Part 2 - TRAITOROUS LITTLE SHITS
-xoOox-
How was ur audition?
It went really well. I got the part.
That's great! We should celebr8!
We r starting the workshop 2morrow & I don't know when I'll be free though.
Aaawww. Why so soon? We barely see each other anymore.
-xoOox-
The trouble with hearts is that they're traitorous little shits. Just when you think it's okay and things are steady, it suddenly turns against you.
I used to tell Poom things, not everything, but we did talk about our dreams at least. That was our thing. We were a couple of young foolish kids aiming for the moon, and for a time, that was enough. We were going to work hard and build our empire together. Our dreams were what bound us and kept us for years. But after the audition, well, to be fair, there were so many things I wanted to tell Poom, so many things I wanted to explain, but I felt conflicted and I didn't know where to start. I wasn't doing anything wrong, but I felt wrong, and that was the problem. So instead of saying anything, I thought it best to keep mum. Less talk, less mistakes, am I right?
Anyway, Poom was there for me before my quiet little world went crazy. I guess, when she came into my life, she became a central part of my quiet little world. We were both young, silly, reckless, and eager to make mistakes. We had the world at our feet and felt like we could take on anything. At least it felt like that to me.
What most people don't know about me is that I have a really loud mind. I tend to observe people around me a lot and remember the littlest things in vivid detail. When you have a loud mind, not thinking is a very much welcomed break. So I sleep a lot after binging on games. At least when I get to bed, I won't have to be lost in thought for so long before sleep takes me.
When I'm with Poom, my mind quiets down because she has a big personality. She's highly competitive and goes after what she wants with wild abandon. She's bubbly and fun, and her energy is infectious. Plus, when we're partying, there's very little time to think at all because alcohol drowns out everything. Poom, with her innocent face and seductive laughs, became a welcomed break from my loud mind, and I hope I provided her some sort of solace, too. I don't exactly know what she saw in me, but I am thankful that she came into my life at the time that she did.
I guess I should also mention that my sister and my Mom hated Poom with a passion. I get where they're coming from, but they didn't know Poom like I did. Sure, as her boyfriend, I never liked that she has to parade her body around in flimsy clothes, and take photos in suggestive poses. But I respected her enough to also respect her work. So while I didn't like it, I also get that she has to do her thing. Her body, her choices. As long as she's not doing anything wrong or illegal, and she's not hurting anybody, I'm on her side always. If this is her way of reaching her dreams, I don't want to be the one to hold her back.
One important aspect of my relationship with Poom is trust. We were both big on trust, and we promised each other that if we ever came to a point where we're already harboring feelings for other people, we wouldn't cheat on each other. Instead, we will talk and be honest about everything. Despite our busy schedules, trust was what kept us glued together all these years. Of course, this was well before I learned the lesson that trust stood no whatsoever chance against a traitorous heart.
-xoOox-
"Nong Mew, Nong Gulf." P'Mame called with a smile and pulled us aside to sit together in a corner during the first workshop.
I've always thought of P'Mame as this sweet-looking boss lady, but that description doesn't do her any justice at all. The woman has a very dirty mind, and I admire her all the more for it.
"I'm sure you've gone through the script on your own to prepare for the role, but I thought it would be best for us to have a discussion regarding Tharn and Type."
P'Mew and I looked at each other before turning our attention back to P'Mame.
"Type is a pretty straightforward guy," I supplied without prompt. This was the first thing I noticed when I skimmed through the script. "I mean, he hates what he hates, he likes what he likes, and he doesn't pretend to be anything otherwise. He goes by his emotions, acts first, and only thinks about everything later."
P'Mame nodded. "Yes, he is. On the surface, Type comes off as straightforward, but he's more than that. He's complex beneath all that straightforwardness. The challenge is for you to flesh out Type as someone who is more than his straightforward nature."
P'Mew raised his hand next. "Phi, I have trouble connecting with Tharn." His confession threw me in for a loop. Dedicated P'Mew struggled with his Tharn, but why?
"During the audition, we portrayed the part where Tharn confessed his feelings to Type. Portraying being in love is easy. The parts I'm struggling with are the why and the how." P'Mew explained. "Why Type of all people? How did Tharn fall in love with him? Type is hateful and vindictive, and petty. How can you fall in love with that?" P'Mew turned to me as he spoke the last line.
How indeed?
P'Mame paused and looked contemplative for a bit before speaking. "Here's the thing about love. Most people speak about love as if there's a reason for it, but there's really none. For example, if your reason for falling in love with a person is because that person is funny, kind, or rich, what happens when the reason for falling in love disappears? What happens if they're no longer funny, or if they become unkind, or if they become poor? If your reason for falling in love with them disappears, will your love for them disappear, too? If it does, then I don't think that's love. That'll simply be pure self-interest and nothing more."
P'Mame spoke quietly but her tone was firm. Her sweet demeanor was replaced by quiet confidence as she alternated looking between me and P'Mew. It was quite obvious that she felt passionate about Tharn and Type, and that more than the explicit scenes that littered her novel, P'Mame was first and foremost, a romantic at heart.
"When I first wrote TharnType, my baseline for Tharn was that he was already attracted to Type. So for Tharn, it didn't start out as love. It started out as attraction, lust even. Attraction and lust are simple. They both boil down to base instinct, symmetry, and hormones." P'Mame explained. "The falling in love came a bit later, and is much more complicated."
Suddenly, with all these discussions about falling in love, it struck me how P'Mew was already diving head-first into his Tharn while I was barely scratching the surface of my Type.
-xoOox-
Workshop usually started at around 9AM, and went on for the whole day. To be honest, 9AM is too early for me to be awake. I usually stay up late, so I often show up to the workshop sleep-deprived. Nonetheless, I still try to arrive at the venue just a little bit before 9AM. Force of habit I guess, or because I just don't like being late and holding up everybody else. But no matter how early I come during our workshop schedules, P'Mew always arrived before I did. If this isn't a sign of dedication, I don't know what is.
The one good thing about arriving earlier than the call-time is that I get an unobstructed view of P'Mew in his most natural, most unguarded moments. I usually just sit in a corner after making wai to everyone, and most people leave me alone because I look grumpy in the morning. It's the sleep-deprivation, I swear. It brings out my resting, sleep-deprived bitch-face, and even if I'm technically an actor, for the life of me, I usually cannot contain the expressions on my face.
Since the series required a lot of sweet and intimate scenes between Tharn and Type, aside from fleshing out our characters on our own, the second thing we needed to accomplish was perfecting our skinship.
P'Mew and I started with the barest of contacts, just sitting across each other and holding hands. We needed to get to know each other to get comfortable so P'Tee told us to do a quick word linking game as an exercise, while holding hands, and looking into each other's eyes.
I immediately noticed P'Mew's eyes. I mean, his eyes are already distinct by themselves, but up close, they were even more bewitching. A slight change in his eyes were quick to fully convey his emotions, and I really found that interesting to observe. If I were to be given free rein, I'd like to just let P'Mew do whatever it was that he needed to do, and I'd be content with just observing the different emotions that pass through his eyes.
Meanwhile, our hands, well, we weren't technically holding hands. It was more like P'Mew held my hands in his. I have no idea how this exercise should go, so I trusted P'Mew to lead. After all, he has more experience in this field.
Anyway, the word-linking exercise was simple really. We alternately gave prompts, and also gave our answers to the prompts. It was P'Mew who started first.
"Okay, how about something simple first?" P'Mew smiled as he looked at me. "Favorite color? Mine's dark blue."
"Black and white. Hmmm, sports? I love football."
"Swimming and badminton. Any phobias?"
"I don't really have a phobia of anything in particular, Phi, but I'm scared of not amounting to anything though." The words were out of my mouth before I could stop them.
I noticed P'Mew's eyes widen for a bit before he spoke again. "I never pegged you to be the type to think like that. To me, you always seemed so self-assured."
"W-What? Most of the time, I-I don't even know what I'm doing, or if I'm even doing it right. " I stuttered under his watchful eyes, and my cheeks could not help but heat up. Between the two of us, I always thought of P'Mew as the self-assured one. Me? I'm just an awkward walking set of limbs who constantly try to not stand out. "B-But why do you say I seem self-assured, Phi?" I could not help but ask.
He broke eye contact for a bit and pursed his lips in thought. "Well, I noticed that you don't have any problem being by yourself alone. It gives me the impression that even without the company of others, you're fine." Mid-sentence, his eyes met mine again.
I shrugged and looked down before looking into P'Mew's eyes again. "I've always been an introvert, Phi, so I actually prefer being by myself. It was never about being self-assured or anything like that," I explained. "How about you, Phi? Any phobias?"
"Flying cockroaches," he grinned and his eyes twinkled. "Well, it's not really a phobia, I just don't really like cockroaches, especially when they're flying. Right now though, what I'm most scared of is failing again."
Curious, I asked, "Again, Phi? What do you mean failing again?"
"I nearly lost my acting career before, Nong. This series is like a second chance for me, so I don't want to fail."
It was a vague enough explanation, and I didn't want to pry further than what he was willing to share, so I only nodded in agreement. "This series also means a lot to me, Phi, so I don't want to fail, too." It was my way of letting him know that I'm going to do my best, so he need not worry too much.
P'Mew smiled at my reply, and began rubbing my hand with his thumb. The action was minute, very easy to overlook when you don't know what you're looking for, but it felt very intimate.
Exactly like a traitorous little shit, my heart went haywire.
To be continued...