My parents taught me to be grateful.
I didn't come from money. In fact, it'd always been scarce, but my mom and dad used to say there was always someone who had it worse — someone who'd give a lot to have what we had, even if what we had wasn't enough for us.
When I lost both of them, I was grateful I had Tim.
When I was left alone with Tim and no money, I was grateful Victor, my father's boss at the time, came to our town, found me and offered me the job in his construction company, where I met many of my friends.
When there was an opening at the office, and my boss thought about me for the position, I was beyond grateful.
And now, I was grateful Sky offered me to move in with her.
It'd been only a week of us being roommates, and I liked the kind of person she was.
She was nice. She was friendly. She was turning into my friend, and I was beginning to notice when something was off with her, like this morning.
Sky didn't have breakfast and seemed lost, and she wasn't the kind of girl to skip meals. She had a killer body, and I'd wondered whether she did some sport I knew nothing of, because those curves—
"Liam." Mathis, Victor's assistant, stopped at my desk, distracting me from my inappropriate thoughts about Sky. "I'm taking you to the meeting with our beach cottages customer. Victor plans on delegating a part of this project to you. We'll discuss how things go with it, and you'll meet the guy in case you have to work closely with him in the future. We're heading out in twenty."
Mathis was young, but there was nobody who'd do his job better. He was a people person able to placate the angriest customer. His job title said he was an assistant, but there was much more to him and what he did. Mathis was Victor's right hand, the guy who earned our boss's trust.
I told Aiden I was heading to the meeting and accompanied Mathis to his car.
We drove downtown, where the restaurant was. When we made our way inside the bistro, Louis, our customer, was already waiting at the table.
Smiling, he stood up to greet us, and after ordering our lunch, we got down to business.
The topic was new to me, so, much to my shame, I felt lost. I knew Mathis didn't expect me to do or say much. Thanks to that, the whole thing wasn't so awkward.
I cast a glance at the interior of the restaurant — plush chairs, wooden tables, suspended chandeliers. I still felt uncomfortable in fancy places like this one. No matter how many times I'd been to upscale restaurants because of my job, deep down, I was still the guy who was more at ease in a pub or pizza place. My humble upbringing was to blame.
The customers were few inside. Most people opted for having lunch at the terrace, taking advantage of not so shitty weather. At least, not so shitty yet.
I saw a businessman working on his laptop, an older couple talking over a glass of wine, and...
Sky.
My eyes widened at the sight of her, sitting just a table away from us with a guy.
Hence, the dress and high heels she wore today, not that I paid attention to what she wore.
They said curiosity killed the cat, and damn if I wasn't curious.
I shifted my chair just slightly to be able to hear better. My oblivious colleague didn't notice, thank heaven for that.
"I want you back, Sky. I love you. I'll do anything. Remember how happy we were?"
"I don't know..." Sky sighed.
"I'll beg if that's what it takes. I'm miserable without you."
Poor guy.
"Sky, please say yes. Let's be together again. Don't give up on us."
"It's late for that, don't you think?"
"It's not late. It's never late for true love. You are the one for me."
Same old, dude. Lame. Try harder.
Except this time, Sky lost it. She started to cry, and it was lunchtime, and the restaurant was crammed with people now, and what the fuck, Sky? Why was she so upset?
I tried to recall everything the guy said, but couldn't get what caused those sobs. He didn't comfort her, just stared at the tabletop while she was breaking down.
I thought about getting up and going to talk to her, but she'd be embarrassed. And fuck, Mathis and Louis were still here, at the meeting I was supposed to take part in.
Sky reached for a tissue and dabbed at her eyes.
"I'll think about it, okay? Thanks for the coffee."
She rose to her feet, grabbed her purse, and walked to the door and out of the restaurant with her head held high. How could she be that good at pretending?
Through the fog in my head, I heard Mathis ask a question. Louis answered. I nodded. All I did was fucking nod.
"Man, who's the chick? Damn, she's hot, and you kept her hidden."
A group of guys in suits sat at the table where the guy who begged was. They surely worked together.
"Let's order; I'm starving. And she's nobody. Someone I used to fuck."
I set my knife on the plate with too much force, making Mathis look at me.
"You're a fool if you let her go. Did she dump you?"
"Me? Are you dumb? She's the definition of a doormat, dude. You wipe your feet off her, and she keeps coming back for more. Besides, if you're into sex with a log...I had to fuck someone after I fucked her just to get some action. Jesus, she's the coldest one there is."
"She didn't look like it," one of the guys said.
I balled my fists until the nails dug into my palms.
Rage —blinding, all-consuming rage overtook my every thought, feeling, and emotion.
"That's because you don't know her as well as I do. She wouldn't give me head because she wasn't even good enough for that. The most I got was once from behind, and dude, that was like doing it with a statue, I swear. Who's even shy to try stuff at nineteen anymore?"
"Why did you see her then?"
"She's got a condo downtown. If I can walk to work, I can sleep some more. I'm fed up with all the living on the outskirts bullshit. Besides, the chick I live with is fucking annoying. I want out. At least the one you saw says yes to everything—no stupid questions. Maybe fucking is something she'll learn with time. If not, there are plenty of them ready and waiting. So, guys, now she's gonna beg me to come live with her. I give her two days tops. Wanna bet?"
"Nah, we're good," the guys muttered.
"Liam, you okay?" Mathis frowned. I looked at him for the first time in the last half an hour.
Be grateful, Liam.
Be grateful that you were with people who prevented you from fucking kill the bastard sitting a table away from you.
"I'm fine. What were you saying?"
I wasn't fine.
I was so fucking far from fine.
I felt my heart break for Sky.
My mom used to say nobody, no guy could disrespect a girl. I said the same thing to my brother because I wanted him to grow up knowing how women should be treated.
Now, I felt guilty. I was there, and I did nothing. I let the bastard hurt the girl who gave Tim and me one more reason to be grateful.
Mathis was worried, I could see it in the way he looked at me. He kept on asking what was wrong with me after we were done eating, and Louis left, and I blamed it all on the headache I didn't have.
Once we were near the office building, I said I needed to take the rest of the afternoon off, took my car and drove to the gym. Working out always helped. It was my way of letting go and my solace.
When I felt the way I did today, no exercise was too hard, no weight too heavy, except for the one weighing down on my heart. That weight was impossible to lift, no matter how hard I tried.
I worked out to exhaustion until Aiden, who came to the gym later, tossed me a bottle of water and forced me out of my shell.
Unable to decide what to do with what I'd learned, I spilled the guts to him without going into too much detail, and we came up with a plan.
I would invite Sky to dinner to thank her for the food she bought when I moved in with her.
I was going to earn Sky's trust and tell her the truth.
I sat down on a bench in the park close to the downtown area.
If someone asked me how I felt, I'd say drained, miserable, and hungry.
Sighing, I opened my purse to find the mirror. After crying at the restaurant, my face must've been something else.
I hated myself for how weak I'd been. All the girl power went straight down the drain the moment Paul reminded me of my problem.
Still looking for the mirror, I saw the brown paper bag with the croissant Liam bought. My stomach reminded me that I hadn't eaten at all today, and I started chewing.
I swore I wouldn't let Paul's words get to me, but they did anyway. They always did.
He'd been awful to me, and he had lots of flaws, but he was right. I did have a problem I had no idea how to fix.
I couldn't feel anything while having sex — no pleasure, no satisfaction. Nothing. Not with him, not even on my own.
So, I faked. And it was obvious I didn't fake well, because Paul knew I'd been doing it.
Every time we did it, I was counting down the minutes until it stopped, until Paul got what he wanted from me and stopped.
He insisted on trying things and positions, but nothing worked. Doing it became torture instead of something other couples did to be closer to each other.
Paul said I was cold, and it was true.
So, could I really blame him for cheating when I was the problem?
My mood even gloomier, I walked home, changed into some jeans and a shirt, and went to see Ellie. I needed a friend.
I actually asked her if she managed to finish every time she and Aiden made love. Ellie didn't say it, but her reaction didn't leave much room for the doubt. Of course, she managed to do it. I was the one who had an issue, after all, and Ellie's attempts to blame it all on Paul didn't convince me otherwise.
Thankfully, the guys came home, and, to my surprise, Liam invited me to dinner. Tired as I was, I would've said no, hadn't it been for the shitty day I'd had. Nothing could make it worse.
Ellie and Aiden agreed to babysit Tim, and the two of us made our way out.
"How was Econ?" Liam held the foyer door open for me to exit the building.
"I failed the test."
"Fuck. What now? Is it gonna screw your grade?"
"I'll have to work harder and do better in the next quiz. I can't afford to fail a subject."
We walked in silence until Liam said, "I could help. Depending on the topic, of course, but we do stuff at work, and I could lend you a hand with it if you want me to."
"It'd be great. Thanks. How was your day, by the way?"
Liam glanced at me before focusing on his sneakers. "As usual. Have you eaten?"
"Honestly, your croissant was the only thing I had."
"That was for breakfast. No lunch?" Liam sounded pissed, and I wondered what his deal was.
I shrugged, saying nothing.
"Okay, we've arrived."
I followed Liam to a nice-looking bistro. I'd passed it many times on my way to uni but never entered the place.
The interior was amazing. Dimmed lights illuminated the bar in the back, and the flames of the lit candles cast a yellowish glow on the tables, contributing to the intimate atmosphere of the place.
A smiling waiter greeted us and pointed to a table for two. After we sat down, he lit the candle on our table as well and handed us two menus.
"What would you like?" Liam asked.
I skimmed over the list of dishes for a couple of minutes, unable to decide.
"Don't be shy. I told you it was on me, so order whatever you want." Liam's lips stretched in a smile, the first one he'd given me since he invited me to dinner.
"I'm not shy; I'm just lost, I guess."
In the end, Liam ordered for both of us, not without checking whether I liked every dish or not.
When it came to drinks, we decided to have some wine. As the waiter placed it in front of us, Liam looked at me in a way that made me feel warm.
"I wanted to thank you," he said. "Timmy's happy at his school, and it would've been impossible if you hadn't offered me to move in. It means a lot, Sky. Seriously."
"I'm the one who has to be thanking you." I smiled. "There was no way I could've continued paying for my place if it hadn't been for you."
"Can I ask you a question?" Liam leaned back in the chair, holding a glass of wine in his hand.
"Sure."
"Why did you rent it? I mean, it's a hell of an apartment, but for one person, it's way too much to pay."
I could lie. That's what I'd been doing, after all. My parents had no idea I was in Paris. Not even my aunt Sam knew, and she was the person I trusted and could talk to about anything without fear of being judged.
I could hide the truth, but I didn't, because something in the way Liam looked at me made it really hard to pretend.
"It wasn't meant to be for one person," I said, lowering my eyes to the wooden tabletop.