Kabanata 5
MY lips protruded. The silence filled the cold atmosphere around us that I felt myself shivering.
"H-here..." Nalingon ko siya at napalunok nang maramdaman ang pagpatong niya ng denim jacket sa balikat ko.
"T-thanks," I muttered and I saw him nod and look somewhere again.
Nakaupo kami sa labas ng mall, sa bench kung saan ilang hakbang lang ay p'wede ka nang makalapit sa dagat. Malamig ang simoy ng hangin. Nararamdaman ko ang pagdapo nito sa balat ko pero dahil binigay niya sa 'kin ang kanyang jacket ay kaagad na nawala.
Still, it is awkward.
Kulang na lang ay marinig ko na ang kulisap sa sobrang tahimik. Tanging mahihinang hampas ng alon mula sa hindi kalayuang dalampasigan ang naririnig ko mula sa pwesto naming dalawa.
After that awkward scene inside the store, we didn't talk. After he kissed me, ramdam ko ang mabilis na kalabog ng puso ko. Well, I guess I liked his kisses too but... I don't know.
Hindi ako pumapatol sa tomboy, lalo na at sister ko pa.
But you liked it...
Shit, Scira. What the hell are you thinking?!
I cleared my throat and glanced at Warren.
"Sis—"
"Mars—"
We both stopped as our gaze clashed. Kaagad na nag-init ang pisngi ko nang masalubong ang mga mata niya. He looked shy and embarrassed. Namumula rin ang mukha niya kaya lumunok ako at nagsalita.
"I'm sorry if—"
"No, look. I am sorry," he said and he shifted his weight so he could look at me better. Hindi ako nagsalita at nakitang may kung anong emosyon sa mga mata niya. "I just, you know, didn't know what to do."
" H-huh?" I asked.
He licked his lower lip and lifted his fingers to brush his disheveled hair.
"When you turned your back, uhm..." he cleared his throat. "I-I heard the old ladies saying I'm gay and I can't even kiss you kaya..."
"O-oh..." I muttered when I realized that. "Y-you only did that because of it?"
I don't know but I felt quite odd and weirder, sad. Parang hindi ko matanggap na hinalikan niya ako dahil sa narinig.
He stared at my eyes and slowly, he nodded.
"Sorry, Scira, if I made you uncomfortable. If after this and you don't want to be my friend anymore, I will understand—"
"No!" I exclaimed, startling him. "Wala kang kasalanan, Tintin, okay? It's my fault. I called you out loud like that. I respect you, Warren, as a friend, as a man—"
"W-woman, sis," pahabol niya kaya napangiti ako at tumango.
"As a woman," I muttered and suddenly chuckled. "Okay na?"
I saw his lips lift. Tumango siya kaya nagpatuloy ako.
"And I don't have any right to call you that way in public. Una, dahil hindi ka pa naglalantad. That was so insensitive kaya I did kiss you," I said in a small voice. "Which is wrong too. Actually, I was aiming lang for the side of your lips but I think your head moved a little k-kaya..."
"It's okay, baby..." He breathed.
"What?"
"I mean..." he cleared his throat. "I understand. Kaya mo pala ako tinawag na baby."
"I just did what I thought could save you. Nakaka-disappoint na nga akong kaibigan," I said and sighed. "I suck with friendships, anyway. I think I'm too unemotional, mukhang walang paki–"
"It's fine," he said and my lips protruded.
"It's not. Baka ayaw mo na akong kumare," I sulked.
"Scira..." he called.
"See?" I spat. "Scira na ang tawag mo sa 'kin!" I whined and stomped my feet.
"Hey, look at me." I shook my head and he moved a bit. He slowly lifted my chin so he could see my eyes. "I'm not mad, Mars."
I gulped while looking at his eyes. Kumalabog na naman ang dibdib ko sa kaba at hindi maintindihang dahilan kapag ganyan siya.
"R-really?"
"It's you who should be mad at me. I kissed you. That was disrespectful—"
"Sis, mag-sister tayo, okay lang," I said and I saw his lips protrude a bit.
"P-parang ang gara, Mars. Babae sa babae, t-tomboy?" he muttered and I immediately laughed upon hearing him.
Umangat ang labi niya habang tumatawa ako. Naiiling na hinampas ko ang balikat niya at nakita ko ang pagkislap ng mga mata niya.
The awkward atmosphere faded. I bit my lip to suppress my laughter but I couldn't. Warren is smirking and slowly moving to place a few strands of my fallen hair behind my ear.
"K-kaloka ka, Mars," I muttered and laughed again.
I noticed how amusement played in his eyes while looking at me and when I calmed down, I covered my mouth, ashamed of my loud mouth.
"S-sorry, Tintin. I'm just..."
"It's fine," he smiled. "You look more radiant when you laugh and smile that way," he said seriously, making my cheeks flush.
Bigla akong nahiya kaso baka biglang awkward na naman kaya tumawa ako at pabirong hinampas ang dibdib niya.
"Hala, si kumare, pa-fall!" I exclaimed and his laughter roared.
"Hmm, am I?" he said in amusement, his tone teasing.
"O-oo kaya! Talo mo pa magpakilig ang mga ex ko!" I exclaimed and I saw him stop.
His forehead creased a bit. He became quite serious that I stopped.
"Mars?"
"Your exes..." he muttered. "What were they like?"
"Hmm," I smiled. "Bakit? May bet ka?" I teased but he scoffed.
"No way. I'm just curious," he said and he slowly took my hand. I saw how his fingers touched the part of my wrist where I tried the shades of lipstick earlier.
"They're good, they're great," I said, remembering it. "Well, I dated them because Mom said they have a good family. I've always wanted to please her. She's my role model kaya kapag sinabi niyang magandang pamilya iyon at kung may magbibigay sa 'kin ng interes mula sa pamilya, I will grab the chance and Mom would be happy. The others, well, I genuinely just like them but..."
I sighed.
"You know, after a week or a month, lalabas ang ugali nila. They would call me a freak."
"Freak?" He stopped and glanced at me.
"Control freak, Mars," I stared at him. "Well, may something din naman sa ugali ko. I know I have my own faults too. Pero naiirita lang talaga ako kung ang dahilan nila kaya nagagalit is because mas inuuna ko ang pamilya ko kaysa sa kanila."
"Of course, family comes first," he said eagerly. I smiled.
"'Di ba?" I muttered happily and grinned. "Hindi nila ma-gets 'yon, Mars, kaya inis ako. Mabuti ka pa. Naku, magpakalalaki ka na ulit para jowain na lang kita," I joked.
"Lalaki naman ako," he said in a husky voice. I froze and gawked at him.
"H-huh?" I saw him stare at my eyes before smirking.
"Patola, sis!" he laughed and pinched my nose. "Nabiktima ka, ano?"
I was surprised then recovered and grinned, commending how real it sounded.
If only I didn't saw it first-hand, I'll probably believe it.
"Aba, aba, nag-jo-joke ka na?" I hissed. Pabiro ko ulit siyang sumuntok kaya natatawang hinuli niya ang kamay ko.
"Well..." he said with a smirk.
"Ikaw talaga, Tintin!" I chuckled and continued punching him playfully. Tinusok ko ang tagiliran niya. He jump a bit and glared at me.
"Hmm, may kiliti ka, ah?" I muttered and tickled him again.
"Shit," he groaned in a hoarse voice. I was having my own share of fun tickling him when he caught both of my hands. He pushed me a bit on the bench and my eyes widened in shock when he moved his face closer to mine. Our noses were almost touching.
The weird thumping on my chest came back. Nawala na iyon sa asaran naming dalawa pero bumalik ngayong magkalapit na naman ang mukha namin.
Warren Augustine Miranda really is a gift from God, a gift for women–probably for men too. His black eyes are serious yet shining a bit from the light reflected from the post. He has red thin lips, pointed nose, and strong jaw. I saw small whiskers growing on his chin and jaw. Hindi ito pansinin kapag malayo pero kapag ganito kalapit ay kitang-kita.
He moved his face a bit and lowered his gaze on my lips. I hyperventilated. It was as if his lips had gravity, pulling me closer to it.
I could still remember the taste of his lips and how it felt when it touched mine. I can still remember the warmth...
"Baka naman mahal mo na ako niyan, sis?" My eyes widened with his playful remark.
Heat rushed to my cheeks.
"H-hindi, ah!" I exclaimed, pushing him away. He then laughed at me and shook his head before stealing a kiss on my cheek.
"Uh-hmm," he hummed.
I glared at him and kicked his feet before touching the cheek he kissed.
"Chansing ka, ah!" sita ko pero natatawang kumindat siya sa akin.
"Let me remind you who kissed who first?" he teased. I pouted. Muli ko siyang sinipa kaya natatawang nailing siya.
Baklang 'to! Kaloka! Parang heartthrob noong kabataan magsalita!
"Alam mo, kung hindi ko lang nakitang nag-wa-walling ka sa Casa Amara noon, iisipin kong lalaki ka," I muttered. He smirked again and tilted his head.
"Lalaki ako," he said straightforwardly but I just rolled my eyes.
"Patola ka, Tintin. Suntukan na lang, oh?" I spat.
"Halikan na lang," he said and winked. Natulala na naman ako. Nang makitang natatawa na naman ang itsura niya ay iritadong pinalo ko siya at pinagsusuntok.
"Tomboy ka na talaga, sis!" I hissed and smacked him.
Warren walked me back to where I'm staying. Nangingiting sumulyap ako sa kanya at mahina pang suminghap nang makitang nagulo ang buhok niya dahil sa hangin.
Warren, Warren, bakit hindi na lang tayo talo?
Naka-sideview siya sa 'kin. Kita ko ang tangos ng ilong niya habang malayo ang tingin kaya kumapit ako sa braso niya.
"Gwapo mo talaga, Tintin," I praised again.
I won't get tired saying it.
"I'm flattered, sis," he said in a small voice while touching his chest and we laughed at that.
"Saan ka nag-s-stay? May work ka rin, right?" I asked. He nodded.
"I'm staying at Casa Amara," he said. I smiled.
"Wait." I stopped when I realized something. Muli akong bumaling sa kanya at nagtanong. "Casa Amara, is it the same with the one in Manila?"
"Yeah, this one's the original one. Main branch."
"Wow, small world," I gasped. He fixed the jacket on my shoulders before touching my head.
"You should go inside, Architect," he said and I took the jacket. Ibabalik ko na sana sa kanya pero mabilis niya akong pinigilan.
"Take it,"
"But..."
"Give it back when we see each other again,"
"Kailan naman? It's not like we'll see each other again soon," I said sadly.
"Hindi mo sure," he said and my forehead creased.
"Anong—" I stiffened when he leaned in to give me a peck on the lips.
My eyes widened as I covered my mouth. Nakasinghap akong napatulala sa kanya at nahuli ko ang paglunok niya't paghawak sa batok.
"Y-you..." I pointed to him.
"B-bet ko 'yong lipstick mo, Mars. Patikim u-uli," he chuckled nervously and I screamed and smacked him.
"Augustine! Bakla ka!" I shouted but he immediately ran away from me.
Crush ako siguro ng tomboy kong sister. Isinubsob ko ang mukha ko sa unan habang tumitili pagkarating ko sa kwarto.
I can't believe it! He kissed me again!
It should be nothing, right? We're sisters, for Pete's sake! But why did I like it?!
Nagmamadali kong kinuha ang phone nang tumunog ito at nakita ko kaagad ang pangalan niya.
I opened it.
From: Kumareng Tintin
Gusto ko talaga 'yong shade at flavor niyang lipstick mo, sis. Anong name?
I puffed a breath. Hindi ko siya sinagot at natulala na lang ako sa kisame ng kwarto.
Perfect package na sana si Warren kaso hindi kami talo. Sayang.
But he kissed me! Is it a sign na p'wede na siyang maging lalaki?
Well... he might be bisexual! Possible kaya?
"Oh, damn you, Scira. Stop!" I exclaimed and slapped my cheek.
Hindi p'wede. Hindi p'wede! Calm down, self. Nababaliw ka lang. It's impossible you'll like Warren that way, right?
And for Pete's sake, it wasn't even my first kiss!
I took my phone and messaged him.
To: Kumareng Tintin
Kung gagawin kitang lalaki, baks, okay lang?
Moments later, my phone beeped again for a message. Dali-dali ko iyong binuksan at binasa.
From: Kumareng Tintin
Kung kapalit ba naman ang halik mo, bakit hindi :)
"Shit..." I muttered. Uminit ang pisngi ko kaya napatili ako at binitawan ang phone para suntukin ang unan ko.
This is bad. This is freaking bad!
First, he's gay. Second, we just met! Bukod doon sa mga eksena namin sa Casa Amara at panaka-nakang pagkikita!
You are Architect Scira Valderama. Mapili ka sa lalaki, 'di ba? Bakit mo crush ang kumare mo?
My phone beeped. Mabilis kong kinuha iyon at kaagad na binasa.
From: Kumareng Tintin
Joke lang, Mars. Boylet din ang hanap ko. Bet ko lang talaga 'yong flavor ng lipstick mo.
Instead na maging masaya, I felt down. I didn't want to but I felt a prick in my chest. I lowered my phone to the side table and shut my eyes.
This isn't you, Scira.
The next morning, I got ready for the meeting with the head engineer from the other firm. Inayos ko ang hikaw ko habang nakikipag-usap kay Mom sa video call.
She called to ask how I was doing.
Pagkatapos ng tawag, kumuha ako ng lotion para ilagay sa palapulsuhan at palad ko. I took my perfume and sprayed some on my neck and dress before I go.
Inayos ko ang handbag ko. Kipkip ko sa kabilang braso ang laptop ko at nang makababa ay kaagad akong sinalubong ng secretary ni Mr. Aurelio.
I slowly fixed my hair on my shoulder while walking with her. It was ironed straight, like usual. Hindi pa naman pormal na meeting kasama ang buong team kaya hindi ako masyadong namili ng susuotin.
A blue pastel colored dress is fine which I paired with my heels.
It's time to try softer shades. Puro kasi mga bold dark colors ang suot ko.
"This way, Architect," the secretary smiled before opening the door and she let me in.
Pumasok ako at kaagad na nakita si Mr. Aurelio na nakaupo sa swivel chair. Sa harapan niya ay ang isang matipunong lalaking nakatalikod sa akin.
He's wearing a black dress shirt folded up to his elbows and slacks. Kumunot ang noo ko dahil pamilyar sa akin ang kanyang likod.
"Architect Valderama, glad you're here," Mr. Aurelio greeted but my eyes were fixed on the man. "Anyway, I want you to meet the head engineer for this project, Engineer Miranda."
The man stood and turned to me. I gasped.
"Warren!" I called loudly. He smirked and fixed his stance before offering his hand.
"Nice meeting you, Architect Valderama," he said and still shocked, I accepted his hand for a handshake.
"N-nice meeting you too, Engineer Miranda," I greeted. He smiled and squeezed my hand.
Hindi pa rin ako makapaniwala. Tulala ako sa mukha ni Warren at kung hindi lang tumikhim si Mr. Aurelio para kunin ang atensyon naming dalawa ay hindi kami bibitaw.
I cleared my throat and immediately flashed a smile to Mr. Aurelio.
"Sit, Architect," he said and offered the seat beside Warren.
Naglakad ako. Siguro ay sa gulat kung sino ang head engineer ay medyo tumagilid ang lakad ko pero mabilis akong nahawakan ni Warren.
"Careful," he muttered softly as he touched my waist.
"T-thanks," I said. I walked with him as he assisted me to sit in my place afterward.
"So..." Mr. Aurelio smiled. Inilahad niya ang kanyang kamay at sumulyap siya sa aming dalawa. "Do you two... know each other?"
I felt Warren's stares beside me and I cleared my throat and nodded.
"Yeah."
"Very well..." he smiled. "But I saw how surprised you are. Hindi ba nasabi ni Engr. Miranda sa 'yo na rito siya?"
I glanced at Warren and saw his serious eyes staring at me. I cleared my throat and shook my head.
"I believe Engr. Miranda forgot to mention it the last time," I said timidly and smiled.
I'm also an idiot! He's a Miranda, an engineer too! Bakit 'di ko naisip na p'wedeng kasama siya sa Miranda Firm?
Mr. Aurelio glanced at Warren then back to me. I know that stare. Ito ang tingin kapag mag-uumpisa ka nang manukso.
"Are you two—"
"Let's start with the meeting?" I said then I straightened my back and flashed a smile. "Sir? Engineer?"
"Alright," Mr. Aurelio smiled when he noticed my uneasiness. "Let's start."
Naging abala kami sa usapan. It was awkward, remembering last night.
Ang OA ko siguro to think na nakasasakit ang sinabi ni Warren when in the first place, I knew he's gay.
He's probably not interested in me? Of course not, iba ang preferences niya. It's fine!
"What do you think, Architect Valderama?" I almost jumped when I heard Warren speaking.
"Y-yes?" I blinked and I didn't quite get what he'd said.
He smiled and showed me the file he was holding.
"My team suggested this design for the outdoor pools and bar. What do you think?" he inquired.
"O-oh..." I cleared my throat, took the papers, and looked at it.
He quietly stared at me. Dama ko ang titig niya, ramdam ko ang tensyon niya. He might be worried what's my deal today but I didn't look at him. Instead, I focused my attention on the visuals that he gave me.
I'm overreacting... Damn, I think I am!
I glanced at him and caught him staring at me seriously. I flashed a forced smile and when his forehead creased, my awkward smile faded.
I cleared my throat and lowered my head back to the paper.
Too much for pretending, Scira.
"This looks great. Uhm, we can discuss this further with the team in the meeting," I said and gave the paper back to him.
His eyes lingered at me for a few moments kaya napasulyap din ako at saglit kaming nagtitigan.
"Engineer?" Mr. Aurelio called kaya napabaling siya roon.
He looks great in shirt but I never expected he would look even greater in formal attire. Hapit sa katawan niya ang dress shirt. Kitang-kita ang hubog ng katawan at braso niya.
I have no say in my exes' physical aspects but Warren is... I don't know. He's attractive, in a twisted unique way.
May iba sa kanyang wala sa iba.
Crush ko siya.
I froze with the realization. Napakurap ako at muling napasulyap sa lalaking abala sa pakikipag-usap. He's conversing professionally at buo ang kanyang boses.
Oh, shit? Crush ko ang Mars ko?!
I am screaming internally. Hindi ko matanggap na bet ko ang kumare ko. Nag-uusap sila pero tulala lang ako at nagwawala na sa loob-loob.
That fast?! You're freaking screwed, Valderama!
Natapos ang meeting na parang wala yata akong naiambag. Naglahad ng kamay si Mr. Aurelio na kaagad kong tinanggap.
"It's nice working with the best in this field," he said and smiled.
I smiled humbly too. Nakita kong tinapik niya ang balikat ni Warren.
"You can roam around the place after. Sulitin n'yo na ang mga natitirang oras bago ang trabaho. We have a beach nearby. Architect," Mr. Aurelio called. "Engr. Miranda stays around here. Madalas ito rito kaysa sa Maynila kaya alam na niya ang pasikot-sikot," he smiled and looked at Warren. "Well, maybe you can tour our architect around?"
I saw Warren glance at me. His lips curved and nodded.
"Sure," he said.
Rest in peace, Scira. RIP.
Diretso ang labas ko sa pintuan habang nakasunod sa akin si Warren.
"Scira," he called.
Hindi ko muna siya pinansin. Mas bumilis pa nga ang lakad ko.
"Scira, where are you going? Let's talk," he said.
"Uh, m-may gagawin kasi ako, Mars. A-alam mo na, ayaw kong mamasyal muna," I said and walked faster.
I could hear his quick footsteps behind me.
"Face me, then. Iniiwasan mo ba ako?"
My heartbeat quickened. Tumigil ako sa paglalakad at hinarap siya. He stopped in his tracks at kunot ang kanyang noo ang harapin ko siya.
"B-bakit naman kita iiwasan?" I laughed a bit. "Ikaw talaga, Mars, kung ano-anong—"
"You didn't text me back last night,"
"Nawalan ako ng load," I pretended and smiled at him.
His forehead creased. His mouth parted a bit to talk but I cut him off.
"Bye na, Mars. Kita na lang tayo bukas," I said, smiled and turned my back.
Kinakabahan at mabilis akong naglakad palayo.
I need to sort my feeling out. Hindi naman tamang magustuhan ko siya, 'di ba? Kahit crush lang?
That's a forbidden rule in the federation!
Walang talo-talo!
Mabilis akong naglakad palayo sa kanya. Papunta na ako sa escalator papaakyat at nagwawala pa ang puso sa kaba nang may naramdaman akong hawak sa braso ko.
I gasped and cursed when in just a snap, I was pinned on the side of the barricade. My eyes widened more when I realized it was Warren.
"M-mars?" I called and he licked his lower lip. Itutulak ko sana siya palayo pero naitukod na niya ang kamay sa pagitan ko.
He's tall. Kahit naka-heels ako ay kailangan ko pang mag-angat ng tingin para makita nang buo ang mukha niya.
"What's the matter? Nagmamadali kasi ako para uhm, may gagawin," palusot ko.
"You're avoiding me," he concluded.
"H-hindi, ah!" My eyes widened. "Bakit kita iiwasan? Mars? Ikaw talaga! Ha-ha!" I laughed awkwardly.
He licked his lower lip, staring intently at me.
"Was it because of the kiss?" he asked and my throat dried up. Nakita niya ang reaksyon ko kaya napatango siya. "It is."
Hindi ako nakaimik. I saw how his eyes turned a bit softer.
"Is it that bad you thought of avoiding me?" he said in a low voice.
"W-what?" My eyes widened again.
Baligtad, Mars! Hindi bad! It is that fucking great that I have a freaking crush on you now!
Hindi ako nakasagot. Natulala lang ako sa sinabi niya.
"Damn, I'm so aggressive, hmm..." he whispered in the air. "I shouldn't have done that. I'm sorry, natakot kita."
Lumunok ako.
Hindi ako natakot sa 'yo! Natakot ako sa feelings ko!
"I..." He sighed audibly. "I understand if you don't want to be friends with me, anymore."
Hindi ako nakagalaw. Tulala pa rin ako habang nakamasid sa kanya at napakurap pa nang humakbang siya paatras at marahan akong bitawan.
"Pasensya na, Architect. I won't bother you here, I hope we can still work together," he uttered.
He said it with a smile yet the sadness in his eyes did not escape me.
He gave me one last, lingering look. One that made me feel he waited for a long time yet he let it slip away that fast and he regretted it.
He shifted to turn his back on me and I panicked so bad I pulled him by the arm to face me again.
"Scira?" he called when he realized what I did but then, I lifted my head, cupped his cheek, and pressed a kiss on his lips.
He was stunned. Kita ko ang panlalaki ng mga mata niya sa ginawa ko.
Gano'n din ako. Gulat sa ginawa, lumayo ako mula sa kanya pero mabilis niyang hinagilap ang batok ko at inilapit akong muli sa kanya.
He pulled my waist and kissed my lips deeply. I felt him bit my lower lip and I found myself parting it, kissing him back.
We tasted each other's mouths like it was the most natural thing to do.
He moved away. Halos naghahabol na kami ng hininga nang maghiwalay. Our eyes met and my lips parted when his finger went on my lower lip.
He caressed it softly with his thumb. Magkalapit pa rin ang mukha naming dalawa at dama ko ang hininga niya sa may labi ko.
"This is bad," he said in a low, miserable voice.
I gulped and nodded.
"Y-you're right," I muttered. "M-masama nga, Tintin."
His other hand went to my cheek, slowly brushing my hair away before tucking it behind my ear.
"Really... really bad, kumare. Fuck, I'm really a lesbian, right?" he said as he reached for my cheek for another kiss.