The sound of someone talking stirs me out of my sleep. "No...Stay." I open one eye and realize that I'd fallen asleep on Maddox's couch with him. "Don't leave."
"Maddox?" My voice is thick from sleeping as I turn my head to look at him.
"Please," He murmurs, moving around so much Maddox is about to fall off the couch; that's when I realize he's talking in his sleep.
Ty used to have nightmares after Dad died, and I learned that the best thing to do is to let them continue having it. Waking them up is something that doesn't do any good for anyone, even if it's hard to watch.
I sit up entirely and move to the other side of the couch to let him have his space. Maddox is silent for a few minutes, and I start to think that it might be over. "Paige!" He yells out, sitting up with a start grabbing at his chest.
There's a wild look in his eye, and his face is glistening in the shadows being cast from a light left on over the sink in the kitchen. He's breathing heavily, running his hands over his face when he notices me on the other side of the couch, "Fuck Cass, did I wake you up?" He asks, and I notice the slight wobble in his voice.
"No, you didn't," I respond, and he nods, breaking our eye contact, but we both know I'm lying. "Are you okay?" I ask after a moment, and Maddox stays silent.
"It was just a bad dream," He shakes his head as if he can get rid of it like water stuck in your ear. "It was just a bad dream," Maddox is trying to convince himself. He gets up without another word and disappears into the hallway.
I pull my hair back off of my neck into a sloppy bun to try and distract myself before moving on to roll the sleeves of Maddox's dress shirt from tonight that I stole from him before we put a movie on. I'm not sure what to do in this scenario, but it's clear that it has something to do with Paige. Dean's words echo through my head. "Has he told you about Paige and Boston, or are you still pretending that it doesn't matter?"
It does matter, but how can I expect Maddox to open up to me when I don't open up to him? There are things I can never tell him because he would never look at me the same, but pieces? I trust him.
Trust is a hard thing for me because look how Noah and I turned out? I put my trust in the wrong person, and the only thing that came of it was secrets and lies. I hate the secrets and lies.
I want Maddox to be able to trust me because I do care about him; more than I should.
Around ten minutes have passed since he disappeared, and I'm surprised when he comes back out. I didn't think he would.
I don't know if I'm overstepping or not when I get up to sit next to him. I don't say anything as I rest a hand on his shoulder.
Maddox turns his head to look at me, and there is so much pain in his eyes that I want to take it all away, "I'm sorry."
"Don't apologize; you can't control a dream. Otherwise, they would all be good ones," I remind him gently. This is Maddox without all his layers, and this is me without all mine. "Ty used to get nightmares frequently after my dad died. We shared a room, and if his nightmare didn't wake me up, Ty crawling into bed with me would. I always tried so hard to protect him, but I couldn't protect him from the nightmares."
Maddox brushes a thumb over my cheek, "How old were you when your dad died?"
"Nine. He died in front of us from a brain aneurysm. Ty was four, but he was old enough to remember it."
"And Ty, if you don't mind me asking?"
I let out a shaky breath. "After my dad died, we lost everything. My mother became an alcoholic, and one night I spent the night at my best friend's house. Her most recent tool had left her, and she ran out to get more booze while she was drunk. She... flipped the car, and Ty died. He was only eight." I pause for a second feeling the lump form in my throat, "She spent two years in jail and then drank herself to death five months after my eighteenth birthday." Saying that my mom died is easy. She should have been killed in the accident with Ty, but she wasn't. It's easier thinking she's dead.
"I'm sorry, Cassidy."
I turn away for a second, "It was a long time ago. Everyone has their shit to deal with." It's almost freeing to tell someone about it. It's been a long time since I've told anyone what happened. Explaining is hard, but I get the feeling that Maddox understands in a way that Jupiter and Noah never could.
"But no one deserves to go through what you went through." He says softly, and I would agree with him. I wouldn't wish it on anyone, and I can't go through it again. The constant worry and questioning if they'll walk through the door, and who they might have hurt to get through the door?
Noah and I are over.
I look back to read Maddox's face, and I see nothing but kindness. The pain that was there is visible anymore, but that doesn't mean it's disappeared. Maddox is a good person. If he can accept me even after knowing how terrible my childhood was, then maybe he'll accept me for everything.
I don't want to talk anymore, so I lean forward and press my lips gently against Maddox's. He pulls me closer to him, wrapping his arm around me until I'm sitting in his lap. When his lips travel to my neck, the scruff on his jaw tickles makes me giggle lightly.
"I'm not used to making girls laugh when I kiss them," Maddox teases, sounding more like himself.
I cup his cheek with one hand, "Your stubble is making me ticklish," I admit shyly, and he shakes his head at me.
"I'll shave first thing in the morning, but for now, I'd rather do something else."
I loop my arms around his neck, "And what would that be?"
His answer comes in the sweetest form.
*********
"Okay, you have to tell it from the beginning. I cannot believe you met Tessa Kaplan!" Jupiter exclaims just as excited as I predicted she would be. "What is she like?"
I roll my eyes, but I'm honestly still pretty stunned that I met her myself, "She was nice. Sarcastic and extremely pretty."
Jupiter gives me a 'duh' look because she was a supermodel, "What did you guys talk about?"
I pause to keep her in suspense because I know this next part will blow her mind, "Well, we talked about taking a girl's trip to Sephine's house in Italy."
"Shut the front door," Jupiter's jaw drops as she stares at me incredulously. "There's no fucking way."
I examine the charm bracelet that's back on my wrist; taking it off for the night felt wrong, but it didn't match the exquisiteness of my dress. "You don't have to believe me if you don't want to."
"I just can't believe that you got to hang out with freaking New York royalty all night! I mean holy shit."
"I honestly didn't know what to expect, but Hayes and Sephine are really welcoming," I say glad that I made a few friends last night.
"We'll come back to them later, but I need more details on Maddox? I notice you didn't come home last night," She muses, and my cheeks flush.
"I haven't had sex with him if that's what you're trying to suggest."
She looks at me curiously, "Sis, that's your business, if you don't want to tell me you don't have to tell me."
"Jup, we haven't had sex yet. I want to take it slow because I like him. But it was kind of weird how Hayes seemed surprised to see Maddox with someone, and I got grilled in the car on the way there."
Jupiter gives me a funny look ignoring the whole sex conversation for now, "I mean it's fair for them to be surprised after everything that happened with his last girlfriend." Even Jupiter knows? Then her shock grows, "Wait, CJ, I thought you looked this guy up right after the first night you spoke to him?"
"It felt wrong looking up details of his life," I admit shrugging because it's true. "I wouldn't have wanted him to know about Ty before I told him."
Third time I've surprised her during this conversation, "You told him about Ty?" She knows what Ty meant to me and how hard it is for me to tell people. "CJ, you do care for him," Jupiter realizes aloud.
I nod slowly, "Last night. It felt right telling him. I don't like the secrets, the lies, the deceit. Maddox makes me want to be a better person, and I want to be a better person."
"So, how does Noah fit into your life now?" Jupiter asks carefully, and I want her to see where I'm coming from. I honestly could care less about his shiny lifestyle. I just want someone who cares about me for me. I know that Noah cares more about money and booze right now than our relationship.
"He has a problem, and I can't go through that again. I love Noah, but I'm not in love with him anymore. That's so hard for me to admit, but I just can't." I feel tears well up in my eyes as I voice my decision to my best friend. "I want nothing more than to be so madly in love with him that he's all I think about, but..."
Jupiter grabs one of my hands and squeezes with support, "If it ain't it, it ain't it, sweetie. You can't make yourself love someone you don't. That's not how love works."
I smile gratefully at her as the tears spill down my cheeks, "It's not fair to him though."
"It's not fair to you. Girl, I think you forget that I've been in your life for so long that I can tell you aren't happy with him. I know I should have noticed that you guys were having problems, but it's okay to do something for yourself. You've been taking care of other people for so long that you need to do this for yourself."
I pull her into a tight hug because that was exactly what I needed to hear. I needed to be told that I'm not selfish by wanting to be with Maddox.
"Just please be careful with your heart around Maddox. He's damaged goods even if he sounds like a great guy; I just don't want to see you get hurt." Jupiter continues, and I nod, sucking in a deep breath to pull myself together. The memory of Maddox's nightmare last night comes right back, but I don't need to tell Jupiter that she hit the hammer right on the nail. But I'm damaged goods too, and he hasn't faulted me for that.
"I love you."
Jupiter squeezes me tight, "I love you too. You okay?"
I pull back and wipe my cheeks, noticing the wet spot on her shoulder, "Sorry, I didn't mean to get your shirt wet."
"What's mine is yours. Even if that means getting my clothes wet with your tears."
I smile at her, grateful that she's in my life. She's one of the reasons I'm still here because, without her, I probably would have died in the accident with Ty.
I get up to grab a tissue to blow the snot out of my nose because I hope it can help me breathe normally again. "Any more questions about Tessa?"
Jupiter smiles brightly at me, and I think we're both relieved for a subject change. "Of course. Did you really think I wouldn't have more?"