Kabanata 18
Barely
I tried my very best to not engage with his presence. But since magkakatabi kami nina Dim at Nat, nasaktuhan naman na kaharap ko si Lorenzo.
He's unusually quiet, maybe he's really this quiet. I know nothing about him.
Saka lang s'ya umiimik kapag tinatanong. Dim on the other hand is watching all of my gestures. S'ya lang kasi ang pinagsabihan ko tungkol sa nangyari dati. I remembered how he cried so hard when I told him my story.
Every second, I could feel Lorenzo stealing glances from me. Ako naman ay titingin sa ibang direksyon o kaya lilingunin si Dim at kunwari ay kakausapin.
His simple advances makes me want to jump off a cliff, do a dive and never survive.
May lumapit na sa amin at kinuha ang order. Pagkakataon ko na 'to para gumanti kay Ade kaya dadamihan ko na. Hindi pa ako nakakapagsalita ay napatigil na ako sa nakita. Gulat ding napatingin sa akin ang kumukuha ng order.
"Priya?" she was wearing a major sophisticated attire with her black dress with see through sleeves making me wonder why a woman like her is wearing an apron.
"You know each other?" takang tanong sa akin ni Ade. From the side of my eyes, I saw Lorenzo observing me.
It's Melissa. She still wears that 'to-die-for' look putting me in awe and wonder if she ever experiences looking like a potato. Ngayon ko lang napansin ang hawig nila ni Lorenzo.
"We... uhm... we've kinda met before," si Melissa ang nagsalita nang mapagtantong wala akong balak sumagot. Nahihiya s'yang tumingin sa akin and I deleted all the adjectives I used to describe her earlier.
I painted a blank expression on my face. My attention is too precious for her to have it.
S'ya pala ang may-ari nitong restaurant and I know nothing since I chose to not hear anything from them.
"How are you, Melissa?" and Ade being the socialite that she is, also invited Melissa to sit with us.
"Dim, please order for me. I'll just use the restroom," pagpapaalam ko sa kanila. They all looked at me with concerned eyes, except for Ade who must be thinking that this is just an ordinary event. She got the slightest idea about the incident before.
"Samahan na kita," pinigilan ako ni Dim. I felt my heart trying to escape my ribs.
"No. I'm fine," with that, I sashayed to the bathroom. I locked it before placing my hands on the sink for support.
It's been years but I'm still under trauma from what happened. I needed to go to a therapist and even consult a doctor. Si Lala ang nag-suggest sa akin ng doctor and he's very effective. Pinaalalahanan n'ya ako na kahit anong mangyari, 'wag akong gagawa ng bagay na makakaapekto sa'kin lalo na kung hindi pa ako handa.
I stared at my reflection in the mirror. I became more confident knowing that I have three angels watching my back. I let out a huge amount of breath and fixed myself afterwards.
I shouldn't cage myself and live previously. I must learn how to fly and in order to do that I need wings, I need courage.
Huminga ako ng malalim bago lumabas. Pagpihit ko ng pinto ay nagulat na naman ako dahil nakatayo doon si Lorenzo. How many times do they intend to drop my weak heart?
"Kalabaw ka!" napahawak ako sa dibdib ko. Sumakit na naman iyon, hindi ko alam kung dahil sa gulat o sa takot.
"Sorry," he gulped. "Are you okay?" he asked, concern visible in his eyes.
"I'm okay." I'm not.
Iniwan ko s'ya. Iniwan ko s'ya sa labas ng banyo.
Pagkarating sa table ay mabilis akong kumain. We all look like bunch of teenagers having a reunion after several years but we aren't. We're just people who calmly smiles on the outside to live up to what others may perceive us.
"Dahan. Hindi kita uubusan," Dim tried to joke. I only scoffed at him.
"Hindi ko alam na madalas pala kayo dito," si Melissa. She tried to sound cheerful but I knew better.
"Muntik na kaming dito tumira. Halos inaraw-araw na namin dito lalo na 'pag walang trabaho," sabi ni Ade. Ngayon ko lang pinagpasalamat ang presensya ni Nat na tahimik lang na kumakain.
Ang dalawang Agustin ay panay na panay ang pagsulyap sa akin. They're looking at me like I'm Biology, they're studying me and my reaction which made me feel uncomfortable.
Pagkatapos na pagkatapos ay nagpaalam na agad ako sa kanila at sinabing maghahanda para sa meeting. I couldn't take another second of breathing in front of them. Images of my brother and father crossed in my mind.
"Sasabay na'ko," si Dim na kahit hindi pa tapos kumain ay tumayo na, dahilan para magtayuan na rin sila.
"It's okay. You can all continue," I said without looking at them. Dim tailed me from behind.
"Okay ka lang ba?" si Dim.
"No. I'll go to the hospital first," hinayaan kong si Dim ang magmaneho papuntang ospital. Medyo mabigat kasi ang dibdib ko, I'm scared that I might lose consciousness again. Ipinikit ko ang mata ko. Kasama namin si Nat na nakasunod lang.
"I told you to rest, Priya. Nakinig ka ba?" Maximus said. S'ya ang doctor na ipinakilala ni Lala sa'kin.
He's all works and works and it scares me. May mga pagkakataon na sobrang seryoso n'ya and he never spoke senseless kaya naman natatakot ako sa kanya minsan.
"I'm a busy woman. What do you expect?" I nagged him.
"You met them again?" I looked down before nodding. "I think you should see them more often."
Pinanlakihan ko s'ya ng mata. "May plano ka bang patayin ako?"
"Sino ba ang doctor sa ating dalawa? I know what's best for you kaya 'wag mo'kong sigawan," kalmado n'yang sabi. Palaging ganito ang sitwasyon namin.
He thinks I have a death wish.
"I'm suggesting for you to try seeing them more often. Try to forgive, Priya. I'm not asking you to forget. I won't blame you if you still can't do it for now. Pero maliit ang mundo, hindi pwedeng habangbuhay mo silang iiwasan." I hate that he's always right and that he simply knows everything.
"Fine," I surrendered. There's no harm in trying anyway. He did some checkups then sent me back home pero sa office muna ako dumiretso dahil sa appointment.
Nagpahatid ako kay Dim pero agad ko ring pinaalis dahil may photoshoot pala s'ya na kanina pa dapat n'ya pinuntahan. Lagot na naman 'yon sa manager n'ya.
"President nandito na po ang client," I signaled Nat to let him enter.
"Good afternoon, Architect," bati ni Kian. He's one of my college friends kaya pinaunlakan ko ang pagbisita n'ya. Most of my clients send emails while he came here in person.
"Good afternoon, Kian." Today, his excuse was my life saver.
"What an office!" ipinalibot n'ya ang tingin sa opisina ko.
My office is located at the top floor of the building. Pinasandya ko iyon for the reason that I have a certain design in mind.
The ceiling of my place is half covered in solid cement while the other half is completely glass. Ganoon rin ang buong dingding ko, so I had to provide numbers of blinds. I prefer the transparency, in that way I can see things clearly. Tanaw na tanaw din ang mga building mula sa office ko. Most of them are designed by me so it felt like seeing a painting whenever I look at them.
"You collect figurines?" manghang sabi pa rin ni Kian.
I own a collection of rockets, telescopes and all those kinds of toys in my shelf. Sa tuwing makakakita ako ng ganoon ay binibili ko kaagad. I felt closer to my brother that way.
"Hindi museum ang office ko," puna ko sa kanya dahil kung ano ano pang tinitingnan n'ya.
"Sorry." He chuckled nonchalantly. "Anyways, I'm here to ask you to design for my house."
"I know. Hindi naman karne ang itinitinda ko," he made fun of my sarcasm.
Medyo matagal bago kami nakapagpasya na sa sunod nalang ulit magkita. Sobrang dami n'ya kasing request kaya sisiguraduhin kong mahal ang sisingilin ko sa kanya.
"Uuwi ka na ba?" tanong n'ya sa akin.
"Oo. Ikaw ang huling customer ko," I said.
"Sabay na tayo," hindi na ako umangal kaya sabay kaming lumabas ng office.
"Nat, uuna na ako. Call me if something's up," I waved her goodbye.
"Ingat po, President."
"I think there's something wrong with your secretary," puna ni Kian nang magsimula kaming maglakad. There he goes with his instincts again. I remember him thinking those when he was still courting me.
"Because she's quiet?" tumango tango naman s'ya, making me laugh. I usually get that a lot. Maging si Dim ay iyon din ang sinabi noong una ko s'yang na-hire. He said she looked creepy. But for me, she's the best.
Pagpunta naman namin sa lobby ay may nakita akong pamilyar na bulto. Katatayo lang noon at bumaling sa amin bago lumabas.
"Lorenzo?" I whispered to myself.
"Huh?" si Kian.
"Wala. I thought it was someone I know," sabi ko. Siguro namamalik mata lang ako. What would he do here anyway?
Pagkauwi ko ay tumawag kaagad si Ade sa'kin at malakas na umirit.
"Girl!" Napatakip ako sa tainga ko. I'm changing my clothes so I put her in a loud speaker, na mukhang hindi na kailangan dahil sobrang lakas ng boses n'ya.
"Nakakabingi ka," I told her.
"Feel ko gusto ko may gusto sa'yo si Lorenzo!" I almost tripped my way getting my phone. Napahilot ako sa sentido ko.
"Ano bang sinasabi mo?" Tapos na akong magbihis. I slid to my pajamas and did my skin care.
"Tingin kasi s'ya ng tingin sa'yo. Tapos alam mo ba kanina-" pinutol ko s'ya.
"Alam mo ba kung gaano kawalang kwenta ang sinasabi mo?" I rolled my eyes at her.
"Totoo, tinanong-"
"Matutulog na'ko," I almost ended the call.
"He asked for you number!" Nasamid ako sa sarili kong laway. What the hell.
"Of course he would ask for my number. You asked us to work together," I reasoned out. I gave her a bored look but my heart is completely pounding.
"I think he likes you." I scoffed at her. "Wala ka namang boyfriend, ah? Sobrang boring ng buhay mo. Puro ka nalang drawing drawing. Pati ikaw mukha ng drawing!" she complained and whined.
She's the party girl compared to me. She's fond of neon lights, socializing, bar hopping and doing crazy stunts. She's unstoppable. Talagang aabsent 'yan sa trabaho basta makarinig ng libre. Good thing is that she's decent.
"I don't do boyfriends." Because the last time I did, I lost everyone I have.
"Try lang naman. Ikaw na ang nagsabi na there's no harm in trying 'diba?" she pushed.
"I don't like him," diretsa kong sabi sa kanya.
"Ang choosy girl, ha? Ganda ka?" nang-aasar na sabi n'ya. "Why don't you go ahead and marry a rich man?"
"I don't need to. I am the rich man," I proudly replied.
"Bakit ba ganyan ka magsalita? Wala ka rin namang boyfriend ah," dagdag ko ulit.
"Alam mo kung hindi lang kita kaibigan, babaliktarin ko na talaga ang rib cage mo," gigil n'yang sabi.
"Natakot ako. Grabe, Ade," I made face. "Kung ayaw mong matulog, magpatulog kang bruha ka."
I ended the call. I pulled my sheets up to my neck, stared at the ceiling. I thought I can really get away with the terror.
I though it's all over but it barely even began.
Wala pala akong takas. Wala akong takas.