Have you ever sung your lungs out so hard you cried?
I'm not talking about little tears, or dew drops on a misty day. I mean 'somebody just killed my dog' tears.
No? Let me tell you how it happens. You're having a perfectly normal day, doing something fun like shopping for yourself. But she's in there. Not in the car, or by your side, but in your mind, in your head. You can't shake her image, so you let her stay and watch you do normal, day-to-day things without her.
You're driving, listening to your own music, when a song comes on. Maybe it's a happy song that reminds you of her, or a sad song that you sing in her vain. In my case, it was 'Somebody You Loved' by Lewis Capaldi.
I was just singing, minding my own business. But the words got louder. The singing got louder, more vocal, and rather than coming from my throat it started coming from my lungs and projecting from my heart. I sang louder and louder until the words got caught in my throat and drowned out by the tears weeping from my eyes. I couldn't do anything but keep crying until I was all cried out. And once I was, I went back to being more normal-ish and carried on with my day.
But I couldn't help thinking, would those tears have still flowed if she hadn't been there, hiding in my minds eye. Perhaps she opened up a bottle of water in my brain and let it drip down my eyes and across my face, just to show the power she still holds over me...