I couldn't sleep the entire night.
I kept tossing and turning while trying not to wake Harry up but I couldn't find a comfortable position to rest my body.
Or, I couldn't find a comfortable thought to rest my mind.
I did try my hardest to shut it all down and sink into oblivion but I just couldn't.
His voice kept ringing in my mind like an echo.
"I will love you till the end of my existence, Violet."
There was so much tenderness in his voice and those words that it scared me to my core but at the same time made my heart flutter.
"I am happy loving you from a distance."
What even made him fall for me ?
I am literally a pathetic crying mess, what did he even see in me ?
Just how I am incapable of love, I am incapable of being loved as well.
The question that looms like a sword on my head is should I confront him about this or not ?
All the instincts in my body are telling me to just forget it and move on.
But there's a voice that says maybe, just maybe I can give it a chance.
Harry has already helped me so much, I have let all my walls down in front of him and he has never given me one reason to not trust him.
But that doesn't mean I love him, does it ?
"What's wrong ?" I almost jump when I hear Harry's voice ask as he shifted over to wrap his arm over my stomach from behind.
He sighed contently afterwords.
"Nothing." I answer, turning around to face him and pretending that I just woke up.
"You've been tossing around for hours now."
"Yeah, it's just.. I can't sleep."
"Should've woken me up."
"Hmm.." I allowed myself to study his face for a while.
His lips looked darker than usual and cheeks rosier than usual. The hair, however looked just as messy as usual.
Although his eyes were closed, he was frowning, as if knowing that I was staring at him.
"Tell me what's wrong, love." He spoke up, opening his eyes a moment after.
His hand that was resting on my stomach moved up to cup my face, and his thumb slowly pushed a few strands of my hair behind my ear.
"Harry I -"
I started impulsively but stopped when my eyes locked in his.
No, there's no way I can confront him.
"I need to go to school early today."
He frowned at that, not getting why I said that out of the blue.
"Okay." He smiled nevertheless.
I quietly got up and walked to the bathroom.
- - - - -
I reached school an hour earlier than I was supposed to.
And that, is why I ended up in the empty library with my laptop.
I started to write the English essay to pass time.
But when I wrote the heading, "What is love?", all I could think of was Harry, and his words.
I closed my eyes and tried to channel my thoughts in one direction, so the least I could do was start my essay.
I came up with a lot of opening lines, but backspaced all of them.
At one point, I was close to slam my laptop shut like they do in movies when they're angry but then I spotted Zayn and Andrea enter the library.
"Look who beat us here!" Zayn chuckled, taking a seat across from me on the long table.
"Good morning, Violet." Andrea greeted me as she took a seat beside me.
"Good morning," I smiled at her and turned to look at Zayn who nodded at me.
"Damn we are such nerds." He muttered, switching his laptop on.
"I know, and I like it." I said smugly, making him shake his head with a chuckle.
"So how much did you write ?" Andrea asks to no one particularly as she opens her document in her laptop.
"Not started yet."
"One paragraph."
Zayn and I answered respectively.
"I am stuck at one question." I speak again, looking at Andrea first and then at Zayn so that he knows that he can answer as well.
"I researched all about love and got a lot of information on it, but how do you know that you love someone ?"
This question will kill two birds with one stone.
"I have absolutely no idea... never fallen in love, but I would love to know." Zayn stated, looking at Andrea now.
"If you love someone, you may feel like you can't get them off of your mind. That's because your brain releases phenylethylamine, aka the “love drug” when you fall in love with someone." She stops for a second to look at our faces which I am sure show the same expression.
"This is what google says." She smirks, making us see what she did there.
"Sounds like shit." Zayn muttered.
"Exactly." I agreed.
"Yes. But here's what I think..." she stops to take a deep breathe and probably arranging all her thoughts.
"If they are always on your mind, than it's infatuation. It's certainly not love. Love effortlessly fits in your life, it doesn't control your life. At some point, you don't crave their presence, you just need to know that they're happy and safe. You don't feel insecure, you just feel it in your bones that they are not going anywhere, they are always in your heart. You don't feel the need to impress them, you know that they won't judge you." She stopped after that, deep in her thoughts.
"Wow." Zayn whispered after a while.
I couldn't speak anything.
All of these things are true between Harry and I.
What if... what if I am in love with him too ?
Oh.my.god.
_________________________________________
I feel like everyone needs a friend like Andrea.
I am lucky to have one just like her 😊.
What do you think of this chapter and Andrea's answer ?
Tell me in the comments and don't forget to give a vote !
Sincerely,
Meera.