncomfortable- hell, it made Frank uncomfortable too.
Gerard let out a small sigh, "Okay, then. You wanna watch a movie?"
Frank nodded slowly, reaching over to grab the controller right as he heard the door to what he assumed was Bob's room open. Frank glanced towards the hallway to see Bob holding his phone, his head down until he finally noticed the person next to Frank.
His head snapped up and he looked at Gerard, Frank internally praying he would stay silent
"Hey," Bob said, making Frank already on edge.
"Uh, hi." Gerard said, slowly taking his hands off of Frank's shoulders where they had absently been.
"I didn't know Frank was having anyone over..." Bob mumbled, pointedly glaring in Frank's direction briefly, "I'm Bob."
"Gerard," Gerard smiled, "S'nice to meet you."
Bob nodded with his own smile, tucking his phone away.
"Don't let me interrupt anything, I'm just going out to pick up pizza." Bob said, "Uh are... you two staying for dinner? 'Cause I can pick up more of you want..."
Frank glanced over at Gerard who bit his lip with a shrug.
"I don't mind." He mumbled to Frank.
Frank nodded as he looked back at Bob, "I think we're okay."
Bob nodded and head out, making Frank feel that much more at ease.
Frank turned to Gerard once he was gone, "So, which movie do you want to w—"
Gerard immediately cut him off with a soft press of his lips, his hands moving back to Frank's shoulders as Frank made a small noise of surprise.
"What," Frank muttered out between Gerard's kisses, "Are you doing?"
Gerard pulled back with a small laugh, "Sorry is this your first time?"
Frank rolled his eyes, "I meant why're you attacking my mouth like it's a million dollars?"
Gerard laughed again, his hands trailing down Frank's arms. "I just like the way you kiss."
Frank raised an eyebrow, "Am I doing it wrong or something?"
Gerard giggled and shook his head.
"No, no it's very right," Gerard grinned, pulling Frank closer to him, "It's just different... a lot slower than I'm used to."
"Uh, I'll take that as a good thing?" Frank said uncertainly, honestly now feeling self conscious of his kissing methods. He knew he was a tad out of practice when it came to really making out but he didn't think it was any different to how normal people did it.
Gerard's thumb brushed over his bottom lip as he kept the same smile, "Mhm... s'nice."
Frank was still more than just confused, but he shrugged it off mentally as he connected their lips again, moving his hand to Gerard's cheek and then the back of his head, his fingers tangling in Gerard's dark hair. He lightly pulled him closer against him, adding more pressure to their lips, deepening the kiss.
Frank hardly had a moment to react before Gerard was pressing his tongue to the seam of his lips, making Frank swallow his own groan. It was a lot sloppier than Frank had intended, the intermingling of their breaths making Frank's head spin.
He felt Gerard's hands tug at his shirt, making a small noise as Frank tilted his head to get a better angle into their kiss.
"Hey guys, I forgot my wa—" Frank immediately pulled away from Gerard, his head shooting in Bob's direction.
Bob's face was dusted pink as he uncomfortably reached for his brown leather wallet on the kitchen counter.
"Um, sorry I didn't..." Bob cleared his throat, making Frank rolled his eyes.
"Just get the fuck out, Bryar." Frank said, ignoring how fuzzy his lips felt as Bob nodded and hurriedly rushed out the door.
Frank looked at Gerard who was still panting subtly, his face almost as red as Bob's as he looked down at his lap.
"God, that was... embarrassing." Gerard mumbled, making Frank smiled slightly.
"Yeah," Frank answered quietly, "So, um, which movie you wanna watch?"
Gerard looked up, opening his mouth to say something when his phone rang from the coffee table. Frank's eyebrows furrowed as he watched Gerard pick it up hurriedly.
"Hello?" He said quietly, and Frank watched as Gerard listened to the person on the other line.
"I thought we said Friday?... No, I'm with someone..." Gerard said, before sighing loudly, "Fine, fuckin' dickhead."
Gerard begrudgingly hung up and put his phone in his pocket.
"'M sorry, I have this thing with Mikey. And yes, it's as uninteresting as it sounds." Gerard grumbled, making Frank smile slightly.
Geared sighed again, looking at Frank guiltily, "I'm sorry we didn't get to—"
"It's fine." Frank interrupted, "We can... do something another time."
Gerard smiled softly and nodded, "Okay."
He leaned over to kiss Frank's cheek quickly, the warmth from where his lips pressed spread to Frank's entire body, making his toes tingle.
"Enjoy that pizza for me." Gerard said as he stood up, making Frank laugh quietly with a small nod.
"Will do." He said, and Gerard gave him one last look before leaving, making Frank sigh to himself.
And deep within his chest, he hated Bob for interrupting their earlier activities.
//—//
i love awkward!confused frank jsjsj