That night was another restless one, but for many different reasons.
I gazed up at the ceiling with a heavy heart. Kailey's words kept returning to me.
You're a fucking embarrassment.
I shut my eyes and sighed, tossing uncomfortably. Compared to her, maybe I was. I only had my grades to show for myself, and my writing. Although, my writing was so personal to me that I could never share it with anyone.
'Colourful, beautiful, fragrant,
like dreams woven in a symphony.
Will I ever know what they say?
Perhaps if I listen closely,
before inevitably,
they wither away.'
Except with Wilder. I had always shown him all the poems I wrote. He had been happy to listen, although he admitted he couldn't give me a deeper literary viewpoint. But it had meant the world to me nonetheless.
You're really just mad because Wilder won't let you suck his dick.
I wasn't mad. Just...confused. And I hated the way she reduced him to something like an object. I didn't want him just sexually. I missed him in his entirety. His warmth. His eyes. His kindness. His gentleness with me. His subtle protectiveness. His dick was just an added perk.
My mom had wanted me to go out with Marien. I could see why. She wasn't wrong. Marien was sweet and incredibly nice to me. But I didn't want to string her along. For once this time, I had wanted Wilder to come to me. Maybe once he knew I hadn't gone out with Marien, he would. But my realist's heart told me the chances of that were next to none.
I don't know what time I fell asleep to the sound of Arfie's snores. I woke up however after what felt like a few hours to some noises. I strained my ears. My heart skipped a beat when I heard that the noises were coming from right outside in the hallway. I rose to my feet and tiptoed across to the door, waiting for my eyes to adjust to the darkness.
I opened it slightly and peeked around. I could see a familiar, shadowy figure in the dim light of the narrow hallway. I walked over to it and saw Kailey reaching for the top, small cupboards that were set in the wall. She seemed to be frantically searching for something.
I walked over to her, curiosity winning over my anger and leaned against the wall as she stopped and turned to face me, her eyes flashing angrily.
"What the fuck do you want, faggot?"
Anger flared inside me. "Matt's dick."
She scoffed and shook her head, her eyes wild with rage. "Get the fuck away from here."
For one wild second, I wanted to heed to her words. However, I gazed at her silently as she started pulling out several glass containers and setting them on the floor. Her hair shifted as she moved and my eyes spotted a dark, ghastly mark on her neck.
"Kay?" I called, my voice a hoarse whisper. She stopped and stood straight, her eyes wide as she gaped at me. I walked over to her, my heart beating in trepidation. The mark looked like it had been inflicted with violence, bruising the vessel below her skin. "Kay, what's that?"
"That's....a hickey," she lied.
"You know you can't lie to me, why the fuck do you try?" I reached for her hair and pushed it back. My stomach turned uncomfortably when I saw the dark mark on her neck. Like someone, something had tried to strangle her. "What the fuck?"
For a second, her eyes glistened. Then she blinked and they were back to normal. She shoved me away and took a step back and quickly started placing the containers back on the shelf.
"Kay, Kay?" I called again and again. My heart raced, my skin crawling. I knew something was very wrong. Lead filled my insides. "Kay, what happened? How did this happen?"
I tried to reach for her, to stop her from her frantic movements and she lashed out like a wild cat.
"Fuck you! Get the fuck away from me!" she whispered hoarsely, tears spilling out of her eyes as I gazed, bewildered. I grabbed her arm, forcing her to remain still and studied the grotesque mark as realization dawned on me. A wild beast seemed to unleash in my chest, its veins weaved with wrath and skin crafted with vehemence.
"Matt. Matt...did this to you."
Her lower lip trembled as more tears welled up in her eyes. My heart fell to my stomach. I couldn't believe that vile creature was physically abusing her.
"It..it was a momentary lapse." She shook her head, pushing me away again as she finished placing all the containers back on the shelf. She had a tiny bottle in her hand that I recognized as an antiseptic. I felt sick to my stomach, wondering what else he had done to her.
"He...he just lost control. That happens...sometimes," She shook her head again, her eyes sparkling with forming tears. I was sure at this point, she was only trying to assure herself. "Just...don't tell mom about this."
"Kay," I began, anger writhing in my insides. "Kay, you don't have to hide this. You don't have to tolerate this. You need to-"
She shrieked and shoved me roughly, her eyes wild. She looked shocked and gazed behind me as if making sure no one had heard her before she spat. "Do not try to be a fucking hero, Nico. Leave me alone!"
She turned and stormed away into her room, shutting the door behind her. I gazed after her, my heart sinking. I balled my fists, my brain incoherent from rage. How dare he touch her? How dare he hurt her? The fucking sick, twisted bastard.
A resolution formed in my mind.
Mathew Browning had finally gone too far.
*
On Monday in school, my mind was made. I spent the entire day planning a tactic and avoiding a forlorn-looking Marien who shot me sad looks with eyes that looked unnaturally droopy and a pout that looked uncharacteristically theatrical. It made my insides writhe with guilt.
I waited outside the building after classes, my eyes trained for Matt and his gang. It would perhaps have been prudent to bring Cam and Ray along, but the visage of pride in me wanted to fight this battle on its own.
Soon enough, I saw Matt laughing his disarmingly charming smile as he emerged from the main gates, flanked by two guys I didn't know nor did I care about.
I took a deep breath, my stomach twisting in anxiety and walked over to him. His cold eyes met mine and widened momentarily in surprise.
"Matt, I need to talk to you." I kept my voice even and impassive.
He glanced at his friends and shrugged. "Go on."
I gazed warily at his two would-be bodyguards and shook my head. "Alone."
Matt scrunched his nose as if in disgust and shook his head. "Ew, dude. I don't think I feel safe-"
"Grow up," I said, feeling my face heating up. "I want to talk to you. It's about Kailey."
Realization dawned on his face and his smirk disappeared to be replaced by a scowl that seemed to burn away at my very skin with its venom.
"Whatever."
I led him a little farther away from his cronies and after I was sure we were out of earshot, turned to face him. With a jolt, I realized he was a good four inches, at least, taller then I was.
"Don't hit her. Don't let me see you near her ever again. Leave her alone or I'm taking legal action."
He gaped at me for a while before he burst out laughing. "Taking legal action. Ha, sure." His smile disappeared into a menacing smirk, his eyes glinting. "I'd like to see you try, fem boy."
I recoiled, shocked at his immaturity. "I know you meant that as an insult, but that's wrong on several levels."
He rolled his eyes. "Whatever. I'm not going to take heat from Collins' twink." My blood boiled as I glared at him, his hateful features, his cold, apathetic eyes. "I dare you to do whatever the fuck you want, fag. But let me tell you, your sister is getting what's coming to her. She is nothing but a fucking slutty bitch. Which I expect she got from your moth-"
I don't know what got hold of me, but I lost it.
I punched him hard, aiming at his jaw and yelling in his face. "Watch your fucking mouth, asshole!"
He staggered backwards, his eyes wide in bewilderment. His shock soon turned into rage as his features contorted. Adrenaline rushed through me like coursing flames and instinctively I took a step back, my chest suddenly cold. My hand stung from where I had hit him.
With a jolt, I saw his cronies running towards us and took another tentative step backwards. I was still seething with anger but needed to be rational.
"You little piece of shit!" He flew at me before I could react, grabbing me by the collar and pushing me so I staggered backwards and onto my butt on the rough ground. Pain shot up my body, my still healing arm was stinging with agony.
Before I could catch a breath, he was on top of me, punching, hitting, kicking every inch of me. Spit flew out from his mouth, he looked deranged. His face turned beet red with anger, his hair wild around his face. That's when I realized this was what Kailey had witnessed.
I tried to flail my arms, finding them pinned to the ground by his two friends. Air rushed out of my lungs as I tasted the familiar rusty taste in my mouth. Anguish ripped through every inch of my body as he thrashed me ruthlessly. I found my consciousness fading to black as the air became solid. I struggled to keep my eyes open as my world flickered in a void of pain. I tried hard to use my irrational brain and decided to try something I had learnt about assaults.
I opened my eyes, finding a curtain of blood as I gazed at him with my body broken. I looked right into his eyes, appealing to the human side of him. He looked stunned by my silent defiance and stopped suddenly, his fist a few inches from my face. That was all the leverage I needed.
Amassing every ounce of courage I ever had, I wrenched my hand from the vice-like grasp. Stunned, one of his friends let go and I shoved him hard. I knew in strength I was nowhere near as strong as him, but I was backing on the surprise quotient.
It worked, he staggered back and fell on the ground, gazing at me, his mouth agape. I lunged at him and punched his jaw again, grabbing him by the collar and letting my fury take over.
"Don't fucking touch her ever again, Browning. The worst you can do is kill me, but trust me, my fabulous gay community will come after you."
He looked terrified, his skin suddenly pale and eyes wide. I didn't know why. Maybe it was the fact that I was still finding it in myself to joke when I was sure I had broken at least ten per cent of my bones.
I staggered to my feet and tried dragging myself back to the parking lot, aware of several curious gazes on me. I trailed droplets of blood as my wounds leaked profusely. I was half afraid Matt would try to hit me again, but my attack seemed to have stunned him too much.
I made my way to the parking lot after what felt like ages, my body sore and aching. Each breath making my lungs burn and sting as if I was inhaling cinders.
I needed to see Wilder. Somehow, at my lowest, I needed to see him. I was hurt, but I knew he would set me right.
Through my hazy vision, I saw him standing in a corner of the parking lot, with his group of friends. My heart leapt despite itself and I picked up my pace, my footsteps shuffling as I walked closer to him.
My head throbbed painfully, all the cells in my body screaming with agony. My vision fading in and out of darkness so fast I knew I was going to pass out soon. It took all my strength to not give in. I could smell my own blood, making my head dizzy.
Wilder stopped talking when I entered his line of vision. His eye widened with shock, some unspoken emotion darkening his irises. My world spun around me, my head feeling light. I increased my pace and with all the energy that I had, I summoned all the willpower I could ever have. I walked closer to him and without caring that people were looking at us, flung myself into his arms, begging for him to embrace me.
"Nugget...mashed..." I whispered, chuckling painfully. I gasped for breath as it became harder and harder to keep inhaling through my constricted lungs.
The last thing I remembered was his strong arms enclosed protectively around me. Through a haze of lights and colours, I saw his eyes swimming into my vision. Everything was a catatonic vortex as I coughed painfully. An omnibus of anguish. A cacophony of colours. Anarchy of sounds.
And then, deafening silence.
------------------------------------------------------------------------
Nico breaks through his pacifist image then. Really quite a fireball. Do you think his outburst was justified? Was all of this really just his anger at Matt? Or was it a desperate desire to be the 'man' or the 'big brother' that Kay told him about? Is he subconsciously trying to flaunt this violence as a way of garnering attention?