Author's Note:
Welcome back, thanks for all your comments on the last one so far!
bobbiejelly
CHAPTER CONTENT WARNING:
SKIP TO THE TITLE CARD AT YOUR OWN RISK IF YOU DO NOT WANT SPOILERS.
MAJOR SPOILERS AHEAD SO CHOOSE WHAT YOU NEED.
The usual.
A bit of bleeding.
Oh, and there's some people who do naked stuff.
That's all.
Is this enough of a content warning for you?
bobbiejelly
Love The Way You Lie
Derek Shepherd, your husband, hits you- but you stayed until you couldn't stand up anymore. Your best friend Mark Sloan helped you leave him and you two had some adulterous sex. When you see Derek again in Seattle with another woman, all you want is to save her from him. You didn't mean to fall in love with her. She wasn't supposed to fall in love with you, either. But you both did, anyway.
-Addison Forbes Montgomery, for Meredith Grey
MerAdd. Meddison. F/F. Meredith Grey/Addison Montgomery. Rated E for Explicit. Grey's Anatomy & Private Practice Crossover.
CW: Domestic Violence. Unhealthy Relationships - Physically & Emotionally Abusive Addek & MerDer. Also briefly okay (non-abusive), Maddison & Mark/Derek.
*This story is entirely fictional. Please seek professional help for abusive relationships in yourself and others. Take all abuse seriously.*
Chapter 13: ROUTINELY
You see both Derek and Meredith coming your way all dressed professionally for the workplace.
You take a deep breath before you summon "Dr. Grey, you're on my service, let us begin,".
You don't smirk as you see Derek's jaw drop to the floor before it tightens repeatedly.
You contain your small victory as you walk off with the blonde intern.
And you pray to God he doesn't start physically hitting Meredith for your own actions, not hers.
You whisk Meredith away to Julie Phillip's room and ask if Meredith knows what 'TTTS' means.
She does, and Meredith explains all about how the twin babies that Julie is pregnant with need their blood vessels separated to equalize the load they are putting on each other's hearts.
Meredith gets stumped on one question, and you press further because you know she can do it, and then bail her out when she stammers. Meredith confronts you to tell you she knew it.
"Chin up, Grey, I'm this tough on everyone, not just the women my husband sleeps with," you say encouragingly, and then you realize that was a really stupid thing for you to say.
Meredith eyes you suspiciously, and you're not really sure why but she does.
You vaguely see Julie questioning Meredith all day with a bit of a scowl but you can't seem to get close enough to hear what they're saying without walking in.
As soon as you do, Julie seems to go quiet and Meredith just keeps on examining her routinely.
Derek notices you watching her, though, and he's not happy about it.
You feel a tug on your wrist again, and you know it's from your husband.
You can tell based on the feel of his fingers without batting an eye.
You'll never forget the grip he can have on your wrist.
It sends you back hours and years and decades all at one time.
You remember every time he's hurt you the moment he does it again...
You're cramped into the scan room this time, and you're not sure what to expect because Derek is looking at you differently from just last night.
"Are you going to beat me up again?" You ask him, because otherwise, you're not sure why he's even bothered to confront you.
"I don't need to," Derek says, motioning to the fact that your sutures are already bleeding again.
"So what is this all about?" You ask, wondering what your punishment will be this time.
"I'm here for you," Derek says, and you're not sure what to think of this.
"What?" You say thickly, and you only start to understand when he asks if he can undress you.
Oh. He wants THAT. He wants me...
You're not sure why this works for you, but it does, you suddenly want him.
Derek has beaten you up less than twenty-four hours ago but it's been almost twenty-four months since you've last had sex, ever.
And you know if he's asking your permission then he plans to be gentle, anyway.
"Did you take her home last night?" You ask your husband.
You don't bother to specify who 'she,' is, because he's made it clear he has a girlfriend.
"I don't kiss and tell," Derek says secretively, and the 'not knowing,' is driving you crazy.
And not even the dirty kind of crazy, but apparently you're feeling the dirty kind of crazy, because you're pulling his shirt off and you're letting him slip a hand down your pants...
You do want him. You hate him. You love him. You want to divorce him. But you do want to fuck him.
You think it's because of the hopelessness, or maybe the recklessness of being in this side room wherever you are in Seattle.
Or maybe you just need it that much and you want to feel wanted, even if you know you're only second best being strung along like a backup playtoy.
You take his pants off and you let yours drop to the floor.
You're not sure what he knows about what happened between you and Mark or whether he just had a sixth sense about it because he uses a glow in the dark condom he's had in his pocket.
You do it with him as slowly as you possibly can because you know he might never proposition you ever again.
As you screw your actual husband you have the thought that you're cheating on Meredith Grey.
Then you think that's a stupid thought to think because you two were never a thing to begin with.
When Derek calls out her name into you, you know he was thinking the same, and your heart breaks for her, not for you, not for him.
You lean back against the cool floor as your husband leaves you alone.
He doesn't say anything as he puts his pants and his shirt back on and walks out of there.
When you walk by Meredith again by the patient's room you can't meet her eye so you just walk away.
You're ashamed for all the wrong and all the right reasons and your head is all clouded into one.
You change your bandages twice, you apply Neosporin so you don't get infected, you drift around aimlessly as you inspect your new workplace and wonder if this could ever be a place you call 'home,'.
Later, Derek argues with you about taking Meredith Grey on your service right next to the other Attending physician, a cardiothorasic surgeon, Preston Burke, and it's not pleasant at all in the least bit.
You see Grey approach out of the corner of your eye and she says "Doctor Shepherd?" And you both turn around.
It would have been funny but it just makes Meredith sigh loudly.
You're not sure what the sigh was all about but you're sure you need to hear what she's saying.
It's about Julie's test labs, and how there are abnormalities confirmed by the ultrasounds.
You're overjoyed she's talking to you and not him and you feel Derek's cold glare as Meredith motions for you to follow her.
Meredith is leading the way because she grew up here, she says, as she explains that Seattle Grace Hospital is more her home than her house is.
She knows all the secret passageways and it takes a disappointingly little amount of time to reach where you are going.
Julie needs another ultrasound and you let Meredith run it because you want to watch her work and you're a bit too shaky to run it yourself.
You've often done this when you've needed an extra pair of hands, and hers seem just as capable, and you're grateful for it.
You need to book an O.R, so you're back at the board again and Meredith is explaining all the other surgeons and scrub nurses.
You're only half paying attention to all this as you listen to the smooth timbre of her voice as it soothes you into a sense of security.
You wonder if you're feeling better because you finally had someone into your pants today.
You hate that it's true but you know that it very well is.
You almost want to ask Meredith if he took her, too, last night after you had... Not left the bar.
You don't, though, because you're not sure if you're actually ready to know.
When the time comes to start in on the operating room, you scrub in beside her, and she's quiet for once.
She asks you if the twins will feel any pain.
You tell her they won't.
Her face visibly relaxes at this.
Meredith explains that she feels like the two of you are just like Julie's TTTS twins and in this metaphor, Derek is the birthing vessel.
Neither of you is getting what you need from him the same way the twins can't get enough blood from their mother because they're in competition for it against each other, but you both somehow can't seem to leave without Derek and the babies definitely cannot live without Julie, so you cling on to him anyway the way the babies cling on to their mom for dear life...
You ask Meredith Grey how she got to be so damn wise.
She sighs and she says she doesn't want to talk about it.
How does she know so much about similes and metaphors?
She asks how you got to be so damn scared.
How does she know you're afraid?
You sigh and you say you don't want to talk about it.
Both of you call a truce, then, deciding that's enough metaphorical heart-to-heart for now.
Because you actually have to fix the whole physical heart-to-heart in Julie's abdomen, now.
You feel Meredith staring at you the whole time while you teach and operate, and you realize you relish the feeling.
You ask her how she's doing.
You really do want to know.
Meredith says, "I'm doing fine,".
She doesn't look fine. But neither do you and you know it. You keep operating.
You don't want her to ask how you are. But you do. But you really don't. But you do? You don't know.
You can feel Derek's presence in the gallery before he announces it over the intercom.
Meredith jumps and you don't, and she eyes you a bit sadly.
You look away, because you can't handle her pity right now, nor process why she might be pitying you in the first place.
What does she know?
You were enjoying the surgery beforehand but you're not anymore.
You can't stand the smug look on Derek's face and the way he looks at Grey and Meredith shrinks at his gaze and has a bit of a blush, you know he knows and you know that she really did go home with her last night.
You realize he's screwed his girlfriend and wife all in less than 24 hours and you roll your eyes at the thought.
You're sloppy seconds to your husband's mistress and you're more upset about far less kosher thoughts.
You realize he's amended 'I don't kiss and tell,' to be 'I don't tell you shit when you ask me,' and you think that's just par for the course.
Derek loves a good drama, and your lives could be a damn soap.
When Julie wakes up and you're running the last ultrasound, Julie requests that Meredith be taken off of her case.
"She reminds me of the woman my husband was cheating on me with," Julie tries to get you to understand.
You don't, though, even though maybe you're supposed to.
You should maybe relate to the woman whose husband cheated on her, but her life seems like heaven compared to yours, seeing as her skin is pregnancy-glowing and yours is all abused-ridden and sutured.
You do something incredibly stupid, and maybe incredibly 'brave,' but at least you do the right thing and you'll stand by that.
"No, no I don't understand...I lack Dr. Grey's class and patience so let me set the record straight: my husband didn't cheat on me, I cheated on him so the wronged woman here, Dr. Grey. So I think you owe her one hell of an apology," you say, and you see Meredith's stoic expression as you leave the room.
She doesn't follow you, and you don't expect her to.
You want her to, though, and you want her to ask everything about that and about Mark and mostly about YOU.
But she doesn't, and you don't know until later what Julie finally decided.
You go home to a hotel that night because you realize you didn't book accommodations last night because you slept on the Emerald City Bar floor.
You check on Joe to ask for a hotel recommendation and he says 'The Archfield,' after he thanks you for saving his life.
Derek doesn't ask you to come home with him, and you don't really want to after you find out third-hand from Richard he lives in a trailer.
You know you can't afford this hotel forever, but you're hoping your contract bonus from this TTTS case can hold you off for a while.
The elevator dings on the 22nd floor and you walk into your room and take a shower then slump down on the bed.
You realize this is one of the first nights you've spent alone in ages, because you've been bouncing from your parents' place to yours and Naomi's place, to the real Hampton's to the Brownstone, to Mark's place, to Archer's place, to Sam and Naomi's and finally Joe's bar floor.
And now you're all alone and you've never felt more empty than ever before.
You wonder if Derek is fucking Meredith now?
You fall asleep, very late into the night, and still wondering.
***** END OF CHAPTER THIRTEEN
Author's Note:
Well, yes there is a lot of angst in these stories.
And a different characterization of Meredith, Derek and Addison.
Much of this was taken from "Raindrops Keep Falling On My Head," and the associated Wikia.
The rest was taken from my imagination in continuation with this AU.
Let me know how you feel about all the canon/not canon stuff.
And about the pacing of the chapters.
And about your favorite parts of them as always.
Also, high-key references to 'Black and Blue, and a Little Bit Broken,' and 'Christmas Lights,' by AliceSloane here.
Those are two of my favorite MerAdd stories, though I say that a lot, I know...
bobbiejelly
Dedications, June 5, 2020, Chapter 13:
THANKS TO EVERYONE WHO READS THIS SO FAR AND COMMENTS, LIKES, FAVORITES, FOLLOWS, ADDS TO READING LIST ETC.
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354 Reads, 59 Votes, 297 Comments. Many people, who added this to their reading lists.
AND THANKS TO EVERYONE ELSE, WHO READS THIS, EVER!
Ps. Thanks to those of you who have PM'd reviews of this work, also!
Special thanks to everyone who has followed me as an author, added me to your favorites, read everything and anything I've ever published. There are more and more of you who invest in my work like that every day, and it warms my heart. My dearest thanks to you all.
Ps. New MerAdd fics are up or updated, recently:
Derek Never Takes His Pants Off
RED is the new BLACK.
Cookies & Quickies Bubble All Too Easy
Prom?
... And there will eventually, soon be new Chapters of these ones up:
Falling Apart, Barely Breathing
Second Person (The Diary of Addison Montgomery) Soothe A Seattle Grace Mercy West Swingers Party - Post Plane Crash Edition Out Of The Dark
Feel free to check them out, hopefully after you leave a note, and have a great day!
bobbiejelly