Paris
"Paris, thanks sa pagsama rito kay Pamu, ah?" Anda said, gently holding me by the arm. "Hindi ko alam na ikaw na lang pala naiwan dito. Nakakahiya naman."
Tumawa lang ako ng mahina. "It's no problem, Anda. Don't mind it."
Totoo naman kasi. It was no big deal for me. I considered Anda as a friend and her daughter was a nice girl, too. Hindi naman masakit sa ulo si Pamu.
"Gago talaga 'yung Z na 'yon. Hindi man lang ako tinext na aalis siya!"
Napabuntong hininga ako nang marinig ang pangalan niya. What Anda said made me a little worried again. Ni hindi niya natext si Anda kaya baka nga talaga seryoso at mabigat yung problema ng kumpanya nila ngayon?
"Anyways," she added. "Sure kang hindi ka na magd-dinner dito? I'll gladly cook you something pa naman."
Bahagya ulit akong natawa. She was really still her old conyo self.
"Hindi na," sabi ko habang umiiling. "Just say goodbye to Pamu for me again."
Nagpaalam naman na ako kanina pero gusto ko lang gawin ulit. Ang OA pakinggan pero sa tingin ko mamimiss ko yung bata, e! Ang cute at jolly niya kasi talaga.
"Oh, sure! Balik ka rito 'pag may time!"
Matapos no'n ay tuluyan na akong nagpaalam sa kanya at pumasok sa sasakyan. May kaunting ngiti pa sa mga labi ko nang umalis. I really did have a great time. Kaya lang, nang makauwi sa condo, naalala ko nanaman si Ezzio. The look on his face before he left told me that there was definitely something wrong. Gusto ko siyang tanungin tungkol doon pero mas nangingibabaw ang pag aalala ko para sa kanya.
I wonder how he is?
The question stayed in my mind for hours. So after I took a warm bath, I finally decided to text him.
> Is everything alright now?
I busied myself with asking Marky about how things went in the shop while waiting for him to reply. And once he did, I checked it instantly.
> It's fine
Medyo napakunot pa ang noo ko nang mabasa 'yon. I was expecting a yes or a no. Pero kahit ganoon ay napanatag pa rin ako sa sagot niya. He said it was all fine so maybe it was.
The next morning, I realized how dumb I was for believing it. Of course, everything wasn't okay!
"Ven?" patanong kong sabi nang sagutin ang tawag ni Venny.
"Ate, have you seen the news?"
She sounded a little nervous. Kinabahan ako agad.
"News where? Sa TV?"
I hadn't watched the news for a couple of days now. Malay ko ba kung ano nang nangyayari ngayon sa mundo!
I heard Venny sigh.
"Listen. I'm sending you a link to a news article right now. Check your messaging app."
The urgency in her voice was evident. Hindi na ako umangal pa nang diretso niyang pinutol ang tawag. I just waited for what she was about to send me. Nang makuha ang link ay agad kong binuksan ang article. My forehead creased when I saw the headline. It was about drug smuggling. Ano namang kinalaman no'n sa'kin?
Confused, I decided to read the whole article. Its content made my jaw drop. Lalo na nang mabasa ko ang pangalan ng kumpanya nina Ezzio!
I felt my heart skip a beat. Napatakip pa ako sa bibig ko. Apparently, the news said that a Chinese manufacturer of herbal teas based here in PH- or at least what their product seemed to be, smuggled drugs during the process of their export to Singapore. Lahat ng kumpanyang may kinalaman sa kanila, kasama na ang cargo at trading company, ay nabanggit sa article. Nabanggit doon ang Voyager Trades, ang mismong nag-handle sa exportation process ng produkto.
Halos hindi mag-sink in sa akin ang lahat. Doon ko napagtanto kung bakit ganoon na lang ang naging reaksyon ni Ezzio kahapon. Their company's name was tainted! Damay ang kumpanya nila sa issue na 'yon! Siguradong madami ang kwekwestiyon kung bakit hindi nila nasiguradong malinis ang background ng kliyente.
I couldn't help but be worried about him. Siya ang head ng kumpanya nila rito sa Pilipinas. Siya ang kailangang humarap sa problema at sa board of directors. I could only imagine how the board would react. Nag-aalala ako sa kinakaharap ni Ezzio sa mga oras na 'to.
I immediately texted him. I said I saw the news. But an hour passed and he still hadn't replied. Nakarating na lang ako sa El Gusto, wala pa rin. Kaya naman napagdesisyonan kong tawagan na siya. I could hear his phone ringing but the call immediately ended. He was rejecting my calls!
Tumawag ako ulit, pero ganoon pa rin ang nangyayari. I called once again, but he really wasn't answering.
What the hell, Ezzio!
Inis kong tiningnan ang phone. Ngunit nang maisip na baka iniistorbo ko lang siya ay bahagya rin akong napabuntong hininga. Fine. I'd give him time. Hindi ko siya guguluhin ngayon.
'Yon nga ang ginawa ko. I went on with my day like the usual. The thought of him crossed my mind from time to time but I managed to not reach out to him. Bumisita naman si Venny sa shop kinahapunan. Pinag-usapan namin ang tungkol doon. I said I had no idea about it. Well, it wasn't like Ezzio opened up to me a lot, in the first place. Kahapon nga lang naging sobrang maayos ang pakikitungo niya sa'kin, 'di ba?
Ganoon din naman si Venny. Wala rin siyang alam doon. Bakit nga naman meron? E, kliyente lang naman niya si Ezzio at hindi sila nag-uusap tungkol sa mga bagay sa kumpanya.
When I finally got home, that's when I decided to call him. Pero taliwas kaninang umaga, isang tawag lang ang ginawa ko. Hindi na ako nagulat pa nang hindi niya nanaman sinagot. I only breathed in, deciding to get my mind off it for the night.
The following day was the same. So was the day after that. Sa mga araw na nakalipas ay nag-aabang lang ako sa balita, hinihintay na makatanggap ng good news. Pero naging tahimik na ang media. Kung meron mang lumalabas ay tungkol lang sa manufacturer at wala nang ibang ditalye ukol sa kumpanya nina Z. I didn't know if I should take it as a good sign. Dahil kahit ganoon ay hindi pa rin ako sigurado kung ayos na ba ang lahat.
"The number you have dialed is now unattended. Please try your call later."
I sighed after hearing the same line I heard the last time. My anxiety for him was through the roof. Was he really okay? Hindi ko alam. I just wanted to know. I just wanted to hear from him. I just wanted to reach out.
"Sam? This is Paris."
"P-Paris!" bakas ang pagkagulat sa boses niya. "What made you call?"
Hindi ako agad nakasagot. Napagtanto niya siguro 'yon dahil dinagdagan niya ang sinabi.
"You're worried, aren't you?"
I bit my lip. There was no denying it. Huminga ako ng malalim.
"Sam, are you with Ray? Can I talk to him?"
This was the only solution I could think of. Kung hindi ako sinasagot ni Ezzio, baka naman nakikipag-usap siya kay Ray kahit papaano. Baka lang sakaling alam ni Ray kung saan siya matatagpuan. O kahit malaman ko lang mula sa kanya kung kamusta si Z.
"S-Sure! Yeah, he's with me," After that, her voice became faint while calling her fiancé. "Babe, Paris wants to talk to you!"
"What?" I heard Ray say from afar. Medyo natawa pa ako. Ang cute nila. Hindi naman nagtagal at narinig ko na ng mas malinaw ang boses niya.
"'Sup, Paris?"
"Ray," I said, grateful that I could finally talk to him. "Hi. I... I'm just wondering if you happen to have any news about Ezzio?"
I felt him pause. He seemed to be taken aback by my question.
"W-Well, yeah," I could imagine him nodding his head. "Yeah, Paris. Of course I do. He's... He's fine. He's just a little stressed out right now."
Somehow, I sensed how the last sentence was an understatement. I couldn't help but think that maybe it wasn't just a little. Maybe Ezzio's stressed out big time. But if he really was fine, then I probably have nothing to worry about. Kahit papaano, napanatag ang loob ko.
"Thanks, Ray. This means a lot."
Awkward silence reigned between us. Naisipan ko na lang na tapusin ang tawag. Ngunit bago ko pa man magawa 'yon ay nakapagsalita na si Ray.
"Hey, uhm..." the contemplation in him was prominent. "I actually think I have an idea about where he might be right now."
Agad na lumiwanag ang mukha ko. It was still 7 in the evening, anyway. So if Ray could tell me where he was, I could still go.
"Please. I would really like to know where."
Inasahan kong sa kumpanya o sa bahay lang ang isasagot ni Ray. Kaso, hindi. What he said wasn't what I was expecting.
"LMU."
I furrowed my brows as I stared at the tall gates of La Montreal. Why would he be here? Of all places?
After Ray spilled me Ezzio's location, I didn't waste time. Mabilis akong nagtungo rito. Kaya lang, matagal akong napatitig sa harap ng gate. Matagal-tagal na rin kasi akong hindi nakakadalaw rito. It's been years.
I took a breath before heading inside. Nagulat pa ako dahil hindi pa rin nagbabago ang guard na nagbabantay. At hanggang ngayon ay kilala pa rin ako nito! Akala ko nga hindi ako papapasukin. Mabuti na lang at ayos lang naman daw dahil may iilang estudyante pa nga raw sa loob na gumagawa ng school projects dahil nalalapit na ang pagtatapos ng semester. 'Yun nga lang, kinuha niya ang ID ko.
As I walked across the familiar hallways of LMU, memories started to flash back. Apat na taon din akong naglakad ng pabalik balik sa mga daanang 'to. I roamed my eyes around, trying to figure out what changed. Wala namang masyadong nagbago. The parks and tambayans were still in the same spot. Siguro may mga nadagdag lang na palamuti lalo na sa mga buildings. Nag-iba rin ang mga kulay nito. I also noticed how some trees were still lit up. Nakakatuwa na hindi sila tumigil na gawin 'yon.
My feet led me to the football field. I didn't even need to think hard about it. Tila awtomatiko nang nakatatak sa isip ko na sa field ko lang matatagpuan si Ezzio.
And just like the old days, I was right.
Walang ibang tao ang nandoon bukod sa kanya. Nakatayo siya sa may gitna ng pitch, sinisipa ang bola papunta sa goal line. Napansin kong naka-dress shirt lang siya at maluwag na tie. Like always, it was folded up to his elbows. Napatigil ako at napangiti habang tinitingnan siya mula sa malayo. It felt nice to see him back in that field again. Nakalimutan ko na kung gaano ko namiss ang tingnan siyang mag-football. And I might really be too far gone for thinking that he looked so good in his semi-formal clothes while playing.
Taking a deep breath, I took a step forward and started walking closer. Malayo pa lang ay napatigil na siya nang makita ako. Kita ko ang paghingal niya habang nangingintab ng kaunti ang pawis sa noo at sa leeg. Some tips of his hair were a little wet, too.
"Timeout?" I asked, stopping just outside the yard line. The word threw back a faint memory of me saying the same thing to him back then.
He just stared at me in disbelief for a couple seconds. Ngunit 'di nagtagal ay bahagya siyang ngumiti. My heart warmed up. His smile looked genuine and grateful, I wished I could see it on him more often. That's why I wanted to break down his walls. Masyado na kasi siyang cold sa'kin. Buti na lang at kahit papaano, kinakausap at nginingitian niya na ako. Hindi ko talaga alam kung paano nangyari 'yon. Was he finally seeing my sincerity?
Iniwan niya ang bola at naglakad palapit sa'kin.
"Raynold?" tanong niya nang makalapit. Agad kong naintindihan 'yon. I nodded. Kanino ko pa nga ba nakuha ang impormasyon sa kung nasaan siya?
I looked up at him to see his reaction but he was just biting his lip while looking at me with worries in his eyes.
"You shouldn't have come here."
"Then you shouldn't have ignored my calls," I reasoned. He chuckled a little. Hindi ko pa rin mapigilang mamangha nang makita siyang ganoon. Let's just say our situation's different now. Hindi na gaya noong college na sanay na sanay akong makita siyang ngumiti o humalakhak. With all his cold gestures during our first encounters, his smile and the sound of his laugh now seemed priceless to me.
"You are one persistent courter," he said, walking to the bleachers. Umupo siya sa unang upuan doon, kung saan malapit sa coat niya na nakalapag lang. Sumunod naman ako. I sat beside him. Tahimik kaming naupo roon ng iilang segundo. I took in the familiarity of the field. Sobrang kabisado ko pa lahat ng alaalang nagawa ko rito. At kung naalala ko pa ang mga 'yon hanggang ngayon, ano na lang si Ezzio? He spent three years running around this field, and too many countless nights trying to be great at the sport.
"Namiss mo ang football?"
I turned my head to him when he took long enough to answer. Nakita ko siyang tumango habang nakatukod ang mga kamay sa magkabilang gilid.
"Yes," sagot niya. "Ever since I started working for the company, this became my stress-reliever. It just got better when I went back here. Malaya akong nakakapunta rito."
It was my turn to nod slowly. Tinitigan ko ang buong field sa harap namin. It really was nostalgic. And sitting here with Ezzio made it more so.
"Ang dami mong memories dito, e," komento ko. "Halos gabi-gabi ka rito."
Napatawa siya.
"Dito rin ako nakakita ng mga solid na kaibigan, mabait na coach, at-"
"At mga chix sa bleachers," pagtapos ko sa sasabihin niya. We squinted our eyes at each other. He parted his lips.
"I was going to say 'supporters' but... whatever," he shrugged and I rolled my eyes at him. Nang hindi na ako sumagot ay narinig ko ulit ang tawa niya. Nakatingin na siya sa harap. Nang humupa ay huminga siya ng malalim.
"God, I missed this," he whispered under his breath. Napatingin ako sa kanya. Wait, 'This' as in the football field or 'This' as in... us, talking?
Gosh, Paris. You put too much meaning on everything he says.
As I gazed at him with his faint smile, I couldn't help but ask,
"Ezzio, ayos ka lang ba talaga?"
He paused. Dahan-dahang napawi ang ngiti niya. It took a while before he answered.
"You heard about the news?"
Tanging tango lang ang ginawa ko.
"Sucks, huh?" medyo tumawa pa siya nang sinabi 'yon. I realized it was his usual style. He always covers up the emotions behind his words through giving off a simple laugh or even a smile.
"Martinez, you don't have to pretend," I said sincerely. "Ako lang 'to."
Hinawakan ko ang kamay niya. It was a bold move. Hindi ko alam kung babawiin niya ba 'yon o ano. I was relieved he didn't. Napatingin lang siya roon. Huminga siya ng malalim bago tumingin sa malayo. Lumipas ang isang minuto. Isang buong minuto ng katahimikan. Akala ko mananatiling ganoon ngunit nagulat ako nang marinig ko siyang magsalita.
"My dad's mad. My mom's disappointed. The whole board is in panic," he let out a sigh. "So, yeah. I'm far from okay."
I looked at him in sympathy. I knew he wasn't fine. No one could ever feel that way after a really bad news comes up. I just wished I could do anything, anything, to make him feel better.
"The rest of them are saying that the company's name is ruined and it would take a whole lot of work to take the clients' trust back. Even dad thinks the same. He thinks I won't be able to fix this but dammit," he cursed, shutting his eyes close for a second. Frustration was taking its toll on him.
"I can do it, Paris," he said, glancing at me. His eyes reflected pain. "I know I can."
Naramdaman ko pa ang pangunguyom ng kamao niya kaya hinawakan ko 'yon ng mahigpit. I didn't dare to take my eyes off him.
"I just need them to believe in me. Kahit kaunti lang."
He sounded so defeated. I hated seeing him this way. Hindi ako sanay na makita siya nang ganito. It was too much. It hurt too much.
"They think I'm too young to deal with this type of problem?" he scoffed. "Fuck age! Ano bang kinalaman no'n sa capabilities ng tao?"
I flinched at how his voice went louder. It was thunderous. Kitang-kita sa mukha niya ang pagkadismaya. Parang pwede siyang sumabog sa anumang oras.
He shook his head.
"I have only failed them this once. Just this once," he uttered, gesturing his other hand. "And yet they've already lost hope in me."
Ezzio had been dealing with pressure almost all his life. But this seemed to be the worst. Ibang-iba 'to kumpara dati na halos pressure lang sa football ang kinakaharap niya. Things were more serious now. Mas mabibigat ang mga problemang dumadating ngayong matatanda na kami. And I didn't want him to deal with it alone. I wanted to be by his side althroughout the process. Kahit pa itulak niya ulit ako palayo.
"How can I get the clients' trust back when my own parents can't even give that to me?"
Humina ang boses niya. Hindi siya nakatingin sa'kin pero batid ko ang nararamdaman niya. I felt every bit of it. And he looked weak so I found it useless to sound weak as well. Hence, I gathered up my courage just to say the words,
"Prove them wrong."
Napatingin siya sa'kin habang nagkibit balikat ako. I knew it wasn't that easy to do. But it was worth an encouragement.
"They might not believe in you but I do," I said softly, staring straight into his eyes. "I've seen what you can do, Ezzio. Whenever you're determined to do something, you do it. That's why I have no doubt that you can fix this."
I had seen that in him a long time ago. His determination was what brought him to the top. All of the people who refuse to think he's capable are blind.
I smiled.
"Besides, I'm... here. If there's anything I can do to help, you can just... tell me. I'll be right here."
His hand wasn't balled into fist anymore. Kaya maluwag ko na 'yong hinawakan. Unti-unti siyang huminahon. Ngunit tila wala naman siyang balak magsalita. Nagpatuloy lang siya sa pagtitig sa'kin ng seryoso kaya naman nagsimula tuloy akong maconscious sa sarili. I averted my gaze.
Wala naman siguro akong dumi sa mukha?
Hindi naman siguro ako haggard?
"I won't let you court me anymore," he said out of the blue. Napakunot ang noo ko.
Woah, woah, woah, woah. What?
My mind went blank for a second. Hindi naman 'yon ang sagot na inaasahan ko sa kanya, ah! Ang layo kaya! At talagang binabasted niya na ako? Ngayon?! Matapos ko siyang i-encourage, ito lang ang igaganti niya?!
I let go of his hand.
"D-does that mean I really don't stand a chance?" hindi makapaniwala kong sabi. I couldn't believe I went here and listened to him just to get turned down!
Umiwas siya ng tingin. He boredly took his coat.
"No. This means that we're doing this the other way around," he answered in nonchalance while putting his coat on. Wala na'ng bahid ng kahit anong ekspresyon sa mukha niya. 'Di gaya kanina na kitang-kita ko lahat. So, ano? Nawala na lang bigla ang galit at kalungkutan niya? Pwede ba 'yon?!
I couldn't help but look at him in astonishment and confusion. Ba't parang wala lang 'to sa kanya?! Kung makapagsalita siya parang hindi niya na-hurt ang feelings ko. Nakakainis! At isa pa, anong 'other way around'?
When he was done, he looked back at me with a ghost of a smile on his lips. Tila naaliw siya sa reaksyon ko. At nang mas sumimangot pa ako ay roon na siya tuluyang natawa ng mahina. Umiling-iling pa siya bago nagsalita.
"From now on I will be the one to court you, you slowpoke."