Hello! Hello! Hello! Hello! (Imagine them in ascending notes please.)
I am so so so sleepy as I'm writing this author's note. I think I'm gonna go to sleep after this. Too many chores done today, and more tomorrow. *heavy sigh*
Anyway, let's start! Courtney's POV and see ya.
-/-/-
Awkward is the best word for the current situation.
We're now seated in a booth inside this well-lit restaurant by the corner as Damien urges us to drink a lot of water to orient ourselves. He's seated across us with his arms crossed, his tie undone, and his frown evident on his face.
"So...," Shayne says, "what's up?"
"That's my line," he replies, still frowning. "Let me explain myself first. I'd been onto the two of you for so many months now. No, no, not out of jealousy or hatred, but out of concern. So for the past few months, I've been an avid follower of yours, not constantly though, but I've noticed some stuff you guys don't usually do that you do now."
"In short, you became a fan," I say, and the boys chuckle, only stopping when Damien stops to recompose himself.
"Sorta, I guess," he answers, shrugging. "But before I explain how I've figured it all out, mind telling me... what's up?"
Shayne sighs before drinking a whole glass of water and facing Damien. "You have to promise us that it'll stay here and here only. Ian would flip his shit if he found out."
"There's nothing wrong with dating in the office, just don't get married," he remarks, and Shayne and I glance at each other awkwardly. "Oh, no. No, no, no, no, no. No. No way."
"Unfortunately, way."
So we tell Damien about the unfortunate Vegas evening that had gotten us wasted. We tell him about meeting Atty. George, we tell him about moving in together and explaining the whole tomato-potato debacle. We tell him about losing the wedding ring, we tell him about the grocery shopping. Finally, we tell him about the divorce process and how it's close to beginning by the end of this month. But Shayne left out so many details of our six-month craze: he didn't talk about the impromptu birthday, the Girls' Day challenge, and he most certainly didn't talk about how we almost kissed right before Damien found us. It was right that he didn't, but were we that close to kissing when Damien arrived?
"So this has been going on since the end of February," Damien says as Shayne finishes. "Wow. You certainly are good at pretending in the office, I don't think anyone's had the slightest idea of this happening. I mean, except for me, I guess."
"You... don't seem extremely surprised," Shayne tells him, just as confused as I am.
"Well, I did tell Garrett and Tommy I'd join the bet," he replies, scratching the back of his head. "Man, too bad no one ever knows who asked the other one out because you were both drunk. I bet on Courtney though."
"Then why are the three of you guys still having a bet?" I ask.
"Just because," he answers before we order just a bit of food because we were still full from the dinner. "So, uh, wanna hear my side? You might be a little startled though, but I think you guys should know."
"That's our line, buddy," Shayne tells him.
Damien starts to explain, "So basically, on the morning of your so-called Vegas tragedy, remember that I took my stuff from your room while Courtney was in the bathroom? Yeah, so I forgot to get some other stuff then, so I returned to the room just before you guys did to get them. I still had the card key to the room after all. I found the certificate while looking for it around the room, and I thought it was for a shoot for Every Vegas Trip Ever. But when I asked Monica if there was a Shourtney bit for the video, because we love them Shourtney bits, she said there weren't any. So I was surprised. Very surprised, but I had hidden my doubts for a moment, because hey, you guys are responsible adults. You wouldn't get married in Vegas out of drunkenness, or so I thought.
"The next time I had a suspicion was the day after the shoot for What're Those. The night before, Courtney went into the office to go look for her 'sunglasses,' and she didn't find them. So the next morning, to help my nice friend out, I decided to go early into the office to look for it. And I found it inside one of our makeup rooms. I couldn't believe how it was possible that there was a ring with an engraving of the date I found your certificate. I was about to return it to you, Court, but then you walked into the office with a brand new one. I knew something was up, and it was a marriage thing, but I thought you guys were just doing it for a prank. And besides, I also thought that, if it weren't a prank, you guys had to keep a secret, and I wanted to protect you guys from whatever threat you had to keep your secret from."
He takes a deep breath and eats a curly fry before continuing, "And then the Great Gobbles thing. When I was searching for aisle six to buy the tampons, I spotted a Courtney with extensions taking a picture with Michelle Obama. To confirm my suspicions, I found aisle six and saw the neon green-panted Shayne shook to his core when I saw him. He pointed at the pack of tampons, and there, I saw how identical his ring looked like. He said that it was a heirloom back when I first saw it at the Vegas breakfast, but no, that wouldn't be possible. Shayne doesn't wear rings unless he's being Bryce Chryson or whatever.
"So what I did to finally confirm everything was to rewatch videos and observe you guys much better than usual. I think the time that I confirmed you guys were in a relationship was... maybe this morning? When Shayne told me you're taking Courtney with you. Even I got shocked at how I, someone constantly in your vicinity, didn't notice how differently you guys acted on social media and even in the office. I didn't tell anyone, because I felt like you guys were preserving the secret, and as the amazing part of this friend group, I didn't want to let you down as your friend. I still love you guys even though you make fatal drunken mistakes which are bad, by the way.
"Anyway, that brings us to today. My date had a live report to do tonight, so she couldn't make it, and when you, Shayne, told me you were bringing you, Courtney, with him as a date, I knew I had to ask. When I arrived a little too early though, I was dressed exactly like the waiters and it sort of embarrassed me for a moment until the head caterer suddenly instructed me to bring these dishes and that. I tried telling him that, hey, I'm a guest, but that's hard to say when you're dressed exactly like the other guys. You guys then arrived and all I could do was observe you. Thankfully, because of this glorious beard and also my acting skills, no one noticed me except maybe Allisyn who said I looked a lot like myself.
"But anyway, when you guys started drinking, I knew it was a recipe for a disaster. I saw Courtney getting onto Shayne's back as you guys make your way up to the rooftop, which has a really nice view of LA by the way, and so I carefully followed you guys there by sneaking out during the whole dance part of the party. A little creepy on my part, I apologize for that in advance, but I was really concerned about you guys would do. You had already gotten married when you were drunk, so what were you gonna do on the rooftop? Reenact 'Titanic?' Reenact the whole I'm a bird scene on 'The Notebook?' They're two romantic movies, but I'm on 'The Proposal' for my favorite romances."
"Told you so," I whisper to Shayne, nudging him.
"I agreed with you it was good, I was even crying," he replies, rubbing his arm.
"Right? Ryan and Sandra are good at it," Damien remarks, high-fiving me. "Anyway, I could hear you guys yelling about strange parental fantasies, so I thought everything was cool, but then you got silent for a moment and I was terrified that you two would black out on the floor or something as you were starting to get drunk. So I open the door. And voila! Here we are. I mean, we didn't magically transport to here. I had to get you guys downstairs to leave the party and... yeah. Wow, do you guys think I could be a teacher or a professor or something? Just teachin' them kids about geese or bugs or anime, I dunno."
"Yeah, okay, so that's what you did," Shayne says as soon as Damien finishes. "So you're not mad at us?"
"Dude, do I look like I get mad?" Damien asks with a stern face.
"Right now, yeah," I mumble, confused.
"Well, no, I'm not," he answers, loosening up and smiling. "But I do kinda wish you could have told me. I know it's gotta be tough and maybe seemingly impossible for you guys to go through all of this, but I'm still gonna be here for you guys."
"Well, at least we have a witness at the hearing now," Shayne says, embracing him from across the table. "When you caught us, I swear I felt my heart drop to my stomach. Felt like the end of the world. Basically felt like SSG: Apocalypse all over again."
"So you're still gonna go through the divorce?" Damien asks, and I don't look at either him or Shayne. "I mean, yeah, I totally get it. But maybe you guys could have pretended it never happened. Vegas has too many marriages, they won't supervise yours."
I didn't have an answer to that. When Shayne decides to tell him that it was for the sake of formalities that we had to undergo through the divorce, I felt relieved yet sad. That evening, Shayne drives back home as we're now both sober enough to go on our own. We didn't talk throughout the ride, as I looked out the window, and he was too exhausted anyway to bring anything up while driving.
And then it starts to rain as Paramore's "The Only Exception" plays on the radio, you know, as if it were for me who was sad and looking out the window. Summer rain in the dark lights of Los Angeles made me feel a little sadder as we went home silently, not talking about anything. Not talking about whatever shit we had shouted out loud at the rooftop. Not talking about that almost kiss.
When we get back home, Shayne heads straight to the bathroom while I take my makeup off. I look at myself all barefaced and sad, wondering why the hell we weren't talking to each other about tonight. I knew it was awkward, but we had to talk about that as friends, as co-workers, and as adults. How inappropriate it was, even for us. It was a bad night, I had guessed, but I knew that as soon as he turns the lights off and we face our own walls, neither of us would fall asleep easily.
So I take a deep breath and say, "We were almost wasted earlier."
"Yeah," he mumbles. "It's the alcohol."
"Yep," I reply, and for a moment, it's quiet again. "For the record, if that felt like harassment to you, I'm really sorry."
"Likewise," he tells me, turning a little to lie flat on his back. "That was really unprofessional of us, but we've been in worse situations. I mean, we even made out on camera."
"And I dunno, in fans' minds maybe."
We both chuckle lightly, and Shayne says, "We even got married in Vegas. Nothing worse than that, right?"
"Yeah," I answer, still not turning to his side. "I'm sorry I sort of ruined tonight. And maybe your other nights too. I... haven't been keeping up with all my legal obligations as your partner, it sucks."
"You didn't ruin anything. Tonight was awesome. Everyone at the party was so happy to meet you, but too bad we didn't get to execute the plan. And I think you still being here, working hard to live with me even though we're co-workers, is kinda more than enough for your legal obligations and whatever. I don't know how to tell Atty. George about Damien though."
"Oh, one person is enough, we can get Damien to testify if it's ever needed anyway."
"Yeah, you're right." He sighs. "I gotta say though, thanks for learning how to dance like a pro just to show off for tonight."
"Did I do well?" I ask him.
He laughs and says, "Duh. I bet Olivia's like, the most terrifying dance coach in the world. If I'd need to learn how to dance, I'm definitely going to Mari. Who knows what kind of dance moves Olivia made Sam learn?"
"Good ones maybe," I remark. "Really cool dance teacher, swear. But hey, I should be thanking you for the whole shoe thing. If we had the same shoe size, I'd definitely borrow your shoes sometimes."
"Yeah, and I'd destroy your $300 pumps," he replies, and I smack his arm, giggling. "Just kidding."
"So can we forget tonight's last few moments never happened?" I ask.
I hear Shayne's chest deflate. "Yeah. That's just weird of us anyway," he answers. "So... six months to go, Courtney. I can't believe almost six months have gone by, time's been moving too fast."
"For a good reason, I suppose," I tell him. "The universe is telling us to never make this mistake again, and if that's the universe calling, you're not supposed to hang up on it. First, that would be rude."
"And it'd cause the damn apocalypse," he adds, laughing. "We should sleep. Big work day tomorrow."
"We should, yeah. Ian would be pretty disappointed if he found out we'd both be late because of drunkenness."
"Damien would help us out though," he points out. "Thank God we got to tell him everything. If not, things would have gotten worse."
"Deffo."
"Good night, Courtney."
"Good night."
I hear him sigh one last time tonight before I fall into a dreamless slumber.
-/-/-