Have you ever thought of death? Well death is all I have been thinking about. All that has been on my mind for a long time. At this point I consider the grim reaper and myself to be old friends. He's been the one constant thing in my life when all other have been in and out. He's always with me, taunting me, torturing me at times.
My life wasn't always like this. When I was a child, things were good. I was happy. Everything changed when I became famous. The grim reaper came and wreaked havoc on my life and it sent me into a downwards spiral. It has all led to this. Me standing on this bridge on the wrong side of the railing.
Being a world famous popstar isn't everything. I lost all that was important to me expect for my one friend. He isn't here right now though to talk me off this ledge, hell nobody is.
This is it. I'm just done with the world. There is nothing between myself and the fall. The water below looks like a single sheet of glass, so flat. No cars rolling down the road. Everything is just quiet. Nobody is going to care that I'm gone. Nobody will even know I'm gone. I did leave a note for that friend but I doubt he will ever read it.
I can see the reaper standing in front of me. His hand out-stretched. He is finally ready for me to join him forever. He has come for me before but has just left me waiting. Finally he is going to take me away from this cruel world. A single tear dropped from my eye into the black abyss below me as I reached out my hand for him.
"Please don't do it." A voice said behind me as I released my other hand from the railing.
I didn't feel free anymore. A hand was holding onto mine. I took a hard breath and looked behind me.
"I can't do this anymore, please let me go." I begged the girl.
"I can't do that." Her angelic voice said.
I took a few more breaths and turned from her and looked out to the reaper. His hand is getting farther and farther away from me. No, he can't leave me here again. He is supposed to take me tonight. I can't go on like this.
"Hey, don't look at the water look at me." The angel said from behind me. I didn't want to look at her again. She is going to cost me my way out of here.
"No, no, you need to let me go." I begged even harder tears pouring out of my eyes making it hard to see.
"I can't do that, even if I have to stay out here all night. I'm not going to let you go." She said tightening her grip on my hand.
The reaper was starting to fade. No. I need to get to him. I turned and looked at the girl again. She truly looked like an angel. The light behind her is almost making a halo above her head.
"My name is Thea, please come back over the rail." Thea.
"I need to go with him Thea. He can't leave without me again." I said and tried to pull my hand out of hers.
"What is your name?" Thea asked.
"Ashlyn" I answered hoping it would distract her enough to free my hand.
"Ashlyn please come back over the rail and we can talk about whatever put you on other side of it." Thea begged.
I turned away from her, my hand almost free. This is my last chance. The reaper is getting farther away from me. His out-stretched hand is almost completed faded from my vision. Finally I was able to free my hand from her grasp. Freedom. I leaned forward and closed my eyes. I was finally going to fly away from this world.
My freedom didn't last long. I felt the cold metal of the railing on my back then the cold hard ground beneath me. I opened my eyes and saw Thea laying on top of me breathing heavy.
"Why didn't you just let me die in peace?" I asked quietly giving up.
"There is so much to live for for you to kill yourself." Thea said. I couldn't move. All the strength I had left me as more tears coated my face. My body was numb. I never thought that somebody would be able to stop me. I could see the reaper just in the distant sky. He shook his head and disappeared. There was no way he was going to take me now.
Thea moved off of me and sat next to me. She didn't go far. I don't think she trusts me to be alone.
"How about we get out of the cold?" She asked after some time. I didn't even know she was still here with me.
"I don't have anywhere to go." I said.
"That's okay, I know somewhere we can go." She said and got up off the floor.
Slowly I followed her lead. Once I was upright I looked out to where I was just standing on the other side of the rail. It was then I felt Thea grab my hand.
"My car is parked at the end of the bridge." Thea said and pointed to where she said. I didn't answer her but just looked at the spot again. She didn't rush me and when I was ready to move I led us to her car. Her car is actually an old Ford Bronco. The black paint is chipping off in some spots that I could see in the dim light. The inside was redone though, everything looked new.
Thea got into the truck and started it up then raising the heat. It must have been cold out but I still couldn't feel it. My body and mind are pretty numb. Thea put on the radio but kept it low. We drove for a while; I didn't know where we were. Everything looked the same to me. There were a ton of trees lining the roads. A sad Kacey Musgraves song played on the radio as we pulled up to a small house on a hill.
Thea got out of the truck and opened the door for me. She helped me out and held me up when I almost fell over getting out. Thea unlocked the door and let me inside first. She locked the door behind herself and dropped a bag I didn't see her grab on the floor.
"The bathroom is right through there if you need it, I'm going to get a drink make yourself at home." Thea said and put her keys down on the small table by the door.
My feet had a mind of their own and took me over to the couch. I sat on the small couch and looked at my hands. They were a little cut up from the fall onto the concrete before but I couldn't feel them. I couldn't feel anything still. A few moments later Thea returned holding a bottle of water and a first aid kit. She sat opposite of me on the coffee table and opened the first aid kit and turned to me.
"I'm going to clean the cuts on your hand if that's okay?" Thea asked and pointed to the angry red gashes on my palms. I just nodded and held out my hand.
"This might sting." Thea said quietly as she poured some disinfectant over the wound.
I could feel a slight sting as I watched Thea make quick work patching me up. Thea has definitely done this before. Once she was done Thea put away her supplies and handed me the water bottle she brought over. I took it and drank about half of it as I felt a blanket being placed around my shoulders.
"You're lips are blue and so are the tip of your fingers, we need to get you warmed up. How about a hot bath?" Thea asked trying to keep the concern out of her voice. She didn't wait for an answer as she quickly got off the table and walked somewhere in the house. I could hear the water running down the hall and Thea returned.
While she was gone I tried to put the cap back onto the water bottle but my hands are shaking so badly I couldn't. I was barely able to put the bottle back onto the table when Thea returned. Thea held her hand out for me but I refused her help to stand. Once I got on my feet I tried to take a step but my knees gave way under me. Thea kept me from falling as she scooped me up in her arms and carried me bridal style to the bathroom.
The bathtub was half full when we got into the bathroom. Thea put me down on the toilet seat lid and took the blanket from me.
"If you want me to go I can." Thea said and I started to pull my shirt over my head.
"Can you get my shoes? My hands are shaking to bad." I said and tried to close my fingers to make a fist but couldn't.
Thea didn't say anything but nodded and helped me out of my shoes, socks and pants. I nodded towards the tub as it was getting pretty full and Thea turned to stop the water. As she was dealing with the water I tried to unclasp my bra but couldn't with my shaky hands.
"Thea" I said. She turned from the tub and her eyes found mine. Her clear blue eyes shocked something so dead inside me. I didn't have to say anything for her to realize what I was going to ask. Carefully she reached behind me and undid the clasp on my bra and let it fall to the floor. Next she helped me stand as I pulled my underwear off and carefully stepped into the tub.
Once I was settled Thea sat on the floor next to the tub facing the skin to give me some privacy as the water was slowly starting to warm my body up. I settle against the back of the rub and looked toward the door where we came in. The Grim Reaper was standing there, his scythe gone, his tattered rob flowing around where his feet should be. His boney hand pointed to Thea.
"Take me" I said wanting him to spare the kind soul who just pulled me over the railing.
The Reaper shook his head no and pointed to Thea again. I followed his hand saw a glowing halo above Thea's head.
"She's my angel" I stated.
"It is not your time child." The Reaper said and retracked his hand. The halo above Thea's head lost its glow and faded. When it was gone I looked back for the Reaper and he was gone. Looks like he won't take me now. Wow, I'm that messed up that not even the Grim Reaper will take me away.
"Did you say something?" Thea asked and looked back at me. I just shook my head no and sunk under the warm water.
Picture on top is of Ashley Platz who is cast as Ashlyn "Ash" Monroe. Song on this side is All is Found by Kacey Musgraves.