Shoving the letter back into the empty wine bottle, I laid it beside me on the bed, her place. Curling back into the warm covers, I stared at the empty pillow, a tired sigh escaping from my lips. I had tried going to bed earlier than normally, in order to catch up with the sleepless nights I'd had. Figured it was the right time to do it, since Benjamin was sleeping over at Daniels.
However, my mind hadn't allowed me to fall asleep early. It'd become even later than on regular nights. Sleeping in was no option- once I woke and my eyes had fallen onto the cold and empty place beside me, my eyes wouldn't close anymore.
Especially not if my gaze landed onto something right in front of me. The shelve that held our story. Bottles of wine emptied of the drink, but filled with letters.
It killed. Innerly. There were moments where I wanted to smash all of those bottles against the window, killing them, too. Those moments and rage of emotions came after reading the insides of them. But even though it hurt- I couldn't stop myself.
For it felt as if she was here, sitting beside me. Watching me with eyes full of hope, admiration. Lips parted in anticipation, wonder. Waiting for my reaction after reading our story for the first time. Cheeks rosy due to the warmth, just a robe wrapped around her body. Italian sun shining through the window of the hotel room. Sleep and sweat coating my body. Shower water and rosy shower gel coating hers.
Swallowing away the lump in my throat, I hadn't realised my hand was brushing over the pillow she used to lay on until the bell rang. Sitting up, I squinted my eyes as they met the bright lights of outside once I'd shoved away the curtain. I recognised Daniels Renault Captur.
With a frown creasing my forehead, I placed the bottle of wine back onto the shelve, and slipped on my sweatpants. Downstairs, I opened the door slightly, peeking through.
Daniels wife Amanda and Benji were stood in front of me. Benji looked down, Amanda concerned. I wondered if he had behaved badly at their house, which grew me nervous. "You're early."
"He wanted to go home, right little lad?" Amanda gave Benjamin a sad smile, her hand resting on top of his hair. Benjamin didn't answer, sleep was written on his face, still.
"Get inside." I mumbled out, touching his hair for a brief moment as he walked past me, dropping his sleepover- mess onto the floor. "Thank you for bringing him back." Wanting to close the door to avoid hearing what he had done, she stopped me before I could.
"We need to talk, Zev. Now." Amanda insisted, her face had a melancholic expression.
Wasn't it Poppy, then someone else would make sure to fulfill the role of playing a psychologist.
"What is it?" I asked, reluctantly.
Amanda waited for me to come outside, so with an innerly sigh I agreed. Keeping the door ajar, I sat down onto the small step in front of the door, looking up at her. "He wet the bed last night. Does that happen more often?"
Furrowing my eyebrows, I stared at her for a moment long before I answered. "No, it doesn't." I was being honest. He hadn't done that after a year of living diaper free. A fast learner, something he had always been. He'd never had trouble with it before.
"It hasn't happened before?" Amanda looked thoughtful. She was in her early forties, with wrinkles appearing on her forehead, her brown hair turning grey at the roots. "Nothing strange at night when he needs a wee?"
"No." She didn't have to know about him being afraid at times. He was my son. She wasn't his mother. And I was sure Benjamin wouldn't like it. His modesty had become quite a thing in the past few months.
Amanda sat down next to me, letting out a deep sigh. "He broke in tears, sat down onto my lap for an hour after the accident. He tried to hold back his crying, but he couldn't. Nolan asked if he missed his mother and Benji had nodded right away. Nolan said he could borrow me as a mother for the rest of the night."
No words left my mouth, I simply didn't know what to say.
"Wetting the bed are symptoms of trauma or mental instability for children. Do you know that?"
Burying my face in my hands, a sigh I had been holding in for too long left my lips. "Benjamin is fine. Sure, he misses his mother, but that's more than reasonable, isn't it? I don't need other people to tell me that he isn't fine. I'm his father, live with him twenty-four hours a day. I see him. His behaviour. Everything."
"And yet you're the blindest out of them all." Amanda mentioned, nudging my shoulder. "Come on, isn't it clear? Get him checked. The doctor will refer him to a child psychologist."
"Amanda." Removing my face from my hands, I tiredly stared into the distance. "Thanks for your concern, but I really don't need other people telling me what to do. I look out for him every single moment of the day."
"I'm not saying you don't, but sometimes just looking isn't enough." With that, she stood up, unlocking her car. "He's wearing Nolans' underwear. His one is in the washing machine. You'll get it back soon."
With a loud thud, the car door closed, leaving me on the doorstep. Bare upper body, goosebumps appearing on my skin. Back inside, I locked the front door, glanced at Benji and made a full English breakfast. Aurora hated it, preferred her cappuccino and cornetti, Italian kind of croissant, in the morning. Too much fat, she would say. It'd only make her stomach upset. She'd always watch us eat with her nose scrunched up.
As if the croissant and cappuccino were that healthy.
Sighing sadly by the memory, I started cooking. The sausages got burnt, so did the toast. The date of the beans had expired, the eggs didn't scramble the way I wanted them to. I ended up throwing two croissants onto a plate. Pistachio and cream. Filled up a glass of water after that, and placed it in front of Benji.
He had taken off his trousers, laid in his underwear and short sleeved cowboy shirt onto the couch. He didn't think lying on the couch with pants on was comfortable. Eyes were little, his face written with sleep. Gazing at the television that was displaying some cowboy movie. He'd pulled Casey, the tortoiseshell cat, against his chest
Aurora had never approved of Benjamin watching cowboy movies on this specific channel. Too much shooting, too many cowboys grinning after killing off their once so called pals. Surely, I didn't accept violence, but the whole cowboy stuff were his thing. How could I take away that thing from him too, when all what was taken away from him already was half of his entire world?
Even then, I'd step in when things would become too graphic, and told him Woody from Toy Story was a cowboy, too. Not to my surprise, he didn't accept that.
"You alright?" Observing his expression, I sat down beside him on the couch, holding my cappuccino on my left thigh.
"This is sick! I can't believe he'd taken the horse. All he did was running away from the evil city, to save the children who were afraid. But no, all that man can do is shoot at the horse with great force, killing it and letting the children fall off."
Reaching for the remote, I switched off the television. "That doesn't sound too kosher."
"Dad." Benjamin furrowed his eyebrows, gave me a dirty expression. "What'd you that for?!"
"Watch your tone." Raising my eyebrows at him, I tried to search for something in his expression, something deeper. But I couldn't find it. "Did you buy new underwear yourself? Because I don't recognise that on you."
"Clever, dad." Benjamin rolled his eyes, I couldn't deny the slight watery glaze that coated them. "Amanda told you already. Why do you always have to embarrass me like that?" Pulling his jeans back on, I watched him.
"I didn't mean it that way, Benji."
"Well, if you didn't, you would have asked me differently or not at all." He answered, clearly upset. His cheeks were red, his breathing erratic. He was full of anger, had been since a while. To a point, it concerned me, but on the other hand, wasn't it just his age? The things he had been through? "It was just an accident. Parents always know how to exaggerate stuff. Get over it."
Mind battling with the thought to correct his behaviour or let it be, my exhausted state went for the latter. I brought his food and water over to the kitchen, so he could have it later. Deciding to take a long and warm shower, I made my way up, locking the bathroom door.
"I'm going to Nolan!"
"You just came back from him!" Stopping the shower water, I waited for his response, but it never came. The only answer I'd gotten in return was the door slamming closed. Closing my eyes in annoyance, yet tiredness, I mixed the temperature even warmer, my bare skin reddening.
Shaved, dressed and hair combed, I walked over to my room. Eyes fell onto the typewriter instantly, and I imagined her sitting there. Grinning with a lopsided smile, not wanting to tell me what she was writing. Her smile was something else. It was child-like in a way. Innocent, but at the same time something like mischievously. Like she knew more about a certain situation than anyone else did and had everything under her control.
"You're probably the most oblivious creature in the world." She'd say with an eye roll, grinning her same old, cheeky Aurora smile after that. "Already were when I first met you. Can't believe I really thought I could change that. When you think of that trip, don't you see me sitting on that rock? Bathing suit on, just for you?"
"I saw you, Aurora."
"Did you? Because you hadn't uttered out a word to me, and I'd waited the whole day."
"I saw you, Aurora. I promise."
"You were lame."
"I agree, but in my defense, had you seen your father?"
Aurora would laugh a melodic sound, her almond shaped eyes would squint to the point where they almost closed. "Zev, my father may have looked intimidating, but he was so touched watching Lady and the Tramp that he tried to search for stray dogs near his restaurant so he could give them pasta with meatballs. Which is a curse, because it isn't even proper Italian. He wouldn't hurt a fly."
"How could I know?"
"If you tried."
"I did."
"No, I did."
"Fair enough." My cheeks would be red by then. She was dominant, but that was what I liked about her. That was what made me interested in her, in the first place. Her Italian temper, yet her tender and teasing side.
Fingers brushing over the typewriter, drops rolled down my cheeks, falling onto them. I quickly wiped them off, not wanting to cry, yet at the same time wanting the remaining of her to be untouched. The warmth of her fingers onto the letters, the groan of when her hair got stuck while changing the sheet of paper, dust coating the memory.
Playing with my wedding ring, I pulled it off and on, twirling it around. I'd lost some weight, it was easier to slip off my finger now. Words lingered in my mind. "Why don't you write our story but in your point of view? I'm dying to know what your thoughts were in these situations we'd been in. Come on, Zev. Write it down. For me, please? Keep our story alive, no matter what happens with us, between us. Keep our story alive."
But I couldn't. Reading them killed me already, how could I make myself relive every moment we'd been through, writing them down? It was too much to ask, making me feel guilty. The circle came back around, something that would never stop, something that wouldn't ever break, as for now.
Trying to shake the thoughts off me, I tried to live in the here and now, plopping down onto the edge of the bed. The eyes of the portrait of a young, married couple stared back at me, making me feel sick. How long had it been, since I'd seen her smile?
How long had it been, since I'd seen my own?
Picking up my phone, I decided to text Amanda. Sorry for my words. Benji wanted to play with Nolan, bet he's there now. If you're tired of Benji just send him home.
Little did I know, Benji never arrived at Nolan.
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Female character will come soon, don't worry :)
Whatd you think so far of Zev?
Benjamin?
Do you think Amanda was right, or is she too overprotective because she knows what has happened?
Lemme know your thoughts ❤️
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