is that,,,,, another double update??????? *moans in impatient and can't keep a posting schedule*
okay. TIMELINE CLARIFICATION!!!!
THAT WHOLE MESS WAS THE FIRST DAY. THIS IS THE SECOND. They didn't do all that and then do all this. That's too fukin much for one night.
-rabid
***
STEPHAN
"Steph," August pinches me in the middle of the night. "I'm not sleepy."
"Could've told me that earlier," my groggy voice is not nice to me at all. She rolls on the bed so that she's on top of me, her head on my chest. "What do you want to do?" I'm still shaky from about three hours ago when she tested every physical limit I have, but it'll be fine.
"I don't know," She sighs. "I've got a song stuck in my head."
"We can listen to music, but not that loud." I drop my head back to the pillow.
"Tell me, Steph," She sits up a little, her hands on my stomach. "Is this what you normally wear to bed?"
"Huh?" August raises her eyebrows.
"T-shirt, no t-shirt, pants, no pants?" She rolls her head to the side.
"Back in Boston? Just boxers." I laugh. "Now I'm living with Jilly, and that would be on the traumatizing side."
"How so?" She giggles a little.
"Picture it," I spread my arms out. "You're a freshman again, come to live in a new place, a new country, with the older brother you never were really close with," I pause for dramatic effect. "You get in late one night, and the first thing you're met with the next morning is raging morning wood and your brother's bare ass chest." I pause again. "Your first impression of this whole new world is me, standing in the door of the hallway, half naked, and sporting the daily involuntary sexual arousal," I clear my throat around how cringe worthy that could've been. "Because I get it bad and it's not pretty."
"I get the picture," She's laughing. "Haven't seen Steph in a couple years, you're exhausted, and you're expected to live with the guy who's first impression is that."
"Exactly, so, even though it is no longer the first night here, I sleep in at least pants,"
"But not today?" She raises her eyebrows, looking down at the elastic band holding my boxers up.
"Want me to go put on jeans?" I sit up. "Overalls?" I grin at her. "August we just had a wild night, I'm not going to put on clothes after that."
"You own overalls?" She sits back on her heels.
I laugh and acclimate to the topic. "No, but I can drive to the nearest outdoor store and find some, no doubt."
"That won't be necessary," She leans in and kisses my nose.
"August," Her mouth is still close to mine so I kiss her for a moment, a couple moments. I kiss her as softly as I can, mimicking the streetlight wandering through the crack of the curtains in my window. I don't move my hands from where they are on the bed, holding me up, but she moves her hands from my stomach, tracing up my bare chest and then just her fingertips on my cheeks. I kiss her, then I hover near her lips. "How come you're so perfect?"
"Steph," She giggles a little, I stop her by kissing her again.
"I'm serious," Her eyes find mine and I watch her expressions. She chews on the side of her lip for a moment, a little confused. "Look at you, August," I keep my voice as quiet as it can be. I lean in and kiss her cheek, then in front of her ear. "Perfect, I swear," I kiss under her ear. "Inside and out, up and down," I kiss her neck until her breathing gets messy, then I stop. I lay back onto my elbows and just stare. Her hair is tousled from sleep, spilling across her shoulders in the most effortless way. Her eyes aren't necessarily focused, they're just tracing me up and down.
"I love you." She mumbles, it rolls off her tongue easily, laying over me in some sort of phrase-induced intoxication. I sit up and trace her jaw with one finger, bringing her lips back to mine.
"Thank you," I wanted to say I'm sorry. Every ounce of me almost whispered 'I'm sorry' to her. I'm sorry for everyting she's about to go through, whatever is going to happen after Saturday.
I kiss her again. Slowly, softly. Nothing aggressive. She's just kissing me in the moonlight. I run my fingers backward through her hair to get it out of her face. Then I just hold her there, cupping the back of her head and letting the ease of tonight drift between my lips and into hers.
Her lips part from mine after a moment or two, but she keeps me close. Just our breathing against each other's skin.
"You shouldn't thank someone for something they want to do." the words fold over my lips, lay down delicately, like a cloud falling onto me. Like sleeping with one layer of sheets in the summer.
"I want to thank you," I whisper back. Just for her to hear. Just her. "Because you didn't have to fall in love with me," her forehead brushes against mine, her nose dips and she kisses by the side of my mouth. "You didn't have to, but you did." I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. I never meant for you to fall in love with me, with fake me.
"Because you're worth it, Stephan," she mumbles. I kiss her cheek, then below her ear. Her fingers aren't on my skin, they just brush me, like wind off the ocean.
"I love you too," I duck my head, not looking at her. I'm guilty but I mean all three words.
I take a breath. "Before I met you, the prettiest thing I thought could ever exist was flying over a city at night. That feeling of looking out the window at the thousands of lights, millions of people, each experiencing something deeply individual and in their own, powerful. Individuality as a whole, the existence of so many things so vastly different, yet the same. Watching thousands and thousands of lives happening under your fingers. Being a satellite to life."
I close my eyes and let her fingers continue to wander me. "Then I met you," I let it slip off my tongue without having much to follow it with. "Then I met you," I whisper it again. "And beautiful got redefined, beautiful became this thing, this small drawing force between two people, not yet experienced in this way. Our own universe. For us. To design, to build and rebuild and structure and restructure varying on how we feel in a moment, in each moment. And it's different, more beautiful than the individuality of others, because it's the individuality of two in one."
I pause for a moment. "Watching two different people become the same, yet, somehow highlighted, accentuated by the other. How, parts of me became parts of you and parts of you became parts of me, and how," I can't put the rest of it together.
"How you took on parts of me, and I took on parts of you, and yet, though together, we both grew from the giving of each other to the other." August mumbles.
"And that's more beautiful than any city, any painting, any of anything in the cosmos, because it's redesigned through each group for that group. Beautiful to them, not meant for others," I shake my head, smiling. "God, I,"
"Is love a big enough word?"
"Yes," I kiss her again. "It's the biggest word there is."
August kisses my forehead, and then stands up, my hoodie and shorts. The hoodie is too big on her, so when she stands up, all I can see is legs, no shorts. She walks over to my window, and looks out on the street below. I ease myself out of bed and slip on a pair of sweatpants, then make my way to her.
She's watching the nightlife. Three AM in Regina, almost nothing is happening. Nothing but the moon overhead. August leans on my chest, her fingers dancing along my skin.
"Watch," She whispers. I look up, her finger trails the path of a plane across the sky. "They're watching us, feeling the same thing you feel."
"We're just random people to them," I put my hands on her shoulders and then rub her upper arms, up and down, mindlessly. "We'll never meet, we're just people to them, not friends, not acquaintances, just people,"
"It's honestly quite comforting," She smiles at me. "To just be nobody to somebody."
"It is," I smile back. "It's a little liberating."
"No matter what you do, you're still nobody to somebody," August giggles a little, it's a cute sound. "Let's dance."
"What?"
"Dance," She raises her arms. "I'm not sleepy, so, let's dance."
"What type of dancing?"
"Bad dancing, horrible dancing," She grabs my hand and pulls me into the living room. "Dancing just to have fun, lighten this."
"We can't play music out loud, I've got neighbors," I bite my lip, thinking.
"That's alright," She roots around in my kitchen, through her stuff, and produces wireless earbuds. "Take one."
"Mhmm," I roll it between my fingers.
"And then just dance," She grabs my arms and starts to swing with the music.
And we do dance, stupid dancing, just to make fun of each other's moves, and to mess with each other. Dancing that makes me laugh harder than anything.
Eventually, we do go back to sleep, but on the couch, kind of sweaty and beyond exhausted.
"Stephan," I'm shaken awake. "We have work today."
"That's, ew," I rub my eyes, blinking back sleep. "What time is it?"
"Six forty-five," She kisses me, then stretches, standing up.
"Dear god," I groan. "Two hours of sleep club!"
"One hour just now, and one hour previously." She winks at me. "What a team we make."
I kiss her forehead. "I've been meaning to ask, I know why I have to go into work this week, but why you?"
Her shoulders lift up. "Big project that's due by new years and the budget adustment."
I frown. "yikes."
"but hey, it means I'm home with you."
"Hell yes," I stand up and try to stretch the stiff out of my back. "I'm going to change, I'll be right back." So, I think about it, then change into engineer clothes. Then make my way back into the kitchen. She's brushing her teeth at the sink.
"Steph," She spits out the toothpaste then points the brush at me. "I've been dating you for a couple months, and I've always wanted to ask." She raises her eyebrows and I know it's going to be on the scandalous side. "Who gave you permission to have such a great ass."
"What?" I start laughing. "August, what type of question-"
"Look at you!" She's laughing now too. "Double cheeked up on a Wednesday morning!"
"August!"
"I think it's illegal to be thicker than your own girlfriend, but look at you and all that cake."
At this point I've lost my mind, I'm leaning on the counter, laughing like hell. "August, oh my god."
"Is every day upper-leg day when you go to the gym?" She's staring at me. I'm giggling like someone spiked my drink. "Do you go and join in with all the girls at the gym? Wake and cake?" She laughs making her own joke. "When god was making you, he said, make a normal ass guy, but then add extra ass. Make this boy thicker than a milkshake in a Canadian winter."
"Dummy thick with extra dummy." I roll my eyes at her.
"Ass with extra sass," She high fives me. "Oh, I've got one. Thick with extra dick."
"August." I try to make that sound like a scolding tone but I'm losing my mind laughing.
"Nah, I'm serious though, how did you pull that off, and how do you fit in pants," She raises her eyebrows again. "They make men's pants with the expectation of little to no ass."
I hold up a hand and start to tick off options. "Fitted pants, loose pants, sweatpants, tailored pants, stretchy pants are a godsend."
"You actually think about this?" She starts laughing all over again. "Like, it's a big enough problem that you actually spend time working with it?"
"God, yes," I snort. "Normal pants see these thighs coming and run for the hills, like, 'shit! Here comes booty boy and his war on seams!"
"Stephan!"
"I can't tell you how many pairs of pants I've accidentally ripped," I snort. "All fun and games until you're in a meeting and you've gotta explain that the rip in the pants is due to boredom at the gym."
"How much can you lift with those legs," She gives me a once over.
"Let's see, uh," I do quick math. "I weigh about 200, I can bench three fifty, squat three eighty, I've got some shitty pull-ups, but that's just because my lower half weighs a ridiculous amount," I think a little more. "Technically, since I'm on the lankier side of guys, I'm not recommended to squat as a workout, just because of back pain issues, but, you do get curious as to numbers sometimes,"
"I'm sorry, three hundred and eighty pounds?"
I let out a light laugh, a little scared. "Yeah, I do believe that's what I said,"
"That's literally three of me." She looks up at me. "You could easily do both Jilly and I,"
"Yeah," I shrug. "I mean, all in good fun,"
"All in good fun?" She laughs. "What the hell are you training for? The end of the world?"
"Uh," hockey, hockey, hockey, hockey. "Fun,"
"Stephan." She laughs harder. "When do you even find the time to work out?"
"Uh, it's like a lunch break thing?" I scramble. "A couple of us go to the gym during lunch because we eat all through the day at our desks, and it fills the time and keeps us from getting all squishy."
"So, you spend lunch getting a great ass, and then you change back into work clothes and go back to your desk."
"Yeah," I mumble.
"Woah," She laughs. "Three hundred and eighty? Are you sure?"
"Get on my shoulders, I can show you,"
"Uh, I'd rather have you not break pants, but,"
"Yeah, but, 380, all in good fun,"
"That's literally almost twice your weight."
"That's the goal," I shrug. "One of the guys can do 480, he's only 220 pounds too, that's twice him and an extra forty." I'm talking about Fen, of course I'm talking about Fen. I'd mention Yeti, 6'5, 240 pounds and can get up to 520 on a good day. Finnican is 6'6, 258 and can manage 550. I won't dare near Jorgen. Holy fucking hell that man is bigger than all of us. 6'6, 260 without the leg, and can do 590 with ankle braces.
And then Greenie. 5'6, 160, and can do around 300 if he's lucky.
"Holy shit," She laughs. "Holy shit."