Mikasa P.O.V.
The situation changed so quickly that I first thought Erwin was joking at the expense of Nina's disease, but I was wrong. So wrong.
How could I ever have guessed that there was so much more to it than I first thought?
When Erwin told me the story of how it all happened here, I didn't waste a single thought that he acted out of love. Why even?
I was so mad at him when I heard what he had pulled off, so mad, that I couldn't think of anything else but to stop myself from slapping him here and now, but when I dug deeper and asked for more credible reasons, the whole tragedy was revealed to me.
Now I had a former commander sitting in front of me who was on his knees before me while I was trying to comfort him. I never thought things would change so much.
Now I finally understood Erwin. Why he acted the way he did. He did it out of love, out of honest, deep love.
How could I still be angry with him? Sure, part of me still was, but it was forgotten soon.
Now it was time to settle more important things.
"And how exactly do you think how things should go on from here? Have you thought about that yet? "
He hung his head and sighed, ran a hand through his hair, which was otherwise so neat and well-groomed and now completely out of shape and looking like a haystack. If Erwin neglects his appearance so much, even though he is so anxious to always look well-groomed, then the whole situation must take a bigger toll on him than I thought.
"More or less. From the beginning, I promised Nina to stay with her and support her and be there for her, no matter what. That still applies, but I don't want to put any pressure on her. Separation from someone you love leaves a deep wound, and Nina's wound is very deep. She still loves him deeply, and although he broke up with her, it will take a long time to get over it. I told her that I will be waiting for her, that I will be there for her if she wants me and that she was finally willing to love me, but that would be wrong at the moment. I want to leave the decision to her alone and not force her to do anything she doesn't want, you understand? "
"Of course I do. Honestly, I am amazed at how factual and well thought out this thought is. Judging from what you told me, you hardly missed an opportunity to impose yourself on her, whether it's a hug or a kiss. "
"Can't you forget about that? Just for a moment? " Groaned Erwin annoyed.
"No. Don't expect me to drop the topic so quickly. I'm still pissed off that you pulled such an asshole-move and brought Levi and Nina into such a shitty situation. I don't want to keep repeating myself, so you'll better memorize what a shitty friend you were. Roger that?"
He sighed again, but I saw him nod weakly.
"Yeah, yeah. I understand. No more sneaky moves and no playing with other people's feelings. "
Satisfied with the answer, I hummed in agreement and slapped him on the shoulder with my fist, causing him to flinch and wince.
"Ouch! What was that for now? " he whined as he rubbed his shoulder.
"For being an asshole and as a warning for the future. Now get up and get prepared. You look like a tramp. You don't want Nina to die from shock when she wakes up, don't you? "
"Huh? What do you mean?" Erwin made a face like a puppy hearing a new command for the first time. It looked almost cute.
"What does it sound like, you bright spark? You will now make yourself beautiful and then go back up to Nina and be there for her, just like a good friend should do. "
"And what about you? Not that I have any objections to the plan, I just like to be informed about all the details."
Of course ... soldier through and through. Always wanting to know everything and every detail, but I can't tell him everything. Or at least not yet. First of all, I have to find Levi.
"I'm going to grab Nina's key and drive to her apartment and pack some things for her and bring them here. After that, I will try to reach Levi. Do you have any idea where he could be? Have you tried calling him? I can imagine that he is also not feeling well right now. Actually ... I'm pretty sure he's off track. One more reason to speak to him, even if he probably doesn't want to see anyone. Was he at home with you? Where's that little jerk? "
"No. I absolutely don't know where he could be. I tried to call him several times, over and over again, but there always answered the mailbox. If I didn't know better, I would say he blocked me. He wasn't at home either. Not after the argument we had. It's almost as if the earth had swallowed him up, and to be honest ... I'm worried about him. I know better than anyone how emotional he is, and this ... break up is bound to take take a huge toll on him. Even though I should be angry with him, I just can't help worrying about him. Even though I am sure I will regret asking this question, but why do you want to contact Levi? "
"Isn't that obvious ?! As if I just let the midget get away after the shit he pulled off! It's time he gets that long overdue kick in his ass. Don't think I'll let him get away with it so easily. This matter here, between you, Levi and Nina, is far from over, I'll make sure of that. And now that you mentioned it, I'm worried too. After such a big thing, he tends to lose himself and do stupid things. We'd better find him quickly before something bad happens."
No matter how angry I was with Erwin, Levi was as guilty as he was. He had just as much guilt on his shoulders and deserved to be held responsible. Also: If what I thought about should work, I need him. I need Levi and Erwin, together, as friends and on the same side.
I just hoped that it would work. Erwin wasn't the problem, it was Levi ... His stubbornness was almost legendary and it would take hard bandages to make him think everything over.
One more reason why I should talk to him ... But first I have to find him, and that better quickly. The question is how?
"What are you going to do, Mikasa?" Erwin asked suddenly and ripped me out of my thoughts, where I was already planning how to proceed the best.
"That shouldn't concern you, yet. I'll tell you when the time is right. For now, you will take care of Nina until I am back. Is that clear?"
Erwin sighed and submitted by standing up and patting his pants.
"As you wish. Then I will first prepare myself and then go to Nina. I'll see you when you come back. "
"Yep. See you later."
Erwin and I said goodbye for now and went our separate ways. He disappeared back into the hospital and I went back to my car. First I have to go back to the gym and get Nina's stuff. Fortunately, the manager knows me and knows that we are friends, so I wasn't worried that something could go wrong here.
When I would be done with that and had packed some things for my sick friend, it is high time to find Levi.
Erwin P.O.V.
I slowly began to lose all hope and confidence.
It has been a little more than a week since I told Mikasa everything about the desperate situation I was in, and still no sign of life from Levi, but what was even worse: Nina's condition had hardly improved, maybe even worsened.
Although she ate again, all of her medication wore out her entire sleep rhythm. I quickly got used to having a sandwich or something else with me so that she could at least eat anything.
Her fever didn't get better either. It disappeared for a few hours or a day, but it always came back and hurled her back into a state of lethargy.
The doctors could do nothing more than increase the medication and hope that she will soon be better, and even though it was just the flu, the doctors didn't know why she didn't want to heal.
I, however, had an idea. A wounded, weak heart can be even more damaging than the worst illness, and I was afraid that Nina's heart had suffered more than it could handle. I wish so much that my love for her would be enough to heal her, that my presence would give her strength and new courage, but her love for Levi was stronger than I thought.
Damn what I would give if she would love me so deeply. Even though I knew that she loved me, although I understood why she acted the way she did, it hurt to see that Nina still didn't want to admit it. It was almost as if she was still stuck in the belief that loving someone else instead of the one who first won her heart is forbidden, that she sees it as betrayal and, despite the separation, still holds on to the connection she had with Levi. It was so sad, for her and for me, I wish nothing more than to be able to make her happy.
I spent every free minute I could spare at her side, holding her hand, whispering comforting, encouraging words in hope that she would draw strength from it and recover, but it was in vain.
It was hard to reconcile with my work because I wanted to sit with her all day, but I couldn't. I needed my job and I needed the money, so I left her alone with my heart heavy with guilt and grief to do my work to train spoiled snobs. But my thoughts would stay with Nina all the time. I couldn't stop thinking about her and about what I was really worried about.
For her and for Levi.
I couldn't help but fear that I was going to lose everything dear to me, and the thought gave me nightmares.
From time to time Mikasa came over to relieve myself so I could sleep, but I didn't stay away for long. I spent a few hours at home, a few hours of sleep and something to eat, then I kept coming back to watch over Nina.
The few moments when Nina was conscious were like a godsend gift to me. She would smile weakly, greet me warmly and ask how I am, even though she is the one who is doing so badly.
I would tell her what had happened since our last meeting and she would ask how Levi is doing.
Every time she asked this it was like ramming a knife into my heart.
I knew that she still loved him, that she was concerned about him, and wondered how he was dealing with the whole thing, but that was not what made me tremble in unease.
The truth was, I didn't know. I had no knowledge of what would calm her conscience, so I lied.
I would tell her that he was fine according to the circumstances, but that he had withdrawn very much and barely spoke to me anymore, but that I saw that he suffered.
From which Nina would give me a weak smile before the mass of medication she was given forced her to fall into deep sleep again. For how long, I didn't know. Every time I saw the light fading in her eyes, her mind more and more saying goodbye to the body, I felt like a part of me was going with her.
Mikasa caught her awake a few times. I could see and feel her struggling with the urge to relief her displeasure on Nina and finally put her into blame too, that she is complicit of the situation and that she deserves a kick in the ass and so on, but as Mikasa laid her eyes on her weak friend's body, Nina's glassy eyes looking back into Mikasas, I saw Mikasa's features relax and a faint smile stole onto her lips before she took Nina's hand in hers to say comforting words.
I was relieved and happy to see that Mikasa had enough heart not to hurt an already sick person unnecessarily more. This little act of humanity made me believe that there was still hope for us, but every time I asked Mikasa in a quiet moment outside the hospital room if there was anything new she would shake her head negatively with a sad look.
Even she hadn't been able to reach Levi. She gave me regular feedback on whether there was progress, but it was always the same. Mikasa called her cousin almost every hour, let it ring until the mailbox reached, and would try again a little later.
It went like this every day, all week long, but no sign of life from Levi.
We were all very worried about him. He could be hurt or maybe even dead and nobody would know!
No one, not even one of our friends, had heard anything from him. It was as if he had left the country and assumed a new identity.
This has been the whole 8 days since Nina was hospitalized. With no prospect of improvement for her and without hope for me.
In the meantime, it was early evening on the 9th day and I had just come back from a meeting with one of my clients and was only quickly at home to take a shower and change before I went back to the hospital to be with Nina.
Again, there was no evidence that Levi was home. His bed and his wardrobe were untouched, and although the chaos after our argument had been cleared up and a new dining table had already taken the place of the old, I felt less at home there than ever before.
Without Levi and without Nina, it was just an apartment filled with furniture, without a heart, and without a soul.
I had meanwhile acquired a portable office consisting of a tablet with a connectable keyboard, my phone was permanently silent, but I had a small headset in my ear to be able to make calls if necessary, and I had more than enough books with me to be able to read for weeks.
I did everything I could to be with her is she awakens, to show her that she was not alone, that someone was waiting for her to greet her with open arms, but all I could do was hope and pray.
I had hardly sat down next to her bed when I heard her take a deep breath. I knew what that meant and I instantly jumped up and took her hand. A second later, her eyelids fluttered awake before weak, glassy eyes looked up at me, a faint smile on her lips, which I was only too happy to return.
"Hey, baby. How do you feel? You look great." I greeted her as I held her hand and gently stroked her cheek with the other. She sighed and I felt her lean into the palm of my hand.
"Hey, Erwin. I think I'm a little better, thanks. But you don't have to flatter me. I know that I look like shit. I want to go home..."
"Sshhh ... I know, baby. But unfortunately, that isn't possible yet. First, your condition needs to improve. You're doing great, baby. Keep it up. Not much longer and you can come home with me, right? Wouldn't that be nice? "
I tried to encourage her and kissed her hand gently before I took my chair to sit next to her bed.
"Yes. That would be so nice. How ... how is Levi? " I knew it wouldn't be long before she asked for Levi and I struggled hard to keep my smile.
"He was feeling better. He's going through a tough time, just like you. Hold on and give both of you a little bit of time to relax and calm down, okay? "
She nodded weakly and a long sigh slipped from her throat. She looked so weak. She had lost a lot of weight due to the lack of food and her skin was pale and lackluster, her eyes empty and glassy.
Whatever was lying in this bed, it was no longer the Nina I once knew and learned to love.
And I blamed myself so much for it.
I kissed her hand again and got up from the chair before brushing loose strands of hair from her face.
"I just tell the nurse that you are awake so you can eat and wash, right? I'll be right back, baby. "
After I went out, I looked for the next best nurse to tell her about Nina's condition. She asked me to wait outside while taking care of Nina.
"Erwin!" I had just sat down in the waiting area when I heard a familiar voice calling me, as usual at this time, to relieve myself for a few hours so that I could get some sleep.
"Hey, Mikasa. All good? Anything new? Were you able to reach Levi? " With a heavy sigh, she sat next to me and stretched her arms.
"No, unfortunately not. The damned bastard is swallowed up by the earth. I searched all of his usual hiding places and retreats, asked all of our friends and even a few of his ex-girlfriends, but nobody knows anything about his whereabouts. I'm beginning to feel that he doesn't want to be found. "
"Yes. I have the feeling too, but we have to keep trying. He can't ignore us forever. "
I tried to remain optimistic and to persuade both of us that sooner or later we would reach Levi, or that he would contact us, even though I am at the end of my strength and had almost given up hope. But against all odds, I had to keep fighting and persevering.
What saved me from difficult situations and carried me forward so often during my time as a commander was my iron will to continue. This time, too, I would let myself be guided by it, and even if the hope was so small, hardly a spark, I would still hold out and fight to the end.
I owed it not only to myself but also to Nina. After everything I did to her, I saw it as my duty to fight instead of her and to stand up for both of us, no matter what.
"Urgh ... you say that so easily. You don't call him every hour with the prospect that nothing will happen anyway. "
"I know, but don't give up. I'm sure you can do it. "
"Yes, Yes. And? How is Nina? Any progress? "
"Not really so far. She just woke up and the nurse is with her. I wanted to wait here until they're done. You are very welcome to join me. "
"I have no other choice," Mikasa replied unemotionally as she took out her phone to probably check the time.
With a sigh, she leaned back in her chair and tapped the display a few times before holding the device to her ear.
"I can also use the time to call Levi a couple more times. Maybe I'm lucky."
Nodding, I also leaned back in my chair and grabbed the 'Men's Health' magazine, which luckily laid on the stack of new magazines. I was actually not the type to read such magazines, but if I get something like that served on a silver tablet, I would be happy to accept the offer.
I scanned the contents and then flipped to the next page -
"Finally, you stupid asshole! We were all worried sick! Where the hell are you ?! " I jumped in shock by Mikasa's sudden outburst, but within a second I knew that she had finally reached Levi!
I occasionally threw the magazine aside and immediately sat next to her, hoping to hear bits of the conversation.
The fact that she had finally reached Levi made my heart beat unexpectedly with relief.
"I don't give a shit that you needed time for yourself! I want to know immediately where you are! And don't gimme shit like "It's none of your business" or "I don't want to see you" . There are a few things I would love to ask you, and I'm sure you know exactly why. Wasn't that why you hid like a coward, huh?"
Wow ... Mikasa really made no difference between family, friend, or foe when she was angry. Listening to her insulting and pressuring her cousin on the phone made a cold shiver run down my spine.
Mikasa raised her hand in my direction, telling me to stay calm and wait. Even though I almost burst with excitement to finally know that Levi is still alive, that he is obviously well and that he'd just hidden somewhere, I knew that if I say anything now, Levi would shut down immediately and only God alone would know when will we ever see him again.
"U-huh. And you want to go there because? - U-huh... U-huh... Goodness, if its that necessary, fine! Then get your lazy ass there immediately, I'll be there in ten minutes and don't dare to not show up! "
And then she hung up.
"And?!" I asked impatiently while I was leaning so far over the chair that I should actually tip over.
"So ... I couldn't get much out of him yet, but Levi said he needed "time for himself" and therefore stayed in a small hotel on the outskirts of the city. He had turned off his phone all the time and now he says that he can't stand it there anymore and wants to come to my house to take a shower. Can you believe that ?! "
"So there he was hiding all the time ... and now he comes to you to take a shower, do I understand that correctly?"
I didn't know if I should laugh or be angry about Levi's lack of honor, so I decided on the latter and groaned loudly as I leaned back into my seat.
"I know what you're thinking now, Erwin. And the answer is No. You stay here and wait for me to come back. With or without Levi. "
Of course. As if I expected anything else. In my current state of mind, the situation between me and Levi would escalate anyway.
"Yes, understood. But don't take too much time. I don't know how long Nina will stay awake this time. "
"I hurry up, I promise. And calm down until I'm back. Leave Levi to me and forget your anger for now. Did you forget already: All three of you are guilty, whether you like it or not. Having a grudge against Levi even though you are just as guilty is hypocritical. Do not forget that."
Did she have to remind me so directly?
"Yes, I have not forgotten. Nice that we talked about it. And? Don't you want to go? " I asked annoyed as I ran my hand through my hair.
"Tch, don't worry. You are already rid of me. See you later." With that, she got up, shouldered her bag, and walked quickly from the waiting area down the hall to meet Levi.
Although the uncomfortable feeling of anger was still gnawing in my gut, I knew Mikasa was right and I needed to calm down. It's true, I was complicit in this drama and had to do my part. Groaning, I leaned back in my seat and took the 'Men's Health' magazine to continue where I left off while waiting impatiently for me to go back to Nina and hoping that Mikasa could do something with Levi.