⚠ TW : this OS will contain mentions of self harm, low self esteem, suicide attempt, self hatred and pictures of blood. If you feel sensitive about these topics, do NOT read (please)! ⚠
|a f e w d a y s a g o|
•omniscient•
- Hobi hyung, are you okay? You should take a shower then go rest. Jimin said.
- Yeah, I'm okay, don't worry it's just a lil nosebleed.
Today was an especially busy day at Bangtans; they woke up early, (some were more sleepy than other due to staying at the dance hall, practicing until late at night), then the rap line went to the studio to write some lyrics while the others were at the recording studio. And eventually, after a twenty minutes' break at 1pm (to eat a quick lunch), a photo shoot for their upcoming album and finally, a few hours dance practice before they could head back to the dorm, completely drained.
And if Jimin was so worried about his sunshine hyung, it's mostly because he got a quite important nosebleed.
Hoseok was very hard working, usually staying up late at night to write the lyrics of his solo, waking up earlier than the others to practice a few more hours.
So he already happened to faint or have intense nosebleed when overworking himself.
Like now.
They were finally getting back to the dorm and as the eldest was unlocking the door with his keys, Hoseok's nose suddenly started bleeding.
- I'll help you, c'mon. Jimin affirmed, grabbing the eldest and bringing him to one of the two bathrooms.
He helped him wipe the blood, and waited for it to actually stop flowing before he eventually let him take a shower.
By this time, Jungkook and Yoongi had already showered so they were now in their beds while the others, were waiting for their turn.
- Hobiiiiiii! You didn't remove the blood on the floor! Namjoon whined.
- I'm sorry Joon, I'm gonna cle-
- It's okay, go to sleep I know you're tired. I'll ask Seokjin hyung to help me.
What Hoseok hasn't noticed is that it wasn't the bathroom he used.
But he was too tired to actually pay attention... He was the only one who could've done that as he was the only one who bled.
Or so he thought.
One after the other, they showered, and went to bed.
- I'm finished Tae, hurry up so you can have some rest, we'll have to wake up early tomorrow. Seokjin said, looking at the younger's pale face.
- Okay, good night hyung. He replied blankly.
Everyone was already asleep now.
But even if he was obviously tired, he remained seated on the couch, his eyes absent, daydreaming.
More like over thinking.
These last few months, Taehyung was under a lot of pressure.
Sejin and Bang PD had told him that if he put a little more effort, he could join the dance line.
They didn't mean it in a bad way actually, they just wanted to point out the progress he's done and encourage him to keep going.
But Taehyung didn't take it like that.
He was already doing his best so what he understood was that it wasn't enough.
And as he read the comments on their dance practice videos, he noticed a lot of people actually think he doesn't belong to BTS or he is way too stiff to dance correctly or he has a few pounds to lose to fit the K-pop beauty standards.
At first, he had talked about it with Namjoon, who had told him to ignore it.
But the comments were getting more frequent and soon a hashtag was trending on Twitter.
#TaehyungleaveBTS
So little by little, Taehyung has started to lose confidence.
Little by little, he lost his funny and adorable persona.
Leaving just a shell with broken soul debris.
The others were starting to get suspicious... It isn't in Taehyung's habit to distance himself or to hide his feelings.
...
One.
Two.
Three months.
Mind spiraling into a hell of self hatred.
He wasn't good enough.
He wasn't worth Bangtan.
He ended up believing it.
Why couldn't he just pick up the dance as quickly as Hoseok?
Why couldn't he be as smart as Namjoon?
Why couldn't he be as handsome as Seokjin?
Why couldn't he have a wonderful, angelic voice such as Jimin's?
Why couldn't he be a genius music producer like Yoongi?
Why can't he be good at everything just like Jungkook is?
Why?
He wasn't handsome, he was average.
He hasn't a sweet voice, it was average.
He wasn't smart he was average.
He can't do anything special, he's average.
Just
average.
How can someone as normal as him be in such a famous K-pop boysband?
How has he become an idol?
How did he manage it?
He'll end up dragging his band mates down...
He was lost, he didn't know how to deal with it.
Everything he hears seems so hurtful.
[f l a s h b a c k]
- No Tae, not like this. Look, you should relax your shoulders and arms like noodles. Yeaaaah, just like Jungkook, look. He advised gently, chuckling at his own comparison.
But what Taehyung heard sounded more like "You're not good enough, you can't dance you're too stiff! Try to, at least, act like your putting a minimum effort in it!"
And Jimin just watches as his soulmate's eyes start to water before he dashes out of the dance hall, running as fast as he could.
[Something is definitely wrong with him...] Jimin muttered to himself.
[e n d o f t h e f l a s h b a c k]
He'll forever live in Jungkook's shadow.
But it wasn't the maknae's fault after all.
He envied him.
It must be so easy for him.
This is too much for him, he can't do it.
He can't cope with the hate.
And out of that deep self-hatred, Taehyung started to hurt himself.
He succumbed to this viscous cycle.
At first, he just bruised his forearms, pinching them the hardest he could.
But quickly, he got used to the pain.
It wasn't even painful anymore.
So he tried to sink his nails deeply into his flesh.
Not enough.
He deserved more.
So he started slitting his thights.
But he quickly ran out of room
so he continued with his chest,
And his forearms again.
It wasn't enough.
He wasn't enough.
Even if he trained hard, the hate towards him never faded away.
It was getting worse...
And soon the #VleaveBTS was trending on Twitter.
He was upset about the littlest thing, feeling like everyone was against him.
Tomorrow they'll be practicing a lot of songs from the Love Yourself : tear album.
He was already dead-tired, he didn't have a lot of sleep last night nor the nights before because he was over thinking again, just like now.
He finally get up from the couch and goes to his room.
He's the only one who's not sharing it with someone else.
Fate?
Probably.
But he wished it wasn't. He wished someone noticed and helped him.
...
The next morning, Taehyung woke up earlier than he should have.
He usually has trouble sleeping so if it isn't insomnia, it's something else, and this time, he woke up too early.
He has become tired... numb.
He lost his appetite a while ago so he didn't even bother to eat.
He just went out, after a quick shower, to jog until they'll have to go to dance practice.
/t i m e s k i p/
He wasn't feeling well at all.
Clearly under the weather.
And he kept messing up the dance...
- Your arms a lil higher Taehyung-ah. The choreographer said.
He grew frustrated, tears threatening to fall.
His arms were hurting, he was so tired. He didn't do it on purpose.
At the end of the practice, when everyone was congratulated by Hoseok and the choreographer, he rushed to the dorm, scraping his forearms harshly.
At the second he locked the bathroom's door, he broke down.
He shoved his forearm in his mouth, biting hard on the flesh to muffle his sobs as well as hurt himself.
He looked at his reflection and punched the mirror, getting glass shards deeply into his hand's skin.
Then he opened a drawer, where the blades are usually "hidden".
He opened the little box and took one of the many sharp objects.
Then, he angrily slit his right wrist.
Deeply.
Too deeply
The blood was pouring out of the wounds and he now started to feel a sharp pain course through his body.
And he realized his mistake...
He was going to die.
Alone...
His breath shortened and his vision covered in black spots
And he eventually started losing consciousness on the cold tiled floor.
With nobody to help him.
+On the boys' side+
•omniscient•
- Huh? Jungkook let out, completely dumbfounded by the behavior of his youngest hyung.
After Taehyung dashed out the room, they all strayed silent and continued to pack their things.
They didn't dare talk about it but inside, they were all worried sick for their second youngest.
- Don't all of you think he's been acting weird lately? Namjoon's voice finally broke the silence.
- Yeah, he's been distancing himself from us, he barely talks to any of us... Not even to me. Jimin admitted painfully, tears already streaming down his rosy cheeks.
- Don't cry, Jiminie... Maybe he feels pressured, you know Pd-nim and Sejin hyung proposed him to join the dance line. Hoseok said, caressing the crying boy's hair.
- Awe poor him, he must feel quite down... Seokjin muttered.
- We should join him, now. Yoongi simply said.
- Yeah, we'll try to comfort him a little! Jungkook cheered.
They were on their way back to the dorm, discussing on what they could do to lighten Taehyung's mood a little and they decided it would be a good idea to order some food.
...
- Tae, we're home, and we have food! Seokjin yelled in order to catch the other's attention.
But he got nothing but silence as a response.
The others looked at each other, frowning.
Taehyung wasn't the type to refuse any kind of food.
But now that they think about it, it's been a while since the last time they saw him eat a full meal.
- Maybe he's just sleeping or resting is his room, listening to music as he usually does after dance practice. Hoseok said, a bit of hesitation in his voice.
He was trying so hard to believe it but he could sense something was wrong.
- I'll look for him in his room. He added.
- Okay... Well, y'all help me set the table on. Seokjin mumbled, his mood suddenly dropped.
- Something is wrong... Something feels so wrong but I can't quite point it out. Yoongi blurted out.
- Let's look for him. If he's not here, he must be on his way, Taehyung like wandering near the park, there are very beautiful flowers. Jimin said.
With these words said, they all started to search for him.
They looked in every room of the dorm but couldn't find him.
Nonetheless there was one room they didn't check.
One of the bathrooms.
- The bathroom's door is locked. Yoongi yelled to get everyone's attention.
They all rushed to him, knocking on the door and calling for Taehyung but there was still no response.
- What if he fainted? He was hard on himself today, and I saw him get out of the dorm early this morning... He didn't have breakfast I suppose. Jungkook said.
- We'll have to break the doo-
- No, look, here is the spare key! Seokjin said, trying to put the key in the keyhole.
- It doesn't enter, the other key is still in there, try to push it out. Namjoon said.
The eldest tried a few times but his hand were trembling too much, he couldn't manage to do it.
- Give it to me hyung, I'll do it. Jimin tried to comfort him with his soothing voice.
His soft, tiny hands carresed the eldest's ones before taking the key and manipulating it in the key hole.
After a few seconds, they heard the metallic sound of the bathroom's key hitting the tiled floor.
He then turned the spare key and opened the door but before he could actually enter the bathroom, the door hit something with a light thud, leaving just enough space to walk in.
When his eyes met the broken pieces of broken mirror, he let out a gasp.
And in a matter of seconds, one after the other, they all entered the bathroom, screaming at the sight.
Taehyung was laying on the floor, under a pool of blood.
His skin had turned pale and his chest was barely rising.
He was dying.
- SOMEONE CALL AN AMBULANCE, NOW! Namjoon shouted.
They were all panicking, they never had to face such a situation.
Jimin was starting to feel sick from the sight and it didn't take him long to faint, his head hitting the bloody floor.
Seokjin, who was trying to explain the situation seems to lose his words.
Jungkook and Hoseok were crying in each other's arms, Jimin's head laying on the maknae's lap.
And Yoongi and Namjoon were trying their best to stop the bleeding, pressing towels on the wounds.
Soon, the sound of sirens echoed in the street and Namjoon, hands and clothes covered in blood, rushed to guide the paramedics inside.
They quickly arrived in the bathroom, two of them administered the first aid to Taehyung while the other was checking on Jimin, who still hasn't woke up.
- I think this one has a mild concussion and his heartbeat is higher than normal. What about the other?
A paramedic said.
- He lost quite a fair amount of blood, weak pulse and ragged breathing. We need to take him to hospital so he can get a blood transfusion. The other paramedic said putting a breathing mask over Taehyung's nose.
- Usually we would offer one of you to accompany us to the hospital but unfortunately, we need space for both of the heart monitors.
So, they put both of the unconcious boys on stretchers and they entered the ambulance.
The five others waited for Sejin to come pick them up.
Namjoon had called him earlier to inform him of the current situation.
As he arrived, after what seemed like hours to the boys, he drived to the hospital as fast as he could, not even stopping at the red lights when he had to.
+On Taehyung's side+
•omniscient•
- He's type AB, do we have it in stock? A doctor said while correctly taking care of the younger wound.
- Yes, I'll look for a bag, how much do we need?
- Given his size I'd say around 500-600 mL, to reoxygenate his system. He's young, his heart should be able to deal with the rest.
- Okay, I'll be right back!
As soon as the bag arrived, they started transfusing the blood, poking the need next to the nutrients IV.
- He should wake up soon, thanks god we could act on time.
- Are his relatives here?
- Yeah, I'll call them.
+On the boys' side+
•omniscient•
Jimin was out of danger, he just had a mild concussion due to hitting his head but he was awake and fine.
So all the boys were in his room and Sejin waited in the waiting room to have Yoongi's news.
- Kim Taehyung's relatives? A nurse called, accompanied by the doctor who took care of Taehyung.
- Yes, how is he doing? Sejin asked.
- He'll be fine. Your friend is very lucky, if you were even five minutes later, I don't know if he would have survived. We could act fast so he'd wake up in a few days... Even today if you're lucky. But considering the current situation, I think the best solution for Mr. Kim is to get some professional help. I'll contact our best therapist and make an appointment. The doctor said.
- Thank you doctor.
He smiled at Sejin before showing the way to Taehyung's room.
/t i m e s k i p/
•taehyung•
My eyes flutter open and the first thing I notice is the whiteness of the room.
Then the regular beeping sound.
And finally, Hoseok hyung's eyes.
- Oh my god Tae! You're awake... He muttered.
- H-hyung... I'm sorry! I swear I wasn't attempting to commit.. S-suicide.. I was just so frustrated and I was like in a daze and I don't know what happened.... I'm sorry! I sobbed.
- Taehyung... We were so worried, why didn't you tell us how you were feeling? Yoongi hyung asked.
- I... I don't know. I admitted, shamefully avoiding to look at him in the eyes.
- I need you, hyungs... Jungkook- I-I'm such a bad hyung huh? I'm sorry to burden y'all but please, don't let me down... I need your help. I wailed.
They remained silent, with tears in their eyes.
- I'm so lost... I don't know what to do but I don't want to suffer anymore. I just want everything to be like before. I want to be me again. I whispered.
- We're here Taehyung, we'll help you. Seokjin hyung said, hugging me tight while I rest my head on his broad shoulders.
Everything is going to be okay.
______________________________
Hi! Here is a new angsty OS! I hoped you liked it, I'm not used to talk about such sensitive topics but I did my best. It was requested by bts_armylove_xoxo , thank you for requesting and for your patience!
Requests are open
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